wooyoung san

10.07.17

san's body jolts to consciousness. his eyes spring open suddenly, only to narrow and close again, faced with a blinding white light that cuts through his vision. he raises his hands protectively to conceal his face, heart beating nervously fast as he struggles to make sense of his whereabouts.

incoherent voices can be made out, but they sound odd, like he's underwater. slowly and reluctantly, the discombobulated male uncovers his face. he blinks, closes his eyes, and blinks again. the light is gone.

although its beams no longer directly penetrate his pupils, the whiteness of the roof above him is similarly blinding. san finds himself to be lying flat on his back on a narrow hospital bed, its sheets blue beneath him.

he mumbles indistinctly, struggling to sit up, but a nurse pushes him down gently.

"san?" a voice hitches worriedly, its owner stumbling to the bedside as his eyes search san's frantically for an answer.

before he can try to say anything, the nurse is ushering wooyoung away, checking a machine next to san's bed. "vitals are stable," she explains. "he just fainted."

"just fainted??" san hears the blonde repeat, and he manages a weak smile, throwing up a peace sign. "the way he collapsed-"

"there's nothing to worry about, sir." she assures him patiently, while san gathers the strength to sit up. he certainly doesn't feel like he 'just fainted'.

the sound of the pillows shifting alerts wooyoung's sharp hearing instantly, and he rushes to the bedside once more. "why are you sitting up?!" he questions in alarm, waving the sunglasses in his hand, bright eyes darting around.

"relax, woo." he replies huskily, patting the younger's wrist before coughing. "i'm fine, really. like they said: there's nothing to be worried about."

wooyoung looks ready to argue again, but the nurse intervenes before he can. "i understand today is your eighteenth birthday?" she asks, and wooyoung raises his hands in surrender guiltily, being the one to have told her.

san nods, prickling at the reminder. "well, there you go." she states, as if the reason is as obvious as the sky is blue. "the fainting is a side affect. we can only give you some painkillers for the excruciation to come-"

"hang on." san makes a time-out sign. "excruciation? i know the receiving is meant to be painful but isn't that... a bit of an exaggeration?"

"given the way your body has already reacted... no." she sighs, tapping her clipboard with a pen. "it's different for everyone. yours seems quite drastic, to be perfectly honest. an irregular build up of oxytocin outweighed your high dopamine and serotonin levels - the two chemical neurotransmitters that are above average levels pre-soulmate arrival - which suggests your nervous system is showcasing some resistance. rather anomalous, i must confess. you'd be an interesting case study."

"okay." wooyoung mutters while san tries to process the information. just my luck. "not that i understood a word of that, but go off, doctor."

"but after today... i'll be fine?" the older confirms, ignoring the comment.

"as far as we can tell, yes." the nurse tells him hesitantly, but doesn't develop the statement. it's not particularly reassuring.

san removes the iv from his arm with a little wince, swinging his legs over the bed, eager to leave the hospital. his head protests with violent thudding, and he breathes deeply for a moment before standing. there's an entity in his skull, trying to drill its way out with increasing determination.

the nurse steps back, exiting the room to leave wooyoung and san alone. as soon as she's gone, the shorter steps forwards in concern, reaching out to hold san's arms to feel if he's okay.

the raven haired shakes him off, not wanting to worry his pretty little head. "how'd i even... y'know?" he asks, unable to recall how and when he fainted.

"just- boom." the blonde tells him, his blue eyes widening at the recollection. "one minute you're in my arms the next you're on the ground."

san hums, not wording a proper response. he feels like whoever he was in the moments before fainting wasn't really him- like he's now a stranger faking remembrance of what wooyoung tells him.

chewing his lip, wooyoung gazes up at san nervously, clearly trying to say something. san feels a little sick, not too eager to listen.

"don't worry," he says before wooyoung can open his mouth. "i'm fine."

the words cause frustration to flash across wooyoung's features, an audible groan huffing from him. "don't try that line with me. you've said it too many times today for it to be true."

san frowns a little, too tired to mask his feelings. admittedly, he's not fine. he's just never said it out loud before, and certainly not when the words contain this much gravity. certainly not to wooyoung.

"right." he says carefully, biting down on his lip, hard. "i don't have a great history with hospitals," the words are selected slowly, begrudgingly. "no hospital could save my father. nor my mother." and it was too late, for my sister.

san watches him closely, unmoving. wooyoung's shoulders sag, his body loosening as steps forward, and suddenly san is in his arms. he's hugging him, tightly, holding him to his chest.

what? why is he... he cares? san's too caught off guard to hug him back for a second, and tears threaten in his eyes. he blinks as tightly as wooyoung's hugging him, not allowing them to spill. why am i crying? again?

