─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
CHAPTER TWENTY—TWO:
i just want to let myself feel something.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Mei and Young-il hadn't left the bathroom for quite a while and it appeared that the guard standing on duty outside the door didn't seem to care. They hadn't spoke a word, just sat in silence as Young-il tended to Mei's wound. Neither of them had quite known what to say—having both said their piece before. But still, they both knew there was a lot that had been left unsaid between them, though neither of them quite knew how to bring it up.

Mei blew out a breath as she sat on the floor, Young-il sitting opposite her. He was dabbing his jacket against the skin on her hand, cleaning up the remnants of the blood that stained her skin—though, there were stubborn stains that refused to budge. Mei supposed she could hop in one of the showers but it seemed futile without having anything to wash herself with. And she didn't want to risk opening the wound that was beginning to crust over thanks to Young-il's care.

"Do you want me to help with that?" Young-il suddenly asked her, making her look at him in confusion. He reached out, hesitating for a moment t before touching her cheek. "The blood. You're covered in it." He reminded her, brushing his thumb against the crusted blood on her cheek—Do-yun and his cronies blood.

Mei sharply inhaled. She'd looked at herself when she first entered the bathroom and she had been drenched in the wet red substance, but she had somehow managed to forget about it. Though, the moment she was reminded, her skin began to itch uncomfortably.

She quickly jumped to her feet, rushing to the sink and turning it on. She ran her hands under the water before dipping her head down, cupping the water in her hand and splashing her face with it. From behind her, Young-il stood and moved behind her, reaching out to take ahold of her long hair between his fingers so that it wouldn't fall over her shoulder and get wet.

She could feel his touch without looking, sending a shiver down her spine as she stopped what she was doing. She brought her head up, catching his gaze in the mirror. That was it, she couldn't take it anymore—she had to say something. She couldn't end the conversation where it had ceased—there was more she had to say.

She spun around to face him, her hair slipping from his hands as he blinked in surprise, "What happens when we get out?" She demanded, water dripping down her chin. "Legally you're still married and you have a kid on the way—so what happens once we're out? What happens if you decide that you miss and love your wife and that you want to go back to her? What happens then?" She asked him all in one breath, her eyes widening as she spoke.

Young-il stared at her, "That won't happen." He reassured her.

"So, what?" She urged, taking a step closer to him. "Tell me what happens once we're out." She demanded, tipping her head back to look up at him, her eyes locking onto his.

He watched her, inhaling slowly. He stepped towards her, "What happens is entirely up to us," He began telling her as she watched him closely, hanging onto his every word. "I'm not telling you to be with me—but I want you to be. I don't just want you because we're in here, Mei. That isn't going to change once we're out of here. I'm going to keep wanting you." His voice dropped as he spoke, absentmindedly getting closer to her.

Mei's breath hitched in her throat as she stared at him, blinking slowly, her heart thumping in her chest, "Everyone's going to think we're crazy." She reminded him, almost trying to put him off of the idea—not because she didn't feel the same way, but because she did. And she wanted him to be certain of the choice he was making.

He shook his head, "I don't care," He told her, reaching out to take ahold of her head, his fingers gliding through the back of her hair. "All I care about is you and if you feel the same way then we can start fresh once we're out of here." Her reassured her, smiling ever so slightly.

She found herself leaning into him, giving into the hold he had in her hair, "Fresh?" She asked him. She liked the sound of it—fresh had been all she'd ever wanted. She never wanted her old life back, all she ever wanted was to start over—build her life from the ground up. She just hadn't realise it until then.

Young-il nodded, "We can start fresh, Mei," He insisted. He clutched her closer, bringing his other hand up to cup her cheek. "There's things you don't know about me—and I'll tell you everything once we're out of here. And if by then, you still want me then... fresh, we'll start fresh." He whispered, leaning down to rest his forehead against hers, closing his eyes as he gripped her tightly.

Mei found herself smiling, "The things I don't know about you don't matter. But I like the idea of starting fresh," She said, suddenly feeling like a lovesick school girl—something she had never felt before but had heard others speak of. She looked up at him, clutching onto the front of his shirt. "What do we... tell everyone?" She asked him, hoping he would have some kind of answer. She didn't exactly want to hide their newfound relationship, but she also didn't want to gloat about it out of respect for the fact Young-il was still married.

