Part 1

"He's not here," you panted, jogging to meet up with Tony. "We've covered the entire area and there's no sign of him anywhere."

Tony opened his mask and looked around, still searching and still hoping. "Son of a bitch...I thought this would be it."

"I'm starting to lose hope now, dad. It's been months; if we find him now I'm scared that it will be just a body that they left behind. HYDRA doesn't take prisoners, remember?"

"(Y/N), we're going to find him, and I'm not giving up yet, alright? No one is." Tony looked at you with a weak smile, trying to be encouraging and failing miserably. "Cap would never go out without one hell of a fight. We're either gonna find him, or the trail of bodies he left behind."

~~~

When you arrived back at the tower, you knew it was going to be another long and disappointing conversation about where exactly you looked, how long you spent at each location, did you find anything that could be a clue, and a multitude of other questions that Bucky would ask, though he would never feel satisfied with any of your answers. When he met you as you exited the rear of the jet, he looked defeated before he even began.

"Nothing," he whispered, turning to leave. "Always nothing."

"Bucky, don't go."

"Do you have anything good to tell me, (Y/N)?

"Yeah, that we didn't find his body," you snapped, your fatigue and own frustrations starting to take their toll on you. "So I would say that's good, wouldn't you?"

Hearing your growing hostility, something struck a cord in him and he rushed forward, pushing you harshly against the side of the jet. "No, that's not necessarily good, (Y/N)! We don't know what they might be doing to him. They do horrible, painful things to people that they hate; things that change who you are forever. It might be better for him if we did find him...dead..." his voice trailed off at the word, and he slowly backed away.

"Okay," you sighed, "okay, I think we need to just take a break, step back for a minute, and get our heads clear. We can't fight, Bucky. We need to hold it together." You wearily grabbed your gear and made your way towards your room, ready for a little solitude and long hot shower.

You didn't want to give up on finding Steve either, but it was taking more and more to keep your focus and your optimism. He had been your only focus for almost three months now since the day he didn't return from a mission with Bucky, Sam and Natasha. When his name was spoken, it brought silence to any room, followed by regret and anger. The team was near a breaking point, and you feared its future if he wasn't found soon, either alive or dead.

When you were finally able to relax and let the hot water soothe your aching muscles, your emotions finally got the best of you; the stress had become too much, and your tears were mixing with the water that tried to wash them away.

"You're one of my best friends, (Y/N). It's not weird, is it?"

"Get out of my head, Steve," you whispered to yourself, the memories only making your tears stronger.

"I'd love to take you to dinner...if you want...I mean...if that's okay."

"We can go when I get back from the mission tomorrow. It should be a quick one."

You slid down the wall of the shower to sit on the floor, your mind and body completely exhausted and drained. Your brain was betraying you, repeating memories over and over, with flashes of Steve being tortured mixed within them, just to make them hurt a little more. It began to feel like you were never going to get that date after all, and that Bucky might be right.

You pulled yourself from the shower, quickly getting dressed and deciding that you needed to get some air and out of the tower. Your life had become nothing more than this building and flying from search to search; you just needed to breathe.

"Hey fellas, I'm going to run across the street for a tea. You want anything?"

"Non-fat latte."

"Green tea Frappe."

"Black."

"Espresso Macchiato."

"Half-whole milk, one quarter 1%, one quarter non-fat, extra hot, quad shots, no foam latte, with whip, 2 packets of Splenda, a touch of vanilla syrup and 3 short sprinkles of cinnamon."

You stood and stared at Clint with your mouth open, disbelieving and a bit confused. "Barton...um, what?"

"I said, half-whole milk, one quarter..."

"Nope," you interrupted, turning to leave before he could finish.

~~~

You gave the barista the order for the group, with the exception of the picky archer, and grabbed a seat nearby as you waited. It was a quaint little coffee house, especially for being in the middle of the city, and it had a very relaxed feel to it. Leaning back in your chair, you rested your head against the wall and closed your eyes for just a moment of peace.

"Hello, ma'am. Could I just get a black coffee please?"

With your eyes still closed, you thumped your head softly against the wall, cursing that your mind could be so cruel as to make you think you heard Steve. It began to feel like you were going just a little bit crazy.

"Miss, are you okay?"

There it was again. You sighed deeply and slowly opened your eyes, but when they focused on the man standing over you, they opened wide and you jumped enough to nearly fall off of the chair.

"Steve?"

