Fandom: Transformers

Requested by: @TFP-Fanfiction, my first contest winner! Go shower her in love because she's amazing❤❤❤

Title: Broken Til We're Whole 

Setup: Y/N is a 17-year-old girl who lost her twin brother in a car accident when she was 10, and her mother recently left. She hasn't spoken since the accident. Her father is getting a job at N.E.S.T, where she will meet the terror twins.

Warning(s): Violence, sadness, bullying, mention of underage use of alcohol (not by you dear reader), depression, self-harm, suicidal thoughts, profanity.

Other notes: I have a past scene written in here, which I think is different from a flashback. A flashback is when a character experiences something and it is played before them at some point in the future after that event took place. A scene of the past is something that is written to provide detail, clarification, and more to the plot of a story, but there is no one (at least not a main character) to experience a flashback from it, simply because they were not present at the time of the event.

Y/N L/N is your name, last name, B/N is brother's name, F/N is father's name, M/N is mother's name.

If ya want, you can start the song right after the first sequence of white and black circles if ya want.

This is my first TF3 story ever, my first transformer story that's not about TFP or RiD. Let me know if I fucked something up, so I can learn from it and also fix it. This involves me trying to do N.E.S.T stuff, I feel like that introduction is not so great. So please bear with me with all this stuff cuz I feel like I did a terrible job...

Y/N's POV

Words.

They're funny things, aren't they?

So many of them to choose from but so few that you can hold tight to. Have faith in. Hope. Trust. Love.

Many words have been spoken to me over my life, but I am a girl of very few.

Most assume I'm shy, or a bitch, or mute; but I am not any of those things, not wholly, at least.

I am lonely.

More than lonely. If feeling alive means being a burning fire, then I am ice cold.

If being safe is someone whispering that everything is alright, then I silence is suffocating me.

And if the feeling of being wanted and accepted and loved, which I so greatly desire, is a flower blooming in the sunshine, then I am the remnants of a flower from which winter stole her former beauty and hope.

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I sigh inwardly, staring out the car window. My father glances back at me, and I hear him say, "So Y/N, excited about the move? We're really close to arriving. You could meet some friends, you know. . ." He trails off as I don't answer. I hear him sigh, and a pang of guilt strikes me, but I push it away.

I always do.

I turn on my phone, put my headphones on, and shuffle a playlist.

I'm so tired of being here. . .

Closing my eyes, I dissolve into the music. I love this song.

Suppressed by all my, childish fears. . .

Images of my mother's face flash through my mind.

And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave. . .

She was there. And she was gone.

'Cause your presence still lingers here, and it won't leave me alone. . .

She said something to me the night before she left.

These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real, there's just too much that time cannot erase. . .

These words would always stain my mind: "You should've been the one that died."

I had been there for her.

When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears.

My twin brother's death affected all of us.

When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears.

I was hit hard, and nothing helped.

I held your hand, through all of these years. . .

Silence was my drug, and I'm still addicted.

But you still have. . .

When my brother was ripped from my life, it took--

All of me. . .

I would cry, but I think I'm fresh out of tears.

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"We're here!" My father smiles, pulling in. I keep my headphones on to have an excuse to not talk to people and grab my stuff. His smile fades and he gets his stuff as well.

He's so optimistic, I almost envy it.

Almost.

But to have hope just means you'll be crushed.

You used to captivate me, with your resonating light,

Now I'm bound by the life you left behind.

Your face it haunts, my once pleasant dreams, your voice it chased away, all of the sanity in me.

I sigh and load our stuff onto a cart my father got to bring to our new residence.

I say residence because it will never be a home for me.

The only home I had ever known was my once complete family.

These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real, there's just too much that time cannot erase. . .

I flip through my sketchbook to see the picture I had taped in.

When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears.

When you screamed, I'd fight away all of your fears.

I held your hand, through all of these years.

But you still have. . .

From a camping trip seven years ago, shortly before my brother's death. It was all of us, together. Smile. Happy. One. Whole.

All of me. . .

I close it and shove it away.

No use recalling days that are long gone.

"Ready?" My father asks. I nod silently. Part of me wanted to talk and cry in his arms, but the longer I stayed silent, the harder it was to muster my voice.

Like it really was gone.

Like my mother.

Like my brother.

I tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone,

But though you're still with me

I've been alone all along. . .

When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears.

