Hey again! Happy Thursday! Also just to inform you, for the record, this chapter has been the longest one I've written in my history of typing! :P I hope it's worth it. Share your views with me too, it'll help me think differently! Thank you so much for the votes and comments ❤️

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Manik

"Ek adrak wali chai de do, bhaiyya!" (Can I have one glass of tea? [informal tone]) I ordered my tea in the cafeteria, adjusting my collar as I watched my little one play in her detachable car-seat. I had sacrificed some of my sleep the previous night, putting the baby to sleep and I needed something to re-energize myself. Raising a child alone wasn't easy and I knew that best. Her toys hung over the handle bar of her car-seat and she hit those rattles and made those baby noises I could never get bored of.

"Sir, chai garam hone main time lagega, kuch aur bana du?" (Sir, it'll take a while for the tea to heat up, can I get you anything else?) He looked apologetic and pale. It was way past lunch time and not yet snack time. I felt sorry for him and I didn't want to bother him further.

"Nahi, koi baat nahi, thandi chai hi dedo." (No, it's okay, give me whatever you have now.) He served me a cup. I sipped my warm tea, and sat beside her. The tea wasn't piping hot, how I'd generally like it but I didn't want to complain. I shifted my attention to the current most important person in my life. She cooed in excitement, waving, kicking and experimenting new tricks with her body, that she was capable of exploring. I admired that angel. She wasn't anything less than a gift from God and there wasn't anything better God could've given me. I was lost in my thoughts of praise for my little one while she kicked around, accidentally jerking my arm. Some tea from my cup spilt over and onto her feet and even before she screamed, I panicked, cursing myself a hundred times as I carried her out and rushed to the nearest sink. She was crying, I didn't know if it was because she was burnt by the tea or because she was scared I was creating a ruckus. Either ways, I felt horrible.

Everyone around me helped me as much as they could but they didn't really help enough, given I was traumatized. I paced back and forth, washed her feet in cold water and placed ice cubes wrapped in tissue on her feet, running them over her mildly reddened skin, which had been over-acted upon. It was an insignificant amount that had spilt onto her, probably not even hot for her, but even a scratch on my baby killed me from inside. She was an infant. I murmured a zillion 'sorry's to my baby as her cries filled the room.

"Parenting with a low financial status is nothing but bad parenting." I heard her taunt just loud enough for me to hear but I couldn't care less. I'd hurt my baby, she was crying and the thought of her in pain brought tears to my eyes. I wasn't in my sanest mind. I wound her leg up in a bandage with Navya's help and placed more ice over the burn. The canteen chef gave me some powdered sugar, which I placed into my baby's mouth. Her cries quieted down within moments and she stared at her crying father with her soggy eyes. I put her on my lap, supporting her entire body with the length of my left arm and began talking to her again, like I generally did.

"I'm so sorry, baby. I didn't mean to... I love you so much, baby. You mean the world to me. I'm very very sorry. I hate myself, hit Daddy!" I swat her tiny hand across my face and she gaped at her father's misery quietly, shooting a smile at me after everything. She probably thought it was a game. If only she knew what happened to me in those few minutes.

"Manik, do you need me to carry her?" I handed her over to Cabir as I wiped the milk off her car-seat with my handkerchief. I held my head with my hands, distressed and extremely upset. This wasn't the first incident that bothered me. A memory of my baby running temperature blurred my conscience. I was filled with remorse and I was triggered. I stomped my feet in anger and agony and entered the first room I found.

"How could you be so careless? You are a horrible father!" I kicked the storeroom's stacked desks and struck myself on the floor. I discovered that the storeroom was one room in the office that was hardly accessed. The lighting there was purely sunlight, blocked by dusty maroon velvet curtains. The familiar dullness, like that of my life otherwise, welcomed my presence. I shouted loudly and cursed myself once, when I heard the room open and close and a thud, as she fell to the floor with me. She probably never saw me that emotional for anyone or anything else except for her. Maybe, she was getting jealous of her own baby, for the attention her Daddy gave her.

