Cade...

I can't do anymore work. I have taken and made important phone calls, been going through all the cases that I am committed to finishing before I leave this god forsaken place and working with my clerk, Tobias, to organise which cases we can hand over to someone else. I've done all of that, whilst feeling the crushing weight of what my mother has not long told me. Beneath its subduing weight, I am silently suffering; feeling so oppressively enclosed with still being here. I have tried to immerse myself in work, but can't take it anymore. My thoughts are too loud inside my head. Too loud to think straight. I stupidly messaged Sophia earlier, in a numb state of shock. I stupidly texted that I really needed to talk to her later on, and now I'm worrying that she might be worrying about that stupid text! I have to see Grant, he's the only one who can deal with the chaotic shit that's going on inside my head. But first, I need to see Sophia. If only for a brief moment, I just need to see her. "Tobias, I'm going out for a while...call me if anything important crops up." Thank god Tobias is still his usually efficient and very thorough self, because he's picking up my slack this morning, that's for sure. "When I leave this shitty place, do you want to come with me?" The blunt proposition comes without a smile. It is what it is; an honest job offer.

Tobias stares back at me, taken aback slightly. Noticing that I'm in a real hurry to get out of here, his answer comes just as quick. "Without a doubt."

Crisply nodding back at him, I grab my suit jacket off the back of my chair. "Good choice." Then I leave Tobias with that confident hint of small praise, because I have a far more important place to be. Without thinking things through, I am on my way to Sophia.

**

With sullen determination, I am eagerly pacing towards her little flower shop on the main High Street in Cirencester. With each purposive stride, the more I yearn to see her. Maybe once I do, my taunting thoughts will quieten?

Maybe they will be hushed by the soothing solace that I find in my darling Sophia?

The tinkle of the door bell announces my hopeful arrival. There are customers both inside and outside of the shop, but that doesn't swerve my determination in any way whatsoever. Spotting Sophia standing with two bouquets in her hands as she tries to encourage her attentive customer which one she should choose, I impulsively rush towards her, cupping her beautifully surprised face between my deprived palms, before kissing her mouth with firm but loving urgency. The intensity of my powerful kiss is one that causes Sophia to drop both of the beautiful bouquets down onto the concrete shop floor.

I don't care that we have an audience.

I don't care that this is how I introduce myself to Sophia's mother.

I don't care about any of that.

All I care about is having my lips pressed ardently hard against the love of my thoroughly tainted life. My possessive kiss is silently begging for her to just be patient with me.

To still love me once I have selfishly unburdened myself to her.

To still want to give us both a future, because that's all I am now clinging to with all of my insecure might.

As if she understands all that I am persuasively asking of her, Sophia holds me tightly; kissing me back. So I just as urgently wrap her in my arms, bringing all of who she so perfectly is, right against me. With her body warmly balanced against mine, I feel able to separate our locked lips. Gently resting my forehead against hers, I sigh out just how relieved I feel to be this satisfyingly close to her again. "I've missed you." My whisper is meant for only her, but the watching customers all answer with "Awww's" and "Oh's." Of the swooning and envious kind.

Ignoring them, Sophia focuses on only me. "Are you okay? How did it go with your mother?"

Holding her chin between my very appreciative fingers, I summon a small smile that is only for her to own. "I'll tell you all about it later...I just needed to see you, that's all."

Sophia smiles too, although her smile is apprehensive on account of her quiet and growing concern. Wanting to caress the side of my face with her very soft but now uneasy fingers, she tries to coax the truth from out of me. "Are you sure you're okay?"

Wanting to banish every single one of her sweet concerns, I reassuringly smile before lightly kissing her lips one last time before I go, whispering something into her enticingly smooth and slightly parted mouth; something which I know is to be true. "I will be."

Sophia warily nods, also wary to now smile. "Are you really okay, or are you not okay and you're just telling me that you are okay, so that I'll think that you are?"

