Several days passed. I must admit there were tears. And doubt.
Maybe I had been a bit hard on Ethan. But he'd been with another woman and the jealousy was burning through me like fire.
He was supposed to be mine!
Only mine!

In my deepest fits of self pity I had looked up the photos again. I'd stare at his smile. I would nalyse the look on his face and try to see what he had been thinking when they were taken. And all I could see was his happiness.

I was in my studio printing furiously and covering myself in ink to hide my dark mood when I noticed someone in the doorway. Ethan was stood there looking at me.

"Izzy..." he said when I pulled a paper from the manual press.

I ignored him, swiping ink on the block before putting the next paper in place. There was a brutal crunch as I pressed the lever a bit too hard.

"Izzy. Five minutes. Please," he pleaded.

I pulled the paper off the press and looked at it. The force had indented the paper a bit too much but the print was passable. I placed it in the rack to dry before reaching for the inkbrush.

"Izzy. Just... stop!" Ethan said firmly.

I stopped, plunged the brush back into the ink and turned away from him with a sigh.

"I don't know if I'm ready for this," I huffed to hide my hurt.

"And I'm not ready to throw 20 years away... Please talk to me!" Ethan asked.

I shook my head.

"Not now? Not ever?" He asked.

"Not right now," I said.

I wanted to hear him out, but with his smile from the photos burned onto my retina, I couldn't find the strength to speak with him.

The front door opened and closed softly behind him. Leaving a void that lasted several days.

All the while I was drowning myself in self pity, I was orgaising the gallery opening. The curator had thankfully taken care of the guest list and catering for the vernissage, but I still had the run of lino prints to finish and sign. The sale of the prints would benefit Elsie's Obstruction and the continued work for children around the world.
Since adopting his kids, Odd had increased his charity work and made his main job when Obstruction took our break five years earlier.
He had set up a fund in Brazil that financed an extra school and every month he sent food and supplies to the neighbour who originally helped Hale and Elsie. She in turn had built a better home and had managed to successfully support her kids through school and build a better life for her family.

I was sat, signing print 245/300 when Selma entered my house with two bottles of wine and a bag full of Chinese takeaway food.

"Ellen and Rhea will be here in five minutes. I suggest you get a shower," she ordered.

"I'm working!" I muttered.

"You can sign the rest after we've eaten. I'm ordering a girls night!" She told me and shooed me upstairs.

Feeling strangely relieved at someone else taking charge, I meekly followed orders.

"Yes bossy!" I mumbled.

My hair in a wet bun and wearing fresh clothes, I entered the kitchen a few minutes later to find my three closest female friends sat at my kitchen table waiting.

"I smell an intervention!" I muttered darkly.

"Now... why would you think that?" Ellen smirked.

I poked my tongue at her and sat down where Selma placed a glass of my favourite wine.

"Just because your beloved husband is currently at my house looking like whipped dog... doesn't mean we can't have some girlie fun!!!" Selma grinned.

My face turned to stare at her before I could stop myself.
Selma tutted with her hands on her hips.

"Did you think you were the suffering part in this?" She asked.

I shook my head guiltily and sipped my wine to avoid looking at them.

"My brother has been at my house, souring the mood and depressing everybody. Begging my sweet, darling husband to have a word with his best friend. Promising his soul in exchange for your heart," Selma smirked.

"Very poetic!" Ellen grinned.

"Well... one is a fairly popular author after all..." Selma laughed back, theatrically wiping her fingernails on her jumper.

"Why the hell is he at your house?" I asked.

"Ah... so you do pay an interest in his whereabouts?" Rhea asked.

I shrugged.

"The cause of your very melodramatic strop is at my house because Oddball, qoute, thinks this is a pile of bullshit and that the two of you are being children," Selma explained.

"And we all happen to agree!" Rhea piped in.

I looked between them.

"Seriously... things go wrong, Izzy locks everyone out. Things get better, Izzy looks for a tiny little thing to flip the whole pie upside down," Ellen nodded.

"I don't!" I objected.

"Yes you do," Ellen insisted.

"This time, you are taking a pile of paparazzi photos as gospel without even hearing Ethan out!" Selma said.

I sighed and drained my glass of wine. Instantly it was filled up again and the women around me handed me a plate full of food.

"You probably haven't eaten for about three days so food first and maybe you see sense afterwards," Rhea smiled.
I nodded at her gratefully. Despite no longer being my kids tutor, she was still one of my closest friends and I did appreciate the concern.

Once we had eaten and Selma was done aww'ing over photos of Rhea and Freddy's three kids, I noticed Ellen drinking water.

"What's wrong with the wine?" I asked.

"And she comes out of the bubble. We are making progress people," Ellen smiled.

Selma stared at Ellen in surprise.

"I didn't even think of that... Why are you drinking water? You're not even driving!" Selma asked suspiciously.

"Aaanyway... So Izzy!" Ellen started giving gestured hints towards me.

"Oh no you don't. We know that Izzy is a problem and that she's destroying my brother. The job there is easy enough," Selma grinned.

"So... let's get on with it.." Ellen said again pointing to me.

"Sat right here," I said.

"You are sat there, 20 years into a pink cloud. Still in love with Ethan. Who conveniently is completely head over heels with you and completely heartbroken," Selma summed up.

"So you need to phone your husband, tell him to come here and when you open the door, well... make sure we're gone before you start knocking furniture about," Ellen smirked.

"It's not that simple!" I protested.

"Oh, but it is!" Ellen grinned.

"He went on a date! With someone else!" I snarled, still feeling the burning jealousy.

