I finally got 1k reads!!

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It was a day before the ball, and everyone - except for Harry - was freaking out about it. People were trying to get last minute dates, last minute ball gowns and robes, last minute everything. It was a mess, and Harry wanted no part in it... so he did his best to avoid it.

Draco on the other hand decided not to go with Pansy... he decided they were better off being friends, and she agreed to it. She said she wanted to go with Blaise anyway.
She was completely fine with it, and said she thought the same thing. Which shocked Draco at first, but he was relieved nonetheless.

He couldn't lose another friend.

So, he decided (since his dad had wanted the two to get married in the future,) to go with Astoria Greengrass... whom was extraordinarily excited when he had asked, and had apparently turned down every other guy who asked her, just waiting for Draco.
Which made him... slightly uncomfortable.

He didn't want to go with her nonetheless, he wanted to go with Harry. But he knew for a fact that even if Harry himself wanted to as well, he wouldn't be able to. For multiple complicated reasons.

Draco - out of habit - flicked his gaze towards the Gryffindor table, to the spot where Harry usually sat between Ron and Hermione.
But his eyes landed on an empty space.

Confused, he stood up. "Ill be back," he told pansy, and walked towards Harry's two friends, "Granger," Draco called, getting not only hers, but Rons attention.

"What do you want, Malfoy?" Ron snarled, glaring at the blond.

"I wasn't talking to you, Weasel." Draco snapped, turning back to Hermione, "where's Potter?"

"He--"

"Why would you care?" Ron cut in viciously, not allowing Hermione to speak.

"Because, if you haven't heard the big news, I'm supposed to be taking care of the prat. Now, where is he?"

"He's-"

"He doesnt need you!" Ron cut in once more, getting an annoyed glare from Hermione.

"Would you let the woman talk, Weasel," Draco snapped, annoyance laced in his tone, "where is he?"

"He wen't to the clock tower - I think..." Hermione replied, "I don't know what he was going to do, but when I tried convincing him to eat, he refused, said he had something important to do. I haven't seen Ginny around either. They could be together as well."

Draco nodded, "thanks," he mumbled, quickly walking out of the dining hall, jealousy bubbling in his veins.

He didn't know why he was jealous - well, he did... but it wasn't like they were dating anyway, and it wasn't like he could do anything about the git dating anyone. So... he shouldn't be jealous. Nothing more will ever happen between them anyway.

Right?

Draco quickly made his way up the clock tower. When he finally made it, he quietly peaked his head through the doorway. He instantly spied Harry, who was sitting alone against the clocks window; his knees to his chest.

His jealousy died down, and he slowly approached the black-haired boy. "hey." Draco called, causing Harry to snap out of his daze.

He flickered his jade eyes to Draco, relaxing once he realized who it was, "hey," Harry replied; looking back out the window.

Draco sat on the opposite side of the circle-like structure, looking out of the same circular window as Harry, "what are you doing up here? Alone?"

Harry shrugged, "I was agitated by all the talk about the ball." Harry sighed, "I came up here for some piece and quiet."

"Oh." Draco muttered.

After a few minutes of uncomfortable silence, Draco stood up and bowed slightly, his arm sticking out, "One last dance?" He asked quietly.

Harry paused before a soft smile settled on his lips, "I'd be flattered." He replied as he put his hand in Draco's; having Draco pull him to his feet.

Harry's free hand landed on Draco's shoulder as Draco's rested on Harry's waist, and they swayed together in a sort of rhythm.

Draco's heart felt as though it was going to beat out of his chest, but he maintained a straight face (somehow), and held his blush back.
He was surprised that Harry didn't feel his beating heart from the lack of distance they shared, but on the other hand, maybe he did.

"Harry," Draco swallowed, knowing he'd get Harry angry with his question, "why?"

"Draco," Harry rolled his eyes, "You're quite awful at being specific. You could be asking why I've eaten toast for breakfast, or why Neville is fascinated in plants. Or why the hell they had a three headed dog named fluffy in a school with a bunch of eleven year olds." He listed.

Draco rolled his eyes as well, "alright, smart ass," He bit, "why did you..." his eyes drifted from Harry's eyes to his arm, "hurt yourself...?"

After the words had left his mouth, there was a thick tension in the room. It was almost suffocating. Especially for Draco. He absolutely despised being in a room where the tension was as strong as this.

But he didn't take his question back, he just blinked and met eye contact with Harry again.
But, to Draco's dismay, Harry's eyes were shadowed. Hiding any emotion he felt once again. It was almost routine... and... he almost looked broken.
No.
He Is broken.
Draco picked up on the darker bags that took place under Harry's eyes, how his hair is much less tamed, and how he was slouching much more noticeably...

He noted how his hip bone stuck out under Draco's hand, and how much his clothes hung loosely on the boy, and how chapped his lips were from constantly chewing on them.

He noted how Harry had lost the fire in his eyes, how he lost his passion for Quidditch, how he lost his passion for anything, how he fought back with far less effort than before.

He noted how Harry Potter, The Boy Who Lived, was officially broken. And that... that broke Draco's heart.

After a long silence, Harry finally spoke, "why do you think."

"I wouldn't know, which is why I'm asking you." Draco kept his tone steady and calm in an attempt to not drive Harrt away.

Harry broke apart from Draco, stopping the dance. He kept his eyes locked on Draco's, "I'm tired." He stated.

"I kno-"

"No," Harry snapped, "I'm tired." He repeated.

"I'm tired of everyone relying on me. I'm tired of losing everyone I love and care about. I'm tired of being too scared to get close to someone, because I'm scared they'll be ripped away from me just like every other god for saken thing I've grown close to. I'm tired of watching all of my friends die. I'm tired of having nightmares. I'm tired of fearing Voldemort's not really dead. I'm tired of being afraid. I'm tired of drowning when everyone else around me is breathing perfectly fine, as if to mock me. I'm tired of missing people. I'm tired of remembering all the lives that were lost, because I know it was my fault. I'm tired of blaming myself every bloody day for the deaths of thousands. I'm tired of being pathetic... of looking it too. I'm tired of trying to stay strong when all I want to do is let go. I'm tired of wanting to end my life. I'm tired of being me. I'm tired of being Harry fucking Potter. I'm just so bloody tired."

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Okay, first of all, if anyone has anything to say about Harry having depression, i have a shit tun of reasons for it.

•Its completely normal for Harry to be going through this, considering the shit hes been through, the people hes lost, the war he faught in, ETC. What isnt normal is the fact that in the books, he grew up perfectly fine. Without being depressed, or paranoid, or anything of that sort considering he was also abused as a child.

• I can relate to Harry, because I've gone through depression and eating dissorders, so I have all right to write about it. I like being able to relate to the characters, it makes me feel more comfortable to write about them / more close to them.

•if you have anything else to say, fuckin' tell me, thanks 🙃