KHUSHI'S POV

It had been two months since Arnav and I broke up, it was really difficult at first, of course it had to be, it was my first ever relationship, it was the first time that I had trusted someone enough to give him my heart, so it wasn't easy.

My routine was to go to college, study, go to the echo point until late at night then I'd head home, and sleep. The only place that gave me peace was the echo point so I made sure to go there daily, I'd sit alone and try to make myself calm.

Some days were easier, some days were difficult and on some days I ended up breaking down and crying, something I never thought I'd do. I was always so strong, I rarely cried but this had really broken me.

All I could think of was how Arnav played games with me, and how he even had the courage to do so with me despite me telling him about my childhood, I couldn't get it, how could he have been so heartless?

But as days kept passing by, I was starting to be at peace with everything, because clearly I had tried fighting with him, I had tried being rude, and almost beat him up too but none of it brought me peace than just sitting here alone and trying to calm myself down.

Arnav on the other side was become irritating by the day, I mean here I was trying to get my life back on track and he just wouldn't stop trying.

I mean this guy dint want to give up at all, just because I was rude and everything he did stop bothering me, he wouldn't talk to me in the university, he would always change ways when he saw and actually dint bother me much, but then every day at night, he would come and sit outside my house and wouldn't leave until morning, hoping that I would talk to him.

For two months, he came here continuously, each and every day, there were a few days where he got sick too but I tried not to let it affect me I was just as stubborn as him, I dint want to talk to him, but he wouldn't just stop coming over, even after my dad threatened him to call the cops, even after the girls talked to him, and even after Zion tried to tell him that I would never forgive him, he still kept on coming.

I guess he must have watched a lot of the cliché romantic movies so he believed life was like those movies, he thought if he kept doing things like this I was going to melt and forgive him or something which wasn't going to happen for sure.

I was seated in my room as usual reading as exams were close and that's when it suddenly started raining, I quickly jumped off my bed and looked outside through the window, and there he was, seated outside getting drenched in the rain.

Why was it so hard to for him to get such a simple thing? I was never going to be with him, no matter what. He should have known how to keep me when I was with him, now it was too late to have me back.

I wasn't heartless, I did get that he was regretting what he did, and he had apologized so many times but I just couldn't be with him again, I wish he could understand that and stop hurting the both of us continuously by doing things like this.

In the past two months I did realize that whatever he felt for me was true, that like he said, he did end up falling in love with me, but that wasn't enough for me to get back to him, I guess nothing was ever going to be enough anymore.

I sighed as I headed to get an umbrella then walked out of the house, he smiled as soon as he saw me walking out, maybe he was thinking that I finally decided to forgive him, well that wasn't the case here.

"Go home Arnav." I said as I stopped close to him covering him with the umbrella so he wouldn't get rained on.

"You still love me Khushi, you still care for me, so why can't we get past this?" he asked. I looked at him blankly, why was it difficult to understand that love was in its own place and my freaking self-respect was in its own place?

"You are right Arnav, I love you, I still do, maybe I always will but that doesn't mean I would get back with you. Look I've done all I could, I've been angry on you, I've tried to beat you up but you are too stubborn to give up.

When I found out about the bet in the beginning, I was so angry Arnav, but now I am no more angry, it has taught me a lesson and I have learnt it and I know the only way to deal with this is by staying calm.

If I am here today talking to you calmly and still caring about you after what you did, it's only because I love you, but get this in your head Arnav, I would never get back with you, and I mean it, so please don't bring my love in between this." I said. He looked at me silently for a moment and dint say anything, so I decided to leave.

"Go home Arnav, and stop coming here and torturing me this way." I said as I turned around to leave.

"Once you asked me a question Khushi, I'll repeat the same question for you today, if this is love, what does it mean to you?" I stopped and turned to look at him, I inhaled a deep breath, walked back to him and stood face to face with him so I could solve this issue for once and for all.

"I don't know Arnav, I don't know what love means but I'm sure it has no more meaning than me valuing it over my self-respect."

"So you want to tell me love has no meaning to you? All this that has been between us or is still between us doesn't mean a thing to you?"

"Maybe it does, love to me means you because I've never loved anyone before, not this way at least, but staying with you because I love you also means not respecting myself, so if I have to choose between you and myself, I'll choose myself Arnav, every time, because I can't love you if I don't love myself enough and anyone who loves themselves will surely walk away from such kind of a relationship.

