You pulled your hair up into a knot at the back of your head and frowned at your reflection in the mirror. You looked so tired. Shadows seemed to be painted under your eyes. Your brows seemed permanently furrowed in careful concentration. "I feel so helpless," you sighed. "Everything is happening far too quickly."

Behind you, your older sister Padmé was helping you pack for your journey back to Naboo. She was a saint, really, and the only person with whom you felt completely at ease. Padmé smiled and shook her head. "The galaxy doesn't slow down for anybody, but there are some people who are able to keep up with it. They might get tired from running, and they might feel lost at times. But they're still called queens."

You released your hair and turned around to face her. "Do you think it's a bad thing that I sometimes like to forget I'm the queen? Like now, for instance... I don't have anything fancy on. No red and white makeup. I'm not surrounded by handmaidens, and I'm with you. It's nice and comfortable."

"Not at all," she assured you. "When I was queen, the best part of the day was when you were around. I felt like myself. Even as a senator, I can understand that." She held up a deep purple gown. "Is this what you're wearing to the ball tomorrow evening?"

You stared at the dress. You had never worn it before, but it looked complicated to put on. "Yes," you confirmed. "It's going to be a nightmare getting into it, though. Could I borrow that white dress that you wore at the Gungan's parade?"

"Y/N..." Padmé sighed.

"I'll give it back, I promise," you swore. "It just looks so much easier. Things would be better if I was allowed my handmaids..."

The previous month, there had been an attempt on your life by one of your own handmaidens. The girl had been killed, but not before taking down two of your most loyal friends with her. The survivors had been forced to leave service, for their safety and yours. Padmé knew that you thought it was a great injustice that they all had to leave because of one traitor in their midst.

"If it were up to me, they would be back tomorrow," Padme assured you. "But I understand the Chancellor's reasoning. We just want you to be safe. Besides, I see what you're trying to do. You're trying to make me feel guilty so I'll give it to you."

"I am not," you insisted. "I felt safe with them around, Padmé They were my friends. Besides, it's not as though there's anyone else we can trust," you pointed out. Padmé went silent. You had known her for your whole life. She couldn't fool you. You knew there was something else that she wasn't telling you. "Or is there?" you interrogated. "Padmé, what is it?"

"I worry about you, Y/N. As your sister, that's my responsibility..."

You closed your eyes, and sighed. "So, what did you do?" you pressed further.

"I've asked Anakin Skywalker to look after you on Naboo," she finally informed you.

"Oh..." was your only response. You had met Anakin when you were both ten years old on Naboo after the defeat of the Trade Federation's droid army. You had seen him again when he came back, charged with protecting Padmé. You had liked Anakin a little bit too much for your own sense of... well, sense. There was something understood but never spoken between the pair of you, a connection. It could have only caused pain, so you were relieved in a sad way when he left. You had expressed this to Padmé, which was why you were shocked to hear that she had asked him to perform this task. You felt that distance was the best way to repress feelings that shouldn't be there to begin with.

"It's only until your security can be re-established," Padmé assured you. "Besides, it's alright to like him. There's nothing wrong with it."

"He's a Jedi," you reminded her. "And I'm a queen. If that isn't enough to bring you to realize that it's a bad idea, I don't know what will convince you."

"I've said that I want you to be safe," Padmé reminded you. "Anakin is our friend, and if you agree, I'll give you the dress to keep."

The intercom interrupted your conversation. "A Jedi by the name of Anakin Skywalker is here to see you, your majesty."

Was he there already? You had not had time to prepare yourself. You gave Padmé a look-- a you-had-better-not, please-don't, this-will-only-end-in-tears, stop-this-now look. Padmé returned a look -- an up-to-no-good, too-bad, too-late, at-least-you-get-the-dress type look. She pressed a button on your nightstand, turning on the intercom on your end. "This is Senator Amidala. Please send Master Skywalker in."

Within moments, Anakin was before you. He was even more handsome than you remembered him. His hair had grown out nicely, and a scar that cut through the right side of his face was a testament to his bravery. Despite how different he appeared, you still found yourself recalling the past. You remembered how your heart had jumped when you had laughed together, and how your breathing hitched when he was close. You could only hope that Padmé had made the right decision. You could only hope that you were strong enough to survive this. "It is an honor to see you again, your majesty," he announced.

"I apologize for my informality," you returned, quite formally. "I offer no excuse, only a request for your forgiveness."

"There isn't any need to apologize, your majesty," Anakin assured you.

"It's hard to believe it's been three years since we were all in the same room," Padmé interrupted. "And it's such a shame that it has to come to an end so soon. I must oversee preparations for Queen Amidala's journey back. Please excuse me, your majesty."

