"Okay, from Oliver and Felicity." Barry opens the last wedding gift, "We have an espresso machine."

"Not on the registry, but-" I start, as him and I were seated on the couch, opening wedding gifts. I was dressed in an oversized sweater, not dressed for the day yet, my legs bare, as I was kneeling on the couch next to him.

"I'll put this in the return pile." Barry places it down.

"No-" I reach for it, but end up wrapping my arms around Barry, looking at him, "I want it."

"You want the espresso machine?" Barry chuckles lightly.

"Yes." I nod, "It has something to do with coffee. I want it."

"Okay, we won't return it." Barry smiles, pecking my lips.

"Was that the last of it?" I question, sitting back down, crossing my legs.

"No, we got one more." Barry picks up a small rectangular box, "There's no card."

Barry rips open the wrapping, looking at the box, "It's another set of knives." Barry opens it, "It's not even a full set. Yeah, it's one knife. That's just shoddy gifting."

"Hey- it's a pretty knife." I shrug, taking it from him.

"I'm gonna clean up." Barry gets up, crouching down, shoving wrapping paper in a black garbage bag.

"No speed cleaning?" I ask, walking behind him, crouching next to him, wrapping my arm around him, pretending to slit his throat with the knife in my hand, "Isn't that gonna kill you?"

Barry chuckles, shaking his head as I put the knife on the coffee table, "No, we're not in a rush."

"Barry, you barely used your powers in Bora Bora, either." I say, standing up, "I mean, not even to put on suntan lotion. Complete- normal Barry Allen. There was no Flash."

"It was a spray-on bottle." Barry looks at me.

I laugh lightly, "Did someone steal your speed without me knowing?"

"No-" Barry got up, vibrating his voice, a smile on his face, "Speed all good."

"Then why haven't you used it at all?" I ask, putting my hands on his chest, looking up at him.

"I mean, I don't know." Barry shrugs, holding my wrists, "I have been thinking recently that, you know, when I first got my powers, I would use any excuse to use them. It would just be me and the road, and everything around me would disappear. It's like the first time in my life I really felt like I was at peace. I just feel like that all the time now. I don't have to run when I'm with you."

"You're very cute." I smile softly.

"I love you, Zee Allen." Barry leans down.

"Oh- I love that sound of that." I stand on my tippy toes, "But, I love you, too."

Barry leans in, smiling, pressing his lips into mine.

-

My hands run through the receipt in my hand as Barry and I walked down the sidewalk that night, Christmas cheer everywhere we looked, "Why would Rory think that we needed 40 toasters? We literally have- so much store credit now."

"He said that there was some kind of fire sale." Barry shoves his hands in his pockets, shrugging.

"This is Rory we're talking about." I shot him a look, "He stole them."

"Yeah-" Barry exhales, "He definitely stole them."

Before any more words were said, Barry was blasted away from me, thrown right into an alley, landing on the car with a grunt of pain, falling onto the ground.

"Oh my god-" I gasp, my head snapping from where it came from, my eyes widening at the sight.

"Hello, Zee." Devoe greeted me, hovering in the air in his chair, my eyes wide at his appearance, "My deepest congratulations on your wedding."

Devoe presses a button under his hand, the same thing he blasted Barry with aimed right at me, electricity crackling behind me as Barry grabbed my waist, pulling me away, the glass of the car Barry landed on shattering due to how fast Barry ran, coming to a stop, him now in his suit, "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine- are you-" I start to ask.

"I'm fine, I'll be right back." Barry turns, running towards Devoe, an robotic arm coming right out of his chair, grabbing Barry, another one following, tasing him, and Devoe taking him.

I jump up, letting flight take over me, Devoe and Barry gone, as I went to Star Labs, landing on my feet, running in, and up to the cortex, being greeted by Cisco, Harry, Joe and Ralph.

"Devoe attacked us on the street." I exhale deeply, "He took Barry."

"What? Are you kidding me?" Cisco sighs.

"Are you okay?" I ask Harry, noticing the ice pack on his head, "What happened?"

"Amunet Black abducted Caitlin." Joe told me.

