First of all, A BIG THANK YOU TO EVERYONE who made me feel so elated on Monday's update! I'm obligated, legit! I LOVE YOU <3 and we're on #84 on Fanfiction which is the highest ranked book I've written after MTMM :') Makes me so happy you guys! All the love and blessings your way! Drop your votes and comments, SPAMS are welcomed with open arms ❤️

Also chotu request to Hindi readers: please translations ko ignore karna, matlab brackets ko ignore karo jaise haters ko karte hai because it's not accurate and kills the fun na? :P

Bas ab :P Thank you so much for the support, you keep me going! I'll give you all my best xx

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Nandini

With bright rays blinding my eyes, I could no longer sleep. I had such a peaceful night, after so long. Beside me was a small breathing soul, wrapped in an animal printed blanket. A baby monitor sat between the two of us. I smiled to myself proudly, for giving birth to such a beautiful angel. But where's Manik? I looked around the room for some traces. I sat up on the bed, picked a hair-tie from the bowl on my nightstand, tied my hair into a messy bun, and then checked my phone. 7:18. I kissed my baby and put pillows around her, just in case.

I walked downstairs to see Manik helping the helpers make some breakfast. Just like old times. Satisfied with his presence and that he didn't run away, I went back upstairs to brush my teeth, leaving the bathroom door open, just in case Naina needed something. I freshened up, showered and dressed myself in a bathrobe, only to find Manik lying on the bed with his head raised with his elbow, marveled at our baby.

His phone rang, distracting him. I could see him through the mirror, straighten himself. He picked the call.

"Haan, Mehta ji." (Yes, Mr. Mehta.)
-
"Nahi... main actually... ghar main nahi hoon." (No... I'm actually... not at home.) His eyes met mine through the mirror. He rolled his eyes at the voice in the phone and then made ridiculous expressions at it.
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"Main... hospital!" (I'm in... the hospital!) He gasped, looking at me. Though I was confused, I smirked, rubbing my hair dry with the towel. "Yes, hospital main hoon."  (Yes, I'm at the hospital.) I smiled like an idiot at his excuses and self-justifications.
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"Mujhe, Sir, main bimaar hoon! Pata nahi... *cough*" (I... Sir, I'm not feeling well. I don't know...) Wow! Acting main toh Manik ko award mil jaana chahiye! (Wow! Manik should get an award for his acting skills!) "Kal se, kal shayad kisine... *cough cough* zyaada... perfume pehenke mere aas paas ghuma hoga. Mujhe na... *cough* Like I'm allergic to perfumes! YES!" (Yesterday, I guess someone... someone wore perfume and tagged along with me. I'm like allergic to perfumes! YES!) I burst out laughing at his ridiculous excuses and faces and Manik made some at me to shut up, so that he wouldn't get caught.
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"Haan, aaj office bhi nahi... *cough* aa sakta!" (Yes, I cannot come to work today!) He frowned as he said the words, trying to animate himself. After some more lies, he cut the call.

"Interesting!" I chuckled and he heaved a sigh, locking eyes with mine. That moment was intense. I looked away, unable to stand it for long. "Waise... kab uthe?" (By the way, when did you wake up?) I asked, looking at myself in the dresser mirror, untangling the wet strands of my hair gently.

He looked... different. "Soya hi kahan!" (Who said I slept!) Through the mirror, his face looked dull and sleep-deprived. The dark circles under his eyes became prominent. Maybe he didn't sleep well the previous night. Maybe my house didn't make him feel good. Maybe he had grown to hate everything that concerned me, just like I once told I did.

He got off the bed, in one motion. Approaching me steadily, his pupils grew bigger under the sunlight. "Nandini..." He breathed, close to my face. I felt my legs become jelly. His fingers reached for the hair blocking him from seeing me completely, and he tucked the wet locks behind my ear, tracing them downwards. His eyes masked something I couldn't read, because too much was happening too fast. There was nothing I could sanely do to respond and so I said,

"Hmm..." That broke him from the trance. He cut off eye-contact briefly, taking a deep breath. His head shook slightly, as if he was talking to himself and then with a small smile, he responded to break the awkwardness in the atmosphere.

"Hume hospital jaana hai aaj. Thoda jaldi karna, I'll get the baby ready." (We have to go to the hospital. Make it quick, I'll get the baby ready.) His breath fanned my face. Something felt like equations had changed between us. He was so close, looking at me with such strong emotions in his eyes yet again, and that entangled me, but hospital? Why?

