◎ may 2014
an incredibly anxious choi seungjun officially moves into the dorms and meets the blank-faced park konu for the first time.

cw: mentions of mental illnesses/disorders

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"eomma!" sterling's voice quickly cut through his mother's rambling causing her voice to slowly fade into silence.

he stepped back from one of the many suitcases he'd spent the past hour and a half unpacking and rested both hands on his hips as he surveyed the space he'd be calling home for the near future. at the moment it wasn't anything special, an empty white room with only his scattered clothing there to prove that someone called the room home. but, soon enough his parents would send over the rest of his things and he could (hopefully) turn the space into a place that could provide him with as much comfort as his room at his parent's house did.

only time would tell though. as long as he faired better here than he had at yg entertainment then he would be happy. at this point, he was just hoping to find a company he could feel comfortable being a part of.

"eomma, please calm down and take a breath." he couldn't help the smile that took over his face as he picked his phone up from where he'd placed it on the bedside table. after taking her off of speakerphone he brought his cell phone to his ear and finally opted to speak again. "i'm all good, i promise. and i'm excited for this new start, i think it'll be good for me."

"so do i." he could see her in his head as she spoke; an arm wrapped around her midriff as she paced the length of the kitchen in an attempt to calm her always-rising nerves when it comes to him. "but, i'm your mother so i can't help but worry about you. especially after all the struggles you've gone through the past couple of years."

"and i appreciate the worry, you know i do." he reassured as a soft smile spread on his face. "but, it'll all work out this time. i swear. so, please don't worry! i promise i'll make you and appa proud this time."

"you've already made us proud."

he beamed at the compliment, his face slightly flushing at the praise he'd just been given before he let out a short laugh. "thanks eomma. you know that's all i've ever wanted."

after letting out a quiet huff one of his hands came up to push his recently dyed silver hair out of his face. he was still getting used to it but after his mom told him that the color suited him, he decided he'd keep it until ceo shi decided he was ready to debut as a reminder of all the support his parents had given him. maybe it was a small and insignificant thing to anyone looking at him from the outside, but he appreciated the constant reminder of home. he'd found that being away from his parents had never gotten any easier, no matter how much time he spent away.

"and i'll do my best to keep it that way."

"just... try and take care of yourself, okay? you know, stay hydrated, eat three meals a day, stay well groomed, and those kinds of things. at your last company, we got so worried..." though he tried his best to stay tuned into his mom's well-meaning warnings and concern, it took less than a minute of her speaking for his attention to wander. at first, he found himself trying to plan out how he wanted his room to look in his mind, but, that train of thought was eventually taken over by the sound of his stomach growling. he hadn't eaten that morning out of the fear that his nerves would cause him to throw it all backup, and now he was paying the price. his hunger was starting to take up brain space. which meant that making himself some food was now his top priority. and it wasn't until after he'd confirmed that to himself multiple times that he finally tuned back into his mom's long-winded speech. "... even though you're following your dream you still have to make sure to take care of yourself. everything else will fall apart if you don't."

"i..." not wanting to lie to his mom, sterling couldn't help but momentarily pause. despite knowing how much his parents worried about him and wanting to do all he could do to dispel those fears, he was also the kind of person who didn't see the point in doing something unless he put his all into it (even if that meant sacrificing his health in the process). and he knew that was something that would probably end up happening. "... i promise that i'll try my best to take care of myself."

"that's all i ask of you."

"i know." he let out a loud sigh right before his stomach let out another grumble, which he followed up with a pout and a low whine. "i miss your cooking already eomma, i'm starving right now."

"aren't you a little too old to be whining?" he could see her teasing smile and raised an eyebrow in his head, which made him smile.

"to you? never. if i can't whine to you, then who can i whine to?"

"your friends? or the other trainees maybe? i'm sure they'll understand your struggles better than i can." sterling couldn't help but let out an acknowledging hum, since that was the hope. but, only time would tell if that would be the case. "i'll always be here to listen whenever you need to speak to someone though, you know that."

"i do." he nodded. "and it's one of the many reasons that i love you."

