Y   V   A   N

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Jealousy spread throughout my body. I was jealous that Sam and her girlfried was out and about. I was jealous of their courage and bravery to face the world. . . I was jealous of what they had. I wanted that, but as I'd said, I was nothing but a coward.

"Your girlfriend?" I asked. "Wait you mean you're--"

"Gay? Yes," she answered. "And we're proud of it." She linked her elbow with her girlfriend's and the two girls smiled.

I couldn't help but ask, "H-how? How did you come out? What happened?"

I didn't realise I was firing a bunch of questions in a row when Sam raised her palm and stopped me, "Woah, slow down. And what's with the questions?"

My face went crimson red and I quickly looked down, embarrassed.

Sam gasped. "Oh my God! Are you--"

"What? Nooo," I laughed it off, but it was slowly killing me on the inside. How the hell did Sam knew? We just met a few minutes ago and she could already see right through me! So much for concealing. "I'm just curious, y'know?"

Sam raised a brow. "Yvan. You're in denial."

The three of us went to sit at a table. The alumni started off her story on how she dealt with this so called 'confusion', or a phase as most people classified it as. For months she had tried to convince herself that it was a phase, that being gay was a sin.

When she said that, something rose in me, something that I had felt many times. I could relate to her, somehow.

Then she went about how she and her girlfriend, Hayley now that I'd been introduced to, met. They were friends at first. One day, she suddenly felt a pull towards Hayley and she didn't understand why, just like how I felt towards Luke. And at the thought of the memory, pain rushed back in.

Sam tried to convinced herself that it was just a 'I like her as a friend' thing but clearly it was not. When she figured out that it wasn't just some 'phase', she decided to accept who she was. And in her words, "The hardest part about coming out, is coming out to yourself."

I nodded to them and myself, thinking about the time I had finally accepted myself for who I was and told Luke about it. That was when we got together.

She then continued with her coming out story. After she had accepted herself, she thought it was time she let her friends and family know. Sam got lucky. It wasn't as awful. Even though one of her friends didn't accept her because he was taught to believe that it was a sin, they were still friends up to this day.

A tear rolled down her face when she talked about coming out her family. I thought it went bad and I took back my thoughts when a smile appeared. Her grandmother was the only family she had left. Her parents disowned her after revealing that she liked girls.

"I am so sorry to hear that," I said.

Sam shook her head. "It's okay."

Thankfully, her grandmother was more open minded than her parents. When she was thrown to her grandmother's doorstep, her grandmother took her in and took care of her. She gave the love that Sam needed. She accepted her and was very proud of her granddaughter.

Happy tears rolled down her face and I could feel some in my eyes, ready to flow down. Hayley pulled her into a warm embrace and kissed her cheek. In a way, I felt bad. I didn't mean for all this to happen. This was also the first time seeing Sam cry. Quickly unzipping my bag, I took out a packet of tissue and handed it to Sam.

Then, Hayley took over. She went over to the part where she and Sam got together. An anonymous letter was sent to her. It was found in her bag after a GCSE paper. Letters after letters came after each paper and she didn't know who was the one doing it. But in those letters, there were clues on who the mystery sender was.

Hayley was quite shocked to find out that it had been her friend all along. When she confronted Sam about it, Sam ran away.

Sam laughed at the memory. "I didn't think someone as dumb as you would figure it out," she joked and Hayley pushed her lightly in a playful manner.

"Just because I don't get As like you doesn't mean I'm dumb, okay?" she countered and rolled her eyes. "And I didn't think someone as smart as you would be dumb enough to run away from her crush."

"Touché,"

Looking at them together, I wished I could have something like them one day. Just seeing them like this out in public, being free and being themselves, it made me feel like this is possible. That one day, I would have what they have.

When they finally wrapped up the story, Sam looked at me dead in the eye.

"Now, your turn," she said. "Is there something you want to tell us?"

I hesitated on whether or not I should tell them. I ended up telling them anyway.

"What?" Sam asked in disbelief. "You were with Luke?"

"Yeah funny story actually. But now, I have another problem," I said. "It's Matt."

"Okay. . . What about it him?"

"I think I kind of, maybe, like him. I don't know!" my arms flailed and I sighed in defeat. "He's also the number one homophobe I know. Plus, he has a girlfriend."

"You mean Jo?" she scoffed and I nodded. "I knew the two would get together."

"Homophobe, huh?" Hayley chimed in. "You know, I used to be agaisnt gay activity," she said and turned to Sam. Sam nodded. "If I, a person who had always hated gays, can change and actually be in a gay relationship," she gestured to the both of them. "Pretty sure he can change too."

My brows raised. "You sure?"

"I don't see why not," Hayley shrugged.

"Speak of the devil," Sam uttered as she narrowed her eyes at the boy. Looking in her green eyes, I thought, man, Matt must've done something terrible to earn the hate of even Kara's sister.

Or maybe that they have always hated each other since last year when things went bad between the two of them right before our performance was about to start. I shuddered at the thought of her using her the slide of her trombone to hit Matt in the head that night. For a senior, I expected better from her but I guessed anger got the best of her.

"What are you doing here?" was what Matt said when he reached the table, spite in his words.