(Tw: anxiety, detailed panic attack.

Also, sidenote: this is based on how anxiety personally works/feels for me, so it might not fit others' feelings/experiences. Feel free to tell me what you think about any interpretations you see here, though! 

Stay safe and enjoy. ♡)

- You just wish you were normal. Born without this predisposition. Unafraid of the world, and its ways of knocking people down. 

But no. Sometimes, something strikes a certain nerve in you, and sets everything into motion that can not be halted. Sometimes, one of the curveballs life was meant to hurl at you leaves you reeling for days as things begin to pile up. 

Sometimes, you can't even pretend to take control of it.

It takes control of you instead. 

- Breathe, you tell yourself, but your lungs don't comply. 

The panic that comes along with this causes your heart to beat faster, your stomach churning as you pull your knees up to your chest. Good god, why is this happening?

You want to cry, but you can barely even remember how to do that when your chest is heaving like this, everything seeming to move so fast in a room that is utterly still. 

You can hear the party, everyone having fun outside. Being happy. Being normal. 

They don't realize what a luxury it is.

- Even though you want, -- no, need, -- to be by yourself, a keen sense of loneliness fills you in that moment, an intense wave of guilt for not being able to suck it up and be one of those people. 

Your pity party comes to a temporary halt at the sound of the door cracking, light filtering into this dark bedroom you've locked yourself up in in this rich guy's McMansion. 

In that moment, tons of horrible possibilities come to mind. 

A drunk couple has just stumbled in to make love, unaware that someone's having a panic attack in the floor. No one knows anybody is in here, and this is the next place that people will flood into. Or maybe someone does know that you're in here, and they have terrible plans for you. 

...or they don't. 

- You already have some idea who it is when you hear him curse under his breath, even in the state that you're in. Trent drops to his knees in front of you. Through your hazy vision, he looks almost as lost as you are. 

Something in you calms, however, when you feel the shaking in your hands slow, only to find that he's taken hold of them. Somehow, he's able to steady you, if only a bit. Just enough for you to hear his voice. 

"Oh God... it's gonna be okay. Alright? Deep breaths. In, out.." 

You think you nod before willing yourself to huff out a few semi-composed breaths. Inhale. Exhale. Stutter. 

Then your vision clears up a bit, only for you to make out the outline of the man holding onto you, gazing at you with a look of genuine concern. You can't name another person who has ever looked at you just that way when something like this happened. 

And dammit, you start sobbing again, falling forward into his arms. 

- You can feel him stiffen slightly in surprise before he seemingly realizes what to do. Releasing your hands, he gently wraps his arms around you, pulling you closer to him.

Where you almost feel like it's safe. 

"Shhh..." he whispers to you. "I'm here, okay? Just breathe. Breathe."

Shakily, you will your chest into a steady rise-and-fall once more. This time, you're able to keep the pattern. 

This doesn't go unnoticed by Trent. "Good," he praises you. Seemingly afraid to let you go, he pulls you closer. "So, so good."

You nod against his chest, heartbeat slowly calming as you take one deep breath after another, breathing in the soft scent of his T-shirt.

"I know how it is," Trent continues. "I've done this before, and... well, you know that." You can hear the deep frown in his voice. Finally, he brushes a strand of damp hair from your forehead before continuing. "Is there anything you need? Right now?"

You shake your head.  "Just stay with me."

- He sighs, but not in a resigned way. More a sigh of relief. 

"Glad I didn't drink more," he says. "You need help--"

You shake your head, grasping at him. For someone to hold on to. "No," you say, somewhat forcefully."I'm not going anywhere right now. Please just hold me, Trent."

- He obliges, and, for a moment, that's all there is. Then, he starts talking again. 

"You know," he begins tentatively, "you don't have to do this kind of thing alone. Ever. Even if I'm on the other side of the world, I'm still just one call away." He hesitates for a moment, hand brushing against yours once again. "You could've told me. I'd take you home." 

Once again, you shake your head. "No," you say. "You were having a good time, and... it isn't just a social thing, anyway." You pause, considering whether or not to go on. Judging by how evidently concerned he is, you figure you have to. Considering you're already all shaken up, it's now or never. 

"I feel like things just kind of... pile up on top of me, you know?" you start. "It's so easy for me to get stressed and hold it in, because it's something I should be able to handle for myself and I really don't want to be a burden... but it all stays there, even when I don't know it, until something sets it off and it all just overflows..." You stop, finding yourself meeting his eyes through the dark. Something about the look of unreadable emotion in the midst of all that green makes you feel so very guilty. 

When you speak again, your voice breaks. "I'm sorry." 

- "Stop."

You're surprised by the forceful sound of Trent's voice, as is he. A look of regret washes over his expression for a moment, -- he can be so bad at trying to help other people, considering he's the one who is usually being helped. He finally seems to shake it off after a moment as he sighs, squeezing your hand in support. 

"You're not... you never bother me." He chuckles awkwardly, humorlessly, thumb brushing against the back of your hand. "You're so wonderful... you always put up with me, and all the shit I put you through. If anything, I'm the one who needs to worry about being a burden." He pauses, seeming to consider something. "Dammit... I'm making it about me again, aren't I?"

You huff out a noise of acknowledgment, -- almost like a small, extremely exhausted laugh, -- burrowing your face into his shoulder. 

- He continues to hold onto you, protective. For a moment, he wishes he could take your place, -- he's used to the pain, and he thinks he deserves it a hell of a lot more than you do. In fact, it makes him ache a little bit in the moment, -- he wishes he could protect you from everything that might hurt you, ever. And that's a lot, coming from the guy who can barely take care of himself. 

Trying not to get too caught up in the tangled web of his own mind, he presses a kiss to your temple before offering one more affirmation. "I'll never think of you as a burden," he continues. "You've saved my life, you know me better than almost anyone else, -- God, you're everything to me."

You sniffle slightly, pulling away to look up at him as you wipe at your eyes. You want so badly to kiss him, but, quite frankly, you feel a bit disgusting at the moment. Besides, that might cut off the words currently flooding from his lips. You almost grin. His rambling is beyond precious. 

"I mean... I can't promise that I'll always know what to do, because I'm kind of a mess, too-- hell, you know that... and I'm not calling you a mess, either. I'm just-- God. Point is, I don't want you to think that there's anything in this world that matters to me more than you, because there really, really isn't. Jesus, I love you..."

You giggle despite yourself, reaching for his wringing hands. "Oh my god, stop." You smile at him hesitantly, trying to get your own message across as simply as possible. "I love you, too." 

Even in the dark, you can see that shy grin growing on his face. "Yeah?" he asks.

"Of course, idiot. Why else would I be telling you exactly why I'm having a panic attack whilst practically sitting in your lap?"

- He chuckles awkwardly once again before taking your hand, pulling to help you up. "Come on," he says. "Let's go outside. Get some fresh air."

You nod, allowing him to pull you to your feet and loop his arm around your shoulders. 

He understands, you think. And, even if that will never be enough to completely fix it, it's certainly enough to help.