"Manik, Manik... gather yourself together!" She held my shoulder in support but I wasn't in the right mindset to listen to anything she had to say to me. I was beginning to loathe myself and as such, she already had reached that level of hatred for me. I was so upset, and I leaned onto her chest for some comfort, that I usually managed to receive. The familiar scent gave me some reassurance. My cheek was against her partially-exposed bare chest.

"No! You're right, Nandini. I cannot take care of my daughter! I am a terrible father!" She shook her head, holding my face in her hands, looking at me with amazement, as if what I was saying was absolutely wrong. She pulled my head into her chest and hugged my neck with both her arms. "I am failing my promises, Nandini. I'm proving you right! You are right! You always are..." I shut my eyes tight as my tears embraced her hands.

"Manik... I want you to prove me wrong."

***

Manik

I lied on my back, over the small couch in my cabin with my baby's back against my chest. She always fell asleep while I read her the baby frog prince tale, with vibrant pictures and huge text. It was the same story where the frog prince, so ugly, fell in love with a beautiful princess, who turns him into a beautiful prince with one kiss of love. Instantly, I found myself trying to relate that story to Manik's and Nandini's love story, but it just didn't seem to fit.

My princess moved her hands around, hitting the book occasionally and smiling every now and then, as her eyes focused on the different colors in the book. She was beginning to interact and learn from the world around her. Her body was caged between my arms and she rested there quietly until she fell asleep, tired. I ran my fingers through her silky baby curls, finding faults in myself the way Nandini found in me. Was I really as bad as they all thought I was? I closed my eyes and recollected how everything seemed so perfect in the beginning, when we first met.

We were at a formal dinner party at Premiera Technologies, where I was called to tag along by my boss. It was pretty late in the night and I was uncertain of my conscious self after the buffet dinner was over. I ran into a woman who looked like she was in her early twenties and instantly, a spark struck us as my eyes delved into her captivating ones.

"You're handsome. Married?" She cackled, as if all men who looked good were taken. Maybe that was real, but I never had a woman around my fingers like that. Introverts, whether good-looking or not, are never approached. Her confidence floored me and maybe, that was one trait I learned from her, later on. I was intimidated then.

"Not yet..." I chuckled nervously as she placed her head and hand over my chest, running her finger along the string of buttons. I checked her out from head to toe heedlessly. She wore a black dress with a sleeveless strap on one shoulder. Ahh... she was the most gorgeous woman I ever laid my eyes on. "Single?" I slurred, intoxicated with alcohol. She smiled dreamily and leaned, placing a soft kiss on my cheek.

"I'll see you later." She waved and headed to the dance floor. I was smitten with attraction for her. She had the perfect body and the perfect smile. I wanted her in my life, forever. I sipped some more beer as I checked her out one more time, this time not even subtly. I was disturbed by a manly voice, totally ruining my mood.

"Manik, come. I need to show you someone." I wasn't in the mood for any meeting as such but Mr. Mehta seemed to head in the direction I wanted to go. "Nandini, this is Manik, my best employee. Manik, this is Nandini, MD of Premiera Technologies and also, our new client." Whoa! I gasped and she winked when Mr. Mehta wasn't looking directly at us. My plan to wrap her around my fingers collapsed right then but she didn't seem to let go of me. An hour later, she pulled me in for a dance with her on a slow, romantic song.

"It's unusual that they play songs like these at parties." She giggled as she placed her forehead on mine, with an arm around my neck and the other bent at my shoulder. I slid that hand in mine as we swayed slowly to the beats. It felt surreal to be in the vicinity of such a high-profile woman like her. I felt inferior to say the least and to me, she seemed like a forbidden fruit. A woman I could never have, and that accentuated how I felt for her. 

"Maybe this song is meant to signify something..." I clasped her, holding her securely. She stared into my eyes but the moment was ruined by someone interrupting us. The guy wanted to dance with her too, but I pulled her to myself. I wasn't ready to let her go. She smiled, running her hand behind my neck, sealing her lips with mine for the first time ever, marking the start of our relationship.