You hesitated but a moment. You didn't want to be alone. Nevertheless... "You are excused, Senator," you allowed.

"Thank you, your majesty." With that, Padmé left the room, but not before giving you a look that read, Don't be so serious. You're allowed to smile. In your own mind, no, you could not. Smiling would be opening a door that you could not go through and hurting yourself trying to cross the threshold.

Anakin spoke as soon as Padmé was out of earshot. "I am glad to see you, your majesty."

"It is always an honor to meet with the members of the Jedi order, especially those who are such dear friends," you returned. You didn't lose the air of a queen for a moment. Even to your own ears, you sounded stiff and calloused. Perhaps that was who you were now, and the silly girl who had loved and laughed with Anakin had died. The poor thing must have left the inconvenience of being in love with a Jedi as your inheritance.

Anakin nodded his thanks, lowering his gaze and leading it away from you as though the sight of you burned him. Oh, by the stars, you were nineteen again. You wanted to wring your hands or say something that would make him laugh. You wanted to reach out and pull him into a hug and tell him how much you missed him. You wanted to sneak into Padmé's room and stay up late, laughing about how you took every one of his gestures and twisted it into something it couldn't be. More than anything, you wanted to cry, because it couldn't be. It couldn't be. It couldn't be.

And yet, you remained stoic. "I mean to leave within the next hour. Can you prepare for departure by then?"

You thought that you saw the whisper of a smile on Anakin's face. "Yes, your majesty. I'm sure that I am capable of being ready by then. Jedi don't have much in the galaxy to carry along."

What might have been a joke, was a reminder to you. Jedi are not allowed to have attachments. You offered a curt nod. "Very well. You are dismissed."

Anakin hesitated. "With all due respect, your majesty, I am meant to protect you; and I can't do that well when I'm not with you."

"You can do it well enough, and that is what is important," you insisted. "If you will excuse me. Please."

Anakin looked you right in the eye. "Of course, your majesty. I apologize for my disrespect." With that, he left you in an empty room.

Did he realize now that the two of you were different from who you had been? He must. The part of you that was still in love with Anakin regretted the entire encounter. The part of you that was queen realized the importance of protocol. Your only fear in the galaxy at present was that the part of you that was queen was much smaller. You sat at your vanity, resting your elbows on the table, and buried your face in your hands. You were going to have to discover a way to survive the threat that your protector posed.

On Naboo there was a parade in honor of your return. It offered a suitable distraction from things, but it ended too soon, and you were right back in the mess. Anakin took his duty seriously and never seemed to leave your side, and you weren't sure whether to be pleased or distraught. There would also be a ball in your honor where you would be expected to appear every bit as much as the queen that you were. Perhaps formality would be your lifeline from complete emotional ruin. You were going to put your faith in that ball.

The hours before the ball were meant to be a time of leisure for you, the last of your holiday time before returning to work, as it were. It was ordered that you were not to be disturbed. This was only for appearances, of course. If you were entirely alone, it would leave the perfect opportunity for a bounty hunter or assassin to strike. Anakin was with you still.

"Would you like me to leave, your majesty?" Anakin asked this question in the middle of the day, out of nowhere.

"That is a peculiar question, Master Skywalker," you responded, looking up from the holofile you had been reading. "In theory, when I'm alone is when I need your protection the most."

"But you aren't alone, and I know you want to be," Anakin pointed out. "I know that we aren't the friends that we were, and I don't want to be a problem."

So, he had finally come to the conclusion that you had been trying to get across, despite your reluctance. Now that you knew it, you regretted it fully and bitterly. You had lost something that would be impossible to recover. The only response you could manage was, "Your services are appreciated by myself and my people. You are not an inconvenience, I assure you." You returned to your file, but you found that your mind was too busy to read another word.

Anakin could hate you, and you would deserve it. Yet, he stayed when he realized it was little more than an emotionless machine that he was protecting. He was still a loyal friend when you had betrayed him for the love of the Republic.

You prepared yourself for the night, applying the red and white makeup that had become a symbol of your supposed superiority. With ease, you put on the dress that your sister had given you. You did not feel the innocence that the white of it suggested. You felt like a cruelty that grew and fed on mercy.

You braced yourself for the conventionality that you had come to rely on and walked out the door. Anakin met you outside. "You look beautiful, your majesty."

His words warmed you down to your fingertips, but you knew you couldn't show it. You nodded your thanks and began to walk down the corridor to the ballroom, Anakin just behind you. "Most people will not be as interested in your position as my protector," you informed him as you walked. "They will know you as General Skywalker. They will, in all likelihood, want you to tell them about the circumstances surrounding the Outer Rim sieges."

