moth·er [muhth-er]
noun
1.
a female parent.
2.
( often initial capital letter ) one's female parent.
3.
a mother-in-law, stepmother, or adoptive mother.
4.
a term of address for a female parent or a woman having or regarded as having the status, function, or authority of a female parent.
5.
a term of familiar address for an old or elderly woman.

ma·ter·nal [muh-tur-nl]
adjective
1.
of, pertaining to, having the qualities of, or befitting a mother: maternal instincts.
2.
related through a mother: his maternal aunt.
3.
derived from a mother: maternal genes.

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INSECURE ATTACHMENT

The first type of insecure attachment is called ambivalent attachment. This occurs when caregivers are inconsistent - sometimes answering infants' needs quickly and responsively, and sometimes letting the infant 'cry it out'. This may also occur if caregivers respond only to the physical needs - feeding, changing, etc, but ignore the infant's need for human interaction and connection.

With insecure ambivalent attachment characterized by 'only sometimes' type of caregiving, babies learn that the world and their ability to have an impact on it is basically inconsistent - sometimes things happen, sometimes they don't - sometimes all their needs are met, and sometimes only some of them are. Infants learn that others are not dependable or consistent. They often also do not learn or understand emotions - their own or others.

The second type of insecure attachment is called avoidant attachment, and occurs when caregivers are unresponsive to the infants needs - both physical and emotional. This is called neglect, and happens often in families where there is alcoholism and/or drug addiction, or in families who are just ignorant of what babies need. This happened in eastern European countries with babies in orphanages. These infants were kept contained in their cribs for the majority of each day, being taken out only to be fed or changed, and even those tasks were performed with little or no engagement with the infant.

Adults who, as children, had avoidant insecure attachment, are often thought of as dismissive. They are usually very independent and have little sensitivity to the needs of others. They are often disconnected from intimacy, and place little value on relationships. With their children in particular, they often have very limited sensitivity to the child's needs.

The key to developing earned adult attachment lies in coming to terms with childhood experiences and making sense of the impact the past has had on the present and future. It is important to develop a coherent narrative about what happened to us and the impact it has had on the decisions we may unconsciously have made about how to 'be' in the world.

Kindly given permission to take extracts from Penny G Davis from Respectful Relationships.com