Alice's Point of View.

"Ang daming estudyante sa labas ng gate natin ng makarating ako sa bahay," si Ate Alex habang kumakain.

Andito kami ngayon sa dining area ng bahay nila Save, kumakain. Dumating na rin si ate para makisalo sa amin and guess what? Pinauuwi n'ya pa rin ako matapos malaman mula kay Nieves ang totoong nangyari sa akin sa school. Even Save was shocked after he heard the news.

"Journalists sila ng school, ate," sabi ko.

"Ganun ba talaga sila kauhaw sa chismis ha? Kung gusto nila ng chismis, bibigyan natin."

Ate Valeria slapped her arm causing the cutlery, my sister was holding, to make unnecessary sound.

"Hoy, magpaka-ate ka nga minsan sa kapatid mo, Alexa! Kita mo nang nahihirapan itong si Alice tungkol sa nangyayari, pauuwiin mo pa sa inyo ngayon?" pag-irap ni Valeria sa kanya.

Napahimas ang kapatid ko sa ginawa n'ya. Natawa naman itong si Nieves at nanatiling walang emosyon si Xavier. Napapailing ako habang pinagpatuloy ang pag kain. Nasasanay na rin kami sa awayan at bangayan ng dalawa. Hindi ko nga malaman kung paano naging mag-bestfriends ang dalawang ito.

Nagpunta sila agad sa sala pagkatapos kumain. Ako na ang nagpresenta na maghugas ng pinagkainan namin. Napagkasunduan namin ni ate na uuwi muna s'ya upang dalhan ako ng masusuot at iilang gamit para bukas.

"You can sleep in my room," sambit bigla ni Save ng makalapit sa akin. Sumandal s'ya sa ref habang nakakrus ang kamay at nakatitig sa akin.

"P-Pero-"

"I mean, you can sleep in my room and I'll sleep in Valeria's," pagkaklaro n'ya.

Huminga ako ng malalim. Akala ko talaga magkatabi kaming matutulog sa kanyang kama. Ang halay-halay naman ng utak ko. Mukhang nadumihan na ito ni Zac.

"I'll do that. Thanks, Save," I smiled.

"I'll prepare your bed," aniya at lumabas ng kusina.

Nanatiling nakababad sa sabon ang mga kamay ko. Bakit kaya hindi parang isang bula ang feelings ng isang tao? If someone bursts your own bubble, it disappears, leaving no trace of existence. Marahas akong huminga ng tapikin ako ni Nieves sa balikat.

"Are you okay?" she asked, concerned.

"I'm fine. May iniisip lang."

Nagpatuloy ako sa paghuhugas ng plato. Tinulungan n'ya ako sa paghuhugas. She wiped the plates with a dry cloth.

"Sino?"

"No one in particular."

"Alice, I know you. You're my friend since grade school. Those eyes of yours can't lie to me," she said, pointing my eyes using her two fingers.

I heaved a sigh.

"So what's wrong?" tanong niya ulit.

"May gadget ba na puwedeng mag-alis ng feelings para sa isang tao?"

"No gadget can do such a thing, besh. Come on, let's be real."

"Nakakainis naman kasi, e. Kung bakit ba kasi ito nangyayari sa akin," untag ko sa sarili.

"Kung meron mang ganun, ano naman ang gagawin mo sa ganoong gadget?"

Nieves usually makes fun of me after how stupid my question was but after hearing her humorless tone of voice, I think she's being serious-minded this time. Nakakapanibago.

"I'll delete and remove my feelings at once," sagot ko.

Seryoso s'yang napatingin sa akin. "Feelings for whom, Alice?"

Natigilan ako sa kanyang tanong. "What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean. You love Xavier, but you're starting to like the guy you dislike. You're starting to like Zaccharias," sabi n'ya habang patuloy sa pagpupunas ng pinggan.

"I-I don't like Zac like that."

"Says the girl who refuses to admit her feelings to someone," she smirked. "Your mouth can lie all it wants. Your brain can ignore the signals given by your heart. But your heart? Not a chance. You can't lie to your heart. The heart never lies. You should know that by now, Alice."

"Anong gagawin ko? I'm confuse. I'm freaking confuse, hindi ko alam kung sino sa kanilang dalawa ang dapat kong mahalin," nakapanlumbaba kong sambit.

"Alice, you can love them both, but you have to choose only one," she sighed, putting the plates in the cabinet.

"Alam ko, pero sino? Sino sa kanila Nieves? I can't risk one. Baka masaktan ko lang ang isa sa kanila," I said, shedding a tear from my eyes. Hindi ko namalayan na dahan-dahang nagbadya ang mga luha ko.

"Whether you like it or not you'll hurt one of them eventually," she wiped my tears using her fingertips. "You can't love two persons at the same time."

Iyak lang ako ng iyak. Iniisip ko pa lang na pipili ako sa kanilang dalawa at iiwanan ang isa, nalulungkot na ako. At alam kong si Save ang masasaktan ko. I can't afford to lose him. I love him, I know that I love him. But I already have feelings for Zac, I can't deny that fact anymore. I refused to believe that I have, pero habang tumatagal ang pagdedeny ko mas lalo lang lumalalim ang nararamdaman ko para sa kanya.

"Ssh, tahan na, Besh," hinagod ni Nieves ang aking likuran.

I settled and calmed myself after shedding tears. I know how my eyes betray me when it comes to this.

"Are you okay now? Here, drink some water," nilahad n'ya sa akin ang isang basong tubig.

"Salamat, Ves. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang gagawin ko kapag wala ka."

"Calm down. You still have enough time to think about these things. Take your time," she smiled.

