Requested by namjoon-deserves-all

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Namjoon was used to a lot of attention from his group members. He was the leader of the band, so they were always coming at him left and right with needs, wants, and questions.

So he wasn't used to whatever was going on with everyone the last two weeks. It seemed like suddenly nobody needed, or wanted, him at all. Granted he knew they were all super busy with schedules these past few weeks, but it wasn't like the others to be as distant at they were. They didn't seem to be coming to him with any of their usual nonsense. He realized he kind of took their clingy-ness for-granted now because he was starting to miss it. He didn't want to say anything because everyone seemed quite stressed out already and there really never was a good time to bring it up.

Not only with their work schedules but at home Namjoon also noticed a new sense of separation between him and the members. Everyone was always doing their own thing, or doing stuff together but never really invited him in to join them. He was helping set the table one night and kept trying to ask what dishes to use, and without even looking Jungkook just kept saying, "Do whatever, use whatever."

"Alright then," Namjoon replied as he set plates out. Then Jin yelled at him saying they were the wrong plates, which sent them both into a spiral of frustration.

It had become the same routine daily. He was either being ignored or snapped at. Even the maknae's would get snippy with him which shocked him because he thought they knew better, but he felt like maybe he'd done something wrong or something to offend them. He was starting to think maybe he'd caused some kind of problem within the group that nobody felt like discussing. He tried to think of what he could have possibly done to make them angry with him but in the end he had absolutely no idea.

While working in their studios one day Namjoon had gone to Hobi's studio to ask him for some help.

"Not now," Hobi said while keeping his eyes glued to his computer.

"Hyung I really need help with this song."

"Namjoon!" Hobi yelled, making Namjoon flinch, "Did you not hear me? I said not now. I'm sorry but I'm way too busy. It will have to wait, okay?"

Namjoon scowled as he thought about how it was really the company giving him a strict deadline on his song. "Hyung I can't put it off and I need you for it. The company wants it done by next week."

"Well I also have to have things done by next week and just simply don't have time. You'll have to figure something else out."

"Hyung.."

"Namjoon!" Hobi screamed with irritation. Namjoon put his arms up in surrender and backed out of the room. He made his way back to his own studio with tears welling up in eyes. Not only did he now not know what to do about the song, but he was sure he'd just made Hobi mad at him, if he wasn't already.

I don't understand what I've done wrong to any of them.

He was starting to feel extremely isolated and alone. He missed them even though they were still always together. He tried to hang out with them when they all had down time but nobody ever seemed interested. He found himself crying alone at night on more than one occasion. He worried about the group, and his role in it. He started to get anxious that his members suddenly didn't like him anymore or were secretly planning to kick him out and it led to multiple panic attacks. He'd hide away when they happened because he didn't want to bother anyone. The more he felt ignored, the more he tried to desperately force his friendship back onto the members. It got to the point where they were constantly yelling at him that they were busy or "Not now, maybe another time," when he'd beg to hang out.

One night Jimin and Jungkook were outside playing soccer together and he asked if he could join and Jimin said no because then the teams would be unfair.

"We could be three teams," Namjoon suggested.

"That's not how the game works," Jimin replied.

"Let me play," Namjoon begged.

"No Joonie! It's just me and Jungkookie!" Jimin yelled. Namjoon bit his bottom lip to try and hold his tears in until he made it back to his room. He curled up in his bed and cried alone yet again. Yoongi and Hobi came in to tell him he needed to get his laundry out of the dryer and apparently hadn't even noticed he was crying because they didn't ask about it. Usually when someone in the group cried they were all over them asking what was wrong, full of worry. He quickly wiped his tears and went out to grab his clothes. He ran in to Taehyung and walked past him, his dongsaeng didn't even look in his direction as they walked by eachother. He grabbed Taehyung's shirt sleeve and stopped him.

"Tae," Namjoon started.

"Huh?" Taehyung asked. He seemed to be preoccupied with something on his phone.

"What are you up to?"

Taehyung ignored him and was still staring at his phone.

"Taehyung."

"Huh?"

"Want to hang out?" Namjoon asked with slight desperation.

"Can't. I'm busy." Taehyung continued to walk away and into his room.

