Lily

People say 'pick your battles', but I don't believe we have that choice. I believe our battles are given to us and how we decide to act on it is what makes us who we are. Today, no matter the consequences, I decided I'd had enough.

Cleaning up the last bits of glass mama left in the kitchen, I stand up frustratingly. As she sits in the living room, laughing at the television, something snaps in me. I glance at the new bruise she has just given me on my arm, and sadness inside me.

I drop the dustpan, my hands shaking and tears trying to escape. It was as if something broke inside of me. My wall finally broke. And before I knew it, I was striding in the living room and standing in front of her.

My heart beating so loud, I feared she would hear it. I turn the television off. She tries to throw the bottle of alcohol in her hand at me but misses, thankfully. "What the hell are you doing?" She shouts.

"Mama, I'm not a kid anymore. I won't let you treat me like this any longer. I've got a wonderful boyfriend now who treats me the way I'm supposed to be treated. The way Diddy treated you. With love and patience, despite how awfully you treated him."

"What did you just say to me, little girl? Have you lost your doggone mind?" She yells, standing up and pulling her belt off.

Gripping the ends of my shirt, tears pouring down my cheeks and shaking with fear, I sniffle before replying. "Mama, I love you with all my heart, but I just can't do it anymore."

I wipe my eyes harshly and stomp my foot a little, rage like lava I've never felt in my entire life before. "I refuse to be abused any longer, gosh darn it!"

In almost an instant, the belt connects against my arms and stomach after I say this. I fall to the ground, my tears pouring out harder. "You've got no right to talk to me like that, little girl!"

Holding my hands out as she towers over me, preparing for her next hit, I cry out in pain. "I'm not a little girl anymore, mama!" She strikes me again on the back and despite the pain, I keep trying. I point to one of my scars, "You did this to me! You did this to your daughter, mama! The person you gave birth to! Held for nine months, breastfed, you did this!"

She continues to hit me, not listening to a word I'm saying. I manage to stand up and make it to the kitchen. Holding onto the counter for balance, I don't notice the plate and accidentally drop it. It falls to the ground next to me and some pieces get into the skin on my leg.

She hits me again, "Do you know how much those plates cost me, dammit!"

"I bought those plates!" I shake my head and spread my arms wide. "I bought everything in here! I do everything for you and all I ask in return is that you love me like you used to, Mama!"

She looks at me for a moment and for a second I see her true self again. The sweet woman I know. I catch a hint of sadness, possibly even regret, in her eyes. But it vanishes quickly, and she rolls her eyes at me. "Well I'm not."

My mouth goes agape and I feel my heart shatter. I know I'm not supposed to let words faze me. That, 'Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me', but that was a lie. Because those three words hurt me far more than the beatings.

I get up quickly and as she shouts for me, I run. I run all the way out of the house and I just keep on running. By the time I've run a block, I stop. My hands on my knees, breathing roughly, I try to calm down. Based on my shaking hands and disfigured vision, I know before the day is over I'm going to have a breakdown.

I hear someone honk in front of me and look up. Looking closer, I see it is Muffin's car. I had forgotten he was picking me up tonight. I stand up quickly as he rushes out of the car.

"What the hell? What happened?" He asks, concern all over his face.

I smile softly. "Oh, nothin'. I was just going for a little run."

He touches my tear stains. "You've been crying. Who made you cry, Lily? I'll kill em, I swear."

I wave a dismissive hand and begin walking to the passenger's seat before he can see my scars. "I fell, that's all, sugar."

He follows behind me, his eyebrows still narrowed in concern. As we sit down, he looks closer at me. "Did someone hit y-"

My eyes water and I look away. "It's nothin', Muffin I promise. Just drop it, okay?"

He sighs and we sit in silence for a moment before I hear him pull out a piece of paper. I turn around and he clears his throat as he stares at it. "I've, uh, been trying to figure out how to ask you this for like two days now. Fucking pathetic, I know, but I'm not good at this."

I lean closer. "Ask me what?"

He clears his throat again and scratches the back of his head before speaking. "I want you to move in with me and here are the reasons why; I can cook."

Muffin faces me and shakes his head. "We both know that's a lie. I just wrote that down because your friend said women like guys that can cook."

My eyes widen, "You asked one of my friends?"

"Yeah, the redhead, I forgot her name t-"

I wrap my arms around him tightly and rock back and forth as he grumbles something underneath his breath. "Oh, aren't you just a sweetheart! Oh, Muffin, you little peach!"

He gets out of my hold as I smile widely. "Reason two: I have a peanut-butter-jelly sandwich delivery guy on speed dial."

