Manik

It was half an hour ago when I first realized Navya was gone for a while, and the pie she had shoved into the microwave was smelling delicious. I vaguely remember Nandini being there, although I refused to look at her. Or perhaps they were hallucinations emerging from starvation. 

I had been resisting the temptation for a while, but my insides were growling. Maybe I would have a small bite, that wouldn't hurt anyone. I could explain to her later.

That was when I pulled the pastry out, grabbed some cutlery, and sat at one of the dining tables by myself. Just one slice. It was a delectable treat, with a soft orange filling on the inside, and a pastry crust on the outside. Dessert for lunch, who wouldn't love it?!

"Manik,"

"It's not mine, I know, I'm just hungry!" I wailed, gulping the tiny bit I had to taste. But it was just Cabir.

"Don't worry," he said, scoffing awkwardly while taking a seat. He eyed the sliver of the pie that I had sectioned away for myself. "Is Navya not back yet?"

"Nope, she took Naina with her too... I'm hoping she would feed her," I knew Nandini would as well, but Nandini was not someone I was looking forward to handling my baby. Nevertheless, she was still Naina's mother and perhaps that was the reason Navya took her and my daughter away to spend the afternoon together.  

"Nandini will,"

My head flicked, "Who said anything about Nandini?"  

"You sure you're not reconciling?"

"Why are we talking about her?" His reluctance for an answer displayed how much he wanted a solid reply. "She's engaged to someone else, why would I want to be with someone like that? That's beside the point anyway," I said, stuffing my mouth.

"I don't know, not everything is as it seems, you know?"

"As in?"

"Hypothetically, say I was dating someone, right?" I nodded, still eating. "And say that person isn't someone you'd expect them to be."

"Yeah, I hope you're making a point here?"

"Then... would you judge them for who they are or value my feelings for them?"

"I would value your happiness over your feelings for her, Cabir."

"And if it's a him?"

"It doesn't matter if-oh." I raised my eyebrow, a bit taken aback. Was Cabir coming out as gay? I was overthrown, was it such a casual thing to say? The queer community deserves just as much freedom as we get, but because of the years of oppression their community faced, I thought every LGBT person professed their sexuality in very direct ways.  

Comprehending my confusion and shock regarding the matter, Cabir shook his head.

***

Cabir

Manik went dead silent for a few moments. 

"This secret I've been keeping became the biggest part of my identity. And I don't want that anymore,"

He nodded, but dazed by other thoughts. 

Sure, the information I shared was a secret for twelve years before I finally found the courage to talk about it. Years of shaming and guilt for my sexuality had mentally taken such a big toll on my life. Protecting myself meant protecting my sexuality. And naturally, I did. Only recently had I started embracing my emotions and seeking relationships actively, for the passion that I always wanted.  

"It's fine if you don't feel comfortable around me anymore, or don't feel safe with your baby around me," 

"No no, of course not, you idiot!" He spat, kicking my feet impulsively. "I was just... not expecting it to be such a... normal confession. I thought it would be this grand speech because it would be a big deal for you,"

"It is... but the hardest things to do are sometimes the simplest." I meant that to be an eye-opener for him, to make him rethink his feelings and how he was handling the situation with matters concerning Nandini. 

I think it was one shock after the other for Manik, from me going from straight to queer as well as from humorous and jolly to wise and insightful, that left him flabbergasted. "What made you... say it today?"

The reality was that I didn't want Manik to get to know through one of two shook girls. It would not only create drama but would also pave the way to trust issues, which Manik already had an abundant history with. Plus, Nandini had been through enough herself–and had put Manik through hell–in order to keep Aryamann's sexuality a secret. 

I cleared my throat. "Just felt like it was high-time. You're the first person I am telling it to, by the way," 

When Aryamann and Nandini came up with the clauses, I wasn't in the picture. Aryamann was with Richard, who had been a sponsored resident–with Aryamann's financial influence. It was shortly after the clause was announced that I had been Nandini's support system. She never said a word to me about the exchange of promises between her and Aryamann, but I knew she despised the man.

I confronted Aryamann weeks after... and that argument turned into a passionate makeout. That was the beginning of things between us. With me in the picture, Richard started fizzling out and while Richard extended his arms to get back in touch with Aryamann, my attraction for Aryamann grew stronger. 

At one point, we were three people in the relationship. None of us were exclusive, and it worked fine with us. Our community anyways had nothing to do with marriage in that year, and this consensual romantic boundary worked for us. Then Richard broke it off with us, and now we were in the no strings attached phase.

Nandini knew that but didn't judge. She wasn't one to think ill of me anyways, and she always felt she owed it to me for staying with her through tough times.    

"Are you happy?" I asked out of the blue.

He poked into another slice of pie, this time sharing it with me, "Hmm?" He hummed, lost in thought.

"You said if it was me, you would value my happiness. What about yourself?"

"Truth is, I'm not. But I don't care about my happiness anymore. I chased for a family so madly, that I overlooked peace in my life. I forgot what it was like to have my guard up. I don't think I can be like that, ever, again." 

Painstaking to see a man so zealous and romantic be reduced to a hopeless, lifeless man. His life used to revolve around Nandini, his father, and his little baby who he adored to death. Now it was work and his beloved daughter, with no time to spare for anything else. His father was healthy in the hospital, parading his son's official Berlin trip, and his wife had gone above and beyond to make sure that happens, and pull him out of some misery she put him in herself.  

But the state at which he was in, it seemed like all those efforts were useless. He was still miserable, maybe a stronger version of it at best. 

"At some point whenever I'm open to meeting new women, I will be cautious, be extra alert for the red flags, put in the least effort to keep her, it's not worth it..."

"Are you saying you're moving on from her?" I asked, almost panicked. I would hate if saving my relationship meant jeopardizing his, but it wasn't my decision. I had little to no say in Nandini's pact with Aryamann. I just wished that wasn't the case. 

"I'm moving on from love, it's not for me; I just don't want it anymore."

His chapter with her was coming to an end. Nobody could stop it except himself. Or her. But would she step up–for their relationship, for their baby girl–and make this work?

All I could do was hope. On behalf of him, for he had lost it.   

***

I know this is super short, we're nearing the end and I'm thinking of hustling the last few chapters out so you guys don't have to wait too long :P