"i'm sorry," his voice is muffled in san's chest, and slowly, hesitantly, he hugs wooyoung back. "that must have been hard. i'm sorry you had to go through that."

it was. it was hard. san admits privately, dropping his face in wooyoung's shoulder. he refuses to cry. he's done enough of that for one day.

too soon, wooyoung releases him. "let's go get your meds." he says, "we've spent too long here."

san wants to thank him, but keep his mouth shut. wooyoung is proving to be too good for this whole foul world. his heart breaks for him.

as they walk to the reception, hand in hand, they encounter an unexpected obstacle san could have sworn had not been there when they arrived. the doors are barricaded with warning tape, and a young man is redirecting people apologetically but cheerily.

the small male's light red hair is clipped short around his friendly face, and he doesn't seem to be a lot older than the two of them. san supposes he's relatively attractive, but then his mouth opens. "wooyoung?"

the short man originally appeared gleeful, but his face changes when he notices their joined hands. san only tightens his grip, and hongjoong regains composure almost instantly. "hongjoong?" the younger answers trepidatiously, slowing.

the shortest of the three smiles fakely, albeit brightly, greeting them with a wave. "back again?" he asks rhetorically, launching into a string of words. "i was kind of hoping i'd see you again, since we hadn't finalized a date for that coffee you promised me! while i was helping the elders i kept thinking of you- uh- not in a weird gross way! you don't remind me of old people! it's just you're gentle like them. and... visually impaired? ah, i'm sorry! this is awkward!" hongjoong apologizes frantically, while wooyoung manages an unsure laugh in response.

san sizes the red haired boy up and down before releasing wooyoung's hand, instead sliding his arm around the blonde's waist protectively, drawing him closer to him casually with a discreet yawn. he holds him there nonchalantly, gesturing with his free hand for the older to proceed. hopefully their relationship is clear enough for hongjoong not to bother wooyoung about soulmate crap.

"what's with the hold up?" he asks dryly, indicating the barricade.

"th-the," the male stutters, eyes darting over san's lackadaisical arm hesitantly, facade almost dropping. "the door- oh, right! the door. there was a minor wheelchair accident involving a lunch-tray. no biggie! if you don't count the food casualties... haha..." san doesn't offer a laugh, and the blonde next to him doesn't seem to be breathing.

"tragic."he remarks blankly. "show us the way out?"

"um- yes of course!" hongjoong obliges, pointing to the left. "down that hall, and to your right."

san bows graciously, mustering the fakest smile he can, gently guiding wooyoung by angling his arm around and walking in the given direction.

"about that coffee-" hongjoong tries after them, but all the younger manages to get out is a feeble "thank you!".

satisfied, san can't resist a smug smirk as they leave the older behind, dumbfounded and speechless. he squeezes the younger at his side with a grin when he speeds up their walking pace, covering his face; flustered.

"that was embarrassing!" he complains. "you didn't have to be mean." wooyoung pouts sulkily, making a noise of regret.

"i don't know what you mean." san responds innocently, turning right at the end of the passage to come into the reception. "i was trying to make sure he didn't start that conversation you won't to avoid so badly.

"you succeeded." wooyoung grumbles, but doesn't complain any further.

walking up to the counter, he removes his arm from the blonde's waist in order to collect the prescription and find his wallet. he's just thinking about the fact healthcare should be free for this kind of thing while accepting the bottle of pills, when a sharp pain shoots up his left forearm like a blade is breaking the skin. san tries to ignore it, knowing it's only going to worsen as the clock progresses to 00:00am.

as soon as the small bottle is in his hand and the money is in the receptionist's, he walks stiffly out of those looming doors - wooyoung close behind him - quick as he can manage, desperate to be out of the building.

"i need to get home." he forces the bile to stay in his throat, fumbling to evade the child-lock on the lid and extract the pills.

"can you drive?" the younger asks him, serious again and clear blue eyes full of doubt. 

"uh-huh," san affirms unconvincingly while managing to twist the top off of the bottle. "just let me pop these pills." too frantic to care, he swallows two of the painkillers dryly without water to help them down, the bitter taste making him wince.

"let's go." he mutters once they're down his throat, spluttering as he guides wooyoung by the shoulder to his car. "i'll- i'll take you home first."

"no!" the blonde objects, getting into san's car once he'd opened the door for him. "take me to yours. you shouldn't waste any time getting home. the pain might get worse and you could crash- and who knows? you might end up in a coma!"

san bites his lip, not in the mood to argue. "fine."

