17 decembre 1803
Roma, Italia

Dearest Journal-Friend,

The darkness grows longer and the air grows both sombre and cheerful at the same time. It is my favourite time of year, the coming of Christmas, and yet it is a bittersweet time. It is not my birthday, but the season during which I became what I am now. It is approaching the time of my second birth. I never know if this is something I am meant to celebrate or mourn, and so I always feel I am doing both. Lucretia tells me I am still young enough to remember my last year of my existence and so I fear the end of the festivities shall culminate in my death.

She is not wrong. Something in the air is different, a heaviness and suspicion that should not linger moves in the air. It controls everything, and soon, nothing shall be the same. We all have different gifts, or at least that is what Lucretia has taught. Mine is my charm and my mind. I have never been of any impressive intellect or scholarship, nor was such ever encouraged by any but Maman, who did not wish a stupid daughter in the Court of Versailles.

She looked at La Reine, and though to speak her thoughts aloud were treason, I always could tell she thought little of a woman who allowed herself to be a pawn for the amusement of men. It was not what her mother, the great Reine Marie-Terese, admired in women. Our La Reine grew so idle she had little to do but concentrate upon frivolity. This boredom became her downfall. Maman, she could see that it would, even before it did. Maman did not wish me to grow to be a vain and frivolous woman. Such creatures do not survive.

I was always a bit of both, even before my second birth, and education bored me. What is the point when one is born into a world destined to murder itself. After the change, I was meant to be both, but I have found other talents. My intelligence is something different than what is taught in books. I look at faces and see thoughts and feelings. I close my eyes, and my visions whisper secrets. I see the burdens others carry, I know when it is correct to bide time and when it is right to make a move. I grow more powerful, more wealthy, and more admired for this trait.

Since my rebirth, frivolity is not my heart but my masque, a vivaciousness akin to charm and seduction. Beneath the masque, I am always watching. I can hear the voices of those around me even when they do not speak. I never sleep, but when I close my eyes, I can see the entirety of the Universe. I travel through what feels like a confusing maze of spiderwebs to watch others as they dream.

I am told that one day, I shall become powerful enough to show myself in these dreams, and then to control them. I can use them to summon, I can use them to torment, or I can use them to bring great pleasure and make certain one cannot stop thinking of me. When Eleni is not so prudish and naive, Lucretia murmured to Henri, she shall rule the world.

I do not desire to rule the world, only to enjoy it and profit from it. I know when I see Henri and Lucretia, I am looking at love and that makes me envious. She has promised I shall have two footmen enthralled by her and trustworthy enough should I ever need to leave, but the exchange is that Henri shall no longer be my knight in shining armour. I should have died yet again if not for him, but she has given him the closest bond an immortal can share with a human. I do not doubt he shall become like us one day, for Lucretia is the sort of woman who does not love often and will not have love taken from her.

I desire to have what is mine returned to me, although nothing shall bring back Maman, Papa, the Court, or my children. Letters still fly around the globe and rumours fly around Rome about the destruction of the rebel Bonaparte and restoration of the Bourbon throne and the Papal supremacy. The Cardinales and Bishops, even the Pope himself, bow and modestly state it is God who is King, yet I know their hearts. They want their power, their riches, their authority restored to them and the world made right. They wish exactly what I do, and though they hide ambition behind a Bible and I clutch a masque of frivolity, we are the same.

I grow less naive in understanding this is why they brought me here, why they saw a life worth saving and a young woman deserving of mercy. Ambition is alluring when it comes from a potential ally. Marriage to a Catholic noble is all that will save me and even one just like me. Of course they must have known. Neither Antonio nor I are so bright as to have fooled everyone, and to keep fooling them for years to come--yet this is our task.

Sometimes I think no one here fools anyone much. Since I have become a spy for the Cardinale, I have noticed the others who are the same, the ones who watch and notice too closely . I know I must be careful, about everything. My life is perfectly choreographed, and it is exhausting. Yet, I know  it is little different than what would have been had there never been revolution, and my family still found home within the Court. Lives woven around formality and duplicitous schemes leaves one old before her time. It is a good thing my beauty shall not be marred by age or beauty.

I have been carrying on an affair with Duc Orlando. At first, I was concerned about being discovered by Madame de Roussel and how she might threaten or blackmail me. Yet, she took my husband and so why should I not have hers? Orlando treats me as if I am a lady and not a mistress, gives me the love and attention he should give his own wife, had he been given one worthy of him. It is not our fault my brother and I were mismatched with our French brides, Orlando often tells me in a teasing voice. It is less an affair and more of an exchange. I did not like this statement. It reminds me that no matter how a woman may grow in power and esteem, here, she is still a woman and women are property.