When you screamed, I'd fight away all of your fears.

I held your hand, through all of these years.

But you still have. . .

All of me. . .

Shoving away the thoughts, my father and I walk up to his new work, where we are met by a man around thirty.

"Hello and welcome to N.E.S.T, Nonbiological Extraterrestrial Species Treaty." Someone greets us. I pull my hoodie further over my face, shoving my hands deep into my pockets. "You must be F/N L/N."

"That's me," He smiles, like nothing is wrong. "This is my daughter, Y/N."

"Hello Y/N." The man says, and I don't answer, staring at my shoes.

"She doesn't talk much...er, at all." My father replies awkwardly, like I'm not even there.

Maybe I'm not.

"Oh. I see. I suppose you both know how things are around here?" He asks, and my father nods.

"Yes, we had the talk. I mean--not the talk talk, but I told her. . . What to expect." My father is just making things worse. He's nervous, I guess. A flashback to what he told me comes to mind.

"My new job. . . Well, it's different. You see. . . I'm going to this place called N.E.S.T., it's. . . Well it stands for Nonbiological Extraterrestrial Species Treaty. There are these aliens, you see? And they come from--you don't look like you believe me." He glances at me. I stay silent. He continues, "We're going to help them. . . The good guys that is. . ." He sighs, and does his best to tell me about the Autobots and Decepticons. "We have an agreement with the good guys, the Autobots, that they will protect our planet if we help them and preserve the Allspark. Well, you'll see when you get there."

I still didn't really believe him. It sounded more full of shit than when my mom promised she'd be there for me.

"Let me show you around." The guy says.

We get to this place that looked like a giant garage, full of cars. My eyes widen a little as I take in all the vehicles; I had always loved cars. A silver corvette stingray 2009 catches my eye, and I give it a good glancing over before surveying the rest of the cars. I still haven't seen the whole alien deal, I think as I'm told to go find my room.

I walk down the hall, hoping to find my room without any interruptions.

"Hey there!" I hear a voice chirp, and I look up to see a handsome teen about my age, maybe a little older, approach. "You're new right? I think you saw my alt-mode, the silver corvette? My name is Sideswipe." He smiles. I stare up for a moment at him, then cast my eyes to the ground and quickly walk away. I feel his blue eyes on my back until I turn the corner.

Sideswipe's POV

"Sunny!" I burst into the room that my twin and I share.

"Is something wrong, Sideswipe?" My brother looks up from where he's sharpening his knife.

I explain my plight to him. "What did I do wrong?"

Sunstreaker wraps me in a hug, which he would never do to anyone but me. "You didn't do anything wrong, Sides. I don't know why she did what she did but it wasn't because you did anything wrong."

"Are you sure?" I sniffle a little, feeling injured.

"Of course I'm sure. All you did was introduce yourself. I know you're not like that, anyway. . . I'll give this girl a piece of my mind." He sneers the last part under his breath while holding me still.

"O-Okay. . . She seemed kinda quiet. . . Maybe she's trying to take this all in." I mumble softly.

"That's probably it." He tells me, stroking my hair softly. I close my eyes and take a shuddering breath, relaxing in the tender care of my twin brother.

Deceased Brother's POV (Past Scene)

Seven years ago. . .

"I'll see you tonight then!" I grin at Y/N, who nods uneasily, but smiles. "For sure," we hug, and I say goodbye to mom and dad, too. My sister and I do our secret hand shake before leaving, getting into my friend's car. We were going to have pizza tonight, then watch a movie at his house. I felt guilty that my twin would be home alone all night, but she assured me that it would be fine, and to have a good time. I could tell she was uneasy, though, and that feeling started to spread through me, too.

"Love you, mom, dad! I love you Y/N!" I yell out the window. They wave, as does my twin, but she doesn't say it back. She looks worried. I'll see her in a couple hours. I shrug and turn to my friend, my worries soon dissolving into a silly game of matchbox cars.

We sit at the stoplight, and we chat happily. I look out the window to see a cool-looking eighteen wheeler speeding down the road to my right. Well, it looks cool until I realize that as our light turns green and the truck's turns red, it is not slowing down. Our car pulls out into the road, and the truck comes speeding towards us. Headlights. Screams. Tears. Life flashes before my eyes as my fingers find my way to the necklace my sister gave me, the necklace that showed that we were together no matter what. I hoped she knew that she was never alone.