My hand instantly patted his face, checking his temperature. The towel in the other hand dropped as I touched both his cheeks, and then cupped his face. "Kuch hua? Tumko sacchme allergy hai, Manik?" (Is anything wrong? Do you really have an allergy, Manik?) He gave me a bored look.

"Ho gaya? Ab chalo!" (Are you done? Go now!) He couldn't believe I actually bought that excuse. I mocked him in a high-pitched tone as he parted from my vicinity. He lifted our child and took her downstairs, whispering to her in an excited tone.

I liked the new Manik. I never knew one night could change us so much. This was going to be the new beginning, at least for me.

***

We were sitting outside the gynecologist ward, waiting for someone. What? Did he think I was pregnant or something? We didn't have sex in months! Or was he planning for a new one so soon? I thought we weren't patched up yet. Oh well, with Manik you never know. I rested my head on his shoulder, binding my fingers around his forearm while our baby reclined on Daddy's lap with his support, sucking on a rattle toy.

"Mr. and Mrs. Malhotra?" Well, not bad at all! I offered to hold the baby but Manik snubbed me, shoving me inside while my hand held his. Meera? What was she doing here? Did Manik know?

Hesitantly, I inched closer, dragging Manik with me. "Here are your reports, Madam. There are some things that need to be addressed immediately though. First of all, post-partum depression is pretty common but you have a complication here..."

"Madam, umm... I've learned a bit about this. If you can tell us what is to be done now, that would help." I let go of Manik's hand, almost painfully. He knew. He knew before I knew. He didn't even think of informing me. What hurt more was I was starting to think everything from that morning was a lie. He wasn't nice to me because we patched up. He was nice to me out of pity. I withdrew again.

"What needs to be done should not concern anyone else but me. Tumhe kya fark padta hai? Haan? Tum kaun ho mere liye? Get out, NOW!" (Why does it bother you? Huh? Who are you yo me? Get out, NOW!) I was deeply hurt, not only because he hid the information, but also because he pretended to care. Was it really his fault? No.

"Listen Nandini, I've not come here to fight with you." He had his defenses ready and within seconds, we were creating a scene in the hospital. Not the first time!

"See, this is exactly what the issue is. I want you both to understand the situation, please." I sighed and Manik seemed patient enough to actually listen this time. Maybe it was because it concerned me, but whatever! "Look, Nandini has been having anxiety attacks in the recent past that is post pregnancy, which we couldn't diagnose until lately because she didn't turn up for any checkups." The doctor had ratted me out and obviously, Manik rolled his eyes as evidently as he possibly could.

Manik never liked how I wasn't serious about my health and I took that as a good enough reason to not. He would look after me. "Has there been anything lately that could've triggered this? Anything you are aware of?" They already knew my side of the story, partially more or less. They needed Manik's inputs.

"We... we aren't together now." He waved at us, making eye contact with her and avoiding me. I felt like strangling him to stop being so adamant.

"Since when?"

"Almost 4 months."

"Toh phir bacchhi?" (Then what about the baby?) I was expecting them to know that information. Doctors know everything na? Issliye toh injections ke piche padhe rehte hai! Oh and no, I am not scared of injections, huh!

"Main sambhalta hoon." (I take care of her.) The doctor nodded. Meera, my counselor, stood by my side. I was slightly frightened by what they were going to do to me. Postpartum post-traumatic stress disorder; such a huge, scary name. Were they going to inject a zillion needles into me and bind me to a bed?

"Nandini, we believe we need some time alone. Can you step outside for a moment please?" I carried the baby outside with me. For now, she was my only backup savior. I'd fought with the actual savior, but it wasn't my fault. "Usne mujhe bataya kyoon nahi? Bina baat ke I got so happy!" (Why didn't he tell me? I got happy for no reason!) I complained to our baby, while wiping the wet corner of her lips. She stared and listened, letting out a cluck in understanding. She knew Mommy's worries, and she was trying to be supportive. Inside the ward, they were having a discussion.

"Mr. Malhotra..."

"Manik." He corrected. He was a man with pleasing manners. Too bad he was stuck in love with an idiot like me!

"Manik, Nandini really needs you right now. I don't know if that separation has triggered her but you're her only support system now; I saw that when you both entered hand-in-hand despite not being together." Manik took a moment to recollect, and then he sighed. He didn't like that he cared so much for me, that he couldn't realize what would happen to him if he gives in to those little issues in my life.

