wooyoung san

17.08.17

every waking moment for the last two days is spent reliving how it feels to touch wooyoung's skin. to kiss him.

how it feels for his hands to return home again; to know the gentle inches of the blonde's flawless figure. san knows the soft muscles of his back better than anyone, the occasional freckles wooyoung is unaware of and the curves san loves.

it hurts him to know someone else is discovering those freckles and curves and dips and perfection. the painful reality punctures his soul, the realization a dire blow to the heart. but san can't complain; it is his fault.

but something about hongjoong feels off to san. he can't explain what it is- call it instinct or an alarm in his gut - but it's there. of course, he has considered the possibility that he's just subconsciously fabricating the notion in the back of his mind to advocate a reason for wooyoung not to be with him.

and while that possibility seems much more likely to seonghwa, who refuses to help san until there's concrete evidence hongjoong is untrustworthy, san is convinced it isn't just that.

either he'll find something or he won't. either way, san figures at least attempting to uncover something is going to comfort his suspicions. perhaps he would finally rest easy if he knows wooyoung is in the hands of someone credible and good for him.

he doubts it. it would probably only make him feel worse to confirm the fact he is far from good enough for wooyoung, let alone worthy of his love, but someone else is.

san bites his lip anxiously, not looking forward to entering the hospital again. it's the first place he had decided to look to find out more information on hongjoong, since the older male has claimed to volunteer there regularly.

entering the imminent building is never easy, its walls enclosing him from every angle as he goes inside. trying to ignore the claustrophobia that hits him like a truck almost immediately, san flexes his hands as he makes his way to the front desk.

"good morning," he greets the lady seated there, brandishing a convincing smile. "i was wondering if you could tell me about your volunteer program- i'm very passionate about medicine."

the woman regards him carefully, clearly unconvinced about his 'passion for medicine'. "i hate to disappoint you, sir, but our volunteer program consists more of caring for the sick and elderly. you'd have to have more of a passion for patience and compassion."

san leans forlornly on the desk, saying with a shrug: "ah, what a shame." he then gestures with a finger, as if recalling something. "that sounds just like my friend! no wonder i was told he works here."

lifting her eyebrows, the woman waits for him to elaborate. "maybe you can confirm for me? his name is kim hongjoong."

she pauses, and he flashes her another charismatically easygoing smile. "i'll check the logbook. volunteers sign themselves in and out of there." she says after a moment.

san thanks her, waiting patiently as she pulls out a thick file, flicking through the recent pages, and then further back.

he taps his foot on the blue carpet of the reception room, eyes darting around its splendor uneasily. he hates the chemical smell that adorns every inch of the place, eager to leave quickly.

"what did you say your friend's name was again?" she inquires after a few minutes, causing his foot to still.

"kim hongjoong." san repeats, interest growing.

the woman shakes her head, shutting the file and looking annoyed that her time has been wasted. "no one by that name has signed into the log in the last six months. you must be mistaken."

pressing his lips together, san nods apologetically. "i see. thank you for your time."

she goes back to her work, and san begins walking quickly away from the desk, deep in thought. so hongjoong lied. but why?

unanswered questions circulate in his head, frustrating him endlessly. engrossed in this inner conflict, san decides to call seonghwa to rub it in his face that his instincts have been right all along so that his friend will help him find out more.

as he's reaching for his phone, coordination takes a day off, and he finds himself stumbling in his too hasty turmoil. and as fate would have it, san bumps into someone, grabbing their arm to stop himself from falling.

"sorry-" he looks up, about to apologize. but the sentence dies on his lips, words becoming scrambled when his eyes are met with blue ones. wide and familiar.

san gulps, letting go of wooyoung's arm and taking in his messy blonde hair and startled state. he's a breath of fresh air in the pungent building, reminding him how it feels to breathe easily.

"san?" wooyoung asks, similarly dumbfounded as of their coincidental interaction.

san doesn't have to reply for the blind boy to know it's him. he knows him instantly, the raven haired suddenly self conscious under his unmoving gaze.

"um-" wooyoung clears his throat, leaning on his cane as if he might collapse. "what are you doing here?"

