"Reason with him, Y/N. Please, just try to reason with him." That had been the plea of General Organa. "He won't listen to me," she had said. "I'm the reason he went to the Dark Side in the first place. But he might see sense if you show it to him." This was not an official mission. This was not mandatory. This was a request from a mother for the sake of her son. You were doing this for General Organa because she thought that Ben might still be alive. You didn't have the heart to tell her that you knew that Ben was gone forever, without redemption.

You approached Starkiller Base, not concerned with how you were going to get onto it, but rather what you were going to say to Kylo Ren once you were there. You hadn't seen him in years, but when you saw him last, you had had enough time to break each other's hearts. How he would react to seeing you again, what would happen to you, and whether you would even be able to land were all mysteries.

"We have you on our screens, now. Please identify," a voice came from the Base's Air Traffic Control.

"Diplomatic mission from the Ileenium System," you announced. "Ambassador Transport X-Wing requesting deactivation of the deflector shield."

There was nothing but static on the other end for a while, then the same voice spoke again. "We were not informed of any such mission from your system. State your personal identification."

You closed your eyes, trying to think. But you let your thoughts slip past your control, and suddenly, you knew exactly what to say. "Kylo Ren," you spoke to him. You somehow knew that he was there, listening. "You know who I am. Give me clearance, or I'll tattle to your mother about you."

More static. "...You... are granted clearance," the voice finally informed you, though it sounded reluctant. "Land in Hangar Two in the north quadrant."

"Roger," you confirmed. This was it. Either everything was going to be alright again, or you were about to wind up dead. No matter how it went, you owed it to Leia. She had been your saving grace over and over. She had pulled you out of more perilous situations than you could count, been there for you when Ben was destroyed and was the only Resistance member you knew who sympathized with your situation. Dying to help her seemed the best way to go about the entire death business.

You landed in Hangar Two, expecting an army of stormtroopers ready to take you as a prisoner. Instead, you were greeted by a vacant room. Wait, something inside you said. Not vacant. Someone is here. "Don't be a coward, Ren," you said aloud, knowing it was him. "I'm unarmed. which is more than I can say of you."

"It's been a long time, Y/N," you heard his voice coming from an ambiguous location. The muffled voice caused by his helmet made you grit your teeth. He was acting like a fool, parading around in his costume, determined to sever any ties to his past. Leia had asked you to come here because she thought you might know him better. For once, she was wrong. You had no idea who this man was who couldn't even show himself.

"Not long enough," you answered. "I didn't come here to talk to the air, Kylo. If you don't show yourself--"

"You'll tattle to General Organa about me?" Kylo finished. You could hear that he was behind you now.

You spun around to see him. For a brief moment you expected to see Ben Solo's face as you remembered it. You were disappointed in yourself for forgetting that Ben didn't exist anymore, even for a brief moment. He was Kylo Ren now, and the mask that covered his face was a token to that. "You bet that I would."

Kylo stood a moment, just looking at you. "You're a pilot now, for the Resistance," he determined.

You rolled your eyes, trying to appear unaffected by the fact that he was close enough to reach out to him like you once had. "What gave it away? The bright orange jumpsuit?"

"Always one to joke," Kylo sighed. "You haven't changed."

You couldn't bear to face him any longer. Not with the mask. You looked away as subtly as you could. You didn't want to show any signs of weakness, though if Kylo Ren had remembered his time as Ben, he already knew your weaknesses. "I only wish that I could say the same for you, Kylo," you retorted.

"You're scared of the mask," Kylo noticed. The fact that the Force could tell him what you were feeling irked you. There had once been a time that you had appreciated it. It had been useful when you had been too scared to tell Ben how you felt about him. Now it was a weapon for him. "You don't have to be afraid. I'll show you." He reached up and removed his helmet.

Ben... The name you couldn't help but think. He was almost exactly the same as you remembered him. Granted, his face had grown older, but, then again, he was no longer a child. One difference you noticed was that his hair had changed. It was darker now than it used to be. It struck you that he was darker now, as well. He might have a familiar face, but this was the man who had killed Ben. You had an anchor to the present.

"General Organa... I take it that she is still leading the Resistance?" Kylo questioned.

"She is," you confirmed, nodding. It was information that everybody knew. There was no harm in relaying it.

"And she's safe?" he continued.

"Your mother is never safe, Ren" you snapped. "You made sure of that."

Kylo paused for a moment. "And what about Han Solo?"

"I haven't heard from your father in over a year, but the last time I checked, he and Chewie were doing just fine," you sighed. "If you care about them so much, then why don't you come back? They miss you."

Kylo looked away from you. "You say it like it's that simple..."

You furrowed your eyebrows. "It is that simple."

Then Kylo met your eyes again. "What about you, Y/N. Do you miss me?"

Everything in you was telling you to answer yes, but you didn't listen. "I miss Ben Solo. I don't know who you are."

Kylo took hold of your arms, but there was nothing hostile about it. It brought back memories of a simpler, gentler time. "I am Ben. I'm the same person. The only difference is that I'm stronger and wiser now."

