Back then, when I was a little kid and I got myself bruised or injured, my mom used to kiss that hurting spot for me. I, being a kid, then developed this fascination or belief that if you kissed the hurt, it somehow magically managed to fade away slowly and then disappeared all at once.

Now, as I sat in my driving seat with clenched teeth and blood-drained fingers tightly grasping the steering wheel, I wanted my Mom to kiss away the pain. But I knew very well that there was no kidding. She was gone for once and for all.

Feebly, my grip around the steering wheel loosened. Bringing my right hand to my lips, I kissed my palm very lightly as it mixed with salt water and placed it on my chest over the hollow space inside it...

...where, once, my heart used to be.

I hoped uselessly..maybe..it would heal the hurt. But there was no solace. All I saw was darkness.

I was the reason she was hurt.

I wanted to die.

I had a heart of stone when it came to people around me..but when it concerned the people I loved, it had nothing close to hard inside it. Nothing.

So I let my tears fall as my breath hitched. I broke into sobs. I knew I felt only one thing then.

Loneliness.

I drove mindlessly as my life scattered around me and my tears flowed over it like a flood washes away the wrecks of land. I didn't know what had I done so bad as to earn such a great punishment? My bullying was following me now. I had hurt people uselessly. For no reason. I never knew it came back to you. If I had, I wouldn't have touched a single soul.

I lost my mother.

I had a horrible secret to hide from the world.

The only girl I fell for, was hurt because of me.

The only girl I loved, didn't give a damn about my existence.

I wanted to grab every bully, shake his collar and shout out to him, "Don't do this! It will follow you till your death!"

I wanted to hug myself tight and hide in my mother's cashmere shawl. I wanted my mother back! DAMN IT! I WANTED HER BACK...oh God..I felt myself falling apart.

"I need you. Please." I spoke into the hollowness of my car between my sobs. Figuring out, I couldn't drive anymore, I parked my car by a tree and rested my head on the steering wheel, crying silently.

Boys don't cry.

A voice spoke in the back of my head. I straightened. Cruelly wiping my tears away, I sighed deeply. Adjusting my eyes to my surrounding, I made out that my car was parked two lanes behind her house.

A saying knocked at my skull..

A true stalker never follows, he already knows where you are going.

Did my always ending up near her house made me a stalker? I guessed yes.

I thought of driving away and never returning back. I didn't want her near danger. But the problem was that I did want her near me and the bigger problem was that..I was the danger.

I tried my best to drive away..but ended up walking to her house. I was not a stalker, I just wanted to make sure if she was alright. In short, I was an unpaid problem-causing bodyguard.

I peeked through the front window and saw her sitting on the couch in front of the television watching Titanic. A rush of calm spread over my whole attire. Her gentle eyes explored the waters in the movie and shone adorably when Jack spread Rose's arms, air playing with their bodies. They whispered in union..

Come, Josephine, in my flying machine..
Going up, she goes up, up she goes..

Oh..why did she have to love everything I loved? This girl was impossible.

I so wanted to sit beside her and cuddle her into me. I wanted to watch this everlasting movie with her. But I knew I couldn't freak her out. I sighed.

Lost in the movie as she was, I doubted she'd move from there for another hour so I climbed up to her room and locked the door quietly. I wanted to stay in her territory for as long as I could because lately, the only peace that I'd had was nowhere but here.

I sat on her bed, hugging her pillow and inhaling her oh-so-heavenly fragrance. That's when my eyes caught a pink diary placed on her bedside table. Her present diary. I remembered it. It had a pen inserted into some page. Probably, she'd been writing diary and left it here.

I picked it up and opened it to the page where the pen had been placed. Her neat and delicate handwriting came into view. I started reading it without a second thought.