"Yes, ma'am? Do I know you?" He held your gaze for a moment, then leaned back slightly to cross his arms over his chest, reminiscent of your Captain. "You do look familiar, but I can't place why."

Your mind was racing and you didn't know what to say or what to do. Do you tell him who he is? Do you play along until you can get Bucky or Tony? Do you call Bruce? All you knew was that you couldn't let him walk away from you and risk losing him again.

"I do think we've met before," you said with a smile, hoping you could hide your fear from him.

"Um...would it be okay....would you mind if...if I joined you?"

"Please, I would like that very much."

When they called you to pick up your order he put his hand out to hold you back, grabbing it for you and returning with an amused expression as he surveyed the multiple drinks and their wide variety. "Couldn't decide what you wanted?"

"Yeah," you chuckled, "I was sent with a list." You grabbed your tea from the group and set the others to the side, "but they can wait."

~~~

"I'm from Brooklyn originally, but I live a couple blocks from here now, over that way." He pointed out the window and past the glow of the tower, pausing for just a moment to look at it. "Have you ever looked in there before? Sometimes when I walk by at night I peek in. It's pretty impressive, but it feels like it's a bit much. It's a little too flashy if ya ask me."

You nearly spit out your tea, realizing that he had been right here, almost next door this entire time while you were searching the world for him. You cleared your throat and tried to cover your shock as best as possible. "Well, I hear that Tony Stark guy is a little excessive sometimes. Big ego. Likes to show off."

"That would explain a lot."

"Would you like to see it?"

Steve set his cup down slowly and looked at you completely confused. "You mean, go inside? You can do that?"

"I can." You shifted in your chair, nervous now that you were on the verge of scaring him away like a frightened little animal. "We don't have to. I just thought I would offer."

He took a long, deep breath and let it out slowly. He pulled out his wallet to leave a tip for the barista and stood next to you with his hand extended for you to take. You readily took it and grabbed the other drinks from your order, laughing out loud that they were cold now and the Frappe had completely melted after sitting with Steve for nearly three hours.

"I should probably re-order these if I'm going to surprise everyone with a guest." You tossed them in the trash and quickly went to the counter to order, leaving him there to wait.

"Oh my god, what am I doing?" you whispered to yourself, "Surprise is a damn understatement, (Y/N)."

~~~

"You're nervous."

"Wouldn't you be?" he said quietly, staring up at the massive building that he was about to enter. "The Avengers live here. They're actual superheroes."

Your heart sank into your stomach and you wanted to scream 'so are you!' but you knew you couldn't; he wouldn't believe it or understand. All you could focus on was getting him inside and getting help to figure out what to do.

"When we're done," he said, looking down at you with that perfect smile of his, "could I take you to dinner?"

Why did everything have to be so painful? Why couldn't he just see you and his home, and soon his friends, and just remember? Where did your Steve go? If it were the last thing you ever did, you would make HYDRA pay with every one of their worthless, miserable lives.

"I would like that very much," you replied almost too quiet to hear, knowing your voice was failing and with the lump in your throat nearly choking you. You grabbed his hand and entered the front door, your nerves almost too much. You could hear your teammates laughing in the distance and the feeling only grew.

"Hey guys," you yelled up to them, "I've got a new friend that I would like you to meet."

Part 2

"Everyone, I would like you to meet Steve," you said slowly and deliberately, the look on your face trying to convey what was happening before anyone reacted to seeing him. "We met at the coffee house across the street, and he said that he's wanted to see what the tower was like, so...here we are."

Tony's eyes met yours, and you could see how hard it was for him to hold back what he really wanted to say and what he was feeling. He made his way down the stairs to join you, extending his hand to Steve. "Nice to meet you, I'm Tony." You could hear the slight crack in his voice as he spoke, and you hoped he could hold it together for just a little longer.

"Pleasure to meet you, I'm Steve. Steve Rogers."

The rest of the team was standing on the floor above, looking down at the three of you with shocked expressions. You shook your head slightly at them, worried that anything strange might scare Steve away and you'd never find him again.

"Steve, up there is Bruce, Clint, Natasha, Thor, Wanda, Pietro, Sam and...Bucky." The sting of tears came when you said Bucky's name, but you held them back as best as you could. The look on Bucky's face was one that you knew you'd never forget, filled with shock, anger, pain, and confusion.

The group gave a few quiet greetings and a few small waves, but Natasha simply turned and walked away, unable to process what was happening. "Dad, could you maybe show Steve around for a few minutes so I can talk to Nat?"