I did not endure what I have endured to be any man's property, nor his whore, but I keep the smile on my face and make him believe he is my saviour. In some ways, he is, for I should be dreadfully alone without him. He does give me some comfort, and I offer him pleasure and companionship, much as any devoted wife would do. My own husband is rarely in our quarters and I've grown from love to hate to complete indifference so quickly.

It is a lesson for me, perhaps. I shall not find a companion in life that is my own kind, for who would want to be sentenced to immortality with one person? Humans can barely endure a few decades of fidelity, something so well-known that few even try anymore.

I sometimes forget I am not to love him, but to watch him and the Frenchwoman who would have been my rival in Versailles and is so now. I have made certain things of his go missing. Rings, cuff links, time pieces, and even perfumes and oils belonging to his wife. I have been waiting for servants to be fired, and meanwhile, I hide in my wardrobe, stitching the items into my gowns the same way I did my own valuables. These pieces are put in trunks and sent to Lucretia and Henri. They are the ones, after all, who first taught me about profiteering, thievery, and wealth that endures.

Cleverness is an antidote to poverty.

Women take notice when clothes and jewels disappear, and that is next. Truly, it is Madame de Roussel's large collection of cosmetics that intrigues me. Orlando laughs and says she is a vain woman, one who must try very hard for the kind of beauty gifted me. I know it is more than that. She is a witch, and as soon as vials of things such as Belladonna are not where she left them, she shall know someone close to her is worse than a thief.

Someone close to her shall be her undoing, and I wonder just how far she will go when backed into a corner. Perhaps it is a well-deserved lesson that those with too many secrets should play games with lesser opponents.

After three trunks of gowns went missing, I declared to Antonio I was dreadfully unhappy with my wardrobe and had donated my old pieces to charity. I told him I wished to dress not as a refugee but as a titled Italian woman should, and this pleased him immensely. New gowns are being made to replace the old. Little does he know I care only for what cannot be replaced, and he knows so little of me to not even notice what any of those things are.

Any of the eyes who watch one another would say I am busy preparing and perhaps scheming. Of course I am doing so, but they are foolish if they have no such plans of their own. A world built on such a foundation of distrust while we all co-exist quietly, waiting for the day we shall work together and take back Europe--it is a world doomed to destroy itself before it ever has the chance to rise.

If we have a prayer of restoration and redemption, we must learn from our failures. We must learn from the failures of our enemies. We must strive for balance in all.

Yours in affection and great worry,

Eleni

November 21st, 2015
Aubrey Parish, Louisiana

Azzie's eyes blink a few times, the hum of silence and the line between here and there that the petite redhead knows too well the only sound in the room.

"Could you rescue her?" Azzie's eyes dart around the room, almost panic-stricken.

"Do you mean Alisaundra? She is alive, but it's touch and go, Azzie. Head injuries are serious and sometimes, we can't catch complications as fast as we'd like.We can only guess if she'll wake up, or what she'll be like when she does.

"No. Not her." Azzie's voice is soft, and her head lies on the pillow, a look of defeat on her face.

"Don't worry, okay? You've got some visitors to see you today, but before that happens, the Sheriff wants to talk to you. Are you feeling strong enough for that?" Sophia's voice holds an unusual note of patience and kindness that makes Azzie worry.

She looks at her arms, noticing an IV and a piece of taped-on gauze that were not usually there.

"What happened to me, Sophia? You can tell me. Am I sick?" Azzie's face is almost childlike, but her lips press together in a stoic line. She has the same look common among the hospital staff. After a while, enough loss and grief is greeted with simple acceptance.

"No, it's nothing like that. You're a healthy young woman, but you collapsed and gave us a scare. It turns out you haven't been sleeping or eating much, and your boyfriend says the two of you walk miles every day."

"That's for Mr. Grimm, not me. He needs the exercise." She refuses to explain to Sophia, who'd never understand, that the city needs a Watchkeeper. "It doesn't work anyway. Dino introduced me to Italian food, and now my clothes don't fit like they used to." She sighs, closing her eyes.

Sophia pats Azzie's hand, and stands up, moving to push a large cart from Alisaundra's side of the room. Azzie bolts  upright, her face one of alarm. "What is that?"