-Dear Diary,
It's been two days but it feels like centuries. I don't know what's happening in my life. Life's unexpected.
Today, if rose petals start falling from the sky, people would not believe their eyes, but me? I will accept it. For the most unbelievable things have occurred in my life in just two days. Two days. But instead of going insane, I have accepted it. You know why? Because I know how to imagine. My imaginations have taken me too far that I believe the unbelievable easily.
For once, I want to confess, I need love. I crave love. My mom loves me. I know. But I want more than that. I crave Him. You want me to be specific? Well, I can't be. Because I only want a prince to take me into his world and never let me go. Which prince? I don't know.
Roxen Dale.-

My heart a skipped a beat. I existed somewhere in her life.

-No. I know I'm infatuated by him and his..grey eyes. I know he makes my heart skip its beats. But..he's weird. The way he grabbed that brat, I swear my lips trembled with fear at that moment. He can do that to anyone. To me. He's a bad boy. If there have been two encounters with him, it doesn't mean there's something between us. We barely know each other! He has a heart of stone. I saw it. Today. As much as I desire a handsome guy to live my imaginations for real, I cannot give my heart to a heartless enchanting boy. He saved me today. I know. But not because I needed it. Just because Roxen Dale's no property. I won't give my heart to someone who doesn't understand what is belongingness. No, I won't fall for Roxen Dale. Because I don't want him to hurt me. I'll stay away. He already hinted me that I deserve better. If only he knew...
But no. I would listen to him. I'll stay away.-

My heart tightened in pain. She hated me.

-Because what I think is that, I'm falling for the guy who's writing me letters. I don't know how but yes, I am. It's like someone who watches you from a distance, adores you from a distance and crosses your territory to inform you of his love that he carries in his heart. I don't know how but I'm falling for the way this unknown intruder finds the courage to enter my home, my room, to convey his love to me but doesn't find the courage to reveal himself to me. His letters occur at the most unexpected times. Maybe he does magic. Who knows? This world holds millions of secrets in its heart, why should I crave for this one to be revealed? Maybe I should just let it be and wait for the moment he chooses for it to be revealed. But one thing I know, the way I yearned for love today when I entered my home, it vanished as soon as I saw the charm hanging by my bed. He knows when I want love and he knows how to fulfill my desire. If he only knew...
Okay. I won't leave this unsaid. If he only knew, I so want him to reveal himself. To finally let me hold his hand and let me tell him, that I SEE HIM TOO.-

Up til now, I hadn't realized that my heart was beating at a pace of 150 miles per hour. She didn't know that it was the same person. She loved and hated me at the same time. Oh God..this was my only streak of hope.

-Then, there's school. It was no help yesterday and today I skipped it. I don't know what's happening to me. Maybe I should pay more attention to it. I'll stick to my studies now. I know I have to.
And yeah! What's with "Pasta"??? I don't get that even now. Did somebody make pasta for mom on my behalf? But what can I say? That eve was the most unbelievable eve of my life. Still, I believe it. I'm sorry diary, but I believe it. It was true. I know.-

Wow. She didn't know it was me. She didn't know anything. Nothing.

It was my only chance to make up for my mistakes.

I planned to warn her and make her happy all at once. So I took out another piece of paper from my bag and an envelope too. Thinking about it for a few minutes, my fingers wrote the following words on the paper in a messed up hand writing.

"I'm amazed to know that you despise a person who tells you to stay away because he thinks you deserve better while you like a person who intrudes in your life without your permission. Be careful about what you wish for, because,
MISS CLAIRE, I LIKE YOU."

I inserted the note into the envelope and left it there by her diary.

***

I had sorted out some things until now.

> She was afraid of Roxen Dale that was supposedly me.

> She was falling for the letter guy who was also supposedly me.

> She didn't know it was me who wrote her letters.

And one last thing..

> She,was an unbelievable girl who could believe in anything, even me.

I had my maps out and I fully planned to explore my towns in her life now.

That night, I felt like an insomniac because..

I couldn't wait for tomorrow.

Author's note

I have a treat for you. I attached Zayn Malik's "It's you" for you in this chapter. It suited with one of my upcoming chapters but..I just couldn't wait to put it over here. ♥♥

Yeah, also, I was listening to it while I typed the chapter. ;)

Who else is a Zayniac? *-* Comment here. ♥

Okay..I know it's Zquad..but Zayniac sounds more cuteee. *-* ♡