Don't you see it Arnav, whatever that's between us is so toxic, do I need to give you a list of all the wrong things you've done to me? I'm not saying that I'm a saint and I haven't done anything wrong, I've made mistakes too but unlike you I dint doubt your character, I dint think you were sleeping around with my best friend, I dint call you characterless, I dint kiss someone else in front of you and acted like it was normal and most of all, I dint bet to take you to my bed!

You have to understand this Arnav, you can't dictate my life, you can't decide to play games with my life like I'm some sort of a toy okay? The moment you took up that bet, you decided that I was a puppet in your life and you could make me dance however way you want so this is me showing you that I am not a puppet, I wouldn't let you play with my life, I will live my life on my own terms.

Don't you see it Arnav? Don't you see how toxic you are to me? How many times have I tried to come to terms with you? How many times have I tried to make this relationship work? To make us work? But I can't do that anymore, because this time the question is about me, I have never tolerated shit, but I did that, so many times, for you which I shouldn't have, because me tolerating shit from you just taught you that I would keep doing that and you just kept on thinking, oh she loves me, no matter what I will do, she would still end up coming back to me. This time nothing like that is going to happen Arnav, so wake up and face the reality, Khushi is gone from your life and she isn't coming back no matter what." I said, still trying to be calm, because I was done being angry and it wasn't helping so maybe being calm would.

"Just close your eyes for once and think about it all Arnav, look at the way you've treated me, you've disrespected me a lot of times, and I still forgave you.

I forgave you that time, why? Because I loved you. I forgave you when you even told me that I was sleeping with Stefan didn't I? I forgave you when you kissed a girl in front of me, why do you think I did all that? Because of this love that I have for you, but I can't do it anymore Arnav, if this is a war between love and my self-respect I have made my decision, I don't need a love where I can't respect myself.

This is the last time I am explaining things to you Arnav, because I am tired of all this, I just need peace and I'll get it when you leave me alone, you also know I deserve you to leave me alone." I looked at him feeling defeated.

"I know Khushi, I know I was wrong but I still love you, please believe me when I say, yes there was a bet, but I did fall in love with you, this feelings I am feeling right now are real."

"I believe you Arnav, I know you wouldn't come here every day if you dint feel for me, so I do know that you love me, but you know was Arnav? So does Stefan, Look at him, he's not here begging me to love him, do you know why Arnav? Because he respects my decisions unlike you who just wanted to take me to his bed for a bet, you dint even respect me let alone respecting my decisions.

I shouldn't be saying this but you made me say it, if it was in my hands Arnav, I would rather have fallen for Stefan than you, he was the guy I was supposed to love, because he wasn't a jerk, he dint treat me like crap, he dint bet over me, he always respected me, he was proud that I was such a strong girl that could beat up a guy instead of thinking that my strength would hurt his manly ego.

But the heart wants what it wants, and my heart chose you Arnav, despite you being a jerk, despite you disrespecting me so many times, it's funny isn't it, how we girls always go for the jerks even when we could choose the good guy instead? But now I've decided not to listen to it anymore, I might have fallen for you, but staying or not staying with you is my decision and I have decided not to be with you.

So for the last time Arnav, I am not getting back with you no matter what and if you really love me like you say, for this one time, try this thing called respect, respect my decision and let me go because you know I will be happy that way.

For once Arnav, just for once, love me like I deserve to be loved." I looked at him sadly, he inhaled a deep breath and then nodded.

"You are right Khushi, I will let you go." He said.

"But before that, I know we can't ever be together again, and I will come to terms with that one day hopefully, but can we at least remain friends?" He asked.

"I don't have an answer to that right now Arnav, I don't even know if I want to be friends with you, but if someday I think of it, I'll let you know."

"So this is it? This is how we say goodbye?" he looked at me with his moist eyes, I knew he was about to cry, it was painful for the both of us, because no matter what, we still did love each other.

"Yes Arnav, this is goodbye." I nodded.

"It was nice meeting you Khushi." He said as he held out his hand, I shook his hand as mine trembled, I don't even know why, but maybe because I knew this was the end of something that I thought was going to be beautiful.

"Same here Arnav." I said, and just at the moment before I turned to walk away from him, I saw tears dropping down his eyes, and as much as I wanted to wipe them off, I knew that was no more my place, so I just walked away and headed back inside my house.

When I reached in my room, I looked outside through the window, and he was no more there, he was gone.

Amy Dunne in gone girl said that 'when two people love each other and they can't make it work, that's the real tragedy.' I felt those words right now. I felt them so badly.