Sophia's smile doesn't make Azzie feel better at all. "Azzie, I think you've been trying to tell me about a problem you've been having. The Sheriff and I , we didn't understand, but now we do. I want to show you something."

Azzie squeezes her eyes tight as something cold makes her whole body freeze, and she shivers. "Sorry, I know, that can be cold. Open your eyes, though."

"Your voice sounds happy."  Azzie looks at Sophia with curiosity, and then down at her stomach, which appears to be covered with blood. She doesn't scream, but looks absolutely petrified. "Sophia, help. Something scary is happening. I'm bleeding."

"No, Azzie. That's gel, to help us see a picture. I'm just going to show you a picture. It doesn't hurt, I promise." Sophia squeezes her hand. "This is called an ultrasound. It lets us see when something inside you isn't exactly the way it should be. Look at the screen."

Azzie is quiet, still shaking as a wand moves over her, but her eyes stay on the screen. "This, Azzie, is the extra soul you've been asking us to help. You're going to have a baby, about five months from now, if that's what you decide you want to do." It's clear from Sophia's face that she has no idea whether Azzie is going to cry or smile, so she puts a box of tissues next to Azzie.

Azzie just stares at the monitor. "Did you help her?"

Sophia's face is puzzled. "Azzie, why do you keep calling the baby "her" and how do you know she needs help? Did you see another doctor?"

Azzie shakes her head. "I just know things. I feel them. No one believes me when I try to explain, so I don't." The tears well up in her eyes, and she reaches for a tissue. Sophia's exhale sounds relieved at seeing an understandably appropriate emotion. "She was crying for help. People think you're crazy if you say things like that."

The nurse chuckles. "Well, some do. Around here, we just call it being empathic. We have some doctors who can just put a hand on the patient and immediately find what's wrong. They say the same thing you say. They just know."

Azzie perks up a little. "So I helped her?"

Sophia puts the ultrasound down, and starts to clean the gel from Azzie. "Yes. Sometimes when young ladies are very small, there's not a lot of room for a baby to grow. If you don't eat enough, the baby is very hungry and no one can even tell by looking that you're expecting. We see it a lot with girls like you, who may not have a big round belly until eight months along." 

Sophia smiles, and says, "We're giving you extra nutrients and you're going to have to rest a little more. This is why you fainted. It's good news, Azzie. Both you and the baby are healthy. You both need food and vitamins, and I'm afraid milkshakes do not count."

"Everyone likes milkshakes." Azzie replies, her face almost in shock.

The nurse leans down and whispers, "If you're planning to marry that handsome young man pacing outside your door, you may want to do it sooner rather than later. You'll want to fit in a pretty white dress."

Azzie doesn't cry. Instead, she throws her arms around an immediately panic-stricken Sophia and begins to sob, her entire body crumbling from the weight of the world placed on such small shoulders.

The redhead's sobs continue while the nurse's face looks like it is scanning a database for the right thing to say, after choosing the least comforting one. "Azzie, please don't cry. You're hardly the first girl in this town to be in this situation, and Lord knows you won't be the last. It'll all work out. It always does."

"No, it won't." Azzie flips over, moving away from Sophia. Her sniffles are hidden by the pillow. "This is me not talking about this anymore."

Azzie fortunately doesn't see the smile that moves over Sophia's face. Even in the most adult of situations, there is a sweetness and innocence about the girl that makes it hard to see her as a responsible adult. Despite that, Azzie has spent her life taking care of the world.

Sophia knows  the spirited redhead's world revolves around caring for a helpless 96-year-old and a man who chose to detach from reality to keep his sanity. Sophia sighs,hoping Azzie won't see a baby as punishment for trying to find a sliver of happiness for herself.

The girl changes her mind, and starts talking. "I love him and he's not going to want me anymore. The only people I ever let near me were people who depended on me. I wanted to be alone. I don't want that anymore." Azzie's voice is filled with regret, and almost mournful.

Sophia's mouth opens and closes a few times. There are no comforting words that come out, but neither do the wrong ones. "You're never going to be alone. I promise. I'm going to send in the Sheriff now, because he cares about you a lot, Azzie. Everyone in this town cares and likes you, you know. That makes you never alone."

That isn't what I mean, Azzie thinks to herself. No one ever understands what I mean.

Azzie is still and silent, though her shape is as still and silent as Alisaundra's in the bed next to her. She knows it is wrong to be envious of a soul that is trapped, but for a few moments, Azzie is. When you aren't awake, no one expects you to decide or explain anything.

