I watched the new episode of sherlock and I'm very happy it's back but oh boi

Also this chapter his Hella long so excuse the typos.

*** also y'all, I'm editing this like a year later and I made the last 3 chapters In first person instead of third and i hate myself SO MUCH FOR IT BC IT'S SO HARD TO EDIT
••

It's been a week since Draco has been in a coma. They haven't found Lucius yet- he left the Manor as soon as he dropped Harry and Draco off in the snow- apparently. But the found Harry's wand, thankfully. They banned them from using them though, because they broke the rules by leaving hogwarts.

Miss Pomfrey allowed Harry to leave the hospital wing (thankfully) just three days into his recovery. He couldn't stand having Draco in a coma- and seeing him like that made his stomach twist. He needed a type of distraction, and he knew that going to classes and talking to his friends would help.

Dumbledore allowed Harry to switch back into the Gryffindor dormitory until Draco was fully healed. Harry believed Dumbledore knew how much Draco meant to him. He probably did.

Harry spend most of my time studying and practicing for quidditch- well.
Due to his injuries all he can do is watch the quidditch practices- Professor McGonagall told him he may not be able to play this year if his healing process takes too long. Which sucks.
But he's beginning to think that faking his health will get him onto the quidditch team. So he decided that next quidditch practice- if he's not fine by then- he'll pretend to be... because he is captain this year.

Anyway. HE barely slept in the past four days- he slept about two hours in all. Each time he slept all he had was nightmares.
He visits Draco late at night in his invisibility cloak, and Hermione and Ron know he does. They haven't said anything about it, thankfully. But he can tell they're concerned for him. Of course they are. He looks bloody awful. He's pushing his health to the side as if it's nothing.

It's wearing down his energy... but he can't stand the dreams he has.

So currently he's sat In the Astronomy tower, his legs dangling off the edge, and arms rested on the medal bars blocking people from falling.

Usually he'd be with his friends right now- I mean, it is dinner time. But he couldn't bring myself to eat today. So he told them he had to finish his homework instead.

He wasn't doing much, just sitting there; staring down at his hands; his chin now resting on the medal bar. It wasn't until he heard rushed foot steps running up the stairs did he look up.
There, leaning against the doorframe was Hermione- her hair puffed as usual, panting.

Harry stood, "What's wrong?"

"It's Draco-" she huffed, "he's awake!"

Harry's heart jumped.
They each ran down the stairs and towards the hospital wing- which hurt Harry physically, because he still wasn't fully healed.
He was praying to Merlin that Draco's memory was back.

****

"...Harry..." Ron's voice cut through Harry's thoughts.
Harry was sat on the circular window of the clock tower now.

He removed my gaze heavily towards Ron and Hermione, who were standing in the door way.

Harry tried to smile, but his mouth wouldn't allow him to.
It was getting dark out, the sun was slowly sinking behind the mountains.

"Hey." He spoke, not really knowing what else today.

"Can we sit?" Hermione asked.

Harry nodded, turning his attention back to the window.

They each sat next to him, even though Harry took up most of the room, considering he had his back against the wall and his knees to his chest. Which was painful for his ribs, but he ignored it.

"How are you feeling, mate?" Ron asked.

Harry shrugged.

There was a long silence.

"Hey, he might get his memory back- there's always hope, right?" Hermione smiled and touched his knee. She was, of course, referring to Draco.

"I'd prefer not to talk about it, Hermione." Harry smiled weakly at her, "if you don't mind."

She nodded, "of course."

More silence.

"No offence, guys- and I appreciate you coming- but I think I'd prefer to be alone."

They each nodded in sync, and stood up.

"Alright. Just try not to stay up too late." Ron said, "and come see us if anything else is wrong, or you need someone to talk to. We're always here."

They each smiled down at Harry and left. Leaving him with my thoughts.

Yes, Draco lost his memory. It affected Harry more than he thought it would. But it did.

Dumbledore had a talk with Harry when he figured out the situation. He said he wanted Draco and Harry to share a dorm still, because he wants to see if something will trigger Draco's memory.
The only reason Harry's doing it is because he's too exhausted to argue that he didn't want to. He's too exhausted to try and convince him otherwise. But he's also too exhausted to see Draco face-to-face.

But it was getting late, and he was tired.  So he stood up and made my way to Draco's and his dorm.

Slowly. Painfully slow.
He's not ready to face Draco.

***

As soon as Harry got to the dorm he went straight to his room.
Draco was on the couch, reading a book.
He seemed not to mind the shared dorm.

Though, as soon as he walked in, Draco sneered.
It hurt more then Harry would like to admit.

He gave Harry a weird look when he didn't sneer back, though.

Harry could feel his eyes on him all the way up to his room, until he closed the door. Maybe he was looking at him because of his limp. Wondering how he got hurt.
Possibly. Probably.
Harry collapsed onto his bed (which hurt like a bitch) and stared at the ceiling.

He didn't know what to do. He knew for a fact that him being around Draco wouldn't trigger anything.
It was too painful for him. Far too painful. It was like someone stabbing you in the shoulder with a rusty knife- but they don't take it out. They just twist. And twist. And twist.

He didn't want to resort to old habbits- he really didn't. But... what else could he do to cope? There's nothing. Seeing Draco- his boyfriend- not remember him, and go back to hating him... it's the worst feeling ever.

So Harry stood, grabbed a little tin case that was stored in his night table, and sat in the middle of the floor; his back turned to the door.