Namjoon grabbed his clothes out of the dryer and ran back to his room. He really needed to vent and let his frustrations out and knew his members weren't available to listen, so he messaged one of his good friends who was part of another band.

He messaged his friend Jackson from GOT7 and immediately started venting about his members and how they were acting. He told Jackson how he thinks his members might need or want some space from him so asked if it'd be okay to stay at Jackson's place for a while. Namjoon knew Jackson absolutely loved his company so it'd be nice to go somewhere where he'd actually be wanted.

Jackson offered to pick him up from the dorm later that night so Namjoon got packing to be gone for a few days. He went and told Yoongi he'd be leaving for a couple of days but Yoongi brushed him aside with an "Uh-huh." He was pretty sure Yoongi didn't actually hear what he'd actually said and it broke his heart. Will any of them even care if I'm not around?

The doorbell rang and Hobi answered it. "Oh, hi Jackson."

"Is Namjoon ready?" Jackson made his way in the door and greeted Namjoon with a big smile as the leader rolled his suitcase into the kitchen.

"What is this?" Hobi asked Namjoon.

"I'm leaving for a few days. I already told Yoongi."

Yoongi walked over, "When did you tell me that?"

Namjoon rolled his eyes, "Yeah, exactly."

Namjoon turned to leave and Jungkook ran over and grabbed his arm. "You can't just leave, we have work to do."

Jackson cleared his throat and spoke up. "Oh, so now you suddenly want him around?"

Now all of the members were gathered in the kitchen standing behind Namjoon.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Taehyung asked Jackson.

"You know what it means. He wants to come over to my house so he can actually see what it's like to hang out with good friends."

The members were confused with the situation and Jackson's sudden hostility.

"Good friends? We're literally his brothers. We're beyond good friends," Jimin said.

Jackson started angrily telling them how he was a much better friend to Namjoon than any of them would ever be. "You've done nothing but treat him like shit for weeks!"

"Jackson, please.." Namjoon said softly. He didn't want them to fight with eachother. That would have created a whole separate mess.

Before he could stop the arguing, the yelling escalated. Jackson was yelling at all of the members and the members were yelling back at him saying he had no right to talk about their friendship. Then it became them arguing over who Namjoon liked better but Namjoon refused to answer.

"What is he even going on about, Joonie?" Jin asked. "Why does he keep saying we've been treating you so badly lately?"

Namjoon sighed deeply. He couldn't suppress how he was feeling anymore, there was no way to avoid it at this point. He tried to keep the tears from welling up in his eyes. "I thought you'd all like some space from me."

The members seemed confused.

"Space from you? Why would you think that, hyungie?" Jungkook asked with big, confused eyes.

Namjoon couldn't hold the tears in and they dripped down his cheeks and off of his chin. "Nobody has...nobody has seemed to want me around lately." He ended the statement with an unexpected loud sob, "I'm sorry for whatever is I've done to you all."

Taehyung's eyes started to glimmer with tears too. He hated seeing Namjoon cry. "I don't understand what you're talking about. Why do you think we didn't want you around?"

Jackson chimed in, "Because all you've done is ignore or snap at him for weeks now. When was the last time any of you even bothered to hang out with him, huh?"

Namjoon put his hand up, gesturing for Jackson to stop talking.

Yoongi walked over and grabbed Namjoon's hand in his, "Joonie please tell us whatever it is that you've told Jackson."

So Namjoon did. Through tears he expressed how he felt lately. How he was terrified that they were trying to push him out of the group even though he couldn't figure out what he'd done wrong. How nobody ever wanted to spend time with him and it seemed like the only time anyone bothered to acknowledge his existence was to yell at him. By the time he was done expressing his feelings, his members were all in tears too. Jin grabbed him and pulled him into a tight hug. "Oh, Joonie. Why didn't you tell us you felt this way?"

Namjoon wrapped his arms tightly around Jin. A hug from his hyung felt so nice after not recieving one for such a long time. He buried his face into Jin's neck, "I didn't think it mattered. I didn't want to be more of a burden."

Jungkook started rubbing Namjoon's back, "Hyungie please never think you're a burden."

"We've been the worst!" Jimin cried. He wrapped his arms around Namjoon too, "We're so sorry!"

"I just want to know what I did wrong." Namjoon burst into loud sobs that were being muffled by Jin's sweatshirt.

