The safe house smelled like pot. It always spelled like pot. No matter how many air fresheners she placed all over the house, or how many time she sprayed potpourri, she could never, ever eliminate the smell. To make matters worse, the pot smoke was so thick and cloying that she swore that she was getting a contact high simply just being in the area. The petite woman waved a hand in front of her face as she stepped over the countless empty bags of chips and other various assorted junk foods that had been left scattered all over the floor. She stopped when she saw him lying on the floor, smoke billowing out from the cigar in his mouth as he stared up at the ceiling. His usual cream colored suit was wrinkled from being laid about in and his bowler hat was balanced on one finger, being twirled around nice and slow.

The petite woman approached the man lying down and raised one stiletto heeled foot before driving it hard into his side. The man's only reaction was to give a grunt, and open his eyes, his lips upturning in recognition. "Heeeeeeyyyy... Neo..." his voice was a lazy drawl, the kind of drawl that only those who reached the upper echelons of '420-blazed' could speak in. "Did you, like... bring any chips?"

Neopolitan smacked her forehead with her hand. Why Cinder had ever decided to hire this insane, lazy, pot smoking weirdo was beyond her. Couldn't she tell from the smell alone that the cigar in his mouth wasn't a cigar, but, in fact, the largest blunt ever rolled on Remnant? The only reason Neo could ever possibly think anyone would want to hire Roman for anything was that he looked extremely intimidating with his blood red eyes. The only reason his eyes were so red, though, was because they were beyond bloodshot. Other than looking terrifying though, Roman was as threatening as a declawed and slightly brain damaged gerbil. In fact, now that she thought about it, why on Remnant did she work for him?

Oh, right, because Roman was so high that he paid her stupid amounts of Lien to do his work for him. Which she then foisted off onto the hired help. Yeah, thinking about it, she could put up with having to deal with the stoned bastard if it meant getting paid disgusting amounts of money in the process. Neo just assumed it had something to do with the fact that she dressed like her favorite sweet treat and namesake.

[How high... are you right now?] Neo 'said' to Roman. Neo, of course, couldn't speak, and how Roman could understand her was beyond her. If she had to theorize on it, she'd believe that Roman was so absolutely blazed that he somehow didn't know that he couldn't understand her. Or he had simply reached a level of absolute stoned-ness that let him see thoughts.

Roman let out a stupid laugh and grinned, still lazily twirling his bowler hat around. "Like... more than five..."

[... right. Why did I ever think you'd answer that normally?] Neo sighed and rubbed her temples. [You've left chip baggies all over the damn safe house. By the way, I finished the damn heist on the Dust shop in South Vale. I'm guessing you got super high and forgot to steal from Dust Til Dawn two weeks ago.] Neo glowered, crossing her arms. [Cinder's gonna be pissed at you for this.]

"H-... hey now... like, it totally wasn't my fault... Little Red Riding Hood was like... totally harshing my mellow, you know?" Roman managed to 'explain', as he took another long drag of his blunt.

[... Little Red Riding Hood? How high were you then?] Neo adopted an incredulous expression. [And I still have no fucking clue how the hell you can understand me. I'm not even saying anything! Are you a mind reader, because you have to tell me if you are.]

"Nah... I'm like... totally reading the subtitles."

[... right. Never going to get a straight answer out of you. Why do I keep forgetting that?] Neo sighed and leaned against the wall. [So... a fairy tale character stopped your last heist?]

"Yeah... she, like... had a big scythe... I thought she was, like... little girl Death or something... totally harshed my buzz, you know?"

[Right. High translation: "I ran afoul of a hunter, she totally kicked my ass."] Neo sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. [Oh, you might want to hide... everything.]

"Huh?"

[Emerald is coming over.] Neo 'murmured.'

"... oh maaaaaan... but she always... like... takes my weed... and my hat... and my cane... and the chips..."

[She's a fucking kleptomaniac! She takes everything!] Roman's eyes widened when she 'said' this and Neo groaned. [You can not tell me that you haven't noticed! I don't care how much pot you've smoked!]

