Messenger
ERPS BALITA

Ryker:
may balita guys

Eastre:
Let me guess
She doesn't feel the same?

Cal:
Weh ba?
Para namang hindi. No'ng unang meet natin parang hinuhubaran na n'ya si Ryker sa isip n'ya eh.
Hindi pa ba mahal kapag gano'n, erps? 😔

Ryker:
ganyan din ako sa kanya eh hihi

me kay ziah

Eastre:
FUCKER

Ryker:
siguro nga totoo ang mga sabi-sabi
katawan ko lang ang habol nya :(

Eastre:
Parang gago haha 😭

Ryker:
NOOO she said the same thing!
ganyan na ganyan yung sinabi nya nung sinabi ko mahal ko siya; sabi nya para raw akong gago 😭😭😭
Ryker Adeva left the group

Eastre:
Huh
You're still here?
Anong left ka dyan?

Ryker:
iimagine nyo na lang
baka di nyo na ako ibalik eh 🥺

Eastre:
But maybe you're confusing her
Kasi di ba, hindi naman iyan ang unang usapan n'yo? try to do it slow, baka kasi nabibigla siya?

Ryker:
eh erps paano kung faster ang default na sinasabi ni aziah

Eastre:
Eh erps putangina mo pala
WHY WOULD YOU NEED TO SAY THAT 😭

Cal:
Hehe saan sinasabi  🤓

Ryker:
ewan ko sayo, cal!
prayers na lang talaga para sa babae mo kasi baka habang nasa kama kayo, tinatanong mo kung anong preferred nyang position 👹

Cal:
Bawal ba iyon? Hehe 🥹

Eastre:
Pleaseeee
Just let have a new cof 😭🙏

#####

Chapter 21

The word heartbroken has been replaced by the presence of a sulking Ryker Miguel Adeva. His eyes were puffy, as if he watched a coming-of-age story where the main lead died just after achieving his dream. He lounged on our sofa while playing with Ryzi who was definitely siding with his father this time.

Sina-side eye ako ng isang aso! My god! As if he knows that it was my fault that his dad is crying like a child who didn't get any attention during his recognition day. Sising-sisi tuloy ako dahil parang kinukwento na ni Ryker kay Ryzi yung talambuhay n'ya at paano ko sinira ang mga plano n'ya sa buhay.

Napabuntonghininga ako at napapikit. Okay, my reaction was valid but the way I shouted it wasn't.

"Ry," I softly called.

"Hindi. . .okay lang," Ry answered abruptly. "Hindi mo naman. . .p'wede ka naman talaga hindi pumayag."

"Arf. . ." Ryzi looked at me with his eyes judging my presence. Itong aso na ito! Kanino ka tumatabi sa gabi, ha!? Porke't ang pagkain n'ya ay sponsored ng tatay n'ya.

Kulang na lang tumahol si Ryzi ng 'Hala ka, pinaiyak mo.'; I'm seriously being drowned in guilt as the time passed.

"I'm sorry. . ." I gnawed my lip as I went near Ryker. "It's not like you're not my type. Gwapo ka, matalino, marunong rumespeto—"

"Idagdag mo mabait," utos ni Ryker.

Umirap naman ako. "Fine, mabait. Pero. . .are you serious with me?"

A relationship with someone I want to cherish more makes me scared. It's like putting a foot inside a coffin; I was preparing for my own demise.

"Oo," he looked at me, his eyes were still red on the sides because of crying. "I know it's a bit too fast for you, pero handa naman ako maghintay. Hindi naman ako nagmamadali. But I want to put it out there; mahal kita, Ziah."

I looked down as the words floated amidst my mind. C'Mon, Zi! This isn't supposed to make you tremble at all. He wasn't the first playboy who fell for you. . .but he's the first playboy that your heart is craving for.

"Pagiisipan ko. . ." mahinang saad ko. "Hindi ko naman sinasabi na wala kang pag-asa sa akin. It's just. . .a relationship is something serious, okay? Kaya pagiisipan ko."

He squealed, his eyes turned into slits as the smile coasted all over his face. Niyakap n'ya ako nang mahigpit. I choked on my own saliva because of the tightness.

"Magiging boyfriend ako ni kulot!"

"Ano ba, Ryker! Pagiisipan ko nga!" sigaw ko sa kan'ya. Pinipilit na hindi ngumiti.

"Bakit ba palagi kang galit, Ziah?" Halakhak ni Mama na nasa kusina ngayon. "Kanina pang umaga nandito si Ryker at di mapakali. Akala ko nga nabuntis ka na at pa-gender reveal na ang mayroon."

"Ma, mukha bang may bata sa tyan ko?!" I hissed at her and pointed at my tummy. Flat na flat nga! Kung may bilbil man, isang layer lang! Nakatago pa!

"Mama, nasa waiting list ako sa Ziah University!" anunsyo ni Ryker na tuwang-tuwa dahil kahit paano ay hindi ko naman sinabing wala siyang pag-asa sa akin.

