chapter eighteen; apology speech

"SO THAT'S WHAT THEY'VE BEEN CALLING YOU?" SIRIUS ASKED, ANXIOUSLY TWIDDLING HIS FINGERS. His back was perched against one of the crumbling walls of the Shrieking Shack and his eyes refused to meet Tempest's.  This was something that hadn't changed since they had begun to reconnect, and they were yet to have a proper conversation eye to eye. It did frustrate Tempest, but she didn't want to say anything just yet. "The traitor's fiancée?"

Tempest nodded, pursing her lips. Her arms were wrapped around her upper body in attempt to gain some more warmth, as she had rejected Sirius' offer of a blanket. Her pants were still slightly damp from the lake despite her efforts to dry them, but her stomach was full thanks to her counterpart's surprisingly good (despite having a limited flavour palette) cooking. "Ever since the day you went away."

"I'm sorry," Sirius' bottom lip trembled and he looked up at the ceiling in attempt to keep his tears hidden from her. Tempest averted her eyes as well, focusing on the worn out ground. "You've faced so much hatred because of me."

"It's in the past now, Sirius," she mumbled, shaking her head. She wasn't going to deny the hurt she had experienced since the deaths of Lily and James, but she had learned to move past it, no matter how harrowing it had been. "There's nothing we can do to change it."

"Yes, but--" Sirius' voice trailed off as he yet again wiped his teary eyes. "It was all because of me. I never stopped thinking about you in Azkaban. I hoped you were safe, regardless of whether or not you saw me as a monster. It was you who got me through, Remus as well. The guards wondered why I never went mad, but it was because I knew that I was innocent, and I was hoping you would know that as well."

"I'm sorry for not believing you, Sirius," Tempest mumbled, bowing her head slightly shamefully. Sirius pushed himself up where he stood and dragged himself over to her. He hunched over slightly and hesitantly placed his thumb under the woman's chin, pushing it up a little so that she was looking at her. Tempest felt her heart stop a little bit, as this was something he did when they were younger, when he knew she was upset. Tears threatened to fall from Tempest's eyes, but she knew she couldn't let them fall.

She was strong.

Strong people can't cry.

"I know it must have been hard for you, Onyx. Often the harsh words of the people who once loved us hurt more than anything else in the world. You're the bravest person I know, and it was worth waiting twelve years to see your beautiful face again," Sirius' voice was low and serene, and Tempest felt her bottom lip begin to tremble. Many people had said similar things to her over the years, but it seemed to mean the most coming from him. "It's alright to cry, because I've seen it before and it doesn't scare me anymore, not like how it did the first time it happened anyway. It's okay if you don't feel the same, but I still love you, no matter what life has thrown our way."

Tempest's head bowed so that it rested against Sirius' forehead, and she reached around her neck and grasped the silver chain hanging from it. She pulled it up from where it was hidden under her shirt, to reveal a silver ring that was hanging from the bottom. Sirius' breath hitched in his throat slightly at the sight of the engagement ring he and James had gone to purchase all those years ago. It was in perfect condition after so long, as if she had meticulously been taking care of it despite the hatred she had felt. It kept her safe, regardless of who had given it to her.  She blinked, tears falling onto her exposed wrist. "I still love you too."

To any person who overlooked this scene, they may have seen it as a moment of weakness, when in fact, as both Tempest and Sirius began to weep, it was a moment of strength and solidarity.

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Tempest felt considerably lighter upon leaving the Shrieking Shack, not just because she was in her animagus form. Her body still felt a weighed down with exhaustion, but her head felt clearer. Her paws sunk into the damp ground, and she could hear the busy chattering of students as she drew closer to the castle. She assumed Remus was waiting for her to return, and though she knew they needed to talk about what had happened, she wasn't ready. 

Remus had been the one person who had never doubted her, who had never thought she was a bad person, and yet it seemed he had been lying all along. All those reassurances he had given, all the consolation he had provided seemed wasteful, unnecessary. It hurt, to say the least. 

Upon entering the castle, Tempest wove her way through the crowds of children socialising, as classes had ended and dinner was to be served relatively soon. Some had changed into their own comfortable clothing seeing as they were not required in any more classes, while other hadn't bothered, still in their uniforms. Hardly anyone noticed her, only the rare first year who cooed at her presence. 

The rest of the journey to her quarters was quite smooth, considering the fact that there were many people she didn't want to run into. She had seen Susan Bones fumbling with a mountain of study material outside the library, as well as Neville Longbottom awkwardly chasing after his Care of Magical Creatures textbook in the South passage. Despite this, she had reached her room in one unseen piece. 

