14 : I hate this feeling
As the night stretched on, the only sound in the room was the soft clicking of the keyboard as I poured my thoughts onto the screen. The storyline of my manuscript was taking shape, each word weaving together to create a tapestry of intrigue and mystery.
But even as I lost myself in the world of my characters, my mind kept drifting back to Jasmine, sleeping peacefully in the other room. Despite the late hour, I couldn't shake the feeling of unease that gnawed at the edges of my consciousness.
Was it guilt that kept me awake, the knowledge of the secrets we shared weighing heavy on my conscience? Or was it something else, a deeper longing that tugged at my heartstrings and refused to let me rest?
I glanced at the clock, noting with a pang of regret how late it had gotten. But still, I couldn't tear myself away from the words on the screen, each sentence drawing me further into the world I had created.
And as I continued to write, the lines between reality and fiction blurred, until I was no longer sure where one ended and the other began. All that mattered was the story unfolding before me, a tale of love and betrayal, passion and desire, with Jasmine at its center, a character as enigmatic and captivating as the woman herself.
As I typed away, my fingers flying across the keyboard, I couldn't shake the feeling of apprehension that hung over me like a dark cloud. The scene I was about to write would change everything, revealing the truth that had been carefully hidden away.
But even as I hesitated, my mind filled with doubts and fears, I knew it was inevitable. Taehyung would find out eventually, and it was better that he heard it from me, in my own words, rather than discovering the truth in some other, more painful way.
Taking a deep breath, I began to craft the scene, each word carefully chosen to convey the weight of the secret we had been keeping. I described the moment when Taehyung confronted us, the shock and disbelief written plainly on his face as he struggled to comprehend what he was hearing.
And as I wrote, I couldn't help but feel a sense of guilt wash over me, knowing that I was the cause of his pain, the architect of his shattered dreams. But even so, I couldn't bring myself to stop. The story demanded to be told, and I was powerless to resist its pull.
Finally, after what felt like an eternity, I reached the end of the scene, the words fading away into silence as the truth hung heavy in the air. I read over what I had written, feeling a sense of satisfaction mingled with dread.
The scene was done, and there was no turning back now. Taehyung would know the truth, and our lives would never be the same again. But somehow, in that moment, I couldn't bring myself to regret it. The truth had been spoken, and now we would have to face the consequences, whatever they may be.
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Returning from work, I was met with a sight that instantly wiped the smile from my face: Jasmine, her expression heavy with sadness. Concern etched into my features, I approached her cautiously. "What's wrong?" I inquired gently. Her response hit me like a tidal wave, a harbinger of impending turmoil. "Taehyung is coming back," she confessed, her voice laden with apprehension and uncertainty.
Jasmine's words hit me like a ton of bricks, shattering the fragile illusion of normalcy that we had carefully constructed. Taehyung's imminent return loomed over us like a dark cloud, threatening to expose our carefully guarded secret to the harsh light of day.
As I struggled to process the news, a wave of panic washed over me, threatening to drown me in a sea of fear and uncertainty. What would happen when Taehyung found out the truth? How would he react to the betrayal of his trust, to the betrayal of his marriage?
But even as I grappled with my own fears and doubts, I couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt for the role I had played in bringing about this inevitable reckoning. I had known from the start that our relationship was built on a foundation of lies and deceit, but I had chosen to ignore the consequences, to bury my head in the sand and pretend that everything would be okay.
But now, faced with the reality of Taehyung's impending return, I couldn't escape the truth any longer. Our secret was about to be laid bare for all to see, and there was nothing I could do to stop it.
As I looked into Jasmine's eyes, I saw the fear and uncertainty reflected back at me, mirroring my own inner turmoil. But despite the overwhelming odds stacked against us, I knew that we would face this challenge together, united in our love for each other.
But deep down, a part of me feared that our love might not be enough to weather the storm that was about to descend upon us. And as the seconds ticked by, counting down the moments until Taehyung's return, I couldn't shake the sinking feeling that our lives were about to change forever.
"When will Taehyung be returning?" I inquired. "In two days," Jasmine replied solemnly.
I nodded slowly. "No matter what, he's still your husband."
"I understand, Jungkook," Jasmine replied, her voice tinged with a mix of sadness and uncertainty. "But things have changed between us. I don't know how to face him anymore. It's like... I'm living two lives, one with you and one with him."
I listened intently, feeling the weight of her words. "I know it's complicated, Jasmine. But you have to be honest with him. Keeping secrets will only make things worse in the long run."
She sighed, running a hand through her hair. "I know you're right, but it's not that simple. What if he can't forgive me? What if he hates me for what I've done?"
I reached out to hold her hand, offering what little comfort I could. "You won't know unless you try, Jasmine. Taehyung loves you. He'll understand, even if it takes time."
She nodded slowly, her eyes reflecting a mixture of fear and hope. "I'll talk to him when he gets back. But until then, I don't know how to face him."