"Otherwise, her condition is just going to get worse, no matter what we do. She often has visions of her past-hard to point out which event-attacking her again. It has been affecting her current relationships, maybe even yours. We'll give her therapy but it's on you to..."

"I'll do my best. Please do your part?"

"That goes without saying. Thank you so much."

"She'll... she'll be okay, na?"

"She will be completely normal, I assure you." I was called back in. That time, I intentionally moved my chair away from Manik, just to prove my point before sitting down. Everyone in the room smiled, except me.

"So Nandini, we're going to give you therapy. Don't worry; it will mostly be a fun experience, okay?" I felt a little relieved. "We'll put you with two other women from our observations, and I want you to do just as we say. Yahan wahan tablets bhi denge, that's it."

"Injection nahi chahiye!" (I don't want injections!) I made my stand clear right from the beginning. Manik smirked to himself. Yeah, his tortures were no less than a hundred pins being poked into my heart.

***

Manik

We were heading back home but Nandini couldn't leave without some drama. Apparently, she'd torn her slippers off when she was 'catching up to my speed' and I had to buy her new ones. It was just her way of punishing me for my deed, and in order to 'do my best', I had to deal with her! On the way, she informed our baby also that we were going to get new shoes. What a kid! I reminded myself that it was good she was behaving that way. P-PTSD is a form of depression.

"Jaana kahan hai?" (Where do you want to go?)

"Mujhse kyoon puch rahe ho? Meera di se pucho, batayegi woh!" (Why are you asking me? Ask Meera, she'll tell you!) Yet again, she was back with her taunts. Manik, chill. Tender love and care! Okay?

"Par tum..." (But you...) I'd begun off softly but obviously, Madam ko toh acchhe ladke nahi pasand naa? (Madam doesn't like well-behaved men, right?)

"Manik, mujhe tumse baat nahi karni hai! Don't talk to me." (Manik, I don't want to talk to you!) Our baby was silently watching her parents fight. For her, it wasn't a problem. She knew one of us would feed her and take care of her. She didn't have to worry a bit.

"Okay. Then don't sit in MY car, niklo baahar." I grunted, slamming the horn at the guy in front, who had abruptly stopped his car. Man! Who gives these people licenses?

"OKAY! Then say bye-bye to your baby, because ab mere saath hi rahegi Naina. She likes me!" (Then say bye-bye to your baby, because now she'll be with me.) Nandini kissed her to express her genuine love and the baby was more than happy to accept it all. Perhaps the disconnection made her guilty and more emotionally connected to her baby.

"OKAYY! Let's see how you change her diapers!"

"OKAAYYY! Whatever!" She rolled her eyes and stared outside the window.

To be honest, the previous night was very eventful for me. I just couldn't sleep. I was studying about the worst possibilities and symptoms she'd be facing. Fear overtook me, that probably if I closed my eyes for a second, Nandini would just be... gone.

At the same time, I couldn't just believe how Nandini always had to be rebellious for everything. She was a fighter, no doubt but I really deserved to know that bit of information. Until the doctor confirmed she'd be okay, I couldn't feel my own heartbeat. Her health was at stake and it didn't seem like she was even minutely interested to take care of herself. It pissed me off when she took herself for granted. What if something really major happened and I lost her? The mere thought of it flipped my insides, making me jerk the car momentarily.

Somewhere, I felt responsible for everything. Maybe I should've been more careful and attentive; instead I was going around arguing with her and proving myself. Anyways, better late than never. I decided to give in to her stupid demands and go easy on her. After all, she was suffering enough. The least I could do is get her some shoes and cheer her up. I searched Google Maps for the nearest shoe stores around. An Adidas showroom was three streets away. I vroomed my way there.

Nandini spent about 2 hours selecting shoes. The baby and I had gone to buy clothes and shoes for Naina too, because her Mommy was getting them. Nandini was delaying on purpose. She just wanted to irritate me and the staff of course. About 20 minutes later, after two phone calls: one from Navya and one from Sonali, Nandini picked some buckled sandals with some girly stitches along the sides!

This is why I say, girls suck at shopping! Nandini is a living example!

She wasted so much of my time. I swiped my card at the billing counter, giving Nandini a few glares. "Nandini, you're useless, I tell you!" I huffed. She rolled her eyes at me and mocked, as usual. "You're useless, blah!" She wasn't very verbal with me; she couldn't argue with me the way she argued with Sonali, I didn't know why but good for me. Those two women in the same room call for drama!