"Dad?" Steve laughed, looking at you with amusement, "okay, it all makes sense now."

"Yeah, I don't usually give that detail away up front. It scares people off."

You felt a squeeze on your hand, having forgotten you were still holding his, and he turned to whisper in your ear so Tony wouldn't hear, "it's gonna take more than that, (Y/N)."

Please stop. This hurts too much. You sighed and gave him your best attempt at a smile and handed him off to Tony. On your way to Nat's room you stopped to talk to the group, knowing that they were just as confused as you were, and that Bucky needed any kind of answer.

"Guys, I don't know any more than you do yet, other than that he has no memory of us, and he lives only a few blocks away."

"Are you fucking serious?" Bucky whispered harshly and began to pace back and forth in frustration, "we've been all over the world and back, and he's been our neighbor this whole time?"

"I know, I can't believe it either, Buck. I don't know what to believe right now."

"What's their play?" He walked to the railing to look down at Steve, who was listening to Tony talk about the design of the building and doing his best to appear interested. "HYDRA wipes only a part of his memory then plants him a few blocks away? It doesn't make any sense."

"Do we trust him?"

You turned to Sam like he had just slapped you across the face, "Do we trust Steve? Sam, come on. He hasn't said or done anything that would make me think otherwise. And it's Steve."

"Is it?" he continued and took a few steps closer to you. "Is it really the Steve we know? We don't know what they did to him, do we?"

"Yeah, but do you really think they could turn Cap against us?" Clint joined in. "Who he is as a person is pretty solid if you ask me."

Sam put his hands up defensively and joined Bucky at the railing. "I just can't think of why else they would keep him so close by other than for some kind of plan. Don't you see his interest in the tower as maybe a red flag?"

You hadn't seen it that way at all. It could have been a residual memory triggering his interest, but it could also be what he was told to do. You couldn't wrap your mind around the idea of Steve as a pawn of HYDRA, and never as an enemy to the team. It just wasn't even a possibility to you, but it was one that you had to consider for both his safety and yours. It hurt like hell.

"I need to check on Nat," you mumbled and walked away.

~~~

You had been knocking on her door for several minutes before she finally let you in, walking back to the window once you were inside. She stood motionless with her arms crossed, silently staring at the city lights and life continuing on outside; she was purposefully making it difficult for you to read her.

"What's going on?"

She still made no motion to answer or to even acknowledge your question. Wherever she was within her own mind, it had silenced her.

"Okay, you don't have to answer, but just listen for a minute, and then I'll go." You slowly approached her and stood a few feet away, following her lead and watching the city. "He knows his life before the team, but nothing about us at all, as far as I can tell. He's been living nearby, so Sam's worried that HYDRA planted him here for a reason." The feeling of a lump in your throat was building, so you had to wrap this up before it took your voice. "I'm going to figure this out, Nat. We'll get Steve back."

The words were meant to console her, but it felt like you were convincing yourself more than anyone else.

~~~

Knowing that Tony had to be close to done showing Steve around, you left Natasha to hurry to Bruce, hoping for some guidance on what to do. You had agreed to dinner with Steve and you were terrified that you could do or say something that might ruin any chance at getting him back. Just as you would expect, the doctor was already in the lab, searching for solutions on memory recovery and reviewing Steve's medical records.

"Bruce, you have to help me, and fast," you said frantically as you burst through the doors. "He's taking me to dinner in a few minutes and I'm terrified. What do I do? What do I say?"

"First, you need to calm down," he said quietly as he took your arm and led you to a chair next to him. "Just do your best to act natural. I don't know what would happen if you tried to explain this to him, since we don't know for sure what they did or what they are going to do with him."

"So you think Sam is right."