"Wha...? No, not that..."

[Then why do you look so surprised?] Neo raised an eyebrow.

"I'm just, like... wondering how the hell you managed to talk in italics..." Roman slowly muttered, his eyes still wide as dinner plates.

Neo stared down at him, her cute face impassive for a few moments. Slowly she raised another one of her lovely legs and slammed her stiletto heel back down against Roman's side. This time she got a reaction. Sadly, it wasn't what she was hoping.

"Like... ow..." Roman muttered.

[Beacon Academy – Professor Port's Class]

Ruby was so bored. Beyond bored. She had reached a new level of boredom that she never thought previously possible. She was so bored that even sleep was past her! The only thing that could keep her sanity intact was doodling in her notebook while the teacher talked. And talked. And talked. And talked. Okay, so maybe not as much as Ozpin talked, but at least she thought Ozpin was interesting in that mysterious mentor sort of way. Professor Port though? There was a reason she was currently drawing a very unflattering drawing of the portly professor with the title of Professor Poop. She giggled to herself as she drew a mustache the size of the man himself on the drawing.

She looked up and noticed that she wasn't the only one who looked bored. Blake looked like she kept nodding off (Ruby wondered where her hands were), Yang was actually asleep, drooling slightly, Nora was busy whispering incessantly to Ren, who himself was trying to take notes (trying being the key word), Pyrrha was staring at Jaune and fluttering her eyelashes at him, Weiss was actually listening (although she looked like she would have rather been anywhere else) and Jaune? Ruby blinked in confusion, her head tilting as she stared incredulously at him.

Was he... enjoying this?!

The young blond was leaning forward, his face eager with rapt attention to the Professor's latest tale about how he'd managed to kill a Goliath with a toothpick. One hand was busy taking notes almost religiously, his other hand on his scroll taking a recording of the Professor's speech. How?! How can he enjoy this?!

"... and of course, the Goliath stomped towards me, its Brobdingnagian feet causing the ground to quake with each step, knocking down all of the lesser Hunters at my side, but I stood fast, axe at the ready! However, the beast gave a loud howl, and the sheer force of it tossed aside not only my companions, but my weapon as well! The only thing I had left was a small toothpick from when I'd eaten breakfast at Danny's that morning, so I prepared the toothpick between my thumb and forefinger, ready to give the beast a good poking!"

Ruby noticed Blake give Jaune a strange look at that last sentence, but she couldn't figure out why.

Ruby...

"Yes, Crescent?" Ruby whispered to her weapon, sitting next to her at her desk, on her own seat of course.

You should present that picture on Port's desk when class is finished, then use your Semblance to escape before he sees you.

"Crescent! That's mean! I can't do that! Even if he is a super boring, fatty fat Professor..." Ruby whispered to her weapon, silver eyes flickering back and forth between her weapon and the Professor who was still blissfully unaware of Ruby's activities, or the activities of any of his students for that matter. He was still far too absorbed in his own story to notice how the class was mostly not paying attention in any way.

"... of course, I'd been preparing for this day for years, and when the Goliath advanced upon my position, I was ready! With toothpick in hand, I charged, managing to use the force of the creature's own thunderous footfalls in order to leap up into the air and dive down with the toothpick held fast! I channeled my Aura through it and with a cry that split the heavens I slammed the toothpick into the creature's skull! With a bellow, the creature slumped forward, its horrible blood red eyes going dim as the life was driven from it and, at last, I stood triumphant atop the creature's head!" Port's voice became more and more bombastic as his speech continued on until at last he was standing with one leg up on his desk chair, one arm akimbo, the other arm raised into the air in triumph.

Seriously, Ruby, this guy is so boring! No, wait! Put some glue in his chair! Ooh! And you should totally steal Blake's vibrator when she isn't using it- never mind. I don't think you'll ever get that chance.