You pulled away from his grasp, despite your reluctance to. "Don't you dare claim to be Ben. Ben was kind and sweet and sometimes scared. He loved learning. He was always the first person up and training at the Academy. When I felt alone, he stayed up late to talk to me even though we were worlds apart. I loved him, and you killed him. So, don't you dare say that you're Ben. If you were Ben, you wouldn't have stormtroopers lined up outside the door right now, ready to take me prisoner if I don't comply."

Kylo's eyes widened. "You knew--"

"I refuse to join your Dark Side, Kylo Ren. There's no point in trying to convert me." You were doing everything in your power not to cry. This was the end.

Kylo hesitated, then straightened his posture. "So be it." He put his mask back on. "You realize that I cannot allow you to return to the Resistance."

You nodded. "Naturally."

At that the doors opened, revealing the legion of stormtroopers that you had sensed was there from the beginning. Two grabbed hold of your arms and led you to a restraining cell. You would stay in that cell for over a month. You were most often guarded by stormtrooper JB-007, though he was relieved of duty whenever Kylo Ren entered the cell, which was daily.

You became used to defying him. You refused to answer his questions, or say anything at all except, "Down with the First Order. Long live the Republic." It upset him, which was only part of the reason you did it. The other reason was that seeing Kylo Ren every day was beginning to affect you. He never wore his mask around you anymore, and thought you knew he was Kylo Ren now, he still looked like Ben. It was hard to resist the pull to him. You were brainwashing yourself, trying to keep your sense of right and wrong together.

One day, he caught you off-guard. "I don't see why you can't understand," he began the moment he walked in. "Ben Solo was a foolish boy, and now I've grown up, just like you. The Supreme Leader has taught me the ways of the force as it should be. I can teach you the same thing."

You looked up at him. "I want the foolish boy back," you whispered.

"I can't go back to the way I was," Kylo insisted. "But I can still be Ben if that's what you want. Don't you have any faith?"

"How can I?" you cried. "Dead people can't come back to life. I love you, Ben. Why did you have to die? I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't protect you from Kylo Ren. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." You buried your face in your hands, repeating the words over and over again. You heard Kylo Ren leave the room, and FN-2187 returned. That was the last you saw of Kylo for days.

The next time you saw him, he walked into the cell, sat beside you, and didn't speak. "Aren't you going to say something?" you questioned after a long moment of silence.

"Why would I?" Kylo returned. "I already know that your answer will be 'Down with the First Order. Long live the Republic'."

"Well, that much is true," you admitted. You longed to know what he was thinking, what he was feeling. You could almost feel some invisible power reaching out and connecting your mind to his.

"I can feel that you're looking inside my mind," Kylo informed you.

"I am?" you answered, somewhat taken aback.

"You don't even know, do you?" he sighed. "You have the Force, Y/N. I feel foolish for not having realized it sooner. You need training."

Somehow, this didn't surprise you. The fact that the Force was a part of you seemed to be like the fact that Tatooine had two suns: it went without saying. "But you don't want to teach me," you said, picking up on what you had seen in his mind.

"No," Kylo responded. "It isn't safe for you here. General Hux is already suggesting torture as a method of extracting information from you."

"So, what are you going to do about it?" you questioned.

"I'm trying to decide," Kylo admitted.

You hesitated; but, letting the Force guide you, you spoke. "I already know what you'll choose."

Kylo turned to look at you, his eyes pleading with you to tell him what you knew. For once, you didn't reject the fact that Ben Solo was in front of you. If Ben was completely dead, he wouldn't make the decision you knew he would.

"You're going to choose to help me escape," you told him. "You've already chosen, Ben. If you hadn't, you wouldn't be here now."

Ben took a deep breath. "Well, if you're going to escape, you can't sit here all day."

The journey back to Hangar Two was simple. No one dared question Ben when he was in his full intimidating uniform. You made it to your X-Wing without any problems.

Before you got into the cockpit, Ben took both of your hands in his. "I love you, Y/N. It's not past tense, and it never will be. If this is the last time I see you, I want you to know."

You swallowed past the urge to cry and smiled. "I love you, Ben, and I'll always be waiting for you."

You pulled Ben into a hug. Though he seemed surprised by it at first, he eventually leaned into it, his hand tangling in your hair. Anyone looking in on the scene could've thought that it was ten years ago - before Kylo Ren existed. This could be the last time I see him again, you told yourself. You held onto him for dear life, and he did the same.

Then Ben leaned down and pressed his lips to yours. His right hand shook as he reached up to cup your face in it. His thumb traced circles on your cheek, brushing away the tears that had spilled over. You both pulled away when you could hold on no longer.

"Leave now," he instructed you, his voice breaking. "Don't let them find you."

You nodded and climbed into the cockpit of the X-Wing, stealing one last look at Ben before you flew away from Starkiller Base.

He was alive. Ben was alive. He might be buried somewhere, and it might take a miracle to find him, but you had hope again. You could spread that hope to Leia, and Han, and Chewie, and the people that loved Ben. If he could change once, he could change again. And as you promised, you would always be waiting for him.