"i love you too star."

he opened his mouth to speak again, but before he could his stomach made a sound so loud that food immediately jumped to the forefront of his mind. wrapping an arm around his stomach, he slowly started walking toward the door to his room while also focusing on his mom. but, with food on his mind, it was getting harder to focus on anything besides how empty his stomach was. he was fine with going hungry when it came to training, but he hadn't been in a company for a few months, so his tolerance for it had undoubtedly decreased (which his mom would argue is a good thing). and despite knowing that he probably should start watching what he was eating a bit closer now that he'd joined a new company, he also figured that was a problem he could leave for future him to deal with.

but, lucky for him, his mom had sent him off with more food than he knew what to do with and the insistence that he should stop by the store, which he did. now the dorms and his room were filled with more food than he knew what to do with. which is yet another addition to a long list of things that make him miss home. because he was sure nothing would ever come close to his mom's ability to create the most delicious meals out of seemingly nothing.

"i think i'm gonna make some bulgogi." speaking as he finally left his room and headed towards the kitchen, sterling's accidental interruption of his mom's words led the two to fall into a temporary state of silence.

"... that's the only thing that you know how to make." he let out a faux annoyed groan at her comment, but he couldn't help the smile that took over his face.

"whatever."

"hopefully you'll have learned how to cook something else by the time you come home again."

"i'm hanging up on you." his mouth morphed into a pout. "you don't need to attack me like that eomma."

"i'm only teasing. but, i'll let you go so you can put all of your focus on the food so you don't end up burning anything." she laughed. "don't forget to call. i know you'll be busy but i worry when i don't hear from you, and it isn't good to cause your mother a lot of stress."

"i will." he pulled his cell phone from his ear for a moment to give a few kisses to his mom, before he put it to his ear again. "i'll call you as soon as i can, alright? love you!"

"love you too."

she hung up before he could say anything else, leaving sterling in a sudden and unimaginably intense feeling of silence. he'd purposefully tried to get to the dorms at a time that nobody else would be there so he would have some time to settle in before jumping into having to be social and get to know yet another new person; but, he'd always found something eerie in existing in empty spaces that were made to be filled with people. and that feeling was only extended in a place that he was far from being comfortable in.

to fill the silence, he decided to put on some music, opting for something without words to make sure that his food came out edible — and then he got to work.

cooking had never been a skill of his, and when he was younger he was notorious for attempting to help his mom with dinner only to end up burning something. so, for the longest time, he was banned from the kitchen. but, his mom's bulgogi had always been a comfort food of his and eventually, he became determined to learn how to make it himself.

it took months of failed attempts and the burning of many things that shouldn't have been burned before he had a successful recreation, and it quickly became his go-to meal after that. whether he was making it as a comfort meal for himself after a hard day or cooking it for his friends while they're hanging out, it's the only meal he knows how to make and he will make it until he gets tired of it (which he doubts will ever happen).

at this point, the process of making bulgogi was almost second nature and sterling found himself going through the process without a second thought, causing him to miss out on the sudden arrival of someone new. it wasn't until he heard the loud clearing of a throat that he was knocked back into reality. he jumped a little and then quickly set down the knife he'd been using to slice up his meat before turning toward the sound.

coming face to face with a sweaty man dressed in all black with a backpack slung over his shoulder, sterling flashed a nervous smile and shoved his hands into the pockets of his sweatpants. the other man raised an eyebrow and stared at sterling long enough to make him feel uncomfortable before he finally spoke.

"you're the new trainee."

sterling nodded. "yeah, that's me."

"cool." the man nodded for a few seconds before motioning to the food sitting on the counter with his head. "where'd you get all that food from? i'm sure the fridge didn't have all of that in it when i left..."

it took everything out of sterling not to let out an audible laugh at the puzzled look the older man standing across from him was wearing. he could almost see the man sorting through the contents of the kitchen one by one; trying his best to figure out what exactly had been there when he left and if he'd either accidentally left the meat in there or if it magically appeared in there on its own. though, for some unknown reason, he didn't seem to be considering the possibility of sterling having brought the food into the house himself.

which made him wonder if that was a weird thing to do; at least when it came to moving in somewhere for the first time.