I gasp, "You're kiddin'!"

"Hired him about a week ago, just for you."

I hit his arm lightly. "Your messin' with me, aren't you?"

He shakes his head. "He even cuts off the ends just how you like em', Lily."

I squeal and hug him again tightly. This time pressing kissing all over his face as I rock side to side. "Oh, Muffin, I don't need anymore reasons! I'd love to move in with you!"

He breathes a sigh of relief. "Thank God. I thought I was going to have to say reason three." He replies as I get off of him.

I buckle my seat belt as he starts the car. "What was the third reason?"

"I'll buy Vivo a third cage for special events."

"A third one? But Vivo's only got o-"

"Check the backseat."

I turn around and scream in joy. A black hamster cage with a small blanket inside of it sits in Muffin's backseat. I pick it up and examine it, clapping my hands happily. I lean over to hug Theo, but since he is driving, I decide against it.

I touch his hand instead, "You're the best gosh darn boyfriend in the world, you know that, Theo?"

He chuckles and shakes his head. "Far from it. If I had it my way, everything on this Earth would be yours, Lily."

I lean over and kiss his cheek. Butterflies in my stomach and happiness in my heart. I feel as if I'm floating on clouds. That is, until Muffin stops at Mama's house.

The happiness and content I had just felt vanishes, and I face him in fear. "Why are we here?"

He frowns. "You forgot your bag. You told me and I quote, 'If you ever see me leave without my bag, turn that vehicle back around and slap the daylights outta me.' I'm not slapping you though, Lily."

Why do you say things like that, Lily?

"Right." I mumble, cursing myself for the stupid things I say. I set the hamster cage in the backseat and kiss his cheek before getting out of the car.

My hands shake and tears already begin to try to make their way out of my eyes as I walk to the door in fear of what's to come. I open the door slowly and try to run to my room quickly, but am too slow.

"I knew you'd be back!" She shouts, laughing as I step into the living room, gripping the ends of my shirt tightly. She stands up in front of the sofa and takes a sip of the new beer she has gotten.

"I'm not here for long. S-so just let me go, please, mama."

She laughs again, "Don't you 'mama' me, you ungrateful little girl."

I shake my head, finally realizing what she is doing after all this time. "No. You're not gonna do that to me, mama. I am not ungrateful! You're the one who is ungrateful, not me! I will not let you treat me like this!"

She steps forward and spits at my face. My mouth falls open, but before I have time to completely register what she has done, she strikes my leg with a belt and I cry out in pain. I fall to the ground, holding my leg and trying to breathe as she stands over me.

"Listen to me, little shit. I took you to school while your father was out there doin' God knows what. I fed you! I kept a roof over your head, goddamnit!"

I shake my head, choking up tears, "No, mama! I did all that myself! I walked to school, I fed myself and I kept a roof over us! I was cleaning your vomit and broken alcohol bottles at seven, Mama! Seven!"

She hits me again and I try to stand up but fail. Blood starting to fall a little. I exhale deeply and stare up at her. "And my father was out serving this country. Don't you dare disrespect the man that would take a bullet for you after everything you've put him through, to my face like that again!"

Her face turns bright red in anger and she slaps me, making my face hit the floor and my eyes roll back. I choke up tears, my vision disfigured as I hear the door spring open.

Theo walks inside, and she pauses as I stare with wide eyes. He glances at the belt in her hand, then at me, then back at the belt. Finally understanding the situation, his eyes widened.

"Who the hell are you?" Mama shouts, pointing the bottle at him as I start to find it hard to breathe.

He begins walking out of the house. "Where are you going?" I cry out.

"Getting my gun."

"Theo, no!"

He doesn't listen, only keeps walking. Seconds later he returns with a gun and points it at Mama. "The sleeves. The scars. They're because of you." He steps closer and points the gun at her forehead, his eyes red. "You're the one hurting her."

"I'm disciplining my c-"

He presses it against her harder and I shut my eyes. "Discipline? You call that discipline? You call your daughter flinching every time I walk up to her fucking discipline?" I open my eyes again as he locks his wrist.

"No!" I manage to say as he is about to pull the trigger.

Theo lowers the gun and faces me, as if remembering I am here, he rushes to me. Lifting me up bridal style, he points the gun at her again. "Don't fucking move."

Theo takes me to the car and carefully sits me in the backseat. When he is about to shut the door, I touch his arm.

"She's still my mama, Theo." I whisper.

"Lily, that is not your mom. That's an awful, sick motherfucker who doesn't deserve to have a k-"

I rest my hand on his cheek, feeling my eyes droop. "Please, Theo. Please."