People just bring flowers.

Colton Ormond had reached his breaking point, tired of the tragedy and grief and secrets that haunted the Parish.

Technically, he'd reached it the previous night, when he'd run after the man-child rocker who deserved a taste of his own medicine. Once upon a time, Colton might have been the kind of man who'd deliver it, but he had fifteen years and fifty pounds on the half-crazed man. Time had a way of slowing everything down, even the Sheriff.

All Colton wanted was one chance to bash Scott's head against the pavement, but karma intervened and saved his career and his reputation.

It was either karma, or too many donuts. It was not a myth that a Sheriff liked donuts, and also pie. Occasionally, he even enjoyed cake.

Needless to say, he could not outrun an adrenaline-fueled career alcoholic with an anger management problem. Colton had given it a try, at least. He would have kept hunting the Parish for the man if not for the call about Azzie.

Love trumps hate every time. There is nothing the tired Sheriff won't do to help Azzie. There is something special about the pixie-like girl, something not everyone sees or understands, but Colton does.

He loves and cares for Azzie like she is his own daughter. The news that she is in trouble rocks him to his very core.

Colton isn't the only one. The New York Mafia boy with the limited vocabulary sits outside her door, his hands in his head.

"They won't even fuckin' tell me what the fuck happened to her. I'm not allowed to see her on account of I'm not family." When Dino raises his head, Colton can see the red-rimmed eyes the boy tries to hide by slamming a fist into the wall. "I say fuck them and all their rules. She's my family and I want to be in the fuckin' room when she needs me."

Colton can see the struggle inside Dino. Another fifteen years with whatever he was clearly running from, and he'd end up the kind of man who chugs bottles of whiskey and beats the life out of innocent young girls. Instead, Dino is here, wanting to be the kind of person no one ever taught him to be.

It gives Colton a kind of hope that one day, maybe when he's long gone, the world will be better.

The Sheriff knows it's Azzie who is teaching him. The two of them are a good pair, he thinks. They're kids who had to grow up too soon. Neither one remembers they're not here to save the world. They don't know how, but they're going to try.

It seems like enough.

"I don't even know why the fuck I want to see her. Maybe she's family, but she's like all my family, a fuckin' lying bitch who is just using me 'cause her kid needs a baby daddy. That kid ain't fuckin' mine, that's for sure. What the fuck do I want with her and some other asshole's mistake?"

The words are venomous enough to send Colton back in to the mental space of needing to beat the life out of someone. Dino isn't that someone , though. The tears that he tries to hide by putting on a pair of sunglasses says everything Colton needs to know about Dino.

Instead of grabbing him by the throat and pinning him against the wall as he'd done to Scott last night, the Sheriff moves a chair over to Dino for a face-to-face chat.

"Boy, you're gonna listen to me, and listen well and good. When you talk about that girl in there, no matter what you decide to do about that situation, you use the kind of language and respect you'd use talkin' to her old man." Colton's voice is stern, the one he uses to put the fear of Brian's God into the boy. He figures what works for the Deputy will work on this little punk.

"Her daddy wasn't ever one, so when it comes to people standin' for her, I'm all she's got. If I ever hear you use words like that about that girl, you're gonna have a world of problems more than you already got. Is that clear? And take off those dumb sunglasses, 'cause they ain't foolin' no one."

Surprisingly, there's no string of curse words from Dino, and he takes off the sunglasses. A hand moves over his red-rimmed eyes.

Colton studies Dino, and sighs a bit. "Good. Now that we're understandin' each other when it comes to Azzie, I'll tell you somethin' I learned about life along the way. I was right about your age when I met a girl, beautiful little thing with a whip-smart mind who didn't take sass from no one. She's a lot like Azzie."

The Sheriff pauses with a smile, reflecting. "I was stupid in the way all boys are stupid when they think they're men, but really, ain't got the faintest clue. I loved her but never saw myself the settlin' type. I wasn't about to be someone's husband, or have little ones callin' me their daddy. She wanted the kind of man who was that." 

Dino's tears and anger fade. Instead, his face shows interest in the story. "So what happened?" 

Colton feels tears of his own prick at the back of his eyes. "I let her go. She got knocked up by some nice guy and felt guilty enough to marry him. She has a son just a few years younger than you, probably reminds you of your own Mama back home. " 

The Sheriff toys with the rubber piece on the end of the sunglasses. "I should've moved on, but I loved her more than anything in the world. She didn't love her husband. Turns out, he wasn't nice as he seemed. I was happy just to be in her life, for comfort and companionship. I was happy she needed me. It never felt like near enough, though." 