"First of all, no glue! Remember back in Signal when we did that to Uncle Qrow? And you still haven't told me what a vibrator is!"

Oh, you see, a vibrator is-

"... and who here thinks they have what it takes to be a Hunter!" Port's voice boomed out, drowning out Crescent Rose's 'voice.'

The moment the last syllable of the last word exited the professor's mouth Weiss' hand shot up into the air. "Me! I have what it takes to be a Hunter, sir!"

Ruby groaned. It was no surprise that she'd be the one to try to jump to the center of attention. It was bad enough that the heiress was already throwing the world's biggest and longest hissy fit because she never got to be leader, but now she had to steal the glory from everyone else too? Ruby hated that Weiss kept blaming her, like she'd bribed Ozpin or something. It wasn't fair. She was just trying to be a good partner, and all Weiss ever wanted to was yell at her and act like a big fat... butt head. Yeah, a butt head! A giant fat butt, like Professor Poop!

"Very good Ms. Schnee! Let's see if you really do have what it takes! We have here a Boarbatusk, ready and eager for combat! Why don't you show everyone here what exactly a Hunter is made of!" Port announced, walking jovially over to a cage in the corner of the room (Jaune wondering why and how he hadn't seen it earlier), putting a hand on the top of it where the opening pin holding the cage door shut was located. A pair of glowing red eyes opened up and a deep squeal could be heard from coming within the cage.

Weiss got up and strolled down to the center of the classroom, smiling as though she was at a concert. She gazed out onto the crowed, all of whom looked relieved. To her, it was as if the students were eager to see her prove herself. Little did the wannabe dominatrix know that the students were all simply happy to have Professor Port actually stop talking about himself. Her icy gaze wandered over the students until she reached Jaune, and her face twisted into an ugly frown. Jaune had gone from being wide awake and enjoying the lecture, to fast asleep the moment she'd gotten up!

"AHEM!" Weiss cleared her throat as loudly as she could. How dare her chosen slave fall asleep when he should be witnessing her greatness!

However, Jaune still appeared to be fast asleep, his head resting on his arms. Weiss also noticed, with no small displeasure, that Pyrrha had somehow gotten from her seat on the other side of the room to the seat next to him, currently running her hands up and down his back with a very satisfied smile on her face.

Weiss began to open her mouth to start unleashing a horrific tirade against Jaune, ready to tear him a new one verbally at his complete disrespect. However, whatever insults she had on her tongue died there when before they could be spat out as something slammed into her back, tossing her aside like a mini-truck made of pain, spikes and pig. That something, of course, being the Boarbatusk that Port had released while Weiss was distracted. She flew forward hitting the ground with a thud and groaning in pain, turning around with a glare that would have shaken any lesser man. Sadly for her, the Boarbatusk was not a man, but in fact, a Grimm.

"Always watch your back, young Weiss! An attack can come from anywhere at any time! Staring at young Mr. Arc can always come later!" Port boomed out, laughing merrily.

Weiss glared, her cheeks going red with embarrassment as she readied Myrtenaster, facing down the Boarbatusk. The creature let out a loud squeal and charged once again, ready to show the annoying white human why she should be paying attention to it.

As the creature rushed forward, Weiss prepared a black glyph and rushed forward with an air shattering thrust. Blade and Grimm mask collided... only for the blade of Myrtenaster to slide up the creature's mask, leaving its momentum unaffected, the creature slamming into Weiss once again and tossing her aside. She hit the floor with a thud, pain lacing throughout her body.

Groaning Weiss got up again, the entire classroom tilting dangerously in her vision, her figure wobbling unsteadily. The creature turned around and released a squealing snort that everyone (everyone who was awake, that is) swore sounded like laughter.

The heiress let a growl that could have had its home in the throat of any Grimm and whipped her dust rapier in a circle, creating another glyph and launching a series of razor sharp icicles at the Boarbatusk. This time, the attack actually did something, slamming into the creature and slicing through its side, wounding it. This only served to anger the Grimm, however, and the creature squealed with an earsplitting force, managing to actually awaken Jaune who looked around, shocking Pyrrha who tried to look like her hands hadn't been rubbing further down to his rear.