"And how am I to respond when they ask why I am not in the Outer Rim now?" Anakin questioned.

"Naturally, with the truth," you answered.

"I'm afraid that the truth may not please them much," he muttered.

You glanced over your shoulder. "And why is that?"

"I volunteered my services for this position," he informed you. "I might still be in the Outer Rim now if Senator Amidala hadn't told me that you needed temporary security." You weren't sure what to make of that statement, so it was fortunate that you reached the ballroom before you had time to answer.

When you were announced, all eyes turned upon you. You welcomed your guests and bid them continue their festivities. You went out of your way to personally greet prominent political figures who could turn tides with a seal of approval. It was all a routine. You had practiced it endlessly while you were running for queen, the politics of leisure. There was no real feeling in any of it, in accordance with customs passed down from hundreds of queens before you. After the acute wave of emotion you had experienced in the past two days, there was an emptiness to it. Anakin saw it, too. There were things you wanted to say to him, empty promises that were as worthless as Bantha fodder. If things had been different... But routines did not allow ifs.

Eventually you and Anakin were separated by the crowd. As you had said, interest in the Outer Rim sieges was prevalent and the people flocked to Anakin to hear about them. However, there was still a vast number of guests for you to entertain. Among these was the secretary of the treasury Shon Nalex. He was an excellent secretary and terribly outspoken. In fact, his mouth had gotten him into trouble more often than his politics. By the way he carried himself as he strode up to you, it appeared as though his mouth was about to cause him even more trouble.

Before you had time to call for Anakin, Nalex was before you. "It is a delight to have you back with us, your majesty," he announced, bowing respectfully.

"Even war cannot keep me away from my people long, secretary," you replied, for once not minding the necessity of rigidity.

"Well, if it takes a war for this opportunity, it will have been worth it."

"You must forgive me, secretary. I am afraid I don't understand your meaning."

Nalex smiled in a way that you knew other ladies found rather winsome. "I have had much time to think in your absence, your majesty."

Oh, dear... No matter the subject, if Nalex thought long enough about something, it ended with somebody offended. You silently tried to tell him to save himself from his own tongue. But Nalex was a stubborn man. He never had been inclined to listen.

"I propose an alliance between our two families. It will be advantageous to you, I am sure. My term is not complete for another nine years, but yours is almost over. Your hand can be in politics a little longer."

Humor him... you instructed yourself. "What nature of alliance?"

"Marital, naturally," he answered as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.

You answered him immediately. "I do not believe--"

"Hear me out," he interrupted. "I have been observing you from the moment you came to the throne. I have been drawn to you by your love of the people. It's not just a marriage of politics that I speak of, but one of intellectual and sympathetic equals."

You had always known Nalex to be an eccentric but this was ridiculous. You didn't want to sound indelicate, but impropriety was shown (granted, by a man who knew nothing else) and you had to put an end to it. "You must forgive me, secretary," you pleaded. "I cannot see how your offer would be convenient to me, though I assure you it is flattering."

"I know that in your current position, it is against protocol to publicly accept such a thing," Nalex continued as though he hadn't heard you. "Of course, you must use the rest of your term to consider it. I am willing to await your true response for however many years are necessary."

You would have repeated your rejection if you had had the opportunity. But, before you could respond at all, Anakin spoke next to you. You hadn't even seen him approach. "I believe her majesty has heard enough, secretary," he informed Nalex with the severity his order was known for.

"Master Skywalker..." you began.

"I believe that her majesty can speak for herself, Master Jedi," Nalex bit back.

Anakin took one offensive step towards Nalex. "She has. I will ask you not to disturb her majesty any longer."

"Master Skywalker," you repeated more firmly than before.

"You can ask me that, and I will ask you this:" Nalex returned. "Why is it that you're not in the Outer Rim right now? Could it be that our brave Jedi is a coward?"

You saw Anakin's hand rise up to his lightsaber. "I came here to protect the queen that you are so fond of. Little did I know I would have to protect her from her own secretary of the treasury."

"Anakin!" you called. Both Nalex and Anakin turned to look at you. "This man means me no harm, so I will thank you to stand back." Anakin threw one more glare at Nalex before stepping behind you. "I was quite serious in my refusal, secretary," you insisted, turning your attention to Nalex. "Marriage is not a goal that I am pursuing at the present. I thank you for your offer."

Nalex seemed to accept this. "I admire you, your majesty. If ever you change your mind..." With this, he left.

Once Nalex was out of earshot, you spoke, keeping your back to Anakin. "Tell me, Master Skywalker, do you think me so without dignity that I would accept such a man?"

"With all due respect, your majesty, these days I can't be sure of what you will do," Anakin admitted. "There are things that I have noticed you have stopped doing, and that's the only thing I can know with certainty. You won't do those things."