Dino expression drops into a mix of anger and sadness. "So you're fuckin'--sorry--you're freakin' trying to say I should leave Azzie alone so she can have what she wants? I should just be happy to be in her life at all?" 

Colton chuckles. "Boy, that's what's I'm tellin' you not to do. When you love someone, you don't leave 'em behind 'cause they got baggage or you think you can do better. Damned if I don't still love that woman every day of my life, but even when her husband died, I never done right by her. "

He turns away from Dino, fighting to keep the emotion out of his voice. "Either she fuckin' cheated or she lied. Maybe she's doing both right this minute. That's not the girl I thought I knew and loved. What am I supposed to do about that? I'm just supposed to tell her it's okay and pretend nothin' changes now?"

Colton's eyes are misty. "Neither one of you got the slightest clue who you are. You know, that part actually makes me feel good. It means despite everything  life put you through, you came out normal." He smiles,  his words comforting under the toughness.

"Maybe she's just a scared little girl in trouble who wanted to pretend as long as she could. Unless you don't got secrets and lies of your own, that's exactly what you do. You tell her it's all gonna be okay."  Colton thinks of Azzie, alone in her hospital bed. It won't be too long until he's here with Zia, asking someone he barely knows how to get through.

"Life ain't forever. Love might not have an expiration date, but we all sure as hell do. I look after my Zia and her boy like they're mine, but they ain't. That ship sailed long ago." The Sheriff's arms fold around his body protectively. "I never told her she was my real dream. Everyone thinks there's time to decide later. Turns out, later is now before you can blink. I never did put a ring on Zia's finger like I should have done at the start, and she ain't never let me since. It's easy to make excuses and say it's complicated, but it ain't. In the end, love's real simple." 

The Sheriff stands up, wiping his own eyes and tossing the sunglasses back to the boy. "It's too late for the likes of me, but it ain't for you and Azzie. Don't miss out on the person who's here to change your life because she screwed up somehow before she even knew you existed. There's gonna be a lifetime of fuck-ups, but Azzie's a good girl. I think you're a young man who knows what's right. It's your time to decide what kind of man you're gonna be."

Colton looks down the white, empty hallway. His eyes linger on Dino pointedly before moving to the nurses' station.

"Wait!" Dino's voice echoes through the hallway. Quiet is not a concept the New Yorker has come close to mastering.

"Why the f---I mean, why you gotta say that, that it's too late for you? You can't be older than my Pops. Why don't you make it right?" Dino's face looks almost angry, like a child who's been told a fairy tale with no happily ever after.

Colton moves back to Dino, and pats his shoulder. "Son, it's like I said. Life ain't forever. That lovely lady of mine---well, she's dyin'. It's goin' to be real soon, at that. It's as close to too late as it gets."

Sophia comes out of Azzie's room, and Colton radiates sadness. "I'm goin' to see Azzie now. She don't deserve to feel alone with this. Learn from the mistakes of those who were once as dumb as you kids and probably still are. Life ain't a guarantee, and love don't come with endless chances."

Dino hurriedly puts the sunglasses back on before sitting back in his chair. He looks like a man whose world has been put in a tailspin. "I fuckin' hate that story. I hate it. I want it to all work out."

The New Yorker's angry, empty voice echoes in the hall. "Just one time, there's got to be one fuckin' person it works out for."

Fortunately, Colton either doesn't hear him, or simply has no reply.

Azzie is busy staring up at the ceiling when Colton comes into the room. She doesn't turn her face. Instead, she notices the butterflies painted on the ceiling above her bed. It's an odd place for anyone to have painted them and there's no particular reason for the vibrantly colored flock to be there. For a moment, a half-smile touches the corner of her lips. 

Someone wanted to be remembered, she thinks to herself. Whoever you are, I remember you.

Colton clears his throat gently to let the girl know he is in the room. "Mornin', Miss Azzie. Sophia told me you didn't mind havin' a visitor and you gave us all a right scare last night. I wanted to see if you were okay."

When Azzie doesn't respond, he walks over to the side of the bed facing Alisaundra. For a minute, the weight of the room and the tragedy of lost innocence made his head spin. The events of the past month remind the aging Sheriff he doesn't have another few decades of the job in him. Yet, once Zia's gone, he won't have much else.