"what are you doing here?" he shoots back, trying to fumble up an excuse for his own presence in the meantime.

"visiting my aunt, idiot." the blonde replies, even smiling a little. "my parents are here, too."

"i was..." san trails off, only coming up with a white lie. "looking for hongjoong."

wooyoung's smile disappears instantly, the boy tensing at the mention of his boyfriend's name. is he his boyfriend? san doesn't know. "and why were you doing that?"

"to talk to him..?" san tries, but the answer only agitates wooyoung further.

"don't look for him again, please. i don't want you to cause any trouble." he warns, and san can't help but smirk a little at the fact wooyoung thinks he'd cause trouble under his name.

"what do you think i would do?" san asks, edging toward him with an eyebrow waggle. "get into a fistfight over you? defend your honour? perhaps we'd duel."

wooyoung cracks a smile at that, rolling his eyes a bit. "no. maybe. maybe i thought you'd try ruin what's beginning of our relationship so you can snake back in."

"i'm not trying to," he assures him. "i'm just looking out for you. i... i care about you, wooyoung." san adds, the soft words nothing but true.

the blonde's jaw clenches. he seems determined not to be shaken. "no." he shakes his head firmly, stepping back. "don't say that. you can't say that."

his slightly raised voice causes odd looks from others in the waiting room, and san guides him to the edge.

"why not?" san presses, his hand hesitating to go to wooyoung's shoulder. "why can't i care?"

"because you can't!" wooyoung exclaims, and san withdraws his hand. "it makes this so much harder. because- because-"

leaning closer to wooyoung, san places his hand on the wall above him. "what?" he asks gruffly.

the shorter shrinks away, using his cane to escape from san's caging position. he huffs to himself, clearly trying to regain his composure.

"because of this." wooyoung tells him, the glare in his eyes meaningful. "you can stop looking out for me and caring about me now. it's confusing and unfair."

that's never going to happen. "what if we're friends? " san suggests, the label jarring his soul once more. at the very least, they can be friends.

"friends?" he repeats incredulously, raising his chin.

"yeah," the taller continues, as if the suggestion isn't tearing him apart. as if every inch of his body doesn't want more than that. as if he wooyoung doesn't too.

"friends. we can't be awkward like this forever. your best friend is my best friend's soulmate, for god's sake. we'll have to see each other at their wedding, you know." san jokes, trying to relieve some tension.

wooyoung considers this, his plump lips parting slightly. "okay. friends." he agrees, trying out the word on his tongue. "we'll try that out."

"we will." san concurs. god, he wants to kiss him.

"well, anyway." wooyoung swallows a little awkwardly, readying himself to go somewhere. "my parents are probably waiting for me. nice... not seeing you, san."

he watches as the blonde navigates his way toward the man and woman san recognize as his parents, who'd appeared sometime when they had been talking. an odd ache drags in his bones as wooyoung gets further away, and san clenches his teeth at the bitterness in his mouth from forcing the word "friend".

better a friend than nothing at all, he tells himself. keeping him at arm's length is most appropriate. as long as he doesn't really hate him. san would never be able to handle that.

when the blind boy and his esteemed parents are out of sight, san makes his way out of the hospital, glad to be free of its stench. the fresh air renews his determination to find out more about hongjoong's lies, and he gets his phone out again.

he has to call twice before seonghwa picks up, and doesn't waste any time cutting to the chase, ignoring the boy's tired 'what' when he finally answers.

"i was right." san tells him smugly. "there is something off about hongjoong."

"this again?" seonghwa replies, sounding tired of his bullshit. well, it isn't bullshit anymore. "you've got to let it go and just let wooyoung be happy-"

"he lied about being a volunteer at the hospital with blind people and stuff. there's no record of him in the files." san interrupts. "is that concrete enough for you?"

-

ooh cliffhanger 😼

anyway if you haven't heard renjun's cover of fools by troye sivan you are missing out. hearing him say "fuck" so crisply will add at least ten years to your life span, i can guarantee.

xxx

edit: the omnipotent urge to write silly little scenarios for san and wooyoung to magically somehow bump into eachother because i need them to have silly little talks and silly bits of tension