Never did I think that time that there would be a day when life would change so much, that we wouldn't be together and that we'd have a baby that'd I'd be raising alone. It was a yearlong, precisely a 15-month long relationship that we'd lost. My lonely thoughts were interrupted when Navya walked back into my room. Navya sat on my office chair and I scooped my daughter up and put her in her stroller, with a blanket over her. My fingers, however, seemed to linger right there, around my baby's face for the guilt of the pain I'd caused to her. I felt like I needed to speak to Navya too, at least for all the help she'd been of for me but I couldn't face her directly. I was guilty, guilty for failing as a parent.

"Sorry."

"Kis baat ka? Manik... will you listen to me?" (For what? Manik... will you listen to me?) I fixed my gaze at the floor, pulling my lip in between my teeth. She took my hand in hers, brushing with the pads of her thumb softly. "It's not your fault, why are you struggling? It's really hard to raise a child all alone; you're just being hard on yourself." I shook my head in dismissal. I couldn't take my baby for granted. Surely, the tea incident didn't harm her, but I was really casual about it.

"It is my fault. I cannot seem to keep my daughter happy. Even she'll leave me like how Nandini did, eventually. I cannot keep anyone in my life happy." I felt tears fill my eyes at the feeling of never being enough for anyone. No matter what I did, the people I loved just left. I felt my beautiful baby clasp my index finger in her hand, as if empathizing with my pain and assuring me she'd never leave my side. How much I loved her! Navya once told me babies do the things they did when they were awake, even when they slept, as their subconscious mind registers those activities and masters them. She did love her Daddy unconditionally. That made me sadder. I deserved none of that love. I was a miserable parent.

I diverted myself quickly, to avoid breaking down. I had tasks to complete. I printed out the document I was working on, and began going through it, highlighting the changes in bright yellow. I drew sample diagrams in the margins, penning my ideas on paper. Navya watched me with caution as I supposedly drowned myself in my work. 

I was passionate about my job. It meant everything to me. It was the sole purpose of my survival. I did my best to excel at work, keeping my personal commitments and issues away from it. Sometimes it was hard, I wouldn't deny. I couldn't focus much on work during the initial days of my breakup with Nandini. Little tiffs with her would distract me and make me deviate from my goals. I would sometimes lose purpose in life and question my existence but my daughter was my bundle of joy, my ray of hope. With her, I could fight the world. She could be tiny, but she weighed a lot in terms of my heart. I'd never leave her alone to fight her battles, the way Nandini did to me. I knew the pain and I'd never want my daughter to go through that alone.

I picked out the folder I was going to display to Mr. Meha from under the massive stack of files. I'd labeled them for ease of access and it helped me make my search much easier. I headed towards his cabin with the baby stroller, but stopped outside as I heard some voices. Maybe visitors. I waited outside, until the guests departed. I pushed in, to find Mr. Mehta standing, probably he wanted to bid them goodbye. "Sir..."

"Ahh... Manik... Come inside." He sat down and I took it as a cue to continue. I parked the stroller in the corner of the room. I placed a folder in front of him, and flipped to the laminated sheets that I'd filed.

"This is the current progress sheet. I think there is a marginal drop in the performance of the modified program, Richard informed. I was asked to make these changes, but this was my proposed model. I came here for a second opinion." I pointed to the two statistical figures Richard helped me out with. I was engrossed in speaking while Mr. Mehta looked at me with a gratifying smile. His eyes were drawn to the pencil sketches I'd made along the margins. He appreciated my passion and cut me off soon after.

"Manik, I believe in you. Do whatever your heart says, yeah?" I listened to his statement with caution and at that moment, in that mindset, his statement had intensities of different magnitudes. My heart says things I can never do. I stood there blankly, reconsidering my own opinion over the proposed changes. I nodded in response, almost making my decision, when he said, "So about the other night, I hope you spent some good time with my daughter." He said with a light chuckle, in an attempt to tease me.

I blinked at him, partly in confusion and partly in disbelief. Of course, only a couple of people from my company knew about Nandini and I being a thing that was our close circle; though some did suspect. After all, nobody went beyond the fact that she was an MD and I was a casual employee. I'd like to believe that was why they didn't seem to develop further conclusions. It surprised me that so many people thought so much about standards just the way she did.