Mabilis ko syang niyakap ng mahigpit. Hindi ko talaga alam ang gagawin ko kung wala akong Nieves Giordano na aalalay at mag-aadvice sa akin.

"Hindi ka pa uuwi?" tanong ko ng matapos kami sa paghuhugas.

Umiling lang s'ya. "I'm staying here. Aalagaan ko muna si Save. Matigas kasi ang ulo nun at ayaw makinig kay Valeria."

Nakita kong kumuha s'ya ng gamot at tubig. "Dadalhin mo ba 'yan sa kanya?"

"Oo, baka hindi pa 'yon umiinom ng gamot ngayon."

"Puwede bang ako na ang magdala n'yan kay Save?"

She nods. "Alam mo naman kung nasaan ang kuwarto n'ya, diba?"

"Oo."

I quickly brought the glass of water, the medicine, and few fruits on top of the tray. At least I can thank Save this way for the bed he offered.

Kasalukuyan n'yang inaayos ang higaang tutulugan ko. I felt a bit of guilt. Pakiramdam ko, kasalanan ko kung bakit sya nagkasakit dahil umulan nun ng sinabi ko sa kanya ang totoo. Hindi ko man lang inalam kung nakauwi na ba sya ng maayos. Mas inisip ko pa si Zac.

"Save, I brought your medicine and some fruits to eat," nilagay ko sa gilid ng table ang tray. "Kumain ka muna para mabilis kang gumaling. Ako na ang mag-aayos n'yan."

"Alice," nagulat ako sa lalim ng kanyang boses. It's unusual.

"Bakit?"

Hinarap ko sya. Nakatayo na pala s'ya sa harapan ko habang seryosong nakatingin sa akin. Ang lungkot ng kanyang mga mata ngayon. Nakakalungkot.

"I'm sorry."

"P-Para saan?"

Kung tutuusin, ako nga dapat ang humingi ng sorry sa kanya.

"For this," in one fluid motion, he caught my lips.

He kissed me passionately but not too intensely. Nawalan ako ng balanse at natulak ng hindi sinasadya sa kanyang malambot na kama. Mabilis ang aking paghinga ng humiwalay s'ya ng halik sa akin.

"S-Save, I-"

"I'm sorry if I am making you confused right now. Hindi ko lang kaya na mawala ka sa akin, Alice. I love you and you know that."

"I love you too, Save." I said directly into his mesmerizing amber eyes.

Napapailing s'yang naupo ng maayos sa kama. Hinarap n'ya ako pagkatapos.

"Noon."

"No, Save. I love you, I still love you."

It sounds like I was pleading for a chance. A chance for him to believe my words that I know to myself was a lie.

"Anong naramdaman mo sa halik na ginawa ko sayo, Alice?"

"It meant everything to me."

But I know the truth that I didn't feel anything at all. Like it was just a friendly kiss. Not a kiss coming from the guy I love. Ibang-iba ang naramdaman kong halik na ginawa ni Save noon kesa sa halik na ginawa n'ya ngayon.

It came from the same person but it suddenly felt different.

"Stop lying to me, Alice. Ni-hindi mo nga nagawang ibalik ang halik na ginawa ko, unlike before when I first kiss you," angil n'ya.

I slowly bit my lower lip to stop the tears from falling out. Napakatraydor talaga ng mga mata na ito. Ayaw mo talagang tumigil sa pag-iyak.

"I was caught off guard, please don't hate me."

He was wiping my tears dry. Dun ko lang namalayan na tumutulo na pala ang aking mga luha.

"You can't lie to me anymore. I don't hate you, I love you, but I'm making your feelings confused," marahan nitong sabi.

"I-I'm sorry, Save. I'm really really sorry. I don't know how all of this happened," I said in between my sobs.

Patuloy pa rin sa pagdanak ang mga luha ko habang hikbi ako ng hikbi.

"Alice, look at me," he held my chin, lifting it to meet his eyes. "Do you have feelings for Zac? Are you falling in love with him?"

Tumango ako ng dahan-dahan without saying a word. He smiled. The reaction that I never expected from him.

"I forgive you for lying to me, but also forgive yourself for lying to your heart."

Bigla kong naalala ang sinabi ni Zac sa akin noon. He said that Xavier will forgive me because he loves me. Maybe, this is what he's talking about all along. And he was right about it.

"I-I will, but I'm still confused, Save. Ang alam ko ay mahal kita. Mahal na mahal-"

"But you also love Zaccharias. Let me tell you one thing about love, Alice. Nalilito ka pa sa ngayon pero sana naman maliwanagan ka sa sasabihin ko."

I listened to what he's about to say.

"If you love two persons at the same time, choose the second one. Because if you really love the first, you wouldn't have fallen for the second. I believe you when you said that you love me. I do and I did. But trust me, if you really love me you wouldn't fall for Zac. Mas mahal mo s'ya kesa sa akin, that's the answer to your confusion," hinawakan n'ya bigla ang dalawa kong kamay at hinalikan ako sa noo.

It's very ironic how his words changed my mind. Dapat ay nagsasalita s'ya patungkol sa kanyang sarili, but he did not. He's always concerned and worried about me. He doesn't want me to struggle because of him, even though he's struggling because of me.

How could love be this ironically painful?

Napangiti ako. He's still the Xavier that I know, the Xavier that I love.

"Thank you, Save."

"You're always welcome, my princess."

That's right. Now I remember why I nicknamed him Save. It's because he always saves me when I'm in trouble. He's always been my knight in shining armor.

"You're always been my knight ever since," I said out of nowhere.

"I have always been your knight but I can never be your prince. I'm letting my feelings go for you. I'm letting you go, Alice."

And he kissed me once more... for the last time.

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