September 5 2011

seokjin is currently on Do Not Disturb.

me: i was watching tv
me: and this dude didn't want to suffer through chemotherapy
me: but his friend wanted him to
me: because this friends only source of happiness for the past twenty years is him.
me: the boss told this due
me: dude*
me: "no, chemotherapy will not make you better. but you know what will? caring. because that's what life is. doing things for others, to make them happy- because you care"
me: so maybe this is why i haven't desperately tried to contact you
me: or visited your school
me: or your house
me: because i know you're happier without me
me: and all i want is for you to be happy
me: because your happiness, even if i can't see it, even if it kills me, means everything to me
me: perhaps i'm a better person than you
me: because you left for yourself
me: you left because you were done
me: you didn't stay for me
me: you gave up.
me: after all of the harsh things you say to me, i'm still here
me: or maybe i'm the bad one
me: i don't want to let you go even if it makes you happy
me: i want you to stay because it's what i want
me: or we're just terrible friends
me: with a toxic relationship
me: that's decided it's time to end is now
me: after all of the trauma
me: the poison has set in
me: and killed us both.
me: but now we must determine whether it was for better or for worse.

me: eight hours later and i finished that tv episode
me: the dude who didn't want chemo came knocking on his friends door in the middle of the night to tell him he was doing it. he was doing chemo.
me: the friend asked why
me: the dude said "because you need me, and that's not such a bad thing"
me: will you come back for me jin
me: will you suffer more for me
me: will you make me happy again
me: show me the colours of the world
me: and the radiance of the sun
me: because without you everything's been so dull
me: i miss my angel from heaven
me: i hope he'll return in his full glory.