"You haven't done anything wrong!" Jungkook said in a panic. He needed his hyung to understand that he was very much loved and hadn't done anything wrong. The members all realized how they'd treated Namjoon lately and felt guilty as hell.

"I think we've all just been really stressed out," Hobi said. He was trying to reassure Namjoon that nothing was his fault. "I at least know I have. With work and all. I'm sorry if I've been distant and snappy towards you. I love you, Namjoon-ah. Please know that."

"We all love you," Taehyung added. Namjoon stood there letting himself be embraced by all of them.

Jackson broke the silence. "So does this mean you're not coming over?" Namjoon couldn't help but chuckle.

"We'd like him to stay home, we want him here," Jungkook said. Namjoon smiled and told Jackson he could leave, he wanted to stay with his members. Jackson headed out. Hobi grabbed Namjoon's hand and guided him to the couch. He wanted them to all sit down and talk about everything that was going on.

Namjoon continued to express his feelings and for once his members sat intently listening to everything he had to say.

"You're my leader and my hyungie. The only reason I'm here is because of you. No matter how I act, it would never mean I don't care about you. I've also been preoccupied and in my own world lately. I never meant to make you feel so alone," Jungkook said.

"Me either. I think we've all been in our own worlds lately," Taehyung added. Namjoon mentioned how he felt left out when they'd all hang out with eachother and not him.

"To be honest, I thought you were the one who wanted space," Jimin said, "With work and you having to be the leader, I thought you were also stressed out and didn't want to take time away from you. I'm sorry, hyung." He got up and wrapped his arms around Namjoon's neck to hug him. He planted a big kiss on his hyungs forehead.

Namjoon felt his heart swelling with love again. It'd been a lonely and heartbreaking couple of weeks filled with doubt and anxiety. He wished he'd expressed his feelings sooner. He figured he could have avoided all of this if he had spoken up before his sadness had gotten this bad. Taehyung leaned his head on Namjoon's shoulder.

"You know we all love you unconditionally, right?" Taehyung asked.

"I know that now," Namjoon smiled.

Yoongi gently grabbed Namjoon's chin and turned his face to meet his eyes, "Never, and I mean never, assume we don't want you here. We're nothing without you. I'm nothing without you."

Namjoon nodded in agreement that he would make sure to never assume that again. The members continued to tell Namjoon how sorry they were for how they'd been acting lately and reminded him of how much they absolutely adored him. They asked what they could do to make him feel better and he said he just wanted to feel loved again, which the members were more than willing to do.

The members quickly proved just how much they needed Namjoon. Now that they realized he wasn't actually all that stressed from work, things went back to normal rather quickly. Once again they were running to him with their questions and concerns, something they'd avoided doing in recent weeks. They admitted just how much they had been struggling without him too.

At home, everyone was loveable and clingy just like old times. Jimin brought up their little argument with Jackson and Namjoon asked them to forgive his friend, saying that Jackson only meant well but didn't exactly come off that way.

To his surprise his members got even clingier than before, which he didn't know was possible. They kept telling him they never wanted him to feel so badly again so they were going to spend as much time as possible "right by your side, Joonie!" Namjoon laughed as he prayed that he wouldn't regret that later. He spent a lot of time at home playing with his members, Jimin even let him play soccer with him and Jungkook this time. He found it harder and harder to find any time to himself because someone constantly needed him or wanted to spend time with him.

One of Namjoon's favorite moments was when one night Yoongi had gotten a bit tipsy, ran to Namjoon and pulled him into a death grip of a hug as he cried to Namjoon about how much he loved him and how he was the best brother he could ever ask for. Over and over again.

Fortunately things were back to normal for everyone. Namjoon led the band through their hectic promotional schedule, and enjoyed his time at home with everyone. One night at dinner Taehyung decided to raise a toast. Everyone raised their glasses.

"To Joonie hyung!" Taehyung cheered. The others cheered too as Namjoon felt his face turn red with embarrassment.

"The best leader and coolest hyungie ever!" Jungkook chimed in.

Namjoon let tears of happiness slip out as he stood up to raise his own toast. The members raised their glasses once more.

Namjoon couldn't stop crying. "To BTS, the best family I could ever ask for."

[The End]