He looks away. "I'm letting the person do this to you just walk away. What kind of man am I, Lily? I'm a fucking w-"

"No, no, no. Don't do that. Don't blame yourself."

He turns back to me and presses his forehead against mine. After sighing, he gives me a small kiss to my lips before closing the door and walking back inside of the house. After about five minutes, he returns with Vivo in his cage, my bag, and a box. He sets Vivo next to me and I half smile, petting him from inside of his cage.

Theo sits in the driver's seat and looks back at me. "I got everything I've heard you talk about and things that looked important. We can replace the clothes and everything else but Lily, promise me you won't step foot in that house ever again?"

My body exhausted, I only nod and he turns back around. As Muffin starts the car, I try to stay up but can't. It isn't long before I doze off into a deep sleep. When I awake, I lay on Theo's sofa.

I yawn and he appears, holding a mug. "I just made you some more tea." He says, setting the mug on the table next to me.

I sit up slowly and rub my eyes. "Thank you."

He takes a seat on the floor and rests his head on my leg. Theo kisses one of the scars on my leg before speaking, "Lily, why didn't you tell me?" He asks, his voice calm but his facial expression far from it.

"I couldn't. Not even my best friend knows. If I could, trust me, I would've."

He nods and kisses my leg again before getting up. I sit up all the way in concern when he starts pacing in front of the sofas and television. He plays with his knuckles, mumbling swear words. When he suddenly walks to the wall and punches it, my eyes widen.

"Theo! What are you doing?"

He continues to hit it, acting as if it's a punching bag like a mad man as I scream. "Theo, stop it! Stop it!"

A hole forms in the wall and I hold my hands out. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Just please stop, you're gonna mess up your hands, Theo!"

He stops after I say this and walks back to me, his eyes red like he is holding in tears. "What?"

"I'm sorry. I'm so, so—"

He kneels and sits between my legs. Theo cups my face in his hands, "Don't you ever fucking apologize about that again, you hear me? You have nothing to apologize for."

"But you're mad at me."

He sighs and presses a small kiss to my lips.

"I'm not mad at you. I'm mad someone could do such a pathetic and disgusting thing to a woman as precious as you. I'm mad because I failed you. I'm mad because I was so fucking stupid not to see you were hurting. The way I treated you, Lily. I'm no better than her."

My heart hurts at how much he thinks this is his fault. I rest my forehead against his and hold his face. "Oh, Muffin. What do I have to say to get you to understand none of this is your fault? In fact, you're the one that made me realize what she was doing was wrong. It's not your fault, okay?"

I smile softly and he nods, but I know he still thinks it is. He stands up, "Go take a shower, put on that night gown you always wear and we'll watch your favorite movie, alright?"

"Okay." I reply, standing up. He helps me to the shower and kisses my temple before shutting the bathroom door.

Removing my clothes, I don't look at myself in the mirror. I didn't want to see my body. I was ashamed of it. Embarrassed. All the scars, stress marks. It made me want to curl up into a ball and go to sleep, hoping to never wake up again.

I turn the water on, making it just the right amount of hot. I step into the shower and begin cleaning myself. But as I do so, and the steam begins to rise, I start to feel trapped. It starts to become hard to breathe and my vision disfigures. I start to feel dizzy and shut my eyes, but all I see is mama. She stands over me with the belt, a smile on her face every time I shut my eyes. I open them again and there she stands in front of me.

"You can't escape me, little girl." She whispers, coming towards me with the belt and I scream.

I back up against the shower wall, and as she comes closer, I slip. Tears stream down my face as I curl up into a ball. "I'm sorry!"

"Lily!" I hear Theo shout and rub my eyes, trying to see him. Mama disappears and my vision returns to normal. I realize it is Theo standing in front of me.

He shuts the shower off and his clothes damp and steam surrounding him. He sits next to me. Theo wraps his arm around me and rocks me side to side, the same way I do to him. "I'm here, baby. I'm here." He whispers, resting his chin on my head.

I rub his swollen knuckles as I calm down. I take slow breaths until my breathing returns to normal. After a moment, I try to get up. "I know you don't like hugs, Muffin, so I'll be on my w-"

He sits me back down. "Fuck that. You can goddamn hug me whenever you feel like it. Even if you just want to hold my hand, I'll do it happily."

I smile and rest my head on his shoulder. "Thank you." I whisper back.

Muffin lifts my chin, making me stare up at him. "And I'll do everything in my power to protect from now on. I promise that to you until the day I die, Lily." He says and kisses my forehead before turning back around.