Newt's POV:

After Thomas had kissed me, he went back to bed. I was left feeling really confused and ashamed. I wasn't feeling ashamed, because I had actually enjoyed kissing him, I was ashamed, because he had caught me self-harming again. I didn't want him to think differently of me. He probably wouldn't understand but I just couldn't handle the pressure anymore and it all got a little too much.

I had tried extremely hard not to do it again but it was so addicting. I would stick to my promise to Tommy though. I owed him that, even though I didn't understand why he would care. I was a pathetic mess and he was such a nice boy.

Tommy was the reason I was feeling so confused. I wanted him to be more than just a friend but I knew that wasn't normal. Weren't boys supposed to fall in love with girls? Because I was pretty sure I was falling in love with him. Every time I was near him, I couldn't help but smile and whenever he touched me, a sweet tingling sensation filled my whole body.

Did he feel the same way? I hoped so. He did kiss me after all.

---

The next day, he acted like nothing had happened the night before, though. Why did he keep doing that? It made me feel even more confused and sad. I didn't want the others to find out about my feelings for Tommy yet but I didn't want to act like nothing had happened the night before either. I decided to talk to him.

---

"Hey", I said.

"Hey Newt!", he said cheerfully.

"What's up?", I asked him.

"They agreed with me being a runner!"

"That's great!"

I felt genuinely happy for him. He deserved to be a runner. I knew how badly he had wanted the job.

"How are you anyway?", he asked, his face showing real concern.

"I'm fine", I answered.

He obviously believed me and though I felt bad for lying, I didn't want to ruin his good mood.

I figured I'd talk to him later.

---

After dinner, I decided it was the right time to talk to him. I pulled him away from the others and we walked to the small forest in silence.

"Newt, what's up?", he asked me. His voice sounded worried.

"I want to talk about yesterday night", I replied.

Thomas looked about as nervous as I felt. 

"What about it?" 

He was obviously trying to not make it sound like a big deal, even though it was to me.

"I don't want to act like nothing happened last night." 

"Me neither", he replied.

"Then why are you distancing yourself from me again?" 

"Because I'm still confused. I've never felt this way about someone before and I don't know what to do. Besides, I'm scared too. Scared you'll do something stupid. I've had feelings for you ever since I first saw you and at first, I ignored them but I can't keep denying them. I don't want to lose you and every time you hurt yourself, you hurt me as well. I want to make you happy but I don't want to force myself upon you though. That's why I've been keeping my distance. Maybe you don't even feel the same way."

"I know I'm a mess and you deserve so much better but yes, I feel the same way. I really do. Whenever I'm around you, I feel so happy. I haven't felt that way in ages and I wish I could do something in return."

"Your love is all I want in return."

"You don't even know what you're getting yourself into, Tommy."

"Yes, I do. I love you, Newt."

"It's not that simple! I really am a mess. You wanna know why I have this limp, Tommy?"

"What happened?"

"I tried to kill myself in the Maze. Climbed halfway up one of those bloody walls and jumped right off. Alby found me and dragged me back to the Glade right before the Doors closed." 

"Newt..." 

He stared at me, tears forming in his eyes. 

"I really care about you and I'll make sure that will never have to happen again. I'd do anything to help you." 

"Why would you? Why would you want to help someone like me? I don't deserve you."

"No, you don't deserve me. You deserve someone even better." 

"Do you think differently of me now, like after you've seen this side of me?"

"No, I don't. I still feel exactly the same way about you."

I hoped he was being honest. It would be a real relief. 

"Thank you so much for everything, Tommy." 

"I know you might find it hard to trust people and I know you've been through a lot but we'll get through this together. At least we've got each other now." 

After that, he hugged me. It was such a nice and comforting hug and I felt so incredibly grateful for Thomas's presence, I couldn't think of another way to make that clear, so I leaned in and kissed him. 

He kissed back.

---

We stayed in the forest for a while, making out and cuddling and my whole body was filled with happiness. I loved Tommy so much. He traced my scars with his lips and put little kisses on them. It was a part of me, I didn't want to show to anyone and I felt really embarrassed but he kept reassuring me, telling me it was okay and telling me I was still just as beautiful. 

 Suddenly, I realized I hadn't even told him I loved him yet. Maybe I should, I thought.

As if he was able to read my thoughts, he said: "You don't have to say it if you don't want to. I understand if it's too scary and too early. I won't get mad."  

"No, I want to, because yes, it's scary but I need to get out of my comfort zone. I love you, Tommy. I love you so much." 

"I love you too, Newt. I really do."