"We'll figure it out together," I reassured her, squeezing her hand gently. "No matter what happens, I'll be here for you."
Jasmine managed a small smile, gratitude flickering in her eyes. "Thank you, Jungkook. I don't know what I'd do without you."
"We're in this together," I said softly, leaning in to press a kiss to her forehead. "And we'll get through it together, no matter what."
"You're my baby. My love. My secret. My forbidden love"
Jasmine's eyes glistened with emotion as my words washed over her. "And you're mine, Jungkook," she whispered, her voice barely above a breath. "My confidant. My anchor. My forbidden passion."
I felt a rush of warmth flood through me at her words, knowing that despite the complexities of our situation, we shared a bond that transcended the ordinary. "I'll always be here for you, Jasmine," I vowed, pressing my lips to hers in a tender kiss. "No matter what."
She melted into my embrace, her arms wrapping around me as if seeking solace in the safety of our shared affection. "I believe you, Jungkook," she murmured against my lips. "And I'll always be here for you too."
In that moment, as we clung to each other amidst the uncertainty of the future, I knew that our love was a force to be reckoned with—a forbidden flame that burned brighter with each passing day.
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As I watched Taehyung envelop Jasmine in his arms, a pang of guilt gnawed at my insides. His genuine happiness was palpable, and yet, I couldn't shake the feeling that I had betrayed him in the worst possible way.
Jasmine, on the other hand, seemed torn between conflicting emotions—relief at her husband's return and guilt over our clandestine affair. I could see the turmoil etched in her expression, the struggle to reconcile her loyalty to Taehyung with the undeniable pull of our forbidden love.
For a moment, I averted my gaze, unable to bear the weight of their reunion. How could I face Taehyung knowing what I had done behind his back? How could I look him in the eye and pretend that everything was as it should be?
But as Taehyung turned to me with a warm smile, extending his hand in friendship, I knew that I couldn't let my guilt consume me. I had made my choices, and now, I had to live with the consequences.
Taking a deep breath, I forced a smile onto my face, clasping Taehyung's hand in return. "Welcome back, Taehyung," I said, my voice steady despite the turmoil raging within me. "It's good to have you home."
"It's good to have you back, Taehyung," Jasmine replied, her voice tinged with emotion as she reached out to stroke Yeontan's fur. "We missed you too."
I stood by silently, feeling like an intruder in their intimate moment. Taehyung's presence loomed large, a stark reminder of the life Jasmine had before me—a life that I had selfishly disrupted with my own desires.
But despite the guilt gnawing at my conscience, I couldn't help but feel a twinge of resentment towards Taehyung. After all, it was his absence that had allowed our illicit affair to blossom unchecked, his neglect that had driven Jasmine into my arms.
As I watched them reunite, I couldn't shake the feeling that our fragile bubble of happiness was about to burst. Taehyung's return heralded the end of our secret trysts, the end of our stolen moments together.
But for now, I pushed aside those dark thoughts, plastering a smile on my face as I joined them in welcoming Taehyung home. Deep down, however, I knew that our lives would never be the same again.
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As I sat at my desk, my gaze fixed on Jasmine's house, a mix of emotions roiled within me. On one hand, I felt a sense of relief that Taehyung's return had brought some semblance of normalcy back to our lives. Yet, beneath the surface, there lingered a gnawing sense of unease—an awareness that our illicit affair could never truly be erased.
I watched as Taehyung and Jasmine danced together, their movements fluid and graceful. It was a scene straight out of a fairytale—a husband and wife reunited after a long separation, their love for each other palpable in every step.
But as I observed them from afar, a pang of jealousy pierced my heart. I couldn't help but feel envious of the easy rapport between them, the effortless way they moved together. It was a stark contrast to the clandestine meetings Jasmine and I had shared, the constant fear of discovery hanging over our heads like a sword of Damocles.
Yet, despite my jealousy, I couldn't deny the pang of longing that accompanied the sight of Jasmine in Taehyung's arms. It was a reminder of what could never be—a love that was forbidden, destined to remain forever out of reach.
With a heavy sigh, I tore my gaze away from the window, turning back to my work with renewed determination. If nothing else, Taehyung's return had served as a stark reminder of the need for caution, for discretion. Our secret may have been safe for now, but the danger of discovery still loomed large, threatening to shatter the fragile illusion of normalcy we had worked so hard to maintain.
As they laughed together, their voices carrying through the open window, I couldn't help but feel a pang of bitterness. What could they possibly find so amusing? Was it some inside joke, shared memories that I could never hope to be a part of? Or was it simply the easy camaraderie of two people who had spent years together, their bond unbreakable despite the trials they had faced?