I stuttered, unaware of what to say to Mr. Mehta, when my baby saved her Daddy. She let out a loud wail and I hurried to check on her. As soon as I came into her range of sight, she silenced her cries and shot a smile instead. A drama queen, you could call her that. Bacchh gaya tu, Manik! I picked her up and held her close to my body and she cooed happily. How much she demanded my attention!

"About Sonali... I don't think you'll mind if she accompanies you today, right?" I was about to say something when the door opened and she walked in, waving at us with a wide smile.

"Hey Dad!" She hugged him, leaning into him and popping her posterior outwards, just for the heck of it. Then she turned towards me and smiled, raising her arms in for a hug that I had to deny, because of the baby who was breathing up against the crook of my neck. "Hi, Manik." I gave her a small smile and bobbing my arms up and down to keep my baby entertained. "Aww... what a beautiful little baby!" My daughter cooed in agreement to the compliment she received and everyone in the room adored her.

"Manik, I'll give you both some time alone..." He hurried out of the room, despite my mute protests. I dreaded being in the same room as Sonali, alone. It'd only give her ideas that would never happen. I wasn't ready for another relationship, not now, not ever. I'd been so scarred by love that nothing could ever make me believe in a second chance for someone else. Sonali gave me a small, sympathetic smile as she offered to carry my baby. I carefully passed my daughter to her, reminding her of the neck that needed to be supported.

Nandini walked into the room just then, mumbling something to herself. The moment she saw me with Sonali, her mouth puffed up first in anger and then she charged towards the two of us. She was one jealous woman when it came to my interactions with other ladies. To add to her worries, my baby began wailing and Nandini got protective.

"Not like that, you'll hurt her." She made her way through Sonali's arms and pulled my baby away from her, without hurting Naina. She began rocking her slowly, trying to comfort her while Sonali and I stood awkwardly, without making eye contact. I was trying to find ways to explain the situation and rectify any misunderstandings in the process. Nandini realized what she just did and stood still.

"I'm so sorry, I... I actually lost a baby." She spoke those words while looking into my eyes. She wasn't lying. I felt myself melting in the intensity of them. Trap again! Sonali, who was offended and urged to rebuke immediately, toned down. She felt sorry. Maybe I wasn't the only one who fell for Nandini's words. My eyes softened as I watched the two together. My heart just couldn't have enough of that sight. How beautiful would it be if our love was real, her love for me was real. I fell weak again. I let her hold Naina for a little while longer mainly because my baby seemed to enjoy being with Nandini. I didn't want to disturb them but I needed to divert the tension.

"Sonali, why don't I show you around, yeah?" She gave me a constrained smile, like she wanted to be saved. As a friendly gesture, I held my hand out for Sonali. I sensed Nandini's lethal stare at me as I exited the room, with the woman's hand in mine. Navya was at the door, giving me and Sonali a brief look of judgment before her eyes scanned Nandini with the baby in her arms. Her eyes widened in suspicion. Even I didn't know what I was trying to do. "Navya will be at your beck and call today, Madam." I turned around with a smile and after a passing a look to Navya that she better understood. 

***

I breathed the fresh air deeply, after a hearty laugh. Sonali and I had come outside the office campus for a little walk in the park, where the butterflies lingered. She insisted we walked there and I learned she liked butterflies. It was something she loved to engage in during her childhood apparently. Being the rich daughter she was, she had a beautiful butterfly garden in her house and she'd watch them breed and grow every day. Every time she saw one, she tried not to move a limb in an attempt to get them to sit on her, yet she failed every single time. Her unsuccessful attempts made me laugh out loud and I sensed her ardent gaze on me. She admired me, evidently. She later explained her theory for how butterflies expressed freedom, happiness and beauty after bring confined to their cocoons for too long. To me, it seemed like she was talking about me. About me being free from my burden and living my life outside of my responsibilities. I didn't want to get into that phase then or talk about myself.

"I'm sorry about what happened earlier. I didn't expect Ms. Murthy to react..." She shrugged it away, with an understanding smile. She walked towards the park bench and took a seat, giving me some space to fit in too. Maybe she wasn't as bad.

"Come on, that's okay, Manik. It must be hard for her." Her voice dropped at the thought of Nandini. I nodded to myself, unaware of what to say to not make it seem suspicious that Nandini and I had a history.