Azzie's guilt-ridden, tear-stained face gives him something to hold on to. She is hope. 

His knees creak a little as he sits in the too-low visitor's chair that allows him to see the haunted black eyes peeking out from pale skin that had turned pink and puffy. He couldn't remember the last time he'd seen Azzie cry, but he didn't like it.

Colton awkwardly clears his throat again. "Look, Azzie, I know this is the kind of situation a girl usually chats about with her Mama. Life ain't fair much, so I'm what you got." He chuckles, trying to diffuse the severe level of discomfort rising in him.

"I don't want to talk. I said people could see me. I didn't say I felt like talking." Azzie's voice is small but firm through sniffles, and she clutches the Kleenex box Sophia gave her.

He fidgets and sighs a little. For a man who doesn't have family, there is irony in Colton trying to explain life to one who insists on being a priest to piss off his Mama, and another who'd gotten herself in trouble and won't say how.

"I know, Azzie, but you can't pretend you don't got a problem. It looks to me like that's what you been doin' so far, and it didn't help nothin'. You still got the same problem."

Azzie's eyes look at him sullenly, reminding the Sheriff how old she really is. "It ain't an unusual problem. In fact, it's one that comes up pretty often for girls your age, Az. There are solutions to the problem, but pretendin' it don't exist ain't one, okay?"

She buries her face in the pillow. "I don't want to talk about it anymore. Why can't people leave me alone?"

Colton examines his fingernails, wishing Azzie would make it easier on him. "Well, one of the big reasons is because right now you got some choices. If you wait, doctors can't help you with takin' care of your problem anymore. You know, if that's the kind of choice you want to be makin'."

His faces flushes a bright red as he speaks. Azzie turns a little, red-rimmed eyes glowering at the Sheriff.  Her reply was simple.

"No."

He nods his head, slightly relieved. He didn't know how to help a girl through that kind of thing. "There are always plenty of couples who want babies, but can't seem to get 'em the usual way. We can help you with that, Azzie."

Azzie's arms fold around herself protectively. "I already said no. I'm not stupid. I know what people do. I'm just saying no."

Colton smiles at the firm resolve in her voice. Even though her face is a picture of a lost, haunted girl, the fire that makes Azzie who she is never wavers. "It sounds like you been thinkin' this through. That's good, Azzie, real good news. You got a lot of people who care about you and this could turn out to be a real good thing."

The sullen look returns to her face and her lips press together. "Azzie, I know you're worryin' on account of not bein' married and too far along for the daddy to be that boy in the hallway. I wouldn't spend too much time on what people think. You were engaged to a sweet boy and even though that didn't work out, these things happen."

Azzie jolts upright. "It's not what people think that's the problem. Dino will hate me now and that just makes me want to die. Keegan will hear about this and he'd marry me just to save face and let everyone think it's his. That makes me want to die even more."

Colton looks befuddled. "Azzie, were you steppin' out on that boy from Mudbugs? Is that what you mean by him savin' face?"

When she doesn't answer, Colton says gently, "Azzie, even if that's true, it don't mean that boy ain't your baby's father. You got to have a paternity test done so whoever got you in this trouble can take care of you."

This time, Azzie sits straight up and a box of tissues goes flying at Colton, causing him to duck. "NO! No, no, no, no, no. How many times do I have to say what I want before people hear me? Just leave me be. That means I'm done talking about this and you go away."

Colton stares in frustration as Azzie turns her back to him and lies down again so she can't see him. He is glad Zia didn't have daughters. "Azzie, a man has a right to know when he's got a kid out there. You may not love Keegan, but you gotta do right by him. His life ain't been any easier than yours."

As he speaks, his face looks as if lightbulbs are clicking on in his head, illuminating one by one. "Azzie, I've been spendin' a good amount of time lately lookin' into an old case. It is a sad story most people 'round this place forgot by now, but I know you haven't. Turns out, everyone is rememberin' on account of Victor bein' dead and gone. I ain't never asked you what you know and think."

It's hard for Azzie to resist the intrigue of the story, and she is quiet while Colton talks.

"A pretty little thing named Ava got herself murdered years ago and we never could prove who was behind that. It's a shame, because she was the love of Keegan's life, before you. I figured you might know somethin' about all that. If there's one thing you know about, Az, it's takin' care of people." Colton tries to coax a smile from the girl.