"Huh? Wha...?" Jaune blearily asked, trying to figure out what the hell had sounded like nails against a chalkboard.

With dexterity and grace, Weiss managed to avoid the Boarbatusk's third charge and slammed her rapier down into the ground, another black glyph appearing underneath the Grimm and launching it into the air. Weiss smiled and switched dust once more, summoning a blue glyph where the creature was about to land, and with a sickening squelch, the Boarbatusk landed onto the razor sharp ice spire she'd created, impaling itself. Turning to the students, Weiss gave a bow and smiled, waving to everyone. Once again, however, she found herself frowning deeply when she noticed Jaune had gone right back to sleep!

"Haha!" Professor Port laughed merrily. "Wonderful work! The beginning could have used some more work, but you managed to pull through! Now that is what a Huntress looks like! I believe you'll go far!"

"Hmph! Of course! As to be expected from a Schnee! After all, I am-" Weiss haughtily began, until a sound interrupted her.

The sound of Jaune beginning to loudly snore.

Weiss' scream of fury could be heard as far as Vale, causing a certain ice-cream themed girl to freeze in her beatdown of her impossibly blazed partner and cock her head. [What the fuck was that?!]

[Beacon Academy – Cafeteria]

"This is your fault, Arc!"

Jaune turned to the speaker, groaning when he saw Weiss glaring at him with all the fury she could muster. Or at least all the fury she could muster sweating with dirt staining her hair and clothes.

"I refuse to take responsibility for your anger issues." The blond male muttered, rolling his eyes. "You were the one who wrecked Port's classroom, not me."

"IF YOU HADN'T DODGED," Weiss screamed, stomping her foot, "THE ROOM WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN WRECKED!" The entire cafeteria went silent and slowly stared at Weiss who had the decency to look both furious and totally embarrassed.

"... oh my god, you're serious." Jaune deadpanned, smacking his forehead.

"Now, now, Weiss." Pyrrha began. "There's no need to attack Jaune. Perhaps some therapy would help with your... erm..." She stopped herself. I should tiptoe around his issue with all the subtlety and tact that a Goddess like myself is capable of. She is a prideful worshiper, and it would be amiss of me to be unmerciful to chastise her so. "Ahem, anger issues." Perfect.

"..." Weiss turned slowly to Pyrrha, her eye twitching, jaw dropped.

Pyrrha smiled her usual calm, unperturbed smile. Yes, absolutely flawless.

Jaune stared at his partner, his own blue eyes wide. "That was... blunt. I thought that was my job? You know, good cop... er... sarcastic asshole cop?"

"Look," Blake began, accompanied by her usual low buzzing that seemed to follow her permanently, "You're the one who attacked Jaune. It's not his fault that you ended up destroying half of Port's classroom. Did you really expect him to not dodge?"

Weiss pulled at her hair in frustration. "But... but... HE WAS ASLEEP!"

"I think that's my problem if I miss part of the class." Jaune muttered, munching on his lasagna. "Oum in heaven, this lasagna is crap..." the last sentence was murmured under his breath as he poked the pasta with his fork, paying more attention to it than to Weiss.

"THE PART WHERE I'M FIGHTING?!" Weiss screeched.

Jaune shrugged nonchalantly, his gaze still down at his pasta. "Seriously, I could cook a better lasagna in my sleep than this. The ingredients probably aren't even fresh... is this thing frozen?"

That was the last straw for Weiss. Jaune having ignored her during her spectacular (the delusions are spreading!) fight against the Boarbatusk, dodging her punishment for him, and now paying more attention to his pasta than her righteous anger? The heiress couldn't take it any longer. She simply did what she could, and began to froth at the mouth in sheer impotent fury and fall over, twitching. Jaune slowly looked down at her and blinked.