"Ahh! Now that, I don't know." I said, honestly. If anyone knew the things she said to me, they'd never think a woman like her would be affected because she couldn't be with her baby. After all, it was her choice to make and she did, ditching me. I could hear Sonali saying something but I couldn't catch those words.

"Manik, I know this isn't the right time to say this... but I really am interested... in you." My brain rang a bell when I heard the word 'interested' and I realized my hand was in hers. She fluttered her eyelashes and then blushed, unable to maintain steady eye-contact. What the hell was I doing? No.

"NO! I... I don't think... I..." I said, trying to slip my hands away from hers. I was getting uncomfortable. I didn't want to indulge in that conversation, in a conversation about my life, my relationships. She instantly regretted, shoving her face into her hands. I shouldn't have entertained that in the first place.

I was a man and obviously, it'd been so long since I'd touched and felt a woman. It was just instinctive while I was lost in my own world. I didn't intend to give her clues. I didn't intend to date her. Hell, I don't even like her that way. I reassured myself and took a deep breath.

"No, no please, Manik... don't take me wrong. My father raised me as a single parent and I know the struggles. I love your optimism. It pains me to see you suffer to raise your baby alone, and I feel like I want to do that with you. I don't want to see you do this all alone..." I shook my head negatively and scooted away from her. I wasn't feeling good. I got up in a jiffy, almost frightening her.

"Trust me, I am not... Navya helps me so much, even Na..." I gaped at her, unable to believe what I was just about to say. "...my child's mother..." I paused again, staring at her. No, too much information. I looked away from her and she clasped my hand, tears brimming at her eyes.

"Manik..." I dismissed her tears with a small smile. I hated it when I made women cry. A real gentleman never makes a woman cry, my dad always said. He was a pro at parenting and I'd never be able to beat him at it. Talking about optimism, it was my strength until Nandini left. She was my biggest strength and my biggest weakness. Her absence just toiled around with my character severely.

"I... I think we should go." I said, looking towards our office building that seemed pretty distant from the park. I should go... to Nandini, my mind spoke and I shook my head. Not Nandini, Naina. I panicked as I glanced at the watch. We'd been away for an hour and God knew what was happening back there. I needed to see my child. I tugged Sonali's hand that lay in mine gently, and she stood up dusting her dress.

***

Nandini

I'd been playing around with my baby, who seemed to enjoy my company. I sang her a song, rocked her to the beats of a lullaby and showered her with tons and tons of kisses and words of love. However, the woman... Manik's girlfriend, whatever her name was... Navya, yes, didn't seem to get out of my sight. She was the same girl I'd seen with Manik the other day in a somewhat compromising position. Ahh, what skills did he have! The irritation in me was growing manifolds as she spied on every step I took.

"She's my daughter; I know what to do with her. Can you leave us alone?" I barked, without regret. She was getting on my nerves. She was horrified, and that could be sensed by her trembling voice.

"Madam but Manik..." And here comes the Manik Malhotra chant! I rolled my eyes, as obviously as I could. How he managed to make his way through every girl's heart in the city was beyond my comprehension.

"Manik ki harr baat maanti ho tum? Kaun hai voh tumhare liye?" (You listen to everything Manik says? Who is he to you?) I growled with a tinge of jealousy evident in my tone. I couldn't help it either. Wasn't he enough to torture me that now he had to appoint other people to do his duties? Curse that idiot, it was his daughter Manik was enjoying with! They must be having fun. I shut my own thoughts up. Fun? Was he really having fun with her?

"Definitely not what you are to him, Madam." I figured I'd missed some of her chatter while convincing myself of what I was to believe. What she said came as a shock to me and for some reason, my heart felt at peace listening to that. At least nobody could replace me in his life... or could she?

"I suppose you know then..." She avoided eye-contact with me but not for long. "So you don't love Manik?" It came out as a demand, more than a question. It seemed more like I was threatening her not to. Ah, well, I was a territorial person and Manik... he was mine. What?

"Love?" Her face cringed at the thought of her loving Manik the way I did. Wait... what? She giggled at me and then covered her mouth, as I gave her a cold look. "I'm married already."