"Let me speak to them," He said, taking the lead. "I'll explain everything to them—they'll understand things like this happen." He reassured her, making her nod.

"Okay." She agreed, allowing herself to fall against his chest as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into a tight embrace. She felt tiny in his arms—a feeling she often didn't like. She hated feeling small. But she didn't mind it with him, feeling smaller than him made her feel safe—being wrapped in his arms made her feel safe.

Young-il closed his eyes as he placed his lips to the top of her head, exhaling as he kissed her, "Oh—" the pair jumped, startled slightly by the voice. They both turned, though they didn't put distance between themselves. Ha-rin stared at them as she stood in the doorway. She blinked. "Oh." She repeated, though her tone held understanding—as if a light bulb had gone off in her mind.

"Ha-rin—"

"Nope," Ha-rin chirped, taking a step backwards as she waved her hand. "Whatever you were doing looked real nice, go back to that and forget I was ever here—in fact, I was never even here, it was all an illusion. Bye!" Mei nor Young-il had the opportunity to argue when Ha-rin shot them a huge smile before running out of the bathroom.

Mei and Young-il stood there, not quite sure what to say before Mei burst out laughing, "Well shit," She whispered under her breath. She looked up at Young-il, eyes sparkling as he smiled down at her, chuckling slightly. "We won't have to tell anyone with the mouth on that kid." She said, knowing how much Ha-rin liked to talk for someone who hadn't originally wanted to team up with anyone.

"Let's just stay in here for a while longer then." Young-il concluded as he slid his arm around her waist, pulling her into him as she giggled under her breath.

When Mei and Young-il finally left the bathroom, the pair were far happier than they had been when they'd entered. Nothing had really happened between them—just a few short and sweet kisses here and there. Mostly they talked about this and that, enjoying the silence and the time they got to spend together without anyone else around—even if it was sat in a bathroom. But eventually, they decided it would be a good idea to return to the dorm.

They'd entered, Mei wearing Young-il's jacket since hers was damp. They'd tried cleaning the blood soaked to the fabric but it had been futile and her jacket had just ended up wet—so Young-il had offered her his despite his own also having blood splatters all over it, though it had been nowhere near as bad as Mei's.

When they entered, Young-il slipped his hand into Mei's encouragingly. She looked up at him, finding the strength when she caught his gaze before they approached their team. In the distance, Mei could feel the burning stares of the remaining group of Do-yun's men. She wasn't entirely sure if they were aware of what had happened—but by the nasty looks they were giving them both, she assumed they knew that Do-yun hadn't returned because of them.

"How's everyone holding up?" Young-il asked when they reached their now larger group. At the sound of his voice, everyone who had been sitting in silence turned to look at him. Their eyes had drifted to the pairs interlocked hands, staring for a moment as they tried to figure out what was going on between them.

Gi-hun, who was looking at the pairs hands glanced up, his brows raised in question—though, he didn't say anything about it, "They lost one." Dae-ho whispered, nodding toward player 120's team who were all hanging their heads, none of them speaking a word—they hadn't even looked up when the pair approached.

Mei's smile fell, "I'm so sorry," She said, pulling the groups attention towards her. She bent over, bowing slightly. "I hope you're all doing well—especially you Mrs Geum-ja, are you holding up well?" She diverted the last part of her question towards the elderly woman who sat beside her son, fiddling with her hands.

The woman looked up and once she realised it was Mei speaking to her, she put a big smile on her face, "I'm quite alright, dear," She reassured her. "We're all just devastated about Young-mi." She said, giving a bow of her head out of respect for the dead.

Mei's frown deepened, "I really am sorry." She said, bowing once again.

Player 120 glanced upwards at her, giving the smallest of smiles and a nod of appreciation, "We should all rest before dinner," Gi-hun spoke up, looking between the large group. "We didn't get much sleep last night and we'll probably have to stay awake again tonight—anyone who feels tired should get some sleep." He suggested, looking around the team.

