A cold February morning, a tummy flutters and a woman smiles a smile that no-one sees, a satisfied and contented smile meant just for her and her alone.

Sarah was in love, she'd never felt this relaxed or happy in her entire life.

It was a grey overcast lazy February Sunday in London.

She was there totally alone; in bed getting to know her new favourite person.

Truth be told Sarah had been trying to read, leaning her big text on her burgeoning bump, a natural book rest - well that was her opinion, it wasn't shared or appreciated by the other occupant of her body. The book bore the brunt of an attack - well Sarah bore the brunt but she didn't mind. She'd never seen herself as lonely but in the gloomy late winter light it somehow felt comforting to have a companion someone to talk to, to read to, someone who couldn't talk back or complain about her taste in reading matter or what she was listening to. Except that wasn't really true, her little passenger could make its presence felt. Bean didn't want the book pressing down on its dome home and was making that known in no uncertain terms kicking the volume hard enough to move it.

Sarah smiled.

"Not happy then?" she asked moving the book and smoothing her hand over the t-shirt covered bump, pushing a little at the baby hotspot.

Bean kicked back.

Sarah smiled again.

She grabbed the tiny stuffed toy that Dane had sent them and placed it on her tummy, pushing it slightly. Bean kicked again. The little bear jumped.

Sarah giggled.

Teddy was restored with a little push.

A push back, a little harder; Teddy rolled off down on to the bed.

She giggled again and retrieved the bear and the game continued.

Sarah thought about videoing it but it wasn't a moment like that it was a moment to savour and remember just for herself. The first moment she played and interacted with her baby.

And then it hit her.

Hit her harder than it had at the pregnancy tests and scans, she wasn't about to be a mother, she was already. Here she was interacting, playing with another human being, one she'd created. One growing and moving inside her.

It was a mind-blowing moment and thrilling and it scared her shitless.

Her body wasn't her own now but her life wouldn't be either soon. Her comfortable home would need to be childproofed; her life would be a series of compromises. She didn't like to do that ever.

Was she doing the right thing?

Bean kicked at the little bear again - a little bear in a bowtie - dapper and handsome like the man who'd given her both bear and baby.

Her best friend.

Marry your best friend - people said that, marry your best friend.

But her best friend was an over-emotional commitment-phobic with narcissistic tendencies and job that made him the "boyfriend of everyone" and she was an under emotional commitment phobic who liked to fly under the radar. Yeah, that would work.

Sure both were loyal to a fault and they loved each other.

But was it enough?

Should two such rarefied creatures even be procreating let alone being let loose on an unsuspecting child?

She'd pondered this a lot over the past almost seven months. Now as Bean flexed and moved and came up to where she was rubbing her tummy for its daily rub (she'd thought she was rubbing its head or back but Sarah was strongly suspecting she was being mooned for attention) she realised the magnitude of the earthquake that was going to not only rock her world but the totally oblivious Dane. Not that he wasn't attentive and interested. When he wasn't working he was ringing and emailing and reading, offering advice. That was the other thing, though his ring glinted and caught the light on her wrong finger, was it Sarah herself that had him so enamoured or the Bean.

All their friends, his friends were producing sproglets and he had always loved the idea of baby's, had played with Athena, Ruby and the twins endlessly but not in a fatherly way rather in a "big kid" disruptive way that left the various mother's of the children involved cursing him for hours as they tried to settle their hyper offspring while he swanned off to the pub.

She was letting THAT lose on a baby that was half her and half him so already hyperactive and out-there thanks to that particular genetic soup.

Bean was doomed to be unruly, still in its PJs at noon and eating baked beans out of a can, that's if she didn't leave it somewhere.

They'd been playing house, caught up in the moment of being like everyone else. But this had never been her, never been part of her plans and she doubted he'd be ready for a family this side of 40.

But here they were.

She didn't feel trapped exactly, just out of her comfort zone.

Bean kicked again.

She smiled.

The doorbell rang.

Sarah looked at the time.

Shit.

Noon.

Shit.

Where did the morning flitter off to?

Shit.

Bollocks.

Bugger.