Then my world goes black.

Y/N's POV

I wish I said "I love you".

To this day, it has been my biggest regret. My voice failed me then, and it was just another reason to never again use it.

I roll up my sleeves, looking down at the marks.

The blacks and blues, the cuts and scrapes. Between being bullied at my old school and self-harm, my arms looked like shit. Brushing hair out of my eyes, I study the markings, savoring the sweet, terrible essence of pain I feel as I drag a blade across my skin. Horizontally, of course; to avoid veins. If I was going to end my life, it wouldn't be by bleeding to death. I'd rather do, you know, sleeping pills.

It's horrible I've thought if it so much, I even know the order I'd want to commit suicide. First by pill, then by jumping, then by gun, then by knife. Starvation and dehydration take way too long, and drowning yourself doesn't really work. You will likely instinctively come back up for air. It's just too hard.

Believe me, I've tried.

"Sweetie? Can I come in?" I hear my father's voice from outside my new room, which is complete with a bed, bathroom, closet, and nightstand. "Well. . . I was just going to say. . . I know you're starting at a new school tomorrow, and, uh. . . Maybe we could get ice cream tomorrow, I can pick you up. You know, after the big first day. . ." He pauses to wait for my response, which, of course, I do not supply. "Right. . . Well. . . Looking forward to that ice cream. . . Goodnight." I hear his footsteps as he walks off, and I bury my face in my pillow. Why couldn't I open my mouth and just tell him I loved him? Why am I trapped here? Why can't I fight this?

I hate myself.

I fall into a fitful sleep, tossing and turning, haunted by the deafening screams of my past.

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Shit!

Shit oh fuck oh dammit!

I scramble up out of bed, catching the time. My alarm hadn't gone off, and now I was going to be late. Always a bad first impression with me.

I shower, put on some mascara and eyeliner, and brush my hair. I get dressed into a loose black shirt and jeans, grabbing sneakers and a backpack, as well as my phone. I avoid people (and aliens, apparently) as I catch a bus to school.

RAVENWOOD HIGH SCHOOL: MAKING DREAMS REALITY

"Hello there, you must be Y/N L/N." A lady smiled, welcoming me. I nod mutely. She gives a nervous laugh. "Your father tells me you don't speak much. . ?"

Again, I nod.

"Ah, well, that's alright. . ." She fiddles through some papers.

Like I needed your fucking permission.

"Here we are." She tells me, once she's found the right one. She hands it to me. "Here's a map of the school. It is pretty big, isn't it? But beautiful." She sighs in admiration, taking a large whiff off the air.

I smell the air too, but it smells the same as other high schools: sweat, overdone perfume and cologne, musty textbooks, and the reek of cleaning chemicals.

It takes me quite a while to find my first class. I'm already fifteen minutes late, and the hallways are near dead.

"Ah, you must be the transfer. I am Mister Abbot, the math teacher." He had an accent; French? He motions for me to come, and I walk over awkwardly. "This is Miss Y/N, she will be joining us. Please give her a warm welcome."

The most deflated welcome I've ever heard rings through the classroom as I meet the glazed, bored eyes of drug addicts and soulless teens.

Quietly, I find a seat, and sit down. I take out a notebook and take notes, eyes on the clock to see when class ends.

I shuffle out with everyone else, lost in a sea of high schoolers. Stumbling over to my locker, I grab my stuff for next class, keeping my eyes and head down. I didn't want to talk to anyoneーnot like much anyone is interested in talking with me. Nearly tripping over my own shoes, I reach the locker, where I glance at my schedule to figure out which class I have next. I grab my books for chemistry, and walk to class silently, my eyes darting around nervously. Not even noon yet, and I am just waiting for the day to be over.

It's finally time for lunch. I go through the lunch line and get my food. It smells alright, but it looks terrible. As I'm walking to my seat, someone trips me.

"Do you really not speak?" I hear a sneer behind me. The food from the cafeteria is all over my face, hair, and partially on my neck and shirt.

"What's going on here?" One of the school staff members walks over as I get up, doing my best to quickly wipe the food off.

"She just tripped," the teen replies innocently, but before the teacher could ask me if I was alright, I am out the door.

I finish cleaning myself off in the bathroom, getting out mashed potatoes and corn out of my hair and face. The meat felt slimy, the corn is cold, but the potatoes are the worst because they are steaming hot. This is one of those days I am okay with going through periods of numbness, where I have no tears. That way I one, wouldn't give anyone any satisfaction of hurting me, and two, didn't have to look like a crybaby the entire rest of the day.