"Huh. Broke her again. Is it bad I'm finding this entertaining?"

Before anyone could answer, a humming reached their ears as Yang approached the table, pausing to look down at Weiss. "Aw, it looks like someone spilled their... Weiss-cream!" She looked around, expecting laughter. "Eh? Eh? Get it? Weiss-cream?"

She was met with a series of groans of pain and dark mutters.

"Damn it Yang, I'm trying to eat here!" Jaune groaned. Even worse, he recognized the song she was humming. Dear lord, I'm trying to forget this morning, stop humming the theme song to Sailor Luna!

"Aw, c'mon, Vomit Boy! You know it's funny! You don't have to deny it." Yang winked at Jaune, sitting down across her sister and next to her partner. It wasn't soon until her face twisted into a scowl. "Okay, seriously, the vibe again? It's lunch! For Oum's sake!" Yang growled and smacked her face with her hand.

Jaune blinked. "Wait, that's what that buzzing is?!" He looked around, frowning, before turning slowly to Pyrrha. He stared at her for a few moments, trying to ascertain if his partner was perverted enough to try and satisfy herself during lunch, but shook his head. No, she's coo-coo, not a pervert. At least not an intentional one... I think. He looked around the table, then down to the frothing, twitching Weiss and shrugged. "Maybe someone has one that's seriously super loud and they're somewhere else in the cafeteria? I don't think anyone here is that... er... dirty..." Jaune trailed off. Can't possibly be Blake, right? Nah, she seems way too calm and collected for that to be the case.

Yang groaned. "You're probably right. Still, they seem to be following us around as of late, right Blake?"

Blake's bow twitched like mad. "R-right..." her gold eyes looked to the side, avoiding Yang's gaze. She knew that her partner wasn't ready to know of her hobbies... yet.

"So," Yang started up, trying to distract herself from the infernal buzzing, "What classes do you guys all have next?"

"Renny and I have Explosives! I love explosives! Explosions are fun! I like I when things go boom! My weapon uses explosives. I should make super big explosives! They should be pink too. Did I mention I like pink? My explosions should also leave behind fire. Pink fire! How do you make fire pink? Do you know Renny? I think pink fire would be super cute! I like cute things..." Nora rambled on as per usual, everyone already learning how to simply tune her out and continue the conversation.

"I believe I have Combat Class." Pyrrha replied. "You as well, Jaune?"

Jaune shook his head, his face twisting in confusion. "Yeah, for some reason I don't have that."

"Er, what." Yang flatly asked. "Everyone has that. It's a requisite class."

Jaune held up his scroll with a grimace. On it, a message from Ozpin:

Dear Jaune

You are now hereby exempt from Combat Class. We'd like our hunters to survive Combat Class, and we fear your... advanced training might be detrimental to that cause. Also, Headmistress Goodwitch has banned you from her class stating something about you being a, and I quote, "Soul sucking abomination against nature against whom all laws of society and all things good and holy shrivel." I personally think she's being a bit over dramatic, but she also threw a fit when I increased the school's coffee budget, so her opinion is a little off to begin with. Enjoy having some extra free time!

Ozpin.

P.S. Please stop trolling the students. That's my job.

P.P.S. Yes, I have noticed you breaking Ms. Schnee. No, technically it's not against the rules. Yes, I'll still complain about it.

P.P.P.S. Yes, I am watching. ALWAYS.

P.P.P.P.S. No, not then. That's disgusting.

P.P.P.P.P.S. Or then. Seriously, that's just wrong.

Yang blinked. "R-... right. So...you've got a free period." She blinked and shook her head. Asking questions by this point just seemed like a bad idea.

"Wow! Jaune is a prodigy like me!" Ruby shouted excitedly.

"If this was a cooking school, maybe, but no one is-" Jaune began

"Ow!" A voice shouted out in other side of the cafeteria. "P-p-please st-stop pulling my ears!" A young woman cried out.