"Two people go missing at the same time." Ralph looks at us, "That's quite a coinkie-dink."

"Yeah, that's a great observation, Captain Obvious." Cisco puts his hands on his head.

"Can you set the satellite to look for Caitlin's cryokinetic energy or Barry's Speed Force signatures?" Harry asks.

"We've got to look for both of them." I take charge, "I want you to set the satellite to look for Caitlin's cryokinetic energy-" I point at Cisco, "-and I need you to vibe Barry."

Cisco nods, touching his temples, vibing Barry, before being knocked back, knocking the tree that him and Harry set up over, grunting.

"Holy poltergeist!" Ralph says, his eyes wide.

I walk over to Cisco, crouching, "Hey, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm just not gonna- be vibing again for a while." Cisco groans, staying down, rubbing his temples.

"What about Allen?" Harry questions.

"Wherever he is, I've never experienced- anything like it." Cisco exhales deeply.

-

"Sark me!" Cisco flinches, backing away from what he was just working on as it sparked.

"What happened?" I question, looking at him.

"Well, the satellite's trying to search for Barry's Speed Force energy and Caitlin's cryokinetic signature, so the bandwidth limiters are overheating." Cisco sighs.

"Well, that's what you get when you rely on machines rather than a master private eye." Ralph shrugs, "I've had a ton of missing person cases. There was this wife once. Turns out she faked her own death. She was just living in Arizona."

"Are you saying Barry faked his own death and moved to Arizona?" Cisco asks, looking up at him.

"Well no." Ralph began.

"Well, then shut up." Cisco snips.

Harry walks in, holding a coffee, "Tell me you got something."

"Got nothing." Harry sighs, "Searched the DeVoe house thoroughly. It's clean. Joe's gone to check the scene from where Barry was taken."

"You know, there was this other case once. Woman couldn't find her husband. Turns out she just had amnesia. He was home. She just didn't recognize him." Ralph continues, "And I still got paid. Twice."

"Ralph. Please." Cisco looks up, clenching a fist in front of his face, "Shut. Up."

"You got something you wanna say to me, Ramon?" Ralph asks, ready to start a fight.

"Yeah." Cisco nods, rounding his desk, "Yeah, I got something to say to you, Ralphie boy."

"Caitlin's been kidnapped." Cisco went on, raising his voice, "Of course, she wouldn't have been at Jitters in the first place if you hadn't acted like such a jackass today, but of course, in true Ralph Dibny fashion, you drove her away- with your fat mouth!"

"Maybe I should have turned my hand into a fat fist." Ralph raises a fist, it become bigger.

I come between them immediately, pushing them away from each other, "Okay, no. We are not doing this right now. We shouldn't be arguing- we should be looking for Barry and Caitlin."

"Whatever." Cisco sighs, "I'll be in my lab." Cisco walks away, leaving the room.

"And I will be in whatever room is farthest from that." Ralph's fist goes back to normal.

"Speed lab." Harry tells him.

"Thank you." Ralph nods and leaves the room.

"You're welcome." Harry calls out after him.

"What is wrong with those two?" I run a hand through my hair, stressfully.

"You." Harry tells me, looking right at me.

"What?" I look at him, standing put in my stop.

"You know what's wrong." Harry takes a step closer towards me, "You're the team leader. Team leader's supposed to make the tough call."

"I made a call." I put my hands on my hips, "We're looking for both of them because Cisco couldn't vibe Barry."

"No." Harry shakes his head, "Looking for both of them is not a choice. We're overtaxing our resources, our people, because you won't face the hard truth. And the hard truth is, we can't look for both. We can only look for one."

"If you're asking me to choose between my husband or my friend's life- I'm not choosing. I can't choose between them." I cross my arms.

"You have to." Harry hit me with hard truth, "Or we risk losing them both. You have to choose."

I look away, taking a breath, walking away from him, walking into the Time Vault, sitting down.

Barry has taken care of himself for the past five years with this Flash business. Whenever we weren't able to help him, he would find a way to free himself and come back home to us.

Caitlin on the other hand, she was vulnerable. If Amunet took her, she probably had a dampening, which meant she couldn't become Killer Frost and save herself.