"i uh... i brought it with me?" sterling internally flinched at how high-pitched his voice as he finished speaking. what was supposed to be a statement had come out sounding more like a question, as if he too was unsure of where the food he was cooking came from.

the still unnamed man remained silent for a few seconds, giving sterling's brain the chance to start spiraling in what felt like twenty million different directions before the man flashed a thumbs up.

"that makes sense..." the man pointed at the meat sterling was in the middle of preparing before he began to speak again. "what're you making?"

"bulgogi."

"is there enough there for two?"

sterling fervently nodded for a few seconds. "i can make some for you if you want to. i mean, i brought more food with me than i could eat on my own."

"cool. i'd offer to help you but i'm pretty shit cooking so if you're all good in here then i'm gonna go and take a quick shower."

"oh, uh, yeah! of course." sterling smiled. "it should be almost ready by the time you're finished."

"sounds good." he finally made a move to walk away but didn't take more than a few steps before he turned back to sterling. "i'm park konu by the way."

"konu?" admittedly the name made many questions pop up in sterling's head, but he knew if he thought about it too much he'd probably end up focusing on that more than what he was cooking; which would only result in disaster. so, he instead nodded and tucked all those thoughts away as something he could think about later. "ah, well, it's nice to meet you. i'm choi seungjin but everyone calls me sterling."

"well... welcome to the dorm sterling." konu flashed a quick half-smile before finally disappearing to what sterling assumed was the room he'd designated as his own, and sterling returned to his food preparations as soon as the older man was out of sight.

it didn't take him long to fall back into the familiar rhythmic pattern that always came with cooking his favorite meal, and in what felt like the blink of an eye he was done.

which left him in the position he was now; sitting on one side of a cramped dining room table, knees awkwardly bumping the table legs, with two steaming hot bowls of bulgolgi and rice sitting there as he tried his best to wait for his newly discovered dorm-mate to emerge from the shower.

even though he was undeniably starving (which was evident by the ever-present growling in his stomach), his mom had always drilled into his head that he should always wait until everyone was present at the table to start eating, and it was one of the many things his mom had put into his head that he hadn't been able to shake off. so, all he could do was sit there silently and hope that key would materialize in the entranceway any second now — preferably before the food got cold. and maybe the two of them will have the chance to get to know each other since the two of them would be stuck together in a confined space for an extended time.

he didn't want to get his hopes up too high but he would be lying if he said he hadn't already concocted a fantasy in his head where he managed to become close friends with every single trainee under rebel entertainment that he came across.

which wasn't to say that he hadn't made friends while at yg, because he did. but, he'd been so focused on training that beyond the pep talks and advice-giving most of his interactions with others had only happened in training-related situations. and while that didn't keep him from connecting with people; it had left him feeling a perpetual sense of disconnect from everyone around him that he couldn't shake, no matter how hard he tried. and he was determined not to fall into those same habits again.

but, only time will tell. and he knew that if he attempted to think about it any further he would only stress himself out more. so, he both figuratively and literally shook the thought away before he could focus on it anymore.

his eyes fell shut in the process is calming himself down, and when he opened them again konu had seemingly materialized in the chair across from him out of nowhere, causing sterling to jump so high out of his chair that he almost fell on the ground.

"what the...?" sterling grabbed at his heart as he readjusted himself so he was once again firmly sat on his chair and then looked at konu with raised eyebrows. "when did you get there?"

the man shrugged. "like a minute ago." konu picked up the chopsticks sterling had spent a good five minutes trying to find and picked up equal parts bulgogi and rice that he held a few inches away from his mouth. "so... you made this?"

