Yoongi-OCD 2

Trigger Warning; Dark thoughts (Depression), self harm

Attention!! This will be one of the few chapters I talk about depression in, so please please read with caution.

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The next chapter of this book will be a request, not and OCD chapter. Just in case you were expecting something else haha, also.... I'm kinda sad because the book emojis there are only four.. And this is more than likely going to be a 6 part series.. I wanted to use a book color per chapter lmao (I already have all the chapters planned out so umm, also I am not merging them unless I have to.)

But let's start the story why don't we?

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"I need more, Hoseok. You you don't understand understand. I need more.."

"No Yoongi, it's not safe. We are going to get you help okay?"

"This is help, it's it's from the doctor. So it's supposed to to be good good."

"Yoongi, just because it's from the doctor doesn't mean you should take more than needed."

"I I need to to.. It's just just. It makes me feel better, and I I just want to feel feel better.."

His eyes loose contact with Hoseok's, now trailing off staring at the lamp on the end table beside the two. He pats his hand against his thigh, tapping it to a smooth rhythm. All the way up to 21. One more Yoongi, you know what will happen if you don't. So he does one more, and doesn't do anymore.

"I know baby, I know." Yoongi looks up again at Hoseok, nodding his head. Tears start to form in both of the boys eyes, Hoseok's looking more ready to fall than the older rappers'. Yoongi sheds a tear, but Hoseok stays tear free. The sunshine of the group, takes Yoongi in placing his head gently against his own chest. He grabs Yoongi's hand brushing his thumb against it, careful not to startle him more. The poor thing.

"You're okay. I'm okay. We're okay baby, okay?"

"No, you you not okay... So I- Yoongi protect you you."

"No shhhh- Yoongi doesn't need to protect me."

"Yes yes.."

The duo sits in complete silence for about 10 minutes before the silence being interrupted by soft snores.

"Cute." Hoseok says softly, careful not to wake up the sleeping one. Hoseok lays Yoongi down on his side, so that now he is comfortably laying on the couch not scrunched up into a little ball.

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Hoseok's Pov

I just don't understand. When I first met Yoongi he was the most content, shy, and unruffled person. Out of all the members, he would be the first person I would come to for emotional problems. If I was feeling down, he would be the one to ruffle my hair and tell me it would be okay. He told me that everything was going to be fine, but now he's the one asking me for reassurance on everything. I just don't understand. I know there's something wrong with the chemical balance in his brain, but I just don't know why it had to pick me. I've seen him at his highest highs and his lowest lows. I've seen every side of him; I've seen his huge gummy smile when he is proud of himself, I've seen him jump up and down because he's excited. I've seen him clap his hands continuously until his hands turn red. I've seen the content sleeping Yoongi, where nothing can bother him.

But I've also seen the other side of him. I've seen him shoot awake from a nightmare. He'd wake up screaming and crying begging to be held. I was always the one to hold him. I would rock him back and forth pressing his head into my chest until the crying would stop. I would treat him like the little brother I never had. Even if he was older than me. I just, I just can't see him suffer. He would have mental breakdowns when he was just walking down the hall. I would hear him counting his steps, he would get 21 and then panic. And he would run down the hall to find me, he would come in running, talking so fast that I couldn't understand a word. He's come in crying and fighting anyone in his path to get to me, it's emotionally draining. Not only for him; but for me too. It's a lot, it's a lot to see your best friend obsess over you and be concerned for you every second of the day.

Then again, what's worse; seeing him like this, or seeing him beg on his knees for his medicine.

I untangle myself from the cuddling ball I was in with Yoongi, kissing his forehead before walking to the corner of the living room. I walked over to a small brown basket filled with blankets. I chose a big grey one, crocheted by Tae's grandma before she passed. Tae keeps it for when he misses her or is in an emotional state, but he's willing to let Yoongi use it if he needs it. Yoongi is absolutely in love with this blanket, I hope when he wakes up without me it will calm him down a bit.

I place a big fluffy couch pillow underneath his head, it's one of my favorites. It's very sot and calming, I put some lavender essential oils on it to help relax me after a stressful day at work. But then again, Yoongi can use it whenever he likes. He looks so precious like this, finally content.

I leave the room after making sure he's comfortable. I head to my room sitting myself on the edge of my bed. I rest my elbows on my legs, my hands holding my face. I feel so down right now I don't even know what to do with myself. I just feel like such a failure, such a mistake. I've done this to him, I made him feel like he has to protect me. I should have been mature enough so that he didn't feel the need to protect me. I should of just quit Bts when I had the chance. At least then I wouldn't have been the one to make Yoongi suffer. There is no way I can show the members how I feel, it's just too much. They can't give their full attention to Yoongi like this.