The sullen movement has less anger as Azzie moves to face Colton. "You're wrong again. She wasn't the love of his life before me. She's just the love of his life, in the present tense." 

A bitter look crosses Azzie's face. "Do you have any idea what it's like to know you're so unattractive, someone would rather have a dead girl than you? I hate her and I wish everyone would forget her. That way, I'd finally be happy. "

The Sheriff isn't quite prepared for the response from the gentle-spirited Azzie, but puts a hand on hers. He'd like to blame her for being a selfish child. The truth is, he understands how she feels. "That's why you didn't go through with marryin' him. It never was because he was jealous or you had another gentleman on the side. He was the one with someone else."

When Azzie doesn't say anything, Colton looks at her gently. "It's why Keegan's probably not the father."

Tears start to pool in Azzie's eyes. "It's why he definitely isn't. He couldn't...not with me. He tried and said he wanted to, but then cried and apologised. He didn't apologise to me. He apologised to her. I couldn't stay after that. He acted like I'm worth less thought than a ghost."

Colton's eyes close tight. He feels his heart break for Azzie. "You're a beautiful, wonderful girl. Az, any man would be lucky to have you. That boy at Mudbugs is a good young man. It's just that losin' Ava broke him."

The Sheriff feels Azzie's silent glare and knows he's pushing a delicate topic. "Sometimes, you want somethin' you ain't ready for, and that somethin' was you. I remember you bein' the same way as a girl, Az. Losing your family broke you, but time healed the wounds. Maybe it's the same for him. Only time will tell."

Azzie's tears keep flowing. "Everyone cares what happened to Ava and how much of a tragedy it was. It's like they all forgot that she chose. She came into town and chose to be Victor's new project. Even I know what happens with those people, so why should we feel sorry for her?"

The redhead's tone is almost cruel as she wipes her tears away. "She was my age, you know, maybe like a year younger. Ava was twenty-one for longer than anyone in history. She was a liar and a slut who played men and used Keegan, not some saint. She deserved her fate like I deserve mine."

Compassion for Azzie falls off of Colton's face. Instead, he flushes red with anger. "Azalea Rose Parker, you got a world of growin' to do. That girl was a sweet, quiet thing who deserved better. Why do you think Keegan loves her?"

Colton winces at the words as soon as they escape. His point came out in the most hurtful way possible. "She's so much like you, Azzie. When I think of Ava, I imagine what might've happened to you. It breaks my heart. You can hate her all you want for stealing Keegan's heart. No one blames you that gettin' involved with that boy hurt you. One thing I never want to hear is you thinkin' she deserved an ending like that."

Azzie's tears stop and her face turns cold. "You're like everyone else. You don't see what's plain as day. If you knew she was so much like me, why didn't you know he'd come for me?"

Colton feels his head jolt like Azzie's hand had slapped him. Her words are whispered, but have venom behind them. He knows it's the pain of someone who silently stores a lifetime of betrayals and abandonment. "Why did you let her suffer and then pass him on to the next girl? Everyone pretends they don't see a thing and then they cry about how tragic things are."

Black eyes stare with a frightening anger that look to Colton as if they might light the room on fire. "Did everyone think he'd stop when she died? I'm not supposed to hate her for dying and ruining my life over and over? If she hadn't died, he never would have found me."

The Sheriff feels a need to slump against the wall as Azzie's angry confession goes on and on. He can only think of the way the pretty little redhead never went on dates, never went out with friends, never bought a beautiful dress for school dances. She never got to be a child, but Colton always thought it was natural, surviving tragedy the way she did.

Her face is almost emotionless as she goes on. "He wouldn't have needed a replacement the same way Keegan did. I wouldn't have been punished for not being as beautiful and sweet and perfect as she was every day of my life. I wouldn't have this problem."

Colton struggles to contain himself. The meaning of the words that come from Azzie's lips are the kind of shock a person can't prepare for. "Azzie, if you ever told me someone hurt you---" He trails off, thinking of every terrible thing he wants to do to the man who'd exploited a vulnerable girl who already knew life's dark side.

"All you had to do was come to me. I'd have beat the daylights out of him myself. He'd have died in jail." Almost instinctively, his eyes move to the motionless Alisaundra.

Wake up, Ali. Colton silently pleads with her. There has to be justice for someone.

Azzie doesn't answer. Her face is busy pretending the world doesn't exist. "How...long, Azzie? When did he start botherin' you?"

"Seven years, almost. It wasn't long after she was gone." Azzie lifts her head, a kind of pride in her red-rimmed eyes and the deep circles surrounding them.