-

not really having thought anything through, the older has neglected to explain the circumstances of his living arrangements, too exhausted to introduce his flatmates. another time, perhaps.

he drives with his left fist clenched tightly on the wheel, swerving violently in hopes the pain will keep itself at bay enough for him not to kill them both. he says so, but wooyoung doesn't appreciate the joke.

"do you live by yourself?" he asks, tense and backed up into his seat, back straight.

"not technically." san mutters, pushing his foot down on the accelerator. "obviously not with my parents."

"r-right." wooyoung apologizes, going on to ask further, "so?"

"it's essentially a flat share." the older elaborates as they near said destination. "kibum took me in. he's basically the landlord: taking in kids like me who need it like i did."

the other hums thoughtfully, adjusting the shades covering his baby blue eyes. san turns the last corner before their awaited arrival, exhaling in relief when he can finally shut off the engine and get out of the vehicle- a breath closer to the next looming hour.

he steps out of his car, going around to open the door for wooyoung and hand him his cane. san doesn't trust himself to help anyone else right now and can only think about getting inside and upstairs.

to his surprise, kibum is there by chance to greet him in the lobby, accompanied by a few of the other residents. the dark haired holds the door open for the younger, glaring at everyone in the room while he enters, daring them to make a comment.

"san! you're back." kibum welcomes him, wiggling his brows at the boy who's accompanying him. "brought a new plaything?" of course he dares.

"something like that." san replies gruffly. "and i'm not here to chat. had an incident at the hospital. don't visit my room tonight."

the older bows mockingly at his command, and the other boy guides the blonde to the stairs before kibum can say anything incriminating.

"have fun, you kinky bastard!" the male giggles after them, misreading the situation. san flashes him a finger that will clearly relay his message.

wooyoung takes the arm he offers to hasten their commute up the stairs, silent until san leads them into his room and locks the door behind him. he places the key atop the doorframe, turning to take in the neat state of his bedroom and placing the other's cane against the wall.

the room contains a double bed and a closet, as well as a desk he hardly ever uses. it's connected to a small but accommodating kitchen which holds a sink, microwave, stove and sad excuse for an oven. there's also an en-suite bathroom not many of the rooms have that san cannot afford; a special privilege for longtime lodgers and kibum's favourites.

"you can sit on the bed." he tells the younger, who's been hovering awkwardly, fidgeting with the sunglasses in his hands. "i'll get you a drink."

before san can enter the kitchen, wooyoung gets out a question that he'd figured would get asked soon. "plaything?" his tone is a little hurt.

he sighs, putting his hands down onto his hips and lowering his head to place an apologetic kiss on the side of the blonde's neck. "i don't think you like that."

the blonde places his hand on his chest, bunching the material of san's shirt in his fist. "i only agreed with him because it was easier not to explain. didn't want him pestering you." he continues, kissing the same spot a little further down.

"why would he?" wooyoung asks, and the other releases him.

"he's nosy." he finishes the conversation, going into the kitchen to retrieve some beers.

while he's opening the fridge, another stab of agony graces him with its presence, rippling through his arm and causing him to swear under his breath. this is ridiculous, san thinks irritatedly. there's no way it should hurt this much.

he brings the beers back into the room, placing them on the nightstand before retrieving the painkillers from his jacket pocket.

"should you be drinking and taking more of those pills together?" wooyoung questions, hearing the fizz of the can opening as well as the shaking of the bottled pills.

"might help me sleep away this pain, though." san mutters, swigging two more of them down. he trudges towards the bathroom, more beers tucked under his arm for later.

"san, that might actually kill you-" the blonde starts, eyes wide with apprehension.

it's a bit of an exaggeration, but he spins around aggressively, interrupting the younger as his patience snaps. "maybe that's what i'm fucking trying to do! did you think of that?"

"san-" wooyoung pleads, but he laughs bitterly in response, backing into the bathroom and slamming the door behind him.

"goodnight, wooyoung."

as soon as he's alone again, san falls to the ground, excruciating jabs burning his arm like he's stuck it into a furnace. slowly, he tries to get up, but quickly realizes how futile it is when he has to bite his lip to keep from crying out.

instead, he pours more of the alcohol down his throat, as much as he can muster without choking. sharp pain launches through his head and colorful spots flash in front of his eyes. it feels like his whole body has been beaten and every movement causes some muscle or bone to ache.

searing fiery bursts pulsate beneath the band around his forearm as san begins to be branded by an unknown name, intensifying with each passing second, jarring and brutal.

in the end, he's begging for it stop, but the universe is ruthless. it will not stop for him nor for his screams.

-

hahaahhshs i'm awful i'm sorry this took so long

xxx

edit: did not age well. babe you only ended up taking longer