You turned your head so you could only see Anakin out of the corner of your eye. "And what is that?"

"You used to smile, your majesty."

You turned back sharply to face the crowd. So, you had succeeded and made him realize what couldn't be. You knew there would be no sense of accomplishment or relief. So what were you expecting to feel? Certainly, you had not expected to feel your heart break slowly inside your chest, every shattered piece blaming you as it fell. It was your fault; there was no sense in denying that. If you hadn't been carried away with the throne and elections and politics and protocol, it never would have happened. "Master Skywalker," you began, trying to hide the break in your voice. What were you trying to say? Her Majesty, the queen, had accomplished a terrible feat. It was what had to be done, but too late you realized it was not what you wanted. "Excuse me."

There was a clear path to the gardens that you took. You forgot the congregation. You tried to forget Anakin. In the center of the maze there was a fountain that you knew no one ever visited, so that was your destination.

There was a kind of loneliness among the greenery that had turned dark in the night. For once, you did not want to be alone. You wanted Padmé with you, helping you understand emotions you couldn't control. You wanted Anakin by your side, laughing as though nothing had ever changed. You wanted yourself back. Instead, the reflection of the queen was your companion. Well, you could change that, at least. You threw the water onto your face, washing the makeup off, rubbing it away with your hands. When you finished, you peered back into the water. That was the face you knew, though sadder and more tired than she had ever appeared in younger days. At least it was real.

You heard footsteps approach, and you somehow knew that they belonged to Anakin. When they stopped, you heard his voice. "I'm sorry," he told you, more sincerely than you had treated him recently. "That was unfair; you didn't deserve it. You have your duties, and I have no right to get in the way."

You couldn't face him. "No one is more sorry than I am," you responded. "I've destroyed our friendship. What's worse, I knew I was doing it, and I did nothing to stop myself."

Anakin sat next to you on the edge of the fountain. "Our friendship was... Well, it was never really much of a friendship, was it?"

"No," you admitted. It was more. It had always been more, and you had both always known it. You finally turned to face him. "I am thankful for everything that you've done, Anakin. You've been so good to my family, to my people. There could not be anybody more loyal to a people that was not his own."

"You have to..." Anakin began, pausing to look down at his hands. "You have to know it was all for you. When Padmé told me that you needed someone, I-- I couldn't stay away. I needed to make sure that you were safe. That's all I want. It would be enough. But I love you, Y/N, and I know I shouldn't, but I have never been able to stop loving you. I gave up trying a long time ago. I'm helpless."

"I do love you, Anakin," you whispered.

"And I'll take that with me everywhere I go for the rest of my life," Anakin promised. "When I leave, I'll remember."

"I don't want you to leave..."

Anakin hesitated, eyebrows furrowed. "You don't?"

"No," you laughed. "I've been a fool, and I've been cold and calloused, but I have never wanted you to leave. Not when we were ten, or nineteen, or ever. It's because I love you, Anakin, more than life. I want you to stay. Of course, that is by no means a direct order. If you want to leave..."

"No!" Anakin interrupted. "No, I want to stay with you, if you'll have me."

"I wouldn't want it any other way."

Anakin's good hand reached out and grabbed yours. "Stars above, Y/N, your hands are freezing."

"I'm sorry," you giggled. "Though, it's not my fault that you touched them in the first place." You moved your hand to his cheek. "Here, your face is red enough to warm them up, I think."

"That isn't fair," Anakin insisted. "It takes a huge amount of bravery to confess your undying love to a queen."

"Well, you must be so brave," you informed him. "You executed it perfectly. So well, in fact, that I want to kiss you very badly."

"Would you believe that I had that exact thought?"

"Then what are you waiting for?" you questioned.

Anakin reached up, placed his hand at the back of your neck, and ever so gently drew you closer until your lips connected. There was something peculiar about the kiss. It held every thrill of something new, and yet every comfort of something age-old and familiar. Things unspoken were spoken, and what always should have been finally was. You grew closer, both grasping onto the hope that you wouldn't wake up tomorrow and find that such an odd and wonderful feeling only existed in dreams of things that couldn't be.

Of course, you knew that not everything could end with a kiss. There were questions yet to ask and riddles to solve. Once an unspoken truth is yelled at the top of one's lungs, the entire galaxy shifts into a different perspective, and one might find it's harder to keep up with the new universe that you live in. The stone would crumble around you and planets would continued to spin and time went on, except for where you were. Time stood still when you and Anakin were together, making everything you had ever felt new. Living in your own little world became real and important. And you wouldn't trade your newfound, familiar pocket of the universe for a thousand crowns.