I tried to push aside the feelings of jealousy and resentment that bubbled up within me, reminding myself that I had no right to feel this way. After all, Jasmine was Taehyung's wife, and their laughter was a testament to the strength of their relationship. But try as I might, I couldn't shake the feeling of being on the outside looking in, forever relegated to the role of the outsider, the interloper in their perfect world.
With a heavy heart, I turned away from the window, retreating into the solitude of my own thoughts. It was a stark reminder of the reality of our situation—a reminder that no matter how much I wished things were different, I could never truly be a part of Jasmine's life in the way that I longed to be. And as their laughter continued to echo in the distance, I couldn't help but wonder if I would ever find my own happiness, or if I was doomed to forever be the outsider, looking in on a life that could never be mine.
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As I entered the office, the weight of my emotions hung heavy upon me like a suffocating cloak. Every step felt like a struggle, each breath a laborious effort to push back the tide of turmoil threatening to overwhelm me. And there, amidst the sea of faces, stood Jessica, her usual cheerful demeanor a stark contrast to the storm raging within me.
I could feel her eyes on me, watching, waiting for the moment when I would acknowledge her presence, offer a smile or a nod in greeting. But today was different. Today, I couldn't bring myself to play the part of the amiable colleague, to mask my inner turmoil with false pleasantries and empty small talk.
Instead, as she approached me with that same friendly smile plastered across her face, I felt a surge of anger rising within me, bubbling up from the depths of my soul like a volcano on the verge of eruption. Without thinking, without even realizing what I was doing, I lashed out at her, my words sharp and cutting, a reflection of the turmoil raging within me.
"I don't want to talk to you," I snapped, my voice tinged with a bitterness that surprised even me. "Just leave me alone."
The shock on Jessica's face was palpable, her eyes widening in disbelief at the venom in my words. But I couldn't bring myself to care. In that moment, all I could think about was the overwhelming weight of my own emotions, the suffocating sense of despair that threatened to consume me whole.
And as I turned away from her, retreating into the solitude of my own thoughts, I couldn't help but wonder if this was just the beginning of the darkness that threatened to consume me, or if there was still a glimmer of hope waiting to be found amidst the chaos of my shattered reality.
As I sat before my laptop, the screen casting an eerie glow in the dimly lit room, my fingers danced across the keyboard with a frantic urgency. Each keystroke was like a dagger piercing the veil of reality, delving deeper into the dark recesses of my mind where sinister thoughts lurked.
With each word I typed, the plot unfolded before me, a macabre tapestry of deception and betrayal. I outlined every detail meticulously, from the method of execution to the alibi that would shield me from suspicion. It was a work of fiction, yet it felt all too real, as if the words themselves held the power to manifest my darkest desires into reality.
I delved into the mind of a killer, crafting a narrative that blurred the lines between fantasy and reality. Every twist and turn in the plot sent a shiver down my spine, yet I could not tear myself away from the intoxicating allure of the story unfolding before me.
With each passing moment, the line between author and protagonist began to blur, until I found myself lost in the depths of my own creation. It was a dangerous game I played, one that threatened to consume me whole, yet I could not resist the pull of the story that had taken hold of my imagination.
And as I reached the climax of the tale, my heart raced with anticipation, for I knew that the final act would bring about a reckoning unlike any other. With trembling hands, I pressed the keys, sealing the fate of my characters and setting into motion a chain of events that would culminate in a chilling conclusion.
As I closed the lid of my laptop, the weight of what I had written hung heavy in the air, a grim reminder of the darkness that lurked within us all. And as I stared into the void of the screen, I couldn't help but wonder: had I just penned a work of fiction, or had I unwittingly scripted my own descent into madness?
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As I pulled into the driveway and cut the engine, a heavy sense of unease settled over me like a suffocating blanket. I couldn't shake the image of Taehyung and Jasmine frolicking in the backyard, their laughter echoing through the air like a mocking chorus.
I watched from the confines of my car, my grip tightening on the steering wheel as jealousy gnawed at my insides. How dare they flaunt their happiness so brazenly, as if they were immune to the pain they had caused me?
Jasmine's smile, once a source of solace and comfort, now felt like a cruel reminder of everything I could never have. It was a smile that belonged to me, that should have been reserved for me and me alone.
But there she was, sharing it with Taehyung as if I were nothing more than a distant memory. The sight filled me with a seething rage, a primal urge to tear them apart and claim what was rightfully mine.
I clenched my jaw, the muscles in my neck taut with tension as I fought to suppress the rising tide of fury within me. I couldn't let them see how much they affected me, how their happiness was like a knife twisting in my gut.
With a deep breath, I forced myself to look away, to tear my gaze from the scene unfolding before me. I couldn't bear to watch any longer, couldn't bear to witness the love that should have been mine.
As I stepped out of the car and made my way towards the house, a bitter resolve settled over me like a cloak. They may have won this battle, but the war was far from over. I would bide my time, waiting in the shadows until the moment was right to strike back with a vengeance they could never have anticipated.
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