Jaune's eyes flickered over, noticing a young bunny eared Faunus woman surrounded by four other Hunters-in-training, all laughing at her as the biggest one, Cardin was his name if Jaune remembered correctly, yanked hard on her ears. "Ha! Take that you adorably cute freak! I-it's not like I l-like you or anything you... you... weird... fluffy girl! Baka!"

"Ugh." Blake's voice cut in nearby. "I can't believe they're picking on her like that. It's terrible how Faunus are treated in today's society. If it wasn't for people like Cardin, the White Fang would have no reason to exist..." Blake bitterly replied. I'm not bitter that they kicked me out... I'm not bitter that they canceled my massive orgy... stupid Adam... stupid unnamed Lieutenant...

[Unknown – White Fang Base]

"At-choo!" A young, male cat faunus sneezed hard, his striped hair bouncing as his head snapped back. "Ow... why do I feel scared? And slightly aroused?" He looked around at his brethren, all of them looking at him confusedly. "What? Get back to work! Adam will yell at us all if we stand around here doing nothing..." the unnamed feline Faunus muttered, looking terrified. Everyone agreed, quickly getting back to work.

[Beacon – Cafeteria]

"Well," Blake continued, taking a bite of her salmon, "At least I know you'd never do anything like that, Jaune." Silence answered her. "Jaune?"

WHAM!

Blake turned around to see Cardin's body rocket from his position straight upwards into the ceiling, courtesy of an uppercut from Jaune, his blue eyes glowing and a psychotic grin 'marring' his face.

"So! Team CRDL, was it? So sorry about your buddy there, but I'm afraid I just don't know my own strength! Hey, you guys look like the friendly sort! How about we all go out for a spar! Don't worry, I'll go easy on you." Jaune let out an evil little chuckle.

The remaining three members of team CRDL looked upwards, where their leader's head was embedded into the ceiling, then down at Jaune again, collectively gulped, and with speed that made Ruby's Semblance look like a snail taking its time, all vanished; only a slight popping sound of air rushing into the space that they vacated and the faint scent of urine being the only signs that they were ever there in the first place.

With a sigh, Jaune's face quickly adopted a soft smile and he turned to the bunny Faunus. "Hey there, sorry to step in like that. I'm sure you could have handled it, but I can't stand to see someone get bullied like that, Faunus or otherwise."

The bunny Faunus looked up into his eyes, her own chocolate orbs widening. "N-no! You... you protected me... thank you..." she looked as if she were about to break into tears at any moment. "What's... what's your name?"

Jaune's smile grew warmer. Poor girl. Innocent victim of those bastard's bullying! Who'd ever pick on someone who looks so sweet and innocent?! "Jaune. Jaune Arc. I'm happy to have helped."

"I-I'm... Velvet Scarletina..." the bunny Faunus murmured, cheeks pink.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Velvet. If those bastards ever bother you again, just let me know, and I'll help sort them out." Jaune gave the girl another soft smile and turned on his heel, waving lazily goodbye.

Everyone back at Team RWBY/JNPR's table (sans Weiss, who was still looking like she really needed to go visit Beacon's psychiatrist) was staring at the exchange with dropped jaws. Blake had already dropped her hand under the table, and suddenly the ever present buzzing increased tenfold, the catgirl's cheeks going bright red and her mouth open and panting.

Yang groaned and dropped her head onto the table with a sigh as Jaune approached. "It's back. It'll never leave..." The blond faux sobbed.

As Ruby and Nora continued to innocently chow down, Ren ignored the entire table hoping for inner peace, Weiss continued to twitch angrily, Pyrrha stared adoringly at Jaune, and Yang continued to groan in irritation. No one noticed sweet, innocent little Velvet on the other side of the room, her watery eyes suddenly adopted a disturbing expression, terrifying anyone sitting within twenty feet of her, and her lips upturned into the cheeriest and most horrifying smile ever given on Remnant.

Jaune... I... love you... I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you...

Author's Note: GAH! YANDERE VELVET! AAAAAAHHHH!