"It's not like you think. I'm no different from Ava. I could have said no and I didn't.After the first few times you don't say no, it's not an option anymore. It's just how life is." The redhead shrugs with an indifference made to protect her.

The Sheriff is aware of things churning around in his stomach and the feeling of impotent rage that consumes him. "He was the worst kind of predator, Azzie. He was the kind who made innocent young girls believe they chose what he did to them. It isn't your fault. It isn't Ava's, or anyone else's."

The lump in his throat starts to hurt. "If you want to blame anyone, blame me. He was a criminal, Azzie, and he pulled the wool over my eyes."

Azzie tears the IV out of her arm, looking at him blankly and wrapping the sheet around it to stop the blood. "It doesn't matter and it never happened. Get out. I want you to get out and forget me. I don't need more people pretending they care what happens to me. It's just me and Mr. Grimm and Damon and that's enough"

Her arm bleeding, Azzie throws herself on the bed, curling up like a child. Her hand moves over her stomach, and she whispers, almost to herself. "What if I hate you too?"

Colton stands perfectly still, wave after wave of shock and anger and sadness overwhelming him. Azzie's black eyes are full of painful indifference that focus on the Sheriff until he moves out of the room.

"I couldn't forget you if I tried, Azalea Rose Parker. If you think I'm gonna be leavin' your side over this, you don't know me much. I can't fix the past, Azzie, but I sure as hell am there for the future."

The door closes, and Azzie's face disappears into the pillow.

Tears prick like a hundred needles behind Colton's eyes as he feels his legs wobble over to Sophia. "Azzie pulled her IV out. I'm pretty sure she's needin' some kind of sedative before she hurts herself. "

He didn't see the shadow of worry on Sophia's face. "Azzie knows how to put in an IV and how to take one out. She shouldn't be hurt. What happened?"

Colton shakes his head. "It don't matter. There ain't nothin' to be done about it. Just go take care of her. She needs someone to look after her and it probably shouldn't be a man, even though that's all she's got in her life."

Sophia's eyes lower along with her voice. "Was she assaulted? It's not too late for her--"

Time stands still for a minute and Colton feels as if his jaw has frozen into place. "She's made up her mind enough to know she's keepin' it. She's traumatised but ain't the type to cry about her feelings to some stranger askin' who hurt her."

A spark of pain flies through his eyes, exhausted by the worst day he could imagine. "Spare her all that survivor mumbo-jumbo, okay? Azzie ain't one for that. She's been through it all before."

Sophia nods, the look on her face almost fearful. Emotion wasn't what she was here for, but she didn't want to damage a young woman. "Who in the world would hurt Azzie? She looks like she's still a girl."

Colton stares blankly in response. "That's the problem, I reckon. I'd bet my life that baby is Victor Zenkova's. Ain't no need for anyone to be knowin' that, given what he was. Let Azzie start over in peace."

The Sheriff is in a hurry, leaving but he stops and grabs Dino's arm on the way out. "You want to know what it is to be a man? You marry that girl and raise that kid like your own. She's been to Hell and back, more than once."

Dino interrupts. "Did she say who--?"

Colton puts his hand up to stop Dino's words. "It don't make a difference. Show her the mercy of not askin'. Every man she ever met either hurt her or is her burden. You be the one who sticks around. Show that girl there's somethin' better in life than what the two of you seen so far. It means you got to learn it yourself first. That's what it is to be a man."

The Sheriff barely makes it outside and into a quiet cluster of trees before he falls to his knees, hands gripping his heart. The knowledge that he failed to protect one girl from a predator with a charismatic smile keeps him awake at night.

The knowledge he'd failed to protect two would haunt him for the rest of his days.

"I'm sorry, Azzie." Colton whispers out loud, with only the trees to hear him.  "I'm sorry I let you down, but I won't leave you. I promise I won't ever leave you."

He stayed with the trees for what felt like an hour, crying for the little pixie who was like a daughter to him. Colton knew she'd be okay. Azzie is a tough cookie, the difference between her and Ava that even she didn't see in herself yet. Ava never had much fight in her, but Azzie is a different kind of creature.

It's enough to reassure the tired, aging man that Azzie's life would be a happy one.

Maybe Colton just needs to believe it.

It isn't until the phone rings and Brian's name lights up that the Sheriff pushes to his feet. Much as he'd have liked it to, the Parish didn't stop to shed tears for anyone.