I keep telling myself, don't do it. Don't do it. It's not worth it, but right now it's so tempting. I could just do it without second thoughts. But I'm having second thoughts, I just want to see the crimson red liquid fall out of my wrists. I want to show myself what I deserve. But around the members, no I can't do that. I can't let Yoongi see especially, he already had his fair share of depression. And if I were to show him mine too, I would be so so selfish.

The urge is so strong.

Tears fall out of my eyes like never before. There are so many tears, I'm pretty sure that they could fill the Pacific Ocean. I feel so bad right now it's not even funny. If I thought no one cared about me I could just leave, I could leave this Earth and no one would care. But people do care and I know that, and I really wish my brain would just see the bigger picture. That every one else sees, that if you just keep going then it will get better. I keep trying to tell myself that, it's like comforting Yoongi. I can't comfort myself, that's just not how it works. But man do I wish I could.

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I cry so loud I just wish no one could hear me, but unfortunately they can. I cry so much that I really wish I could just stop, but every time I think about stopping; the thoughts come back fifty times harder. My brain literally wants me to hurt myself. It wants me to cut million of littler lines on my wrists and never show anyone. I want to see the blood pour out of me, I want to see myself on the ground;dead. I want no one to come and find me, because that will leave them hurt. I don't want to hurt anyone, so I just leave. But I know that if I fall into the trap, it will be even harder to get out. I'm digging my own grave, and I just want to jump right in and burry myself so no one can see me. Our unfortunate reality.

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I walk to my bathroom and stare at myself in the mirror. Disgusting, it's horrific. All I can focus on is the monster staring at me, I almost don't recognize myself. It's not me. I go into my travel bag, finding my razor. The blades look so sharp and so, tempting. I spend a good minute staring at it. I put it down.

Don't.

I have to, it's just so tempting. I pick it up again. I walk to out of my bathroom to go and si on my bed again, this time my back facing the door incase I do get caught. It's so sharp, I can't wait to just drag it across my skin until the crimson blood comes out. I will do it in such neat lines, and I won't stop until I'm satisfied. I will be proud if I don't get caught, and maybe I won't be such a failure.

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Namjoon's Pov

Me, Yoongi and Hoseok were all going to go to the bar later for a little post tour fun. I am so excited and I'm sure Yoongi is as well to just let loose for once, he probably won't have much alcohol, he'll probably just get a little tipsy but it'll be fun. We ordered our own private suite were we could watch Txt preform in Seattle. I am so proud of them, they have come so far and they are working really hard. Even though sometimes I wish Soobin would take a break, he really works hard.

My first mission is to wake Yoongi, he was napping in the living room the last time I saw him which was about an hour ago. Hoseok is probably in his room scrolling through the internet, he loves to research a bunch of various topics. I'll give him a bit more time.

I walk into the living room to exactly what I was thinking I would see; Yoongi passed out on the couch. I walk over to him, he looks so content and peaceful I almost don't want to wake him up. I lightly shake him awake, holding out my hand for him to take. Usually when he first wakes up his OCD isn't bad, he just wants to know where Hoseok is. Then throughout the day he'll check up on him, and if he needs his meds he'll take them. Lately he has been needing them a lot, and we have been hiding them so he doesn't take to many.

"Morning sleepy. You ready to go to the bar?"

"Mhmm.." He slurs out, "Hoseok, where where is he?" He asks this time, sounding more awake.

"His room I think, want to go check on him?"

"Yea yea." And with that he kicks out of his tangled blanket burrito, and throws it across the room, it landing perfectly into the basket of blankets in the corner of the room. He swings his legs off the couch wandering off to Hobi's room. Forgetting to knock we just walk right in.

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"Hoseok? What are you doing in here silly?" Yoongi asks.

Hoseok turns around, holding a razor his hands are stained with a line of blood. At least that's what it looks like. I'm shocked, I run over to him, as Yoongi just stares.

"Why?"

"I-I-I-I ha-had to..."

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Hello! That's chapter two, hehe. I low key love knowing what's going to happen and no one else does. It's funny. Anyway I hope you enjoyed this chapter, I had fun writing it. Sorry if you couldn't read this one because of the trigger warning. I hope you all have a blessed day!

~All Requests Closed~