Shit.

She was going out for lunch and shopping with Lizzie and Margaret this afternoon while Dane and Thena were pampered and prepared for the red carpet. Part of her was envious of her younger sister, she and Dane had been to functions together before but nothing like the BAFTAS and now that was impossible. Now people might get the right idea. And neither of them needed that. Nor did Sabine.

She liked the young French girl, it was weird but neither was jealous of the other instead finding a kindred spirit. They'd had a coffee yesterday and a catch-up, even taken selfies to send to Dane to make him squirm - Sabine's idea - she liked the way the girl thought. It was also a chance for Thena to meet Sabi and her brother Marcel. That had been a hit too. She'd sent pictures of Thena and Marcel to Dane as well just to raise his blood pressure a little more. She was a bitch but it was fun to tease him.

Dane would just about be on the ground now - picked up by his PR or assistant, who probably already had Thena in their clutches for the primping and preening fest. It had been five weeks since they'd been in the same place. She missed him, she knew that she was still horny, he was still for it tonight, but she was scared of the reunion, what it meant. But that was all ahead of her today.

It was a busy day and here she was still in her pyjamas playing with her non-imaginary, imaginary friend.

Some mother she'd make.

She hauled herself out of bed (an effort at just under seven months and weighing what felt like seven tonnes) and trudged towards the bedroom door.

"Coming!" she called as she grabbed her robe and waddled full pace down the stairs. Luckily her family knew her well.

Good mornings and hugs were exchanged, bellies were compared, no-one was surprised to see Sarah in a robe, not ready for the trip, not ready to finally go looking for things for the baby. Well, she had books - she'd bought a book every week since she'd confirmed her pregnancy but there was no room prepared here, no bedclothes or any of the other things that she would need. Sarah didn't know why she hadn't, maybe if she did then it was all real but her moment before had made it real anyway. She didn't know what was going on in her head even though she'd had psychoanalyzed herself enough.

She was showered and changed and put her shoes on (something that was becoming harder and harder) - well Dane would be useful for that much at least. Sex and shoes. By the time she came down the stairs, tea was made cakes were cut and the packages that Margaret carried (looking suspiciously like groceries) were stowed in the fridge and cupboard. Okay yes she worked too hard and didn't get shopping time, she tried not to lose her temper with Dane's mother, she was just looking out for her but it made her feel even more like a fuck-up like someone that couldn't be trusted to look after herself let alone the woman's son and grandchild. But if this was the case - how the hell had she made it to 35 - heading for 36.

"Fuck!" Sarah said slapping her hand on her head.

"Language Sarah!" Margaret scolded, "Tummies have ears". Sarah looked at her contritely. "Sorry I've been so busy I haven't got Dane's birthday present, I wished him happy birthday the other day but I probably should get him something," she sighed.

"Get him booze," Lizzie laughed. "You always give each other booze!"

Sarah rolled her eyes.

"Yeah and look at where that got me last year," she said gesturing to her body.

"Fair point, plus you can't exactly drink it!" Lizzie commiserated.

"There's nothing wrong where she is," Margaret said to Lizzie turning around to face Sarah.

"There's nothing wrong with where you are - you just need to take the next step."

Yep here it goes again, Sarah tried not to roll her eyes, smiling through clenched teeth. Margaret was keen on Dane "making an honest woman of her" making Bean a proper little "Hildy" before it was born. She'd tried to explain that her son would actually have to admit to dating her for that to happen but she'd given up now. The record was broken and the needle was stuck and Sarah was in "mother-in-law hell" but worse because Margaret was now the closest thing she had to a mother.

"We'll see," she said (not bloody likely).

"Are we ready to go?" (Let's change the subject shall we).

Lizzie was trying not to laugh. It was Sarah's turn; she'd copped the - "you are going to give up work when the second one is born?" - In the car. Sarah was just like a sister to her these days; she deserved to be treated like the rest of them.

"I am," she said getting off the stool gingerly, movement was getting harder, she was bigger than with Ruby but she wasn't going to get as big as Fox, she was huge. Bloody Dane and those forever legs - poor Fox.