"I think it's a real possibility, (Y/N)." He took off his glasses and set them on the table, slowly rubbing the fatigue from his eyes, "we just can't ignore that option."

~~~

"So, what do you think?" you asked, rejoining your dad and Steve. "Impressed?"

"Definitely," Steve nodded, "but if you don't mind, Mr. Stark, I'd like to take (Y/N) out for the evening."

They really did leave a lot of Steve intact, thankfully. Maybe Clint had a point too, that who Steve was as a person might be too ingrained in him to remove. You took Steve's arm and smiled at Tony, leaning over to kiss his cheek. "We'll talk later, love you," you whispered before pulling back.

Tony stood silently, watching you leave and letting Steve out of his sight again. He looked up towards Bucky, who had been watching every move that he and Steve had made around the building. "She'll keep an eye on him, Barnes."

Once outside and on the sidewalk in front of the tower, the two of you paused as he decided which direction to go. "Let's see," he thought aloud, "okay, this way. I know a place." You smiled and followed his lead, thinking about what you would say to him over the course of the evening and how you would approach the situation if the topic of his memory came up.

He directed you around the corner of the block and stopped, looking down at you with almost sorrowful eyes. He looked like he was fighting a battle with himself and struggling to control his own body as he put his hand over your mouth and held your arms tightly at your sides.

"I'm so sorry, (Y/N). Forgive me."

~~~

When you woke it was cold and dark with the exception of a few lights at the edges of the room, and it smelled of antiseptic. You pulled at your arms and legs but they were secured to the hard table that held you, and a thick leather strap over your chest was scratching at your skin every time you moved.

"Good, you're awake," Steve sighed with genuine relief, "I was worried."

"I'm getting some mixed messages here, Rogers," you scoffed.

He stood at your side with his hands deep in his pockets, but you could tell that he wanted to have contact with you and was holding back. It was likely that you were being watched and he was clearly under orders to do this. Your only shred of hope right now was that you maybe saw a glimpse of the real Steve just before he grabbed you.

"They don't want to hurt you, (Y/N)," he said quietly, "they want to show us a better way."

Your heart began to pound and you could feel your anxiety building, "us? They want to show us?"

He pulled up a chair next to you and sat down, leaning forward to rest his arms on his legs with his hands nervously and constantly in motion. "HYDRA has never been able to defeat the Avengers. Not as a team. The loss outweighs any victory that we've had."

He said 'we've'. The real Steve would hate this person.

"The Avengers say that they want to keep humanity safe, so we'll take them one by one, and we'll show them how to do it the correct way. I'm only the beginning, (Y/N)." Steve reached into his pocket and pulled out a phone, quickly typing a message. "I hope you understand, I don't want to hurt you."

"Too late," you mumbled, looking away so he wouldn't see your tears. "Don't act like you know me and that you care about me. You're not Steve, and I don't want your concern."

"So be it," he huffed, dropping the phone on the floor and crushing it with his boot as to make it untraceable. "I'll let you know when daddy's home."

~~~

Tony and Bruce had been working in the lab since you had left and completely lost track of time working on how to help Steve. The buzzing from his phone jolted Tony to attention, and only then did he realize that you weren't home yet and that you had been gone for hours. He quickly grabbed his phone, worried now that you were in trouble, and nearly fell from his chair when his fears were confirmed. There was an address that he didn't recognize and a message from Steve.

Stark, if you want to see her again, meet us here.

Alone, no suit, or we'll make sure that your face is the last thing she sees.

Part 3

Tony pushed the door open to the darkened building at the edge of the city, looking for any sign of you or Steve. The door creaked loud enough to announce his arrival; as he crossed the threshold, the room was flooded with light. He squinted at the sudden shift in brightness and raised his hand to block it so that he could see anything that he might understand, but the figure before him was unmistakable.

"It's nice to see you again, Tony. Thank you for joining us so quickly."

"It's not like I had much of a choice, Rogers," he snapped, "where is she?"

Steve gave Tony a courteous but darkened smile and sat down at a long table at the center of the room, raising his hand towards a chair for Tony to join him. "She's just getting ready. Please, sit."

"I'm good, thanks."

"Sit." Steve commanded, his tone now no longer cordial.

With a deliberate breath, Tony grabbed the back of the chair and scraped the ground harshly as he pulled it towards him, never breaking his eye contact with Steve. "You missed your calling. I think a career in acting might be something for you to look into. You had us all fooled."

"This whole plan really hinges on her. You see, she and I have a strong bond, even after all of this," he said as he waved his hand around the room, "and I knew that she would trust me immediately. I didn't even have to ask to go into the tower; she offered it willingly. And when she flashed those big eyes at daddy, he couldn't resist showing poor, lost Steve around every inch of the place, hoping to jog a memory that would bring him back. I gathered more information in thirty minutes than all of HYDRA in the past year."

Tony began to feel sick to his stomach, looking at his lost friend and seeing nothing recognizable in him. He began to wonder if he would ever see him again, and a pain started to build in his chest. "Is there anything you remember from the real Steve?"

"I am the real Steve! You both need to stop saying that!" he said in a loud outburst, slamming his fist against the table and leaving a large dent in its surface. He looked down at his hand, then closed his eyes and sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose in frustration. "I am the real Steve," he said quietly, "I've just seen a better way."

"The HYDRA way?"

"The Avengers are an unstoppable force. With that on our side..."

Tony leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest and shook his head. "No. No, the Steve Rogers that I know would've died before letting this happen."

Steve leaned forward on the table, looking at Tony with a sneer, "who says he didn't?"

A chill ran down Tony's spine at the thought that HYDRA had stripped it all away, turning the Captain into everything that he hated. His breath caught in his throat at the realization that this was the plan for everyone on the team; to make them mindless HYDRA soldiers. He began to panic even more to think about how he had yet to see you, and his anxiety became almost intolerable, though he would never let Steve see it.

"Are you ready to see her, Tony? She looks great." An unsettling smile crossed Steve's lips as he stood, holding out his hand to summon you. "She looks like a whole new person."

When the door opened and you stepped into the room, Tony startled and stood, knocking the chair over behind him. You were still you on the outside, but your eyes didn't show the recognition that he was used to seeing, and there was no smile on your face. He would have given anything to see that smile in this moment, and his heart shattered at the loss.

"(Y/N)? What did they do to you?" he whispered.

"Dad, they showed me a better way," you took a few steps forward and took his hand, "and now we'll show you."

