Life moved fast and slow for Sarah after that night.

He'd not come back.

Not when she was awake.

But she'd heard talk, the staff gossiped, he was big news, she was lucky to have someone like him as her friend, family, they were like brother and sister – it was so sweet how he checked on her.

So he had been there just not when she'd been awake. It was a comfort to know that he cared and was checking on them but in the back of her mind she continued to think that it was more about Bean than for her. He had continually called it "my baby" not theirs or even hers. And while they had always been close, they had never actually become a couple before and now there was a baby they had.

Albeit briefly.

She was doing the right thing then.

Bean would be happy and well cared for and she and Dane could get on with their lives, it made sense, it made perfect sense. It was the best thing for all of them.

She was Dane's best friend and he was hers, the person she turned too when her life turned to shite and she was his voice of reason – usually – but now she was the source of his biggest dramas and it had to stop.

It didn't mean her heart hadn't broken.

But it was the right thing to do.

He'd flown out on the Friday morning, headed for Hollywood, headed for his first Academy Awards, headed for the next stage of his career. Sabine had messaged her that he had arrived safely but was a little angry and distant - obviously missing his family, the young French girl had surmised. Sarah didn't put her straight but she heard very little from the man himself.

It was for the best.

She had wanted to ignore the Academy Awards, sure she wanted him to win but somehow they symbolised something for her, the reasons that they couldn't be together. Sarah wanted to pretend they didn't exist. But everyone else had other ideas, of course no-one else knew, no-one had even suspected that they weren't a couple, they had given each other up to save a friendship, that things were no longer messy, that they'd taken it back to simple. Sarah liked simple.

Relationships were complicated.

Except nothing was ever simple, they still shared a sibling, one they both adored. It wasn't in Sarah's nature to break Thena's heart so when her little sister had come in, smuggling junk food and popcorn to watch the Academy Awards, she couldn't say no. And then it escalated. Her still tucked up in her hospital bed with Thena sitting up beside her, nursing staff coming in to check on the progress even though it was late into the night by then and they'd had to keep the noise right down. By the time it came time for his awards, there had been a gaggle of nurses on the late shift in with them.

He hadn't won but he'd been there, he'd finally made his mark.

She sent him a text saying how proud she was of him.

He'd thanked her.

Both had been one line of type, short and succinct.

It was for the best.

They were both adjusting again, adjusting to the new reality that they were living with, they weren't a couple, they weren't going to be a family.

But it all made sense.

And yet she couldn't bring herself to talk to Boyd and Dmitri about it.

She was being stupid and sentimental, she needed to do the right thing but she was going stir crazy in the hospital and driving the doctor crazy. She had to get out and get on with her life; it would be easier to get on with her life if she wasn't trusted up like a turkey in a hospital bed.

That's what she told herself.

And on Monday, a week after the accident and its aftermath she'd finally received the all clear to go home. Things had settled with Bean and her arm was on the mend, it was safe to leave but there was a condition, she had to go home to someone, dressing was hard with one arm and a baby bump the size of a small planet, it made sense but Sarah was a strong independent woman she didn't need anyone, she liked life on her own.

Doctors don't always see things the same way though and she wasn't going to be sprung until she proved she had help. And fortunately and unfortunately for her Barb and Dehlia had been there when the doctor stipulated her conditions and neither was about to let her go home to an empty house. She had a sneaky suspicion that Doctor Singh had planned this all. That woman was too smart for Sarah's good. She'd even asked Dane for his blood type quietly in her room early on if her hazy recollection served her correctly. Sarah wondered how many people had started to put two and two together. The nursing staff seemed oblivious and while she'd heard there had been some press interest in the other genetic component to her baby, they had been lucky Sabine had been there on the first night and Matt had put out something about her being a private person (she didn't have her own PR – other than the one appointed by the BBC to rep her show so he seemed to be handling everything). Boyd, with Dmitri conspicuously absent, had visited her a couple of times during the week with flowers and fluffy toys. She suspected this was Dane's intervention but then would he have said anything to Boyd about Bean? Or was this an arrangement before they'd talked? Or did Boyd do this off his own bat to protect his old friends? Maybe Petra had stepped in and asked her brother-in-law? It was his early visits that cemented the idea of letting him raise Bean in her mind and his subsequent visits seemed to make it feel more right – he seemed to be much more maternal than her. Much more ready to change nappies and deal with the day-to-day stuff.

She wondered why she still couldn't talk to him about it.

She had thought that maybe she could stay with Boyd and Dmitri – get them all use to the situation before she asked. But then Doctor Singh had dropped her plan in front of Barb and Dehlia, after their initial chat about going home and Sarah knew she was only going one place.

"When is Dane coming back? Will he be able to help?" Dehlia had asked none too tactfully the moment the door had closed behind Dr Singh. Barb had shot her a look, that Dehlia had missed completely, there was something amiss with their young friend and she knew it but Dehlia had missed the subtleties of the situation entirely and Barbara could happily strangle her for it.

"Oh I'll be fine," had been Sarah's answer, short succinct and really saying nothing. She could be a politician with an answer like that, but Barb was a mother and her motherly instincts were going into overdrive.

"Have you heard from him?" she asked quietly.

Sarah nodded, smiling and it was the truth they'd had their short, abrupt text conversation, she could bluff her way out of telling her friends what was going on, couldn't she?