"Hey mute," a girl snaps in the bathroom. I can smell the stench of alcohol on her breath. Likely some bottle passed around the cafeteria; I'd seen that before. Poor a little into whatever they were drinking discreetly. "Why don't you speak? Huh?"

I stare at her with wide eyes.

"Fuck-up," Her fingers wrap around my throat in an instant. "Come on bitch, speak up. Speak up if you want me to let go." She dares, and my eyes go wide. Her hand tightens around my neck. "I said speak!" She commands, as if I'm her disobedient dog. She slaps me with her other hand, her fingernails bite into my cheek. Pleading with my eyes, she smirks, "I'm not gonna wait forever." she squeezes tighter, and then I can barely breathe.

My world gets fuzzy, and blackness crawls over my vision. Footsteps echo around me, and in a whirl, the tendrils of hatred are released and air enters my lungs. Gasping for air, my hands grasp the edge of the sink as the girl saunters out and a teacher walks in.

"You alright, dear?" she asks, as if I'm washing a scrape, not alone and gasping for air. Luckily, the bell rings, and I walk out briskly, fingering my neck. I grab my sweatshirt from my bookbag and covered up my bruising neck.

And this school's motto is making dreams reality? If we're talking about my nightmares, I think it's right on track.

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When school is over, I wait for my father to pick me up, like he said. I wait half an hour, and then another half hour. After just over an hour, I sigh.

He's not coming.

I get up and pull my bookbag on. No use in waiting any longer. I start the walk back to the bus station, and ride in silence.

Once I'm back at N.E.S.T, I try making my way back to my room without anyone wanting to talk with me.

No such luck.

A cheerful and hopeful Sideswipe greets me, along with a handsome blonde who doesn't look quite as pleased. "Hey, I heard you had your first day. . . How was it? Oh, this is my brother, Sunstreaker!" he chirps. I can't help but squeeze my eyes, wrenching my gaze from his, as I walk away. His hurt radiates through my body, and I feel terrible.

To make things even worse, I pass my father in the hall, and there's not really many other silent teenage girls here.

"Oh I--Y/N!" His eyes widen in realization. "I'm so sorry I meant to--I can't believe--we were supposed to--" He grabs my arm and I look up to see the genuinely sorry expression, but concern and shock is written on his as he beholds my wounds. "Y/N, what--"

I just pull my arm away and walk to my room, locking it.

The tears I had lacked for a while now came as I drowned myself in my pain. The broken flavor of depression stings my tongue, and the shattered labyrinth of my mind echoes thoughts of my complete and utter worthlessness.

Sideswipe's POV

"See Sunny?" My face falls. "She probably hates me."

"I don't know what's going on, but I told you it's not your fault." My twin sets his jaw angrily, eyes ablaze.

"You're right." I hear a voice, and we both turn to see a middle-aged man. "Y/N, my daughter. . . Well, there was an accident."

"An accident?" I question, cocking my head. Sunstreaker crosses his arms in annoyance.

"Yes. . ." He sighs and rubs his temples.

"You see, she had a twin brother. The way you have each other." This catches my brother's attention.

"They were very, very close.

"But when they were ten, he went with a friend to hang out for the night. . .

"Except they never reached their destination.

"A drunk driver hit the car.

"Killing my son.

"And Y/N's twin brother.

"She hasn't spoken since." He pauses to let us take this in for a second before continuing, "Her and her mother's relationship, well really all of our relationships were never the same. Her mother. . . She left, shortly before we moved here. And I fear Y/N is getting bullied at this new school like at her old one. . .

"But since the accident. . . She has never been the same, I haven't heard her voice since."

". . . I'm so sorry." My eyes are wide. "That. . . explains a lot." My brother is silent, contemplating this.

I glance up, my eyes following where Y/N had walked not too long ago.

I hope there is some way I can help.

Y/N's POV

I make sure my face is void of any evidence I was crying. I had finished my homework and broken down twice doing so. Telling myself to be strong, I walk out. I need to stretch my legs. Peering out, I make sure no one I know is around to try and talk with me. Once I'm sure it's safe, I walk out silently and lose myself in many twisting hallways. I find myself drawn to the sound of what seems to be some training session. Just as I arrive, I realize I know the sound of that voice.