~~~

"I can't help but feel guilty about this, Steve. He's still my father." You sat outside of the room that held Tony, watching him wait for whatever they were going to do to him without any expression on his face. He was completely shut down. "Do you think I can have a few minutes alone with him before we start? I feel like I should talk to him. Maybe I can be more convincing."

He looked down at you, considering if he should let you go in or not, skeptical about what good you think you might be able to do. "You need to let go of that feeling, (Y/N). It just makes things more confusing."

"You sound like you have first-hand experience."

"Don't you think that I feel guilty every time I look at you?" he whispered, "I can't get the image out of my head when I...when I grabbed you in the alley. You trusted me." Steve stood silent for several minutes, looking down at his hands; the hands that had covered your mouth and held you still until you no longer fought against him.

"Steve?"

With a deep breath and a weak smile, he looked back at you and nodded towards Tony. "Go ahead. But make it fast. I'll give you some privacy."

"Thanks," you sighed, slowly pushing the door open and shutting it securely behind you, watching through the window to see Steve leave your line of sight. You pulled out your phone and typed quickly as you knelt down next to Tony. "Dad, are you okay?" you asked, your voice almost a whisper.

"Never better."

"How's your aim?"

Tony's head snapped up and his eyes brightened slightly. "I can hold my own. (Y/N)? What's going on?"

You finished typing and slid the phone back into your pocket, waiting a few seconds before pulling two guns from your uniform jacket. "I've disabled their surveillance, but we've only got about two minutes before they figure it out. Nat's above us in the vents and Clint's on the roof, ready to fly."

"I love you."

You gave him the best smile you could muster, given the circumstances, and leaned in to kiss his cheek. "I love you, too, but you might change your mind in a minute."

"Why? What are you gonna do?" he asked, checking each gun for its cartridge and grasping one in each hand, ready to attack.