Tempest knocked the door of her room with her head and pounced inside, growing to her usual size and locking herself inside. A deep sigh left her being, and she rubbed her tired eyes. 

"I wasn't sure you'd be coming back," a voice made her nearly jump twenty feet in the air. The witch turned quickly with clenched fists raised, only to freeze a little at the sight of Remus sitting on her bed. Immediately, her eyes narrowed and she relaxed her shoulders, though she crossed her arms irritably. 

"What could you possibly want?" She sneered, pushing down any feelings of remorse, as hard as it was. She hated being angry at apparently her only friend, but how much of that relationship had been built on lies. "I don't want to see you, Lupin."

"Listen, Onyx," he quickly intervened, getting to his feet and reaching out for her. Tempest took a step back without any hesitation. Remus was left to grab empty air, his face downcast. "I came here to apologise."

"You came here to get information out of me so that you can betray me," Tempest retorted, shaking her head. She ducked past the tall, lanky man and stepped into the small bathroom. Remus didn't dare follow her in there. "I'm not talking to you anymore. You made it quite clear what you thought of me down at Hagrid's home."

"Onyx, I was angry-"

"Only my friends call me Onyx," Tempest snapped, slamming the door shut in the scarred man's face. "I'm sure you can find some other nickname for me; how about the traitor's fiancée?" 

"Oh, Tempest, please," Remus pleaded, the door creaking slightly. Tempest could only assume he was leaning against it. She huffed and turned towards the sink, looking up and seeing her depressing reflection in the small mirror. Her eyes were still puffy, and her cheeks were a little tinged, but other than that, she looked like she normally did; an empty shell of who she used to be. "I'm sorry for everything I said, I promise I meant nothing of it!"

Tears unconsciously began to swell in Tempest's eyes once more, which made her grow angry once more upon noticing. Merlin, what was wrong with her? 

"I shouldn't have said any of those things, I knew that they would hurt you, and I--" Remus trailed off, and Tempest glanced towards the dark wooden door. "I don't know, I suppose in that moment I wanted you to hurt."

Tempest didn't say anything, her lips couldn't seem to form any real words.

"The truth is, I was angry that you hadn't told me anything. I thought we were supposed to be in this together, and when I found out that you had been keeping secrets from me, I wanted you to feel the same way I did...I wanted you to feel like you...didn't matter. You were the only person I had after James, Lily and Peter...My love for you only grew as if you were truly a sister to me. It was clear to see how much everything had affected you, maybe more-so than myself. And now, after everything that has happened, I felt like the trust we shared had broken. I didn't mean to say those things, and that's not how I truly feel about you. You're my best friend, and I'd be nowhere if it weren't for you."

Tempest stepped closer and closer to the door until her forehead was rested against the wood. Her shoulders trembled as she tried to collect the jumbled thoughts inside her head; but it had been an emotional day, so it was perfectly understandable that she couldn't. 

Her small hand slowly reached for the doorknob, and she opened the entrance to the bathroom, watching Remus stumble a little as he regained his balance. The two broken individuals stared at each other for a moment through teary eyes, before Tempest leapt into his arms. Remus gasped out in relief as he threw his arms around her waist, holding her so tight it nearly suffocated her. 

It was evident that they needed each other like a human needed air; there was too much of a past to give up, too much loss and pain between them to throw away like an empty food wrapper. 

"I'm sorry," he whispered, his voice thick and wobbly as he tried not to cry. She sniffled and held him closer. 

"I'm sorry too," she choked out, burying her face in his shoulder. "I shouldn't have kept secrets from you. I didn't want you to feel like you didn't matter, Remus. You matter so much to me...you believed in me when no one else did."

"The same goes for you," he responded softly, before the pair parted and stood separate once more. Remus reached over and placed his hand on Tempest's shoulder. "You're much more than any name they called you in the papers, Tempest."

The woman lifted her arm and set her hand atop Remus'. 

"Onyx."

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ahhh holy fuck i updated!!! dudes i'm not even kidding this is so huge for me because i've been in such a big sad pit for several months and i've been trying so hard to update or even writing SOMETHING, cause i've been staring at a blank computer screen trying to focus when all my mind ever does is get distracted. i'm genuinely proud of myself for publishing after so long, cause it means that i got something done, which hasn't happened in a long time. i know it's not the strongest of chapters, but i can't believe i actually finished writing it!! wooo!! go me!!