Mei thought his words sounded ideal. She was exhausted after all that had happened and the pain in her hand was beginning to numb. Her body had finally calmed down after all of the adrenaline and she could feel herself crashing. She liked the idea of sleep—but doing it made her feel guilty.

"I'm just gonna go sit down for a while." Mei said, turning to Young-il and offering him a smile.

He nodded and squeezed her hand before letting go and sitting down beside Gi-hun. So that she was out of the way of everyone, she climbed up the stairs to the top bunk. No one was sleeping in it since they'd all grouped on the bottom bunks and the floor—but she liked being higher up, especially so she could keep an eye on Do-yun's men who had been boring holes into the back of her skull.

She sat herself down, crossing her legs into a basket as she looked down at the wound on her hand. She was relieved that it had stopped bleeding after all of Young-il's care and all that remained was a dull sting she had grown used to—though it hurt to close her hand into a fist.

"Mei, can we talk?" A voice to her left asked, making her turn to look at Ji-ho who stood on the stairs of the bunk. She offered him a smile and a nod, scooting over so he could sit down. He climbed onto the bed, sitting down at the bottom. "I wanted to ask..." he trailed off, looking down at his lap as he thought his words over.

Mei watched him as he thought before he let out a breath, "You and Young-il, you came in here holding hands," He began saying, making Mei's breath halt slightly. Ji-ho looked up at her, letting out a heavy sigh. "Mei, tell me you're not with a married man." He pleaded her.

"They're getting a divorce." She quickly said in her defence.

"Mei!" Ji-ho exclaimed. He moved closer to her. "Divorce or not, he's still married. Do you have any idea what you're doing? Tell me what you're thinking, Mei—because I've seen this kind of shit before, married men taking advantage of—"

"It's not like that," Mei snapped over him, giving him a sharp stare. "He's not taking advantage of me and—"

"Mei, he's married," He repeated as though she wasn't understanding, making her shake her head and let out a sigh. "If he came onto you—"

"I came onto him, alright?" Mei snapped over him, surprising Ji-ho into a silence as he hung his head. Mei stared at him before heaving out a sigh and moving closer to him. "Look, I'm not used to actually liking anyone, alright? Especially not romantically—it's just something I've never had the pleasure of. And you're lucky that you found someone outside of here that loves you, but it doesn't work like that for everyone, okay? Out there I have no one. But in here... in here I have all of you. And I have Young-il. It's new—but I want to at least give it a chance. I'd kick myself forever if I let the fact he was married get in the way of losing something I want." She vented, her brows pushed together, heart feeling heavy.

"I don't expect you to understand," She continued, keeping her head low. "But before I got here I was so alone—I barely even see my own mom. I know things are going fast with Young-il but I can't let myself care about that, okay? I just want to—god, I just want to let myself feel something, alright? Can you just let me do that? Can you not judge me and let me feel what I'm feeling?" She pleaded, finally looking up to meet his gaze, her eyes burning

Ji-ho was staring at her, his face soft as he took in everything she was saying. After a moment, he shook his head, "I'm so sorry, Mei," He apologised, making her dip her head, not wanting an apology from him nor needing one. "I shouldn't have been so quick to judge, alright? If Young-il makes you happy—and god knows we need it in here, then that's good enough for me." He reassured her, making her smile gently at him before reaching out and pulling him into a hug.

"When we're out of here," She began, leaning her chin in the crook of his neck. "Let's all go out for drinks alright? Get so drunk we don't even fucking remember this place." She suggested with a small breathy laugh.

Ji-ho pulled back, offering her his pinky which she took in hers, "You've got yourself a deal."

( authors note )

        writing this book has been such a challenge bc how do u write about two people falling in love in under a week😭! but I'm really enjoying it! i just wish in-ho's act would've lasted longer so i would've had more to write of him and mei! but hopefully ur all enjoying the content ur getting of them before it all goes to shit!

         also updates will be slow from here bc i have nothing written after this chapter! but this book WILL be getting finished, i refuse to leave another book undone😭! just bare with me whilst i take my time! especially since i'm also writing jun-ho & sang-woo fics too!

        — taylor x