Sideswipe.

"Oh hey Y/N. It's Y/N right?" He gives me a sweet smile and I nod. "Wanna sit in here while I teach? I'm a combat instructor here." It would be awkward to decline, so I just nod and sit in.

Almost instantaneously, I'm sucked in. Sideswipe is a great instructor and seems to enjoy teaching. Everyone here looks like they enjoy it as much as he does as well. Mesmerized, I watch for the duration of what's left of the lesson.

"So, did you like my awesome moves?" Sideswipe struts towards me after he's done. "I'm an amazing fighter, I know." he crows, giving me a lopsided grin.

I give a small smile to him, because I had to admit he was cute and funny, but I said nothing and didn't laugh.

"Here's an idea. Why don't I show you my bi-pedal mode?" He suggests, and I cock my head in confusion.

"You know, you're pretty cute when you're confused." He tells me, with a flirtatious and teasing tone. My cheeks heat up and I look away shyly. Sideswipe seems to enjoy this. "Awww," he says, like the flirt he apparently is.

"Well, anyway, bi-pedal mode, or bi-ped mode, is my robot form." He explains. "I can show you it?"

I look back up at him with large E/C eyes and nod softly.

He takes my hand, and pulls me to my feet with fervor.

"Let's go then!"

We get to a garage, where he shows off his car form first. "This is my sexy alternative mode." he brags. I almost giggle and flash a grin. If cars were truly sexy, this one would definitely be in the top ten.

"What I'm using right now is called a holoform," he explains to me, ocean blue eyes locked on mine. "To blend in with people. I can only use it when I'm in my alt-mode, I mean, technically I could use it in my bi-ped, but then it becomes a holomode and if my holomode dies, so do I." I nod in understanding.

"Prepare to be amazed." He tells me arrogantly, and I watch as his holoform fizzles away, and the car starts to. . . Well, transform, before my very eyes.

Whoa.

I stare up in shock at the giant robot before me. He had wheels for feet, blades, and was silver like the car.

"I know," he does a couple things, like skating around, to try and impress me.

Well, it worked.

I am so fucking impressed.

I kind of was still on the fence about this alien business, but I just received more than enough proof.

Once he transforms back and parks, well, himself, he gets out in his holoform.

"So on a scale from too hot to handle to the sexiest thing you've ever beheld, where do I fall?" He smirks, and I blush with a smile.

"Did you like that?"

I nod again.

He grins. "Alright, what say I introduce you to my brother Sunstreaker?"

I nod. Why not?

"Okay, let's go!" He grabs my hand again and leads me to what I'm guessing is the room he shares with his brother.

"Sunny!" Sideswipe chirps from outside. "I want you to meet somebody!"

The door opens to reveal the guy I saw him with earlier. Even their holoforms look a lot alike, except Sunstreaker is a tiny bit taller and has blonde hair.

Oh, and he's scowling.

"This is Y/N!" He introduces me like I'm someone important to him. "Y/N, this is my twin brother Sunstreaker!"

"Hello." he replies monotonously, eyes flitting over me. He looks like he's holding back from saying something else.

Sideswipe shoots him a look. I don't think he knows I saw it, but I did. It was almost a warning look. I shrug it off, and we walk back down the hall. Sideswipe reaches for my hand again.

"Y'know Y/N, I'm thinkingー" he gets cut off as someone calls him over. "Oh shit, I wasn't watching the time. . . I have another class to teach. Hey, it was fun, maybe we could hang out later? Okay, I have to go." he walks away briskly, and flashes me a quick smile.

I get a sinking feeling in my chest that travels to my stomach. I tell myself,

This isn't going to work, Y/N.

He'll just forget about you.

I close my eyes and accept reality.

Nihil durat in aeternum.

Nothing lasts forever.

(And that's part one! 4,706 words. Longest thing I've ever written on here. . . Thoughts? I really enjoyed writing this a lot, and can't wait for the next four parts! I promise they'll be longer! Did you like the lyrics written in? I want to do it for part four too, but, only if ya like it. I really liked the psychological part of this too. I am also going to make a separate book for contest winner requests as well. Oh and this is unedited and I didn't re-read it. . . I never do that for stuff on here oop. Hope I wrote Sunny & Sides okay, they deserve it. Anyways, thanks for the request, also, Sides & Sunny forever!)