Margaret nodded and collected everyone's plates and cups rinsing and putting them all in the dishwasher, along with Sarah's dishes from last night, before they could leave. Sarah shook her head, if she could she thought Margaret would clean the entire flat before her 6'2 "little prince" got home - 1 pm - geez not long now.

They headed into the biggest local shopping centre - it was pouring but it didn't matter as they shopped, shopped until both Liz and Sarah thought their feet were balloons. But Sarah had a pram and furniture to be delivered in the next week, a nappy bag and odds and sods.

Exhausted they stacked up Lizzie's car with their goodies and headed to a local restaurant for an early dinner, phoning Neville to tell him they'd be late. The rain was still pouring, Sarah watched anxiously out the window, checking her phone. He'd messaged, she'd messaged back, there were pictures of him in his tux and Athena in her matching dress. They looked elegant and stunning and Sarah wished she could have been there. She wanted to go home, to nest, to watch him from afar, she was nervous - for him, for Thena for them.

It was pouring. Margaret wanted to wait, Sarah wanted to go home now, even offering to drive.

Margaret smiled maybe finally she'd let him make an honest woman out of her.

Sarah loved her boy. She wanted to be with him.

She acquiesced, of course, she did.

And they drove home through the heavy rain, faster than they should; Lizzie in the front next to her mother with Sarah in the back looking anxiously out the window.

But fast cars, tentative drivers, and wet roads are a bad combination, the lights came towards them, blinding out of control. She swerved to miss.

The world spun out of control and all went black.

                                                                               xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

As Dane and Athena took their seats in the auditorium ambulances rushed through the London streets.

As the awards started paramedics were on scene, police; people charged with extricating patients, if there were patients, from the tangled wreck. Pulses were checked, blood was stopped - three to transport, five in trouble.

Touch and Go.

Athena's eyes widened everywhere she looked there were people she admired, it was the best night of her life, she'd never been to anything like this, she usually stayed out of this side of Dane's world. But she wanted to be an actress and this was a side effect of that wish.

A heart stopped. Paddles applied, rushing, rushing.

Police dispatched to homes, to next of kin, to Neville playing on the floor of his lounge room with Ruby, up late as a special treat waiting for mummy and watching Uncle Dane, Aunty Thena on the television.

Dane was getting nervous his award was coming up, Athena clasped his hand tight.

"I wish Sarah was here," she whispered.

"Me too," he whispered too. "I'll see her soon. I'll see them soon."

Ambulances unloading, bodies going everywhere, doctors rushing, rushing in a controlled panic. So much blood, so much damage so many lives in the balance."

"And the winner is.................Dane Hilditch!"

He thanked his co-stars, his friends, and family and his best friend Fox. He didn't add - and mother of his child, he wanted to. But there were still awards to go. The Oscars - his career was still his focus soon though. Soon he could focus on her on her and Bean.

"I'm a lucky man!" he told the press backstage and he meant it, he meant it, thought it at that moment until he went to return to his seat.

Mark ashen face guided him away from the press, not back to his seat, out to the car. Athena already there, Sabine with her holding her tight against her.

"There's been an accident," Mark said as Dane protested, Bafta still in hand.

"Who" Dane asking the blood draining from his face.

Mark nodded, his voice cracking, breaking. "Your mother, Lizzie and................and.................and Sarah."

Dane stumbled against his friend. The award dropped on the carpeted floor. His assistant picking it up.

"Oh god how, what?" Dane's body and his mouth stumbled in unison as they made the car, out the back way. Everyone appraised. Rushing them out, keeping them out of the limelight.

"Neville rang - they've all been rushed to hospital - they're all there but we don't know more than that, there's been emergency surgery, one of the babies is in trouble, they're delivering it." Mark was relaying what he knew, Neville had been vague, had been traumatised and now he had to pass it on, traumatise another father, hurt one of his best friends until Dane was spinning.

"Bean?" Dane asked, "Oh god not Bean!"

He would do anything for it not to be Bean

He slumped against Thena, pulling her close. Feeling like the bottom had dropped out of their world.

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The world spun out of control and all went black.