I sat in the Time Vault for a while, before finally getting up, walking into the cortex, being greeted by Cisco, Ralph and Harry. I look at them, "Barry has taken care of himself many times before- and come home to us. Turn off the Speed Force satellite. We're going after Caitlin."

"We're on it." Ralph nods.

"Let's go get our girl." Cisco walks over to his computer.

-

"He's dead." I whisper to Iris that night, tears streaming down my cheeks, as we sat in the cortex.

"Barry's not dead, Zee." Iris squeezes my arms to comfort me.

I sniffle, breathing heavily, fresh tears slipping my eyes, "If he were alive we would've heard from him. He would've made it back by now."

"He's fine, don't think that way-" Iris continued to try and comfort me, a choked sob leaving my lips as I shook my head, fully drowning myself in this lie.

We had gotten Caitlin back, but there was no word from Barry. I had switched the satellite to search for his Speed Force signatures, but it hadn't made a sound in hours, which resulted in my breaking down, regretting my choices and wishing there a way I could've found both of them.

"Devoe-" I sob, "He killed him- Devoe he-" I pause, "I killed him."

"Zee-" Iris began.

I cut her off, at the edge of breaking down even further, "I was the one who made the call to find Caitlin instead of Barry. I put him in a position where he had no one to save him- I was the one who made the choice not to look for him. I killed him. He's dead."

"Zee, he's not dead." Iris repeats, raising her voice to get it through my head, and past all the convincing I had done to myself, trying to comfort me, rubbing my back and arms.

Another choked sob leaves my lips as I tilt my head down, repeatedly saying, "I killed him. He's dead."

Suddenly, a rapid beeping halts my cries, Iris' head snapping towards the monitor, seeing the ping that appeared on the screen, this being of Barry's Speed Force signature.

Before I could open my mouth to say anything, Barry ran in, exhausted, leaning against the wall, his eyes closed, breathing heavily.

I jump out of my seat, running towards him, wrapping my arms around him tight, a sob leaving my lips as he held onto me with one arm, trying to catch his breath, leaning his forehead against my head.

-

Barry had made it back that night, and we had saved Caitlin also. The next day, we stood in the cortex, Barry telling us about what had happened.

"There's no sign of Devoe." Iris West spoke, staring at the monitor.

"The house is empty. Facial recognition's not picking up him or his wife." Joe followed up.

"So, what? He just drowned?" I look up.

"Or went back to wherever he was holding Barry." Harry suggests.

"Why do you think he took you?" Joe asks Barry.

"I'm not sure." Barry crosses his arms, "But I think that he's interested in my powers."

"Great." Cisco throws his hands up, "We got evil Mary Poppins collecting metas, too."

"Yeah, and Amunet won't back down." Caitlin sighs.

"Nothing like a lingering threat to put us all- in the Christmas spirit." Harry says sarcastically.

"Speaking of which, with all this Devoe stuff and Cecile being out of town, I didn't have a chance to decorate the house." Joe tells us, "If you guys still wanna do Christmas-"

"Yeah, of course." Barry nods, "We have a lot to celebrate."

"Do you mind if I invite Dominic, that meta we just saved?" Caitlin asks Joe.

"The more the merrier." Joe nods, leaving the cortex.

"Let's get some nog." Cisco cheers, everyone leaving but Barry and I.

"So everything worked out, huh?" Barry smiles at me.

I stare at him, tears glistening in my eyes, guilt washing over me.

Barry's eyes widen, as he rounds the desk, coming over to me, grabbing my arms, "What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry- for the call I made." I look down, "Being Team Leader is so much harder now that you're back. When you were in the Speed Force- It was just normal metas. Now- you're getting kidnapped- and there's Devoe- and Amunet. I have to choose between two people I care for- and- if it didn't work out in the end this time- I don't know what I'd do."

"Wells told me about the tough call you had to make yesterday." Barry starts.