"We're getting our Captain back."

~~~

Steve was sitting just around the corner from the room that had held Tony, waiting until you came back for him so that they could proceed with the transformation. His head snapped to the side when he thought he heard someone behind him, but there was no one there. He raised the heels of his hands to his eyes and rubbed the fatigue from them, convinced that he was hearing things now. "Hold it together, Rogers," he whispered to himself. When he opened his eyes again, you were standing behind him with a gun to his head, and Natasha was in front of him with her batons at his chest, ready to electrocute him if necessary.

"Time to go, Cap," you said, trying to sound authoritative through your fear.

"Please, don't do this. Don't make me do something that I really don't want to do, (Y/N)."

"If you touch her, I'll blow that pretty head right off your shoulders, Rogers." Tony had been standing guard behind you, watching for any sudden movement from the other HYDRA agents. "I suggest you do what the ladies say, and get moving."

Your two minutes were up as alarms began to sound throughout the building. Steve took advantage of the surprise and turned to grab you, but was quickly stopped by Natasha, shuddering as the electricity coursed through him until he fell limp to the ground.

"Shit, Nat! Are you gonna carry him? We talked about this!"

"Nice work, Romanoff," Tony scoffed. Several guards stepped around the corner and began shooting, but he was able to hold them at bay long enough for you to get a sheet from the room that had held him moments before, and for you and Natasha to make a sling under Steve. "Here kid, switch. I'll take the old man."

"Be ready to fly, Barton! We're on the way," you yelled over the gunfire. With Nat and Tony pulling Steve along, with you covering them from the assault, and with Clint in the pilot seat, you had Steve in the air within minutes.

Once upon the jet, you watched with blurry eyes as the rest of your group worked quickly to restrain the Captain before he woke, not willing to take any chances until they knew exactly what they were dealing with. "You scared the hell outta me, (Y/N)," Tony said as he secured the final tie, "I thought they had you."

"Dad..."

Tony turned and looked at you for the first time since taking flight, rushing to your side once he noticed the lack of color in your face and the fatigue in your eyes. He desperately began to rip away your uniform until he found the wound that pierced your lower abdomen, in one side and out the other. You let out a scream in pain as he laid you on the floor and pressed as hard as he could on the entry site, trying to stop the bleeding.

"Barton, go faster! Dammit," he growled in frustration, "it's not stopping."

"I had...to...get Steve...out," you gasped between waves of pain from the pressure he was holding on you.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he whispered with each grimace you made as the jet swerved and shook.

"Hang on guys, we're coming in hot on this landing," Clint called out, doing his best to get the jet in the hangar quickly so they could get you to help. You felt a slight skid and heard a few scrapes in the landing, but you were down safe. The door opened and you were met by hands grabbing you from every direction to carry you out, with Tony at your side.

"Is she gonna make it?"

Natasha walked over to Steve, now awake and trying to pull at his restraints. Her face was angry and cold as she leaned down to whisper, grabbing his face so that he couldn't turn away.

"If she dies, that pretty head of yours will be the least of your worries."

Part 4

"Snap out of it, Rogers! You need to remember who you really are, and you're going to even if I have to beat it into you!" Tony's fist connected with Steve's face after every sentence, but he didn't even flinch. He was still restrained and couldn't fight back, but it almost appeared like he felt that he deserved it.

"If she doesn't make it through this, I promise you, that you will regret being alive every single day of what's left of your life," Tony sneered, "am I clear?"

"Tony, stop!" Natasha ran up to grab his arms and firmly pulled them behind him and straightened his posture. "You can't just beat on him and expect it to work! What are you thinking?"

"This is all your fault, Steve," Tony whispered harshly with a dark tone, "I'm never going to let you forget that. I don't care if you've been HYDRA zapped or not. Never."

Tony stormed out of Steve's holding room to return to wait for you to come out of surgery, leaving Nat alone with the Captain. She stood silently and looked at him for nearly an hour before she thought to speak, but the words were escaping her.

"You want to say something, Romanoff. So say it already."

"How could you let them catch you?" she whispered, still staring at him. "How did they get in?"

"Don't you mean, how could you let them catch me?"

Natasha's eyes widened with shock and a hint of guilt, hearing the words that she had said to herself over and over in the months that he had been missing. "Steve, we didn't know until it was too late. We searched everywhere before-"

"Before you left me behind, right?" he spat venomously. "You left me there, with them, and this is all your fault, Natasha." Steve pulled against his restraints but found no give at all, finally relenting and lying on the table motionless. "I remember. I remember all of you. I've just been shown that the way SHIELD and the Avengers do things is really, really wrong. HYDRA has been right all this time, and we never realized it."

"Steve would never say that."

"I am Steve!" he shouted, loud enough for her to jump. "I'm just a new and improved Steve, that's all. You'll see that soon enough. When you see, you'll understand."

~~~

Tony sat in your room, leaning back in the uncomfortable hospital chair with his feet resting on your bed, trying to catch a few minutes of sleep now that he knew you were going to pull through. He couldn't remember the last time he had slept, which usually translated into about three full days. His soft snore was just enough to wake you, and as much as you wanted to talk to your dad for the first time since your injury, you didn't have the heart to wake him.

The nurse had seen your eyes open and came into the room to check on you, but you quickly raised a hand to keep her from talking too loudly. "I don't want to bother him," you whispered, "if I know him, he hasn't slept in days."

"I just have to check a few things, then I'll go," she whispered back.

"I'm awake, but nice try. Really, great effort," Tony mumbled in a heavy and sleepy voice, sitting with his eyes still closed.

"Hey, dad. Sorry."