Trigger warning

He opened the tin can quietly- as if someone would hear him- and stared in.
He felt his heart in his throat and heard it in his ears.
He didn't know why he was so nervous. He's done it countless times before.
He didn't even know why he still had this case.
Maybe, somewhere in the back of his head, he knew something would fuck up. Of course it would. He's Harry Potter. He don't find trouble. Trouble finds him.

Although, maybe in this case, he found trouble himself. The warnings were there. And yet he still left Hogwarts.

He stared at the small objects.
That's the thing; they're so small. So, so small. But they trigger so many memories- so many reason as to why he should hurt himself. Even stupid little things. Things that shouldn't even lie under self harm. But they remind you of it. They remind you of all your flaws.

So he picked one up.
It was just a blade.
He didn't remember where he found it.
He looked down at his arm; his old scars were healing.
He's sure Pomfrey saw them when je was emitted.
Probably.

Maybe just one. Or two. Or three.

Eventually it came to seven. They just looked like cat scratches. Nothing big- well, from what he could see. His vision was blurry. Maybe he did more than he thought.
He was about to do another one- but he heard a knock on the door.

"Y-yeah?" Harry stuttered, clutching his bloodied arm to his chest.

The door knob turned, "Hey, I was-"

"Wait! Don't open the door-!" Harry ordered- but it was too late.
Luckily his back was still turned to the door.

"Huh? Why- Potter? What's going on?"

Great. Back to a last name basis.
Potter.
He might as well of flung Harry off a cliff.

"Nothing! Get out!" Harry hissed, keeping his arm away from him.

Blood was leaking onto his hand and onto the floor.

"Why is it so dark in here?"

He was right- the only light was the full moon shining through the window.

"Are you deaf? Get out!"

"I was just coming to check on you. Dumbledore said I should keep an eye on you because of your current-"

"Okay, okay, I'm fine. Now, please close the door." Harry begged.
His voice was shakey- but he was hoping he wouldn't pick up on it.

"You don't sound fine, Potter. What's wrong? What are you hiding?"

"Nothing! None of your business! Leave!"

Draco

Draco would be lying if that sentence didn't hurt.
He didn't know why.
But it did.

Draco swallowed, "Potter-"

"Leave!"

Draco clenched his jaw. He was stubborn, he wasn't going to leave just because Harry fucking Potter told him to.

So Draco sighed, and closed the door. He pretended to walk away, but really he was still in front of Harry's door.

Draco heard a shuffle. He waited until he was certain that he was now standing. Then he opened the door.

There Harry stood, frozen in place. Fear written across his face.
Draco looked down- he was holding his left arm.
Blood was dripping off of it, onto his hand and onto the floor.

Panic instantly struck Draco.

"Harry! What the hell?!" Draco gasped, flicking on the light, not even realizing he used his first name.

Draco instantly took his over shirt off and wrapped it around his arm. He was still frozen in place; shocked.

"I-I..." he stuttered, trailing off.
He decided not to finish his sentence as he turned his head away, staring at the floor.

"What were you thinking?" Draco whispered.

"You didn't have to use your shirt." He mumbled.

Draco paused.

"I have bandages in my night stand."

Draco nodded and grabbed the bandages, "okay. Follow me downstairs."

Harry did as told. It took longer than it should've, thought. But it was because of the pain in his ribs- Draco suspected- and his limp.

Once they got downstairs Draco sat him down on the couch, in front of the fire place.

"Don't move." Draco ordered, quickly walking towards the bathroom.
Draco couldn't really clear the blood up with his wand, they convinscated them from them.

So Draco grabbed some rubbing alcohol and a cotton Swab and made his way back to Harry.

He was sitting there, staring at nothing in particular. He must've been lost in thought because as soon as Draco sat down he jumped.

Draco grabbed his arm and gently removed his shirt from the wound, "I had to use my shirt." Draco said; replying to Harry's statement from earlier.

"Hm?"

"A while ago you said I didn't need to use my shirt. I did. You were losing too much blood."

Harry stayed silent. He watched as Draco gently patted the cotton swabs on his arm, wincing every now and again at the sting.

It was silent until Draco began wrapping his arm in bandages.

"Why?"

"You'll have to be a bit more specific." Draco replied, Dèjavu hitting him.

"Why are you being so nice? Aren't you supposed to despise me?"

Draco couldn't help but feel a bit of heart break at the pain in his voice.
But he didn't know how to answer him.

"I cant just leave you bleed out in the middle of your floor."

"I could've handled it, and you know that." Harry frowned, but kept his gaze focused on his forearm.

"I don't know." Draco replied truthfully, finally finishing the bandaging.
He let his arm drop, "I guess I felt the need to."

It was silent again, and Harry still didn't make an effort to look Draco in the eyes.

"Why did you do it?" Draco asked, after a moment of silence.

"I'd tell you, but you wouldn't believe me." He replied, finally looking up at him.

Draco's heart sunk when they locked eyes.
His eyes held so much... pain... and emotion...
So much hurt and sorrow, and guilt. Draco felt the need to hug and comfort him right then and there.
His eyes seemed to be begging him to remember something.

But he couldn't.

"Try me." Draco replied.

"No," Harry shook his head, taking his gaze off him as he stood up, "that's not a good idea. I'm going to bed. Thanks, by the way."

Draco watched as he walked up the stairs and into his bedroom, and couldn't help but feel a bit disappointed he didn't stay.