I held the shopping bag in one hand and the baby in the other arm. I mentally reminded myself to get her stroller the next time. Without it, handling Nandini was a pain. She began frolicking around, disturbing other people with her excitement and heading towards new shops partly in curiosity and partly just to trouble me.

"Stop it! Puri Mumbai ghuma di ladki ne! Ab ghar hi jaa rahe hai, bas!" (Stop it! I've almost toured the city because of you! Now we're going home, that's it!) I bumped the elevator button with my elbow. Nandini was still making faces at me. She wouldn't admit to me, but somewhere down the line, she was enjoying the attention I was giving her.

***

Nandini

The rest of the week was pretty fun for me at least. I'd get to be with Naina a lot more often, sometimes at Premiera too, and Mukti and Navya were the happiest. Navya knew Manik's side of the story and Mukti partially knew both of ours. I'd take the opportunity to torture Manik a lot, calling him at odd times to pick and drop me to therapy class, which I surprisingly enjoyed. More or less, he had to become a taxi-driver no matter what! Naseeb! (Fate!)

I was angry with Manik but he was the one who'd saved me from those sudden dizzy falls. Only this time, because he was with me, I didn't feel so low. With him, I got the attention I wanted. I couldn't deny I was slowly becoming reliant on him. I was upset when I was alone, because the things he was doing for me were mostly forced. He was told to look after me; it wasn't like he genuinely meant to be with me.

Nobody at his workplace knew except Cabir and Navya and they did their best to co-operate with me too. The attention I was receiving from them was helping me feel emotionally more stable. Like I thought, Manik alone could be the solution to all my problems.

On the other hand, Mr. Mehta was hell bent on getting Manik and his daughter hooked up, not the dirty hookup. Manik, too, was one stupid man. He'd agree to everything Mr. Mehta says. I didn't like him for that one reason. There was no need for Manik to kiss that boss' ass! Before I knew it, I was called in by Aryamann. Isko toh aur koi kaam nahi hai! (He doesn't have better jobs to do!)

"Hey Nands!" I marched in, while he ran his fingers through his hair and removed his shades. God knew what I was thinking when I went out with him. Harr koi Manik Malhotra thodi hota hai! I smiled at my own thoughts. Here comes Manik, again!

"Hello, idiot!" I banged some folders on the desk, trying to express my 'happiness' to see him there.

"Hey, hey! You're still stuck on that date thing? Come on! No, I came here to invite you for my 25th birthday this Sunday!" He gleamed. I was taken aback. I was becoming rude these days, right? Maybe I gotta tone down that attitude a bit.

"Oh! I'm... sorry."

"No worries, here... distribute them to whoever you wish here. Good company always makes parties fun, you know?" He winked after giving me a few cards. The first person that came to my mind was Naina, because if I invited Manik to a drinks party, what would she do? That by itself was an improvement. I was not abandoning my child out of fear of harming; I was looking out for her first, protecting her, just like any mother would. Therapy was actually helping. I felt... happiness.

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And the healing begins ;) Who liked the part where Manik supported Nandini? He's so understanding :')

So we're 10 chapters into the story and I'm going to answer some FAQs instead of 'question of the chapter's :P (not too many because long notes are pissing :P, you can drop your queries though, I'll get back!) Let me know if you agree to any of these ;)

1. Why is Nandini suffering so much?
Suffering is relative. In Nandini's case, she's stuck in her past. Abandonment is actually a little serious an issue and it really affects kids because they don't get the right closure. They keep expecting and that's how Nandini's character is. She expects too much.
Manik, however, lives in the present. He looks at the brighter side of things though. He is more optimistic and deals with current problems, than worrying about the past, but Nandini's gotta be an exception! ;) He is outgoing and doesn't shut people out of his life. Plus, he has Naina with him, his constant source of happiness :P

2. Why can't Nandini actively participate in raising Naina?
So PPD first of all is caused due to hormonal shifts in the body post delivery. Think of it as normal depression with complications. They feel guilty for not actually taking enough care of their babies and spending enough quality time and because of the hormones, bonding with the baby becomes difficult and self-loathing begins. It's like a cycle. That's why addressing it initially is important. It's a little hard to explain :( but I hope you got it.

I don't want this to get too long but I hope I answered some question :P tell me what you think, and if any of the info is wrong because the internet's my source. (Haaye bhagwaan, so long haan? Itna toh update main bhi nahi likha hoga :P)

Thank you so much for the love! Tap the star below if you liked it and drop a comment on which part was your favorite! See you Monday! ;)