"For what?" he said with a yawn, standing at your side to stretch the fatigue from his body, "waking me? Trying to die? Scaring me to death?"

The nurse looked down at you, scolding you with her eyes; she must be a parent too, because she's perfected that look enough for even you to feel guilty. "Um...all of the above? Ow!" you grimaced at the needle pushing through the skin of your arm and into your vein, without so much as a warning. "I hate needles," you mumbled as you sucked in a harsh breath and held it.

"Hey, breathe, kid. You pass out, remember?"

"Distract me, okay? How's Steve?"

Tony's demeanor changed immediately at the name, now looking down at the floor with an angry expression. "Don't worry about him. It's being taken care of."

"Dad, what's being taken care of?" You were nervous now, knowing that Tony would be overreacting as a parent would, and his judgment would be clouded by his emotions. "Dad," you said angrily as you pushed the nurse away and sat up, blood running down your arm from where her needle had been. "What are you doing?"

"Honey, stop it. Lay down and let her do her job."

"Not gonna happen. I need to see Steve." You began pulling monitors and IV lines from you, making machines scream and beep all around you. Both he and the nurse tried to grab your arms but you easily evaded their grip and pushed past them to go find your friend. "Tell me where he is...dad...ugh...dammit." Your progress was short-lived when the pain in your side caught your breath so harshly that you couldn't move any more than to lower yourself to the ground. Tony was at your side and holding your entire weight before you realized what was happening.

"I'm only gonna say this once. Stay in bed."

"Fine," you sighed, still grimacing in pain as he set you down on your bed, "then tell me what you're doing with him. Details, dad."

"Banner is scanning his brain as we speak, hoping to find something, any kind of clue as to what they did to him. We hope to have something to go on any minute now. He'll figure it out," he said with a small nod, trying to convince himself as much as to convince you.

You looked at the nurse, who's disapproving gaze only worsened after you had tried to leave, "could I go to him if I agree to a wheelchair?"

"Are you going to stay in it?" she asked.

"Yes, ma'am. I promise." You stood up slowly, wincing slightly at the pain in your side as you felt the stitches pull with the weight shifting to your feet. The nurse pushed the chair behind you and directed you to sit, but Tony leapt forward and grabbed you by the arms, carefully leading you into it so you didn't cause yourself any more pain.

"(Y/N), why are you so hell bent on seeing the guy? With what's going on, I don't know if that's such a good idea." Tony reached down and straightened pieces of your hair with his hand, thoughtlessly playing with the strands as he had done when your first curls appeared as a child. "It's a lot of stress, which you don't need."

"I need to see Steve, dad. Put yourself in my place; if it were Pepper in there, what would you do?"

Without missing a beat, he answered with blunt honesty, "I would do anything I could to get in there. Just like I did with you. I love you guys."

"Exactly," you whispered, looking down at your hands as they rested in your lap. It didn't matter what Steve's feelings were; yours were hopefully strong enough to help to bring him back.

"Oh. I didn't...I didn't know."

"He doesn't either, but that's not going to stop me from trying to help. Now come on, roll out."

~~~

"Hey, Buck, how's he doing?"

"It's a waiting game, (Y/N). But I'm gonna wait as long as it takes," Bucky said, standing to greet you as you entered the room. "More importantly, how are you?"

"I'll live," you deadpanned, your voice flat as you stared at Steve, lying motionless but awake and staring at the ceiling as if to avoid conversing with anyone. "Steve? Steve, are you gonna talk to me?"

"Only if they all go."

You nodded at Bucky and Tony, signaling them that you would be okay alone with Steve. He was still restrained, after all, so he couldn't do much other than talk. You pushed the chair closer to him and set your hand over his. "Steve, look at me."

He turned his head and looked at you, but the coolness in his eyes didn't change. There was no warmth or depth in them like you would normally see, and the sight brought an ache to your chest.

Bruce pushed the door open and surprised you enough to pull your hand from Steve's and to lean back into the chair to widen the gap between you. "(Y/N), can I show you something?" He pushed your chair to the corner of the room and held up a tablet with images of Steve's brain highlighted on them. "See this area here?" he said, pointing at an area of the brain that seemed darker than the others, "it's like this part is suppressed somehow, there's almost no activity there, like they just shut it off."

"So if we can just turn that back on, Steve will be himself again? Is that what you're saying?"

"Yeah, I think maybe so," he sighed, running his hand through his hair nervously, "I'm going to administer a medication that promotes the regrowth of neural pathways and stimulates neuron response. It should kick start his brain."

"And if this doesn't work?"

"Well," he paused, looking from Steve and back to you, "then this is the new Steve."