I cut him off, a tear slipping my eye, fear and guilt increasing in my chest, "I should honestly just ask Iris to take my place as Team Leader-"

"Hey- hey-" Barry tilts my head up, catching my attention, "You're an amazing Team Leader. You can't just- give it up because of one choice. You're gonna have to make a lot more in the future. But you made the right call. I'm proud of you for making it."

I barely nod, as he wipes away my tear, "So, what now?"

"Now we have ourselves a merry little Christmas." Barry smiles down at me, pecking my lips.

-

"Oh- wow." The words slip out my mouth once we walk into the West Household, the entire place decorated, Ralph handing in a Santa Claus suit.

"Wait-" Ralph stretches, making himself chubby to fit the character, "Like a bowl full of jelly."

"Ralph, what is all this?" Barry asks, slipping off his coat.

"Well, Joe said he didn't have any time to decorate, and I wanted to do something nice for my friends." Ralph admits, "I realize that I don't usually say or do the right thing. So I just wanted to say I'm sorry."

"Well, you really went all out, Ralph." I smile, "This is amazing."

"Yeah, it looks great, man." Barry smiles at him, everyone else looking around in amusement.

"Thank you." Ralph looks at us, "Well, I'm glad you like it."

The rest of the night consisted of Cisco getting a cube from Gypsy that was, very dirty, where he accidentally showed it to all of us, thinking that it was a breakup cube. We all traded laughs and jokes, happiness and joy running through the air.

I quietly sang along to the music that played in the background, dropping my jacket on the chair, walking over to the dining table, Barry pulling my hand, seating me down with him.

"You know-" I lay my head against his arm, holding his hand, "Black is a really good color on you."

"Is it?" Barry smiles at me.

"Yeah- yeah it is." I kiss his cheek.

"I'll wear it more often then." Barry presses his lips into mine, as we shared a sweet kiss, his phone buzzing, causing us to break apart.

Barry looks at his phone, "Security at the loft. It's probably just gifts being delivered- I'll be right back, okay?"

I nod, as he grabs his jacket, pecking my lips, before running off.

-

[ barry's pov ]

"Hello?" I answer my phone after fixing the security at Zee and I's loft, walking further into the loft.

"Hello, Mr. Allen." Dominic's voice filled the line, causing confusion to fall over me.

"Dominic?" I ask.

"You really have an acute sense of detection. And wit." His tone had changed, "But like I said, Mr.
Allen. You are incapable of seeing the breadth of my machinations."

My eyes widen, "Devoe?"

"You really should have listened to your teacher." He chuckles through the phone.

"How is this possible?" I question, feeling shock fill my veins.

He exhales, "You see, Mr. Allen, three months ago you emerged from the Speed Force a new man. And in order for you and the world to experience my plan, I, too, needed to be reborn."

"If you hurt my family-" I began.

He cuts me off, "I have no interest in your family. Besides, you're gonna need someone to miss you when you're gone."

"What did you do?" I ask, stepping farther into the loft.

"I merely left something for you." He chuckles, "It's a re-gift, as it were. I don't have need for it anymore."

I slowly put my phone down, walking behind the couch, the sight of Clifford Devoe's dead body and a similar knife to the single one Zee and I had gotten as a wedding gift earlier next to him, covered in blood.

There was a knock at the door, Captain Singh's voice coming from the other side, "Allen? CCPD. Open up."

He knocks again, "Open up in there."

"Breach, breach, breach." The group of men with Singh yell, before they broke down the door, everything falling into slow motion.

I watched the door, then looked at Devoe's body. My eyes land on a framed picture of Zee and I that rested on a small table, as I exhale quietly, "Don't run."

"Move, move, move, move, move!" Captain Singh said as they entire the loft, "Keep your hands where I can see them, Barry."

I raise my hands up by my head, as they searched the loft, "Check the corners! Clear! Clear."

Captain Singh slowly rounded the couch, his eyes falling on Devoe, his eyes slowly widening, before looking at me, grabbing my arms, cuffing my wrists, "Barry Allen, you're under arrest for the murder of Clifford Devoe."

authors note:

not relevant but totally relevant, barry and zee went to bora bora instead of australia, cause both cairns and bora bora are like very beautiful but I just went with bora bora.