Pairings: The Darkling x Reader, The Crows x Reader
Fandom: Grishaverse

Word Count: 1,008
Warnings: Canon typical gore n stuff, toxic relationship
SUMMARY: Your mistakes finally catch up to you.
: "How is this possible? I watched you die."

A/N This is based off of the show! I have yet to read the Shadow & Bone trilogy so if the Darkling seems OOC........ that's why. Also this seems perfect for a part two...............

You lived every day as if it were your last, each of them should have been. It was blurry how you found yourself in Kerch, least of all joining a gang. The Dregs were a simple bunch, easy to run with considering your hidden talent for stopping hearts.

When word came to the barrel of a supposed Sun Summoner, you had to see it for yourself. Luckily enough Kaz got hired to get the summoner back to Kerch alive for the price of four million kruge. It was like a golden apple of opportunity fell into your lap.

Kaz knew of your Grisha ability but never said a word of it to Inej or Jesper. You suspected the Wraith was well aware due to her keen eye but she never mentioned it. It was why Kaz brought you along, if things got too out of control you could level the playing field.

-

By the time the crew made it across the fold and into the palace, you had to use your ability to soothe anxiety more times than you could count. Despite the Crows being younger than you by more than half a decade, you felt like one of them.

Your older age only meant you had proper training in controlling your power. It was like nothing to stop or kickstart someone's heart after years of growing up in the little palace. It was nice at the time, until General Kirigan took a liking to you.

Everything about him drew you in, the mystery, the favoritism, the dark brown eyes in which you saw nothing. His way of letting you know he liked you was simple, he'd let you off easy whenever you'd slip up, he never berated you for talking out of turn, and the way he held your gaze was... burning.

Anytime you met eyes, you couldn't help but stare back at the Darkling. He was captivating. The only Shadow Summoner to exist after they all slowly died out. The only living descendant of the Black Heretic.

You soon fell into his palms like a stone. It was nice to be liked by a man with so much power. Hardly 17 and someone who could end a life with the flick of his hand seemed to want you.

This favoritism only caused more issues for you. The worst offender of all being Zoya Nazyalensky; a powerful Squaller and saints such an inspiration. Despite her jealousy, you held no venom for her. How could you? Everytime you looked at her, it was like seeing Aphrodite herself. Before you came to the little palace, she was the Darkling's favorite, or so you heard.

Whatever made him drop the Zoya Nazyalensky for you?

At the time, you were just thankful to be close to such power. Whenever you'd be in the same room as him, your powers were almost amplified. It felt like such magic. As if pure potential was running through your veins whenever you held his hand. You could heal someone with the blink of an eye, make someone comatose with a light sigh... it was euphoric.

But as both your relationship with Kirigan and your training with Baghra progressed, things slowly fell apart. It reminded you of your first Kefta, the material wasn't perfect so some of the seams were easy to pull apart. You found yourself often ripping threads out of it when anxious or bored, soon your entire sleeve turned to nothing but useless fabric.

Things blew up in your face the day you died. Something went wrong, you were ambushed and outnumbered... but when you woke up seemingly years later, you were on a boat to Kerch. It was how you later found yourself in a gang run by kids.

-

It felt wrong being back "home", you lived a large number of your teenage years in the little palace. But you weren't home to relive past memories. Just as Jesper said, "We're here to kidnap someone and get rich." That's all... so why did you find yourself wandering the halls instead of standing at your post stoically?

Kaz said you were to follow the Conductor, something tipped Kaz off and you followed his orders almost perfectly.

You were fifteen paces behind the Conductor, you tried to mimic Inej's quiet steps but you knew the sound of your foot falls could be heard if he listened hard enough. At one point, he looked back to ensure he wasn't being followed and so you scooted into a doorway... and fell into a body instead of a door.

You shouldn't have been able to recognize the feel of them but you did and it frightened you. Nobody was familiar anymore. But he still was. The man who wrecked your life by toying with your heart.

Everything felt wrong, the guard uniform suddenly felt ill fitting and your breath stopped flowing. Seeing Kirigan in person shook you to your core. He looked as young as he did all those years ago... his eyes still dark as night and as handsome as ever.

Kirigan tried catching you when you fell so his hand on your forearm felt like a million pounds. You could feel the feeling of his marrow amplifying your abilities as he held your gaze for what could have easily been years.

"How is this possible? I watched you die." Hearing his voice was something otherworldly. The very sound you used to find comfort in, struck fear in you. He sounded angry and confused, two things you hardly saw come from the Darkling.

With his hand still on your arm, you knew only one thing would help you escape once more. "Even the weakest of heart renders can stop their own from beating, Darkling." You stunned him by touching a hand to his chest, his jaw dropped as the feeling of his heart stopping became obvious.

Just like the last time, you were gone as if you were a phantom in the night. Maybe Inej would finally be proud of your silent steps and shadowy figure.