~~~

After hearing Bruce's plan, the team had gathered outside of Steve's room, watching silently through the window as he injected the medication into Steve's vein. You still sat at his side, refusing to leave until you knew the outcome. Your hand was again resting on his, but he continued to lay motionless and silent.

"Okay, now we wait," Bruce sighed. "I don't know how long this might take, (Y/N), if it even works."

"I'll stay."

"(Y/N), you've been injured, and you really need to rest-"

"Bruce, I'm staying. I get enough of that from my dad, thanks."

He raised his hands in defeat and made his way out to the rest of the group, who were still standing silently and watching for any sign of change. Tony had his eyes solely on you, worried about what this would do to you if they couldn't recover Steve's true personality. He didn't know the depths of your feelings and was worried that you would try to stay at Steve's side even with this change in place; that you would try to help him on your own and risk your own safety.

You could feel Tony's eyes on you, but you tried to keep your focus on Steve. "Hey," you whispered, "I'm staying here, and I'm alone. Will you talk to me?"

"Sure."

The coolness of his tone unnerved you, but you had to push forward. "Nat said that you told her you still have your memories of us. Is that true?"

"I know who you are."

"That's not what I asked."

His head finally turned to look at you, but this time you were hesitant to look him in the eye. You didn't want to hear that he had forgotten the memories that you shared, that he was your best friend, and that he was about to become more. "I remember who you are, and that you and I are close. I can feel that. But specifics...no, I don't remember. I was allowed to keep only basic information so that I could blend back in."

"Thank you, that was very honest," you whispered, again looking away.

"I'm always honest."

Your head snapped back quickly to look at him, hearing the words that you had heard him say so many times that it was almost his catch phrase. "What did you say?"

"I'm always honest."

"That's what I thought you said." You were trying hard to not be overly excited about this, not knowing if it were a residual part of his personality that he was allowed to keep, or if this could be the start of his recovery. Before you could make that determination, you would need more.

"This stuff is giving me one hell of a headache," he groaned, "I'll have to thank Banner the next time he comes in. If this is anything like those headaches that you get, I'll think twice about making you work through them." His fists were clenching and a grimace grew across his face, shutting his eyes tightly.

You pushed yourself to the door and turned off the lights, quickly returning to his side. "Does that help?"

"Yeah," he sighed, relieved slightly, "it's better, thanks, (Y/N)."

The feeling was coming over you that this was beginning to work. The way he spoke sounded different, and the cold rigidity of his posture was beginning to fade. Bruce's voice kept replaying in your head, warning you to not be too eager and to not get your hopes up, but something inside of you was sure of this. Steve could be trying to trick you, but it sure didn't feel that way.

"Steve, when is my birthday?"

He looked at you, slightly confused, as if he were searching his brain for the answer with a desperation to find it. "(Y/BD)...I think..."

"Yeah," you smiled, "and you still owe me a gift."

His expression changed to surprise and you swore you could see a sparkle returning to his eyes. "I do not! I got you that ridiculously big book of Shakespeare that you wanted so badly! I had to look for weeks to find that!"

Please don't let this be my mind playing tricks. Please let this be working.

"Okay, okay," you chuckled, "you got me there." With a deep breath, you slowly removed one of the wrist restraints and took his hand in yours, feeling a small squeeze from him. "But you do still owe me a date."

"I never came back from that mission, so I that can't be held against me, (Y/N)."

"Oh, I'm going to though."

Steve turned away to look at the ceiling again, taking a slow breath and closing his eyes, "how can you trust me after this and after what I did to you? Why are you so quick to forgive me?"

"Love makes us do stupid things, I suppose." You reached over and took his chin in your hand, turning him to face you. "Like trying to make me join HYDRA, for example."

"I came for you first because I needed you. I needed you to get me out. I could feel that it was wrong but I couldn't control my own mind, or my own body." He pulled his hand from yours and reached up to put it on your cheek. "Even if you couldn't save me, I took you first so that I could have you there, and I'm sorry for being so selfish. Living without you wasn't an option, no matter which side I was on."

"And whose side are you on now, Steve?" You held your breath, waiting for the answer, trying to prepare yourself to receive an answer that you didn't want.

"I'm on yours."