"Her father and I can attest to the fact that our very lovely daughter often talks too much." We are interrupted by a kindly and amused looking face. "You must be Cade. I'm Anna, Sophia's mother." She holds out her very polite hand, waiting for me to shake it.

Respectfully, I do. "A pleasure to meet you." Mustering up some of my deeply buried charm, I try to hide the mayhem that's causing anarchy in my mind.

With the warm pleasantries out of the way, Anna decides to rescue the two bouquets that Sophia previously dropped, by bending down to pick them up. "I think we will have to reduce these if they're ever to be bought." She says to her daughter with a slanted and knowing smirk.

"I'll buy them." One of the overly impressed and still-swooning customers interrupts her with a very toothy grin. "They'll remind me to tell my husband that he should be kissing me like you have just kissed this very lucky girl." She now dramatically winks at Sophia, before promptly lifting the two bunches of flowers from out of Anna's arms and takes them to the counter to eagerly pay for them.

"I look forward to meeting you properly, Cade. Not this weekend, but next...I insist." Her smirk slants even more as she leaves me and Sophia still standing closely beside one another.

I already like this woman. She brought Sophia into this world, so what is there not to actually like? "I will make sure that I'm there." Then I throw her daughter a confirmative sideways glance before squeezing her hips between my fingers. "I'm sorry, I really have to go. I have somewhere to be. I'll see you back at my place later on." Letting very reluctant go of her, I smile in Sophia's direction. "I'll tell you all that's happened then, okay?"

Nodding, and beginning to slowly walk with me, Sophia laces her fingers with mine as she carefully opens the shop door. I soon find myself smiling up at the sound of the tinkling bell. "Doesn't that ever get on your nerves?" I amusingly ask, stroking her hand with my affectionate thumb.

"I'd be far more bothered if I didn't hear it." She jovially replies. "As my nan always used to say 'a tinkle on the door means money in the till'...which is still true today."

Agreeing with a small smile, we walk outside together. Looking at Sophia, I still don't want to leave her. But I need to speak to Grant. Before I can sensibly speak to her tonight, I need to speak with him today. He understands the wreck that is my life. He will understand what I am about to tell him. And once he understands it, maybe I will? Pulling my love flush against me, I stare into the grey eyes that make me feel so content whenever I look so deeply into them. "I just want you to know that I love you." Lifting her chin ever so slightly, I wear only the truth on my face. "Since the moment I met you, I don't think there's been a single second that I haven't loved you." With cars and people noisily passing us by on the street, I just didn't want how I felt about Sophia to be lost amongst the busyness of a Thursday afternoon. "We'll talk later." I lovingly assure her once again.

Just as our hands are beginning to let go, Sophia suddenly pulls back on my arm. "Are you going to see your therapist?" Noticing the 'how did you know?' look that suddenly sits on my face, she calmly gives me my answer. "Your mother told me."

With a grim line to my mouth, I glumly remark. "Of course she did." Not at all surprised by the escalation to my mother's cruelty, I still have to suppress the hurtful disappointment that has once again been created by her.

Sophia takes hold of both my hands again, clutching them tightly against her chest. "There's no shame in needing help to make sense of your life, Cade."

Sadness scurries through me. Looking up at the heavens that I doubt even exist, I bring my sad gaze back down onto Sophia. "I'm trying so hard not to be broken for you. I don't want you to always be trying to fix me. I just don't think I could handle breaking your heart, because of trying to fix mine." My fears free fall from my mouth. "My heart is an haunted heart, but I don't want my ghosts to become yours." I know I'm not making any real sense to Sophia just yet, but later on, my sad ramblings will. "I have to go...I love you." Kissing her gently on the forehead, I turn and walk away. Just as I was determined to see Sophia, I am now just as determined to walk away from her.

I really need to do this.

I need to face my demons.

And only Grant can help me to do that.

**I JUST FEEL SO MUCH FOR CADE. HE IS SO LOST, TRYING TO FIND HIS WAY AROUND HIS MISERABLE LIFE. UGH!!! I THINK I NEED A CUDDLE 🤗**