"He was setting up an appointment with a relationship therapist," Selma defended her brother.

"Did you see his smile in those photos?" I asked.

"Yes," Selma nodded.

"And... He's not looked that happy for a very long time..." I sighed.

"You've not exactly been a rainbow lately either," Ellen mumbled.

"Don't you get it?" I asked, looking between the three of them. All looking confused.

"That's just it!" I said holding back tears.

Selma placed a hand on my back. Willing me to get it out in the open.

"Someone else made him that happy! Someone else was able to laugh with him! Not me!" I said and wiped away a stray tear.

Selma lay her arm around my shoulder in a hug.

"I get it," she whispered.

I looked at her and knew she was remembering her own struggle when the kids were small.

"I felt like I was sucking the life out of Simon. And I deeply resented myself, every time he went around here for a boost. Izzy... You were able to give him something I couldn't!" Selma said seriously.

I looked at her in surprise.

"I'm sorry," I said.

"Don't be. Because he would come back with a smile and tell me how Nico could do stuff Seb couldn't. And he would use the happiness you and Ethan had given him to build me up," she shrugged.

"But..." I started, feeling guilty and slightly confused.

"I hated it. Hated myself for how he had to leave me to feel happy. Hated that I couldn't be happy with him. I screamed at him and told him he was abandoning me," Selma told me, quietly and seriously.

I stared at her. This was all news to me.

"Izzy... I made Simon cry!" She half smiled.

"Simon doesn't cry!" Ellen dismissed.

"He does... He's more sentimental than he'd ever want the two of you to know," Selma smirked.

"Best friend my ass..." I chuckled darkly still trying to process what Selma had just told me.

"I think you've been replaced," Ellen nodded and thumbed at Selma.

"I think I have," I nodded back.

Selma just smiled softly.

"Izzy... Simon is my favourite person in the world. Every time Nico smiles he looks just like Simon when I first met him. And the way Juni twirls her hair around her hand?" She smiled.

I nodded. I saw the same. Simon's kids were exactly like him.

"You see the same things with your kids and Ethan. You see the things you love about him in them!" Selma said.

I nodded again thinking about how Seb would look up through his hair with a shy smile. Or the look on Ayame's face when she was learning a new piece of music.

"Despite my best efforts... Simon has stuck with me. I don't know how we made it through two baby depressions. But we did," Selma explained.

"Simon loves you, Selma..." I shrugged.

"And Ethan loves you," she replied.

My head hit the table with a thud.

"She never changes!" Ellen grinned above me.

"Nope. Still calm and rational," Selma nodded along.

"Especially when it comes to all things Ethan," Ellen smirked.

"Shut up! Both of you!" I muttered.

"Why?" Ellen asked innocently taking another sip of water.

"Because I'm trying so hard to be an adult!" I grumbled.

"Well... you're not..." Rhea smiled.

"What if we can't fix this? What if I never stop feeling this betrayed or if he doesn't want me after I shouted at him like that?" I asked.

"Well... then you have the choice to get a divorce and cut the ties completely," Rhea nodded.

"But you will always have him in your life because of the kids, Obstruction and Simon and me. You're a Ryder. Lifetime member by blood!" Selma said with a small smile.

"I'm still Izzy Tyler on stage," I shrugged.

"But Ryder for life. Once you have a Ryder child, you don't just get out of that!" Selma nodded.

Ellen suddenly looked very pale.

"Which brings us to the subject of the fact that Ellen still hasn't tasted this lovely wine!" Selma smirked.

My eyes narrowed between the two. For once Ellen was speechless and looking sheepish.

"Did you really think you could keep this quiet?" Selma asked.

To her side Rhea grew a devious smile

"For a while," Ellen shrugged and nodded towards me.

"Oh no... don't pin this on Izzy! She will be back with Ethan before you know it..." Selma laughed.

I tried shaking my head but was pointedly ignored.

"You and Mio have been practically exclusive for 15 years Ellen! It's about time you put a label on it," Selma smirked.

"Yeah. Late night desperation!" Ellen dismissed.

"So you're desperate enough for him to spend most nights at yours? Desperate enough for you to be drinking water and looking like you want to smile and do a happy dance?" Selma asked.

Ellen shook her head vigorously, shooting me guilty looks.

"Oh for fucks sakes, Ellen!" I huffed.

"You might not appreciate it..." Ellen told me.

"Ellen! I need all the good news I can get," I smiled softly at her.

"Okay..." Ellen nodded, smiling a bit wider.

Selma and I looked at each other before we gave Ellen a stern look.

"How far along?" Selma asked.

"Does Mio know?" I asked.

"What? You're pregnant?" Rhea asked looking more surprised than the rest of us.

"Ten weeks. Yes and yes," Ellen smiled at each of us in turn.

"What did Mio say? Are you two moving in together for real?" I asked.

Slowly, Ellen lifted her left hand that she had been hiding inside her jumper until now. On her ring finger was a pale blue gem on a white gold ring.

I heard Selma gasp and laugh at the same time. My eyes welled up as I took in the strangely self conscious look on Ellen's face.

"It kinda just happened..." she said.

"Just happened?" I asked.

"About time!" Selma laughed.

"But not until the baby is born..." Ellen shrugged and lay her hand back down.

"Which means that we have plenty of time," Selma smirked at me.

I shook my head.

"Yep. Izzy! I won't get married with you being a grump. So get your head out of your ass and fix your marriage so I can start mine," Ellen grinned.

I shook my head at my friends and felt my self centred fog lift.