"yeah." sterling nodded. "it's sorta the only thing i can cook."

konu let out a quiet hum of acknowledgment before finally taking his first bite. he chewed slowly and much to sterling's annoyance didn't make it immediately clear if he liked it or not. but, he considered it not being immediately spat out to be a good sign.

so, he forced his concern down and tried to focus all of his attention on his plate of food.

picking his chopsticks up from beside his bowl, he took a few seconds to mix the meat and rice as thoroughly as he could; so that each bite would end up being perfect, and started eating.

as soon as he started eating he couldn't get himself to slow down. it seemed like his hunger had finally caught up with him and now it wouldn't be satisfied until he felt full, which he guess made sense. for the past few days, his stomach had been so tied up in knots that he could barely keep anything down, and now that it had settled down it was trying to make up for lost time (even if he knew it would probably come back to haunt him later that night).

and he would've kept going until the bowl was empty if it wasn't for konu's voice interrupting him; the low tone coming as a sudden sharp contrast to the silence.

"this is good." the man said simply as he set a pair of chopsticks down next to the half-finished dinner. "a huge step up from the ramen i've been living off of the past four months."

sterling raised an eyebrow. "please tell me you're kidding."

konu shook his head. "wish i was. cause i know that my mom would have an aneurysm if she knew."

"as she should. i mean, i'm gonna have an aneurysm and i'm not your mom."

the corner of konu's mouth lifted into a momentary smile as he shook his head. "no, no you are not. yet here you are, acting like you my hyung who has to take care of me when you haven't even known me for an hour."

a nervous smile took over sterling's face at the comment, and he shrugged.

"sorry? i don't -- i just think it's important for people to take care of themselves, especially when you're training like this." he used the chopsticks in his hand to absentmindedly mess with his food, stirring it around and he continued to slowly explain himself. "i think it's important to put your all into everything you do, and i understand why people push themselves to the limit for this sort of thing, with so many talented people out there you have to work hard for a chance to fulfill your dreams. but, when you're working so hard and are so focused on improving and working towards debuting it can be easy to neglect yourself in the process. usually with food; either eating the wrong things or not eating at all. but that's just the one i've seen the most often, people mistreat themselves a lot when they're hyper-focused on reaching a goal."

sterling looked up as he finished his mini-rant with a worried look on his face. he rambles when he's anxious, and he could still feel the nerves creeping at the very edge of his consciousness, making him feel like he was a bomb a few seconds away from exploding. and when he felt like that, the easiest thing for him to do was focus on something else; like the many observations he'd made while he was at yg entertainment. even if they were at times hypocritical for him to say.

the two of them stayed silent for a while, each slowly eating the food sitting in front of them until key cleared his throat.

"what year were you born?"

"ninety-nine."

"i was born in ninety-six." konu slowly chewed and swallowed the bite he'd been holding on his chopsticks, and then smiled. "which i guess means you should be calling me hyung."

"yeah, i guess i should." sterling nodded.

"yet, you're talking to me like you've got ten years on me or something. like i should be looking to you as the oldest."

"... is that okay?"

"why wouldn't it be?" key raised an eyebrow. "you're a smart kid, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. i'd take that over living with some dumbass any day."

"well, on that note, can i tell you something else i've been thinking about?" he asked with a nervous smile. "since you like my smarts or whatever."

"sure."

"konu is a pretty weird stage name."

the aforementioned man's face immediately turned blank, which was a sharp contrast to the teasing smile that had taken over sterling's. he was quickly starting to suspect that konu's default facial state was the almost alarming blank state it had been in when they'd first laid eyes on each other, and everything else should be measured against that. with the current version being less of a serious upset and more of a joking expression of annoyance.

"seriously?" konu rolled his eyes. "how is it weird? it's literally just my name."

"well... maybe weird isn't the right word then."

"then what is?"

"it's... unique?" sterling hummed to himself for a few seconds before eventually nodding to himself. "yeah, unique. i don't think i've ever met someone named konu before. it's a pretty cool name, but not as cool as sterling."

"wow. you're already being a little brat."

sterling shrugged. "i'm just being honest."

"unnecessarily honest, and blatantly wrong." konu muttered with a pout. "konu is a way cooler name than sterling."

