It has been hours since the incident and Chayeon's head was hurting thinking about it. She hadn't even told Ahra because if she did, Ahra would have got herself a gun and would be protecting the BTS apartment but she didn't want to worry her either

It's nothing, chayeon. Take a deep breath it's nothing.

Chayeon decided to go to the rooftop to get some fresh air. There was this one mattress a person who previously lived here left on the rooftop. It had kind of become a hangout spot for people who lived in the building.

''I am going on the roof'' she said as she wore her hoodie, it has been pretty cold lately.

''K, get me Doritos'' Ahra shouted without bothering to look up from her phone scrolling through memes and listening to music with her huge voice canceling headphones, unable to hear anything.

"YOU MAKE ME FEEL SPECIAL" Ahra sang at the top of her lungs.

''I AM GOING TO THE ROOFTOP NOT SHOP!''  Chayeon replied, In a louder and a little meaner voice. Her head hurt a lot and she felt dizzy.

''YOU WANNA FUCK THE ROOF?! WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?'' she asked in confusion. She was judging her words totally from the movement of her mouth. Her eyebrows scrunched.

Chayeon rolled her eyes and went away without saying a word as she put her hood on and tightened it becoming a human sock.

***

She was more than halfway up the stairs when she heard the clink of a glass bottle.

On an abandoned mattress covered with plastic, sat Hoseok under the moonlight.
He looked at the stars and gulped the soju. he looked up, stargazing, the full moon shined bright on his face, illuminating all his features.

"Magnificent," Chayeon muttered under her breath, talking about both the night and the man under it. She looked at him for a second but then she saw a tear run down his cheeks, sparkling because of the light. Hoseok was crying.

Chayeon felt a hollow feeling in her chest seeing him cry. She hardly knew him in real life but he was there when she cried and took her in his embrace through his music. She didn't want to interfere with his life, but she didn't want to regret going without knowing if he is okay either. She took a deep breath and walked towards him.

Hoseok flinched and wiped his tears with his sleeve putting on a smile becoming the J-hope we all know. "Hey, chayeon! Didn't see you there" Regret took over her heart, I shouldn't have approached him. She bit the corner of her lips. But there is no going back now I guess.

"Hii... Hoseok Oppa, What are you doing?"

"Having a little drink, Come let's have some together" he patted the place next to him on the mattress.

Chayeon said and looked at a plastic bag filled with 2 cans of beer and another soju bottle.

"A little drink, you looked prepared to be drunk"  She raised a brow as Jhope passed her a can of beer.

"Oh well, it's weekend so it won't be a problem  if I do, and this mattress is comfy so it wouldn't be a problem if I pass out." Both of them gave a little laugh.

"The moon looks so pretty" Hoseok stared at the moon for a while.

"Yeah." she nodded.

"Hoseok Oppa, can I ask you something if you don't mind?"

Hoseok looked at her "hmm"

"You don't have to tell me anything if you don't want but please at least tell me,if  you are okay?"

Hoseok shrugged his shoulders. Tears started to fall down his cheeks like a waterfall.

I shouldn't have asked, why are you so dumb Chayeon!?

"Chayeon can I ask you a favor?"

She nodded in reply.

Hoseok wiped his cheeks with his sleeves "Can I hug you?"

Chayeon aggressively nodded again and hoseok hugged her tight. Chayeon didn't expect this at all.

She hesitantly patted his back,

"you can take it all out. Cry as much as you want."

Hoseok cried in her shoulder like a child until her shoulder was soaking wet and his eyes were red. "my...my mom," he began shakily. 

"hmm?"

He pulled back, wiping his nose. "Yesterday, before our interview I got a call from my sister. our mom was in the hospital." 

Her eyes widened. "oh my god, is she okay!?"

He waved a hand, sniffling. "yeah, it was nothing serious, but I was just so put off by it, I couldn't focus on the interview at all,"

"I'm sure everyone noticed, but I was pretty zoned out ." he said, his eyes had started to tear up one more. "and...and then today on.. on twi-twitter" he hiccuped. Chayeon rubbed his back, he turned back to the moon and tried to get hold of himself. He took another swing of his drink, and once he had calmed down, he closed his eyes and tilted his head back.

"Everyone...expects me to be the happy, joyful member. Jhope , always smiling, always ...happy. but its, it's just so hard." he dropped his head in his arms. Chayeon's heart twisted in her chest, seeing Hoseok like this...It hurt. 

"Hoseok, I'm so sorry. I feel like I failed you, as an ARMY. but you need to know, we love you. so, so much, for who you are, and that includes all of you, the joy, the pain, the laugh, the tears. we love you for your music. And because you have helped so many people. and I'm one of those people." 

"and trust me, anyone who says otherwise, is not a real army." Hoseok didn't say anything for a few seconds, making Chayeon bite her lip, shit, did I say something wrong?

But then he smiled, ever so softly, and turned to her. he pulled her into a hug again.

"Thank you Chayeon. I know army loves me but sometimes I have to hear it again,"

"And everytime you need to hear it, trust me we will tell you again. We love you Hoseok for who you are."  Chayeon looked at him and smiled again.

Chayeon and Hoseok talked with each other for the next hour. She ordered chicken for both of them, which they devoured over. After talking with her for a while Hoseok realised after someone can break through her "I am uncomfortable" shell, Chayeon is a really sweet person to talk with. He was suprised to know how well she knew him, as if they had known eachother for years. She seemed like an very understanding person and he admired that trait.

Chayeon bite her lips at the thought of the girl from the morning. Should I tell Hoseok oppa?... If something happens I'll regret it later.

"Chayeon did you saw anyone who came  at our house today?" Hoseok snapped her out of her thoughts.

"Yeah.. there was this one girl in a black hoodie but she said she came to meet some Namgi person"

"Oh, choreographer  noona must have  got flustered. She just messaged me that she came by our apartment but couldn't find the right hous, she said she met a neighbour but was way too afraid that she will leak our address " he laughed

Noona? The girl seemed surely way younger than me?, Maybe it was because of her small height...

" I should go it's 1am, you should sleep too"

Chayeon nodded in acknowledgement.

They went downstairs together. Before saying goodnight Hoseok felt a strong urge to pat her head and as weird as it seemed he did. Chayeon didn't mind it either, she smiled.It felt like Hoseok was her older brother.

"Chayeon if you ever need to talk to someone please remember I am just a text away, I am really grateful that you talked with me, I couldn't talk about it with the members because I didn't wanted to worry them."

Hobi took a notepad and pen out of his pocket. He wrote his phone number and passed her the piece of paper.

"I rarely trust my phone number with anyone but you are nice, and I trust you"

Chayeon smiled "oh really I was thinking to post it on weverse though"

***

Look Chayeon again you were worrying about stuff that actually wasn't a big deal.

She kept the piece of paper in a notebook. Ahra was sleeping on the couch with the headphones on and a bag of chips on her belly.

Chayeon took off her headphones and covered her with a blanket.

"I am sorry for being mean to you, I really didn't mean to be" she left a small kiss on her forehead.

Tears ran down her cheeks as she chugged a pill of antidepressant with water. Her illness had made it really hard for her to live a normal social life.

______

A/N: I have personally not been diagnosed with anxiety by an expert since unfortunately I am not able to take help of one but as far as I feel for myself my symptoms are of anxiety and I check almost all the boxes. So I might or might not have it. I wrote chayeon's charecter based on my experience and of other people with it. Any medication or treatment I mention is solely on bases of my research through google and it's not the right source. If you are someone with anxiety disorder or know someone who has it please do not recommend anything mentioned in this book and take advise if a professional.