"Well, what were you doing in his cabin the other day, when I..."

"Which d... oh!" She paused and smiled to herself. What the hell is going on? "I help him with those things." I felt my eyes widen and my jaw drop. Help?

"WHAT? Which things?" I grit my teeth and snarled. My baby cooed in excitement. Perhaps the baby had a seventh sense and could tell her Mommy was getting possessive of her Daddy. The idea brought her excitement.

"Yes, it brings him some peace." She completed with a serene smile. I felt my insides burn like they'd been in fire. How dare she? My fists tightened and I took one dangerous step towards her.

"Woman, you're..."

"Diaper changing..." Her eyes met mine and mine was instantly devoid of all emotion. So that was what they were upto... I mentally slapped myself for being so stupid and doubting him like that, thinking of all those weird things I believed was true.

"Oh!" was all I could say.

"You don't have to worry. His eyes are nowhere else." She smiled at me. I liked her then. I liked her for giving me the hope that there was something more between Manik and I, which he'd never share with anyone else. I liked her for not liking Manik the way I thought she did. I liked her for enlightening me that my coast was clear. Basically, I couldn't thank her enough for making me like her. Okay, Manik is driving me crazy; he needs to come back now.

Outside, I could hear footsteps. I handed the baby over to Navya and peeked through the keyhole, being the suspicious lady I was. Before I could see anything, the hole was blackened out and my head bumped into the door pretty badly.

"AHH!" I pressed my hand to my head, trying to rub the area so it wouldn't swell. Instantly, I felt an arm around me and a hand graze mine. I opened my tightly shut eyes to see Manik and his attention focused on the indentation on my forehead. He began rubbing it gently, observing it every few seconds to see if the mark was going away.

I was lost in the moment. I'd withdrawn my hand and placed it gently over his chest, over his heart that was thumping rapidly. As soon as I touched him, he stopped rubbing as his eyes met mine. I tilted my head to the side, trying to read through those beautiful eyes of his which hid so much pain. I was just so stupid to let him go but even then, he didn't achieve what I expected of him. After all, it wasn't really his fault.

No, he betrayed you. He led you on.

No.

There was so much going on in my head that I often involved myself in, not paying much heed to reality. I looked into his eyes, for any resemblance of inner turmoil on his face, but there were no traces. Nevertheless, his face still had that charm I was attracted to, though dull in intensity. I'd put him through a lot. In my head, I said these words: ironic it is that your love so kind, was blemished by my selfish mind. Ironic it is that your love so selfless, had to face all this mess. Ironic it is that my regret and heartbreak--is now coming across as fake.

I touched his face in pure contrite as my pupils dilated, focusing on his. One can never tell how much love meant until he/she saw either the gleam of sincere happiness or intensity of sorrow in the eyes of those in love. I'd seen both and I'd missed the former too much to even remember what it felt like. He stood motionless, consuming my grievous heart deeper, like a scavenger.

Just then, Manik was pushed out of his trance, the door hitting his back. Given the position we were in, we'd get easily caught if someone walked in on us. I pulled myself away and looked down at the glossy white tiles on which I could see my reflection; anything to save myself from embarrassment. Manik fell back onto the door, shutting her out and fake-yelping to avoid suspicion. I hopped over to Navya, who seemed pleased at the moment we just shared together. Manik was such a lucky man, to have such wonderful people around him, who'd never let him suffer the pain all alone.

"Manik, are you okay?" The slender woman bustled inside, inspecting Manik for injury. I rolled my eyes at her frivolous gestures to get her way to him. Back off, bitch! He's never going to be yours. I smiled to myself, victoriously. I kissed my baby on her head secretly and walked out the door, paying zero heed to their PDA session.

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Was that fun? Did you like it? Flashback kaisa tha? :P What's happening next?

Question: Have you ever lost someone you cared about so much? How did it hurt you?

I'm excited about the responses for this story! If you guys aren't liking it, let me know okay? I don't want to force you guys into supporting me, you can share your views too :) I can't guarantee a Monday update this time but I'll try my best ❤️ Thank you babies!