"whatever you say..." a teasing smile took over sterling's face. "... nu-nu hyung."

konu let out an audible scoff as he shook his head. he slowly ate the last few bites of his food before reaching out to grab sterling's now empty bowl and placed it inside of his own. and then he moved to rest his chin on the arm he had propped up on the table.

"nu-nu hyung? seriously? way to make me sound lame."

"i think it's cute." sterling reached out and pinched the older boy's cheek for a few seconds before patting him on the head a couple of times. "and i think it fits you, cause i bet that you're secretly a softie."

"you wish."

with that, konu pushed himself and the chair he was sitting in back. standing up, he grabbed the dirty dishes from the table and took them over to the sink where he planned on washing them, despite sterling's objections. the man just continued going through the motions as if nothing was going on around him. it made sterling wonder if konu was the kind of person who moved through life without worry; someone who set their sights on something and moved towards it without stopping to see who was left behind.

or maybe he was just determined to wash the dishes for some reason.

either way, eventually sterling figured his words were falling on deaf ears, so he fell silent and decided to wait in the doorway leading to the living room. with his arms folded in front of him put all his weight on the doorframe and watched the methodic way that konu washed the dishes;  scrape, rinse, wash, dry, and repeat. in no time all the dishes and things he used to cook were cleaned and put back in their proper places, and konu was standing in the middle of the kitchen with his arms folded in front of him.

he stared at sterling silently for a few seconds before motioning his head toward the nearby tv. "do you like movies?"

"it depends on the movie."

"alright. well, pick one out that you think is good and i'll be the judge on whether or not your movie taste is good, or shitty."

"my movie taste is superior." sterling said confidently with a smile on his face. "and by the end of the night, i'm sure you'll agree with me.

"i guess we'll see."

with the most confidence he'd felt since he'd left his house, sterling navigated quickly too what was unashamedly one of his favorite movies ever; the spongebob squarepants movie. it had been one of his comfort movies for as long as he could remember (which is something he desperately needed at the moment) plus, he'd never met someone who hadn't enjoyed it to some degree.

turning his head back to look at konu, his eyebrows pulled together as he realized that the man had once again disappeared, though he reappeared a few seconds later with two bags of chips in one arm and a tub of licorice in the other.

they locked eyes for a moment before konu motioned towards the tv his head. "the spongebob squarepants movie?"

"yup." sterling nodded. "it's one of my favorites."

"you have the same taste in movies as my younger cousins." konu moved to sit in front of the comically small couch in the living room and then shook his head.

"they have a great taste in movies then."

"that is yet to be determined." konu shrugged. " i haven't watched this movie in years."

sterling walked back with the remote in hand and plopped down on the couch, shifting himself so that his legs were tucked underneath the rest of his body. he twirled the object in his hand a few times before he finally pressed play, and he couldn't help the smile that took over his face as soon as the opening credits appeared.

as childish as the movie was, it had gotten him through more hard times than he could count, and though he was thankful for the fresh start he had now, he was also sure it was going to be hard. but, he'd long since accepted that he couldn't achieve his dreams without going through some kind of hardship. all he could hope was that he didn't have to go through it alone this time.

"i grabbed some snacks by the way." konu interrupted sterling's train of thought with his words, pulling him out of his blank stare and causing him to instead focus on the pile of snacks sitting next to him. "i brought takis, but i know some people don't like hot things so there's also regular lays, and then i brought some licorice in case you want something sweet."

"thanks hyung." sterling smiled, even though konu couldn't see his face, and then reached down to grab the bag of chips.

"no problem kid."

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hopefully i switched all the key's to konu's... but if not then let me know 😅 if i look over this chapter again i think i might lose my mind lol.

but anyway, here's the first official chapter !! i've been sitting on it for what feels like twenty million years so i'm relieved to finally get it out there, and happy to finally write about konu and sterling because i think their relationship is really cute 😊

i'm hoping that getting this out will kickstart my brain to get over it's writers block and i'll be able to get more chapters out soon, but i make no promises 🤷🏾‍♂️

regardless, i hope your having a great day, and feel free to let me know what you think 💕