I went through some actual sad, impactful stuff a few minutes ago

It was confirmation of how annoying I am

Finally

Maybe now my personality can take shape

Also I discovered that tears are like flies, it takes a lot of swatting before they realize there's no point in them being there (I made sure none got out my slapping, it worked!)

Details in case you're interested:

-I've been with a horrible mean group for a while (basically a clique, I hate it too)
-Anyway, back in January I was able to switch groups, to one with people I looked up to and admired
-I got my opportunity when my old group randomly wasn't at lunch (this lasted for several weeks before they came back)
-They let me sit with them
-I was happy
-and nervous
-It worked out but I have bad social skills, I tended to act pretty annoying by not even talking that often but I still tried to make conversation
-For the past couple months they haven't been at lunch
-I had the suspicion that they were ignoring me
-I realized that was self-centered and I was too invisible to be the reason
-They came back today but one person said she had new friends and wanted me to sit somewhere else because there wasn't space or something
-I was offended
-but I'm unassertive so I said "oh ok"
-Today, in the space between lunch and the next period where we randomly go outside for 15ish minutes (idk why) I was following them around as usual and doing my usual sort of talking thing
-They all went to the bathroom because some secret, I was excluded but oh well, I went over to another group (the one I'd had to sit with in the absence of my """group""")
-Then three girls I didn't know walked up to me
-"Hey, are you Pearl?"
-"Uh, yeah"
-They proceeded to tell me that some of the girls from my now ex-group didn't want me following them around anymore
-I have no idea how I managed to agree and get all the way to my next period without crying
-I'm still not
-I don't know how
-I wish I could