The simple answer to that question was no.

Her smile hadn't reached her eyes and she'd not actually trusted herself to say anything and Barb had twigged that something was definitely awry.

"Maybe come to us for the first day or so until you adjust and get yourself back on your feet a bit then you can go home," she had said.

"Yes that makes sense," Dehlia had concurred still oblivious to the 6'2 elephant not in the room.

"I wouldn't want to impose," Sarah had started, eager to be away from people, the past eight days had been crammed with people. People prodding and poking and being all in her face, but not the right people. The right people, person, hadn't done and prodding and poking for longer than she'd liked and now he was on the other side of the planet doing god knows what to god knows who in the aftermath of the Oscars and booze-laden after parties. But that wasn't her problem, was it? Her problem was looking after herself and the baby. She'd stopped calling it Bean, distancing herself, preparing herself. This wasn't his baby or hers. It was a gift for someone else.

It had taken her all her strength not to cry as that thought had crossed her mind.

But it was the right thing.

"You wouldn't be imposing," Barbara said.

"Margaret is at Jane's now and Neville is still wrapped up with Lizzie and Em being here, Thena is back at school and Dane is in the US, it makes sense for you to come to us. Plus we'd love to have you, my son has just moved out and I need someone to fuss over for a day or two."

"If you're sure?" Sarah said smiling a little wider. Barb really smelt a rat now, Sarah had given in way too easily.

That had been ten days ago.

Ten days and she was now home in her own place.

And it was ten days since she'd heard from Dane. He'd messaged her – drunk as a skunk after some party or other to tell her he hadn't won (again) and that he loved her (again). And that had been it.

He'd gone straight from there to a film set for a month in the US.

It had been ten days and she'd tried cutting the ropes but time had changed nothing at all and while she was now in her own place. She wasn't home because Dane bloody Hilditch was home. She'd let him go and he was still the only one, the only thing that felt like home.

And she still hadn't t asked Boyd and Dmitri if they were interested.

And Bean, the baby, was active; like it knew Daddy wasn't there and was making up for the loss of the Energiser Bunny that he was. It was making its presence felt – just two and a half months to go now and she'd be giving birth. But she hadn't built the cot – she couldn't with one arm – though now it was in a cast and out of the sling she was pretty much back to her old self. Sort of.

She'd visited Margaret now, she'd apologised and they'd cried and her step-mother had apologised and cried and admitted she'd had pain before hand and hadn't wanted to complain. And she'd finally sat with Lizzy, held her hand and they'd cried too. She was finally on the mend, finally. But still in the hospital with a broken pelvis and Neville was coping with his stepmother and father in the house looking after him and Ruby. She wished she could be the one to help but well she still had her broken wing and she still had a lot of work to do.

But Lizzy would be home soonish and Neville's domestic horror would end - eventually.

And Emerald was growing, still hooked up to air as her little lungs continued to develop and grow. But she was a fighter and still with them.

She was a fighter and would older than her cousin.

Except it wouldn't be her cousin, it would be Petra's baby's cousin.

But they'd be friends, she'd see to that.

Everything was slowly returning to normal.

There were casualties but nothing critical – no one had died.

Only she and Dane.

It had been ten days – they'd put an end to it this time – she was no longer his and he was no longer hers.

Ten days without him in her reach and the only time she'd touched him was in her dreams.

Nothing had changed in her heart.

Stupid bloody heart.

She'd messaged him today.

Just to say hi.

Not to tell him she missed him – she did, the bastard.

Not to tell him she wanted him back.

Not to excitedly send him a picture of the Baby.

Just a "Hi".

But they'd done the right thing and now she needed to pull up her big girl knickers Bridget Jones style and get on with her life.

She had so much to organise for the Shakespeare spectacular and for the documentary being released on his birthday/deathday. Voice overs and scripts, things to be checked.

She needed to face the future. She needed to not think about the cot that wasn't put together and the pram that wasn't unpacked upstairs in the unpainted little white room that would never be a nursery now.

The door bell rang.

The future started now.

The future started with the opening of the door.

It started with a hug from Dmitri, it started with a kiss on the cheek from Boyd.

A laugh when they realised she'd covered her bright pink cast (Thena – the little bugger - had told the doctor she loved pink) with a stocking sleave with "tattoos" on it. An artist friend of Barb's had made her another one with Shakespeare quotes on it for work.

She knew they were watching her waddle down the hallway and trying not to laugh. The broken arm hadn't helped her equilibrium any.

She made them tea and offered them cake. They wanted to do it for her but let's face it they had both known her long enough not to get in the way when she'd said: "no it's okay I can do it". They were smart men. You didn't cross Sarah Huntington ever.

But for Sarah, it felt good to take control of her life again even if she was slower than usual and the baby made her look like a whale looking for somewhere to beach. She was a control freak and up until now, her life had been spiraling out of control.

It stopped now.

There was a new sheriff in town.

Sheriff Sarah and she was taking her life back.

Starting now.

So why the fuck did she feel like her world was crumbling.

Big girl pants.

"So," she said putting the coffees down in front of her friends and trying (and failing to sit on the high stools at her kitchen bench next to them).

"Do you guys still want a baby because I was thinking you could have this one!"

And Dmitri spat his coffee across the bench.

Well that was an auspicious start.