(30) Changed
Queen Raeanne
Looking back, I can see that my life has changed so much in the past week. More than it has over the course of all of my past eighteen years of life. Amazing, isn't it? How fast things change in this day and age.
Very quickly, I went from being a happy princess living her life however she pleases to a tortured queen with too many limitations to handle. In the span of a few hours, my life flipped from positive thoughts to nothing but negative ones.
Yet, at least one incredibly good thing has come from all of this pain. The English and I are going to be allies now. Who would have ever thought? Surely not my mother. Or any of our ancestors who constantly fought with their country. For thousands of years, our two countries have been at war, yet now, it all seems to be at an inevitable end. Though all good news comes from England now, I can not help but feel something worse is to come from this. My heart does not feel right about this. I can not imagine why, but it does.
And even with this good news, bad things have come from it, burning my heart forever. My little brother, buried in the cold ground. He was so young. But he died a hero. He died saving my life. I will always remember his sacrifice and hold him dear to my heart, whether or not he knew what he did.
And now I am married. To a man I did not know before I walked down the isle and pronounced myself his wife. To a man nearly two times my age. His seniority shows when we speak. However, since the wedding, I have fallen for his kindness with me. It takes a lot of a man to be as respectful as he is being. I really do want to repair our relationship and move on from this terrible fight. I never meant for this to happen. He needs to understand that.
For, now I am with child. I will soon be a mother. An event I did not foresee anything like this. I have conceived a child with a man I did not know. My country would tear me limb from limb if they knew what I have done.
And Michael.
The father of my unborn child. A love that can never be. Unless he suddenly comes to power and the king is lost, the two of us can never be. I have to move on.
But I know that this is for the better. If I hold myself up on him, I will never advance in my life. I will forever be stuck in a circle of unhappiness over my life. Getting out of this now is truly a good thing- even if I do not see it as that at this very moment.
I need to remove the connection in my heart that we once shared. Leave him behind.
For the sake of my rule, I must let him go.
Forever.
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