[ 4/5 ]
TWENTY SEVENTH CHAPTER
2018

"in this most chaotic world, her love stood as the one constant truth of my life."

//

Jungkook didn't run after Sahar.

it hurt Sahar more than she wanted it to but it's what she deserved. him simply walking away with a peeved but solemn expression tortured her heart and head in a crazy way.

Sahar wanted to so badly run after the love of her life but she stopped herself. that's what she would've normally done. she'd always go after him. if the circumstances were different, things wouldn't be like this. it hurts that she has to hurt Jungkook.

and as Sahar has previously coped, she's back at the bar. she needs to meet Jungkook again, in order for him to say the cursed words.

"why so glum?" the bartender- Jin keeps her company. he leans forward on his arms, elbows resting on marble- sleeves of a black button up rolled up. "didn't you get lover boy?"

"i did but-" Sahar glances at Jungkook who's appeared on stage. the singer of mysterious beauty is singing another song. "now he's singing a freaking song about me..."

for you, I could pretend like I was happy when I was sad.
for you, I could pretend like I was strong when I was hurt.
I wish love was perfect as love itself.

sober Jin winces, eyes focusing on silver haired Jungkook dressed in suspenders, who holds the stand up microphone with ringed hands and intense emotions. oof- leaves the olders lips as he listens to the lyrics with the audience. "that's harsh." he declares.

"i deserve it i guess."

"do you want a croissant?" Sahar's eyes snap to Jin who's offering her a bakery good- it's his way of making her feel better. "Namjoon made it." he shrugs.

"thanks i guess." Sahar starts to eat it and it's crunch yet softness is delicious. thank god for baker Namjoon right?

Sahar sighs, eating her croissant with a woeful look. the fact that Jungkook hasn't said anything since the incident is replaying on her mind. all they've shared is awkward yet intense eye contact's and avoidance. the lyrics of deep meaning and his exquisite voice is all she can focus on. he just walked away- what else did she expect? him to argue with her, demand an answer from her?

even Yoongi shrugged it off and walked away.

a habitual presence that Sahar has slowly gotten used to approaches her. he sits beside her on a stool with a civil, welcoming smile on plump, shiny lips as he greets her.

how things have changed...

"hey." Jimin notices the females sadness.

"hi." Sahar finishes her croissant.

"why do you look so terrified of me?" glasses, carmine haired, book-less Jimin questions, a cute laugh leaving his lips as she laughs too. there's humour and merriment in their growing companionship (in this life). she still has visions of past Jimin hating her and his urges to attack her.

"do you believe in past lives?"

"yeah sure." the reader replies. Sahar notices how his interest lingers but disappears. "i've never given it much thought." it surprises her when he says that because her perception of him included being intrigued by signs and universes. after all, stories and books are individual universes wrapped into a tale of fantasy and novelty.

"well ... i feel this certain tension-" Sahar begins. she has the feeling that Jimin won't shy or run away from her in this life- he's more comfortable with her presence which is nice. "-that perhaps we hated each other in the past." if only you knew...

"you think?" Jimin sniggers a little. his cheeks lift and his eyes shine with vibrant copper. his humour is shown as the atmosphere turns light and playful. "well, let's not hate each other shall we?" the boy smiles.

it surprises Sahar. she sits there, gaping at him with extensive eyes. Jimin is smiling at her so beautifully and widely- she's overwhelmed by his response to want to be her friend?

Jimin stands. "do you want to dance?" and Sahar feels like the luckiest girl in the world to be asked that.

"yeah sure. let's go." the conflicted female takes his small hand. he leads her to the dance floor, the two of them grinning with friendliness.

the two dance happily together, not obeying standard, stereotypical dance moves but changing choreography and dancing to whatever feels right. laughter fills the air. it's about whatever feels content in their hearts of pure rapture on a loud but quiet night.

Sahar is grateful for the happy moments she's been given.

//

Sahar makes her way to Taehyung who's flirting with Yoongi.

she's been observing them for a few minutes. a sight of Taehyung stroking Yoongi's shoulder, playing with the ends of his hair and looking at him through hooded eyes told her everything. now, she was irritated.

Jimin's watching across the room. directly at the flirting couple.

Sahar drags Taehyung away with her arm linked in his. she pulls him towards the side of the club, away from people as she sighs deeply.

"have you chosen a man yet?"

Taehyung shrugs. he's annoyed and disjointed as to why he was taken away from his flirting game. "not yet." he tells Sahar, removing his arm. "i don't plan on doing so. why?"

"you need to stop this." Sahar sighs. she doesn't know why she wants to get involved in her best friends life but they're all people she knows- she doesn't want anyone to get hurt (although everything is temporary and artificial in this universe). "you're playing with peoples hearts." it's not a good habit.

"like you haven't before? you hypo-"

Sahar pushes him. "shut your mouth."

"also, why is Jungkook mad at you?"

Sahar bites her lip. she can't lie? "i kissed Yoongi."

"you what?" a part of Taehyung wants to applaud her but his best friend kissed one of his potential love interests ... so now he's slightly annoyed. "i gave you Jungkook and this is what you do?" he tuts loudly.

"don't start-"

"i wouldn't treat him like that!" Taehyung has the nerve to start an argument with Sahar. she's been losing her temper with the azure male.

"Taehyung. you're literally fooling around with two men-" Sahar shakes her head, almost laughing at the hypocritical, purely stupid chat. "just sh."

and she walks away.

Sahar stands to the side. her arms are crossed over her chest after she pulls her hair into a loose ponytail. she looks around the room to see Hoseok teaching the audience a dance move, Jimin clinging onto Jin and Jungkook staring right at her. for some, odd reason, Sahar wants to cry until it hurts.

the eye contact that takes place is predictable yet intensifying and gloriously shown in a loving way. it's as if no one else is in the crowded room- that they're going crazy in life too.

Jungkook pushes his silver bangs back, not breaking his brown eyes away from Sahar's olive ones. she doesn't know what he's thinking. she gulps harshly when she sees the male gesturing her over with his hand.

Sahar's heart is beating so fast as she walks towards Jungkook that she almost knocks into someone. she apologises and before she knows it, she's stood in front of him.

Sahar doesn't know what to do. she feels so bad. a part of her wants to just wrap her arms around his body, apologise and cry it all out. she just wants her normal life back..."i'm-"

Jungkook stares. "let's just be here." is how he responds as he opens his arm, bringing her into his warm, safe and reliant embrace. she buries her head in his chest as he hugs her closer than ever and she clutches his flannel shirt. his words and touch bring comfort to her at a much needed time.

"it's going to be okay." Jungkook says in a slight whisper. Sahar sighs. "i'll still love you it's okay." they unconsciously sway in each other's hold.

"you're not supposed to say that." Sahar looks up at him, eyes lifting up with sorrow as she pushes his soft hair back. you're the one who taught me to know my own worth.

Jungkook simply smiles. he seems sad too. he caresses the side of Sahar's face and presses a sweet peck to her lips- not lasting too long.

Sahar is frustrated now. say the words Jungkook. i just want us to be happy and permanent.

"Jungkook i-" they stare at each other.

"i'm a lesbian."

//

sahar is my spirit animal