Napailing na lang ako sa kan'ya. Why is he so happy? Sobrang bare minimum.

"Parang ewan," I sneered at him. "Hindi ka pa nga hinahayaan na ligawan ako!"

"Pero. . .p'wede 'di ba? Kapag ready ka na?" His eyes twinkled. "It meant a lot to me that you're imagining the possibility of us together. Sobra na iyon para sa akin."

My heart. . .reacted erratically. My pulse started to race as soon as I saw his features slowly turning soft. Right then and there, I wanted to kiss him and make him mine.

But I can't.

Love was that dangerous ride in the amusement park. You look at it and you immediately conclude that all it will bring you is the nauseating feeling of never riding it again. It makes all the strong bones in your body as weak as it can be. It turns your fears into reality by masking itself as a beautiful dream.

What scares me most is that I was willing to go on that ride with him—Ryker. Napapikit ako habang pilit na pinapakalma ang naghuhuramentadong puso.

Nasa dining room kami ngayon, nagdala ng pagkain si Ryker at nagluto naman si Mama upang pangdagdag dito. Mama kept on asking Ryker about his life, busy naman si Ryzi kumain sa food bowl n'ya habang tumitingala sa amin minsan.

"Grabe, ang talino mo pala," Mama praised him. Umawang pa ang labi n'ya habang nakatingin kay Ryker.

Ryker blushed and shook his head. "Hindi po. Mahilig lang po talaga ako mag-aral kapag free time."

"Daming free time ah?" pangaasar ko kay Ryker.

Ryker shot me a look before turning his gaze back at my mother. Siguro ay ayaw n'yang aminin dito na sa free time n'ya ang ginagawa lang naman n'ya talaga ay pasayahin ako sa kama. I wouldn't buy that he's only studying in his free time yet I know he at least allocate an hour for him to study every day.

"Pagpatuloy mo lang yan," ngumiti si Mama kay Ryker. "Nakakatuwa dahil proud na proud siguro sa 'yo ang mga magulang mo."

"Bakit, ma? Sa akin ba, hindi ka proud?" pang-a-alaska ko kay Mama. "Sorry kung best in dancing lang ang dala kong award sa 'yo palagi?"

Tumawa si Mama at lumingon sa akin. "Ano ka ba, Ziah? Ang umuwi ka lang na hindi mukhang sinabunutan ay award na sa akin. I'm beyond blessed to have a daughter who would never let anyone trample on her."

"Magaling ka sumayaw?" bulong ni Ryker sa akin. Katabi ko lang kasi siya.

"Oo, bakit?"

"Sayawan mo nga ako," ngiting-aso n'ya.

Unti-unting tumayo ang gitnang daliri ko sa pagmumukha n'ya. Agad siyang humalakhak habang nakabusangot ako sa kan'ya.

"Lap dance lang eh," bulong n'ya. His lips protruded, halatang nagpapa-cute.

"Sige, sa birthday mo," pangaasar ko sa kan'ya.

He smiled, his smile reaching his eyes. Sumisingkit talaga ito nang walang ka-effort-effort kaya naman napatitig ako sa kan'ya. There's something about Ryker that makes you want to please him. . .para bang naabot mo na ang tuktok kapag napangiti mo siya.

"January nine, alright?" bulong n'ya sa akin. "Sa akin ka lang sa araw na iyon."

My chest heaved as soon as I could sense the sensuality of his voice. Tumango ako na para bang utos iyon at hindi request. I was a slave of his dominant side. I like Ryker when he wiggles his tail like a puppy but when he gets to be the one who leads? I'm fucking down on my knees!

"Running for laude ka ba, Ryker?" tanong ni Mama. "Wala namang pressure pero parang nakikita ko na kaya mo mag-latin honors."

Tumango si Ryker, "Second year pa lang po ako next year. So far, my grades are on par with those who were able to graduate with latin honors."

"M-mahalaga ba sa 'yo iyon?" tanong ko kay Ryker. I know that it is a merit and something that should be treasured, pero kinakabahan ako na baka nga ito ang isa sa mga dahilan bakit pudpod siya sa pagaaral.

He smiled and nodded. "Yes. My parents are expecting as well since I was always on the list of awardees."

Lalong bumunga ang kaba sa aking dibdib. Of course, it will matter to him. Kaya dapat ay gawan ko ng paraan upang mapatahimik si Kio. Hindi ko alam kung paano magsisimula pero kailangan kong mabura iyong video na nakikipagsuntukan si Ryker. Iyon lang naman ang tanging panglaban n'ya dahil alam ko na hindi magkukwento si Rome. He wouldn't dare embarrass himself in front of other people. Men and their ego, I guess?

"Sure naman akong makakapasok ka roon," Mama said. "Masipag ka eh."

"Sana nga po."

I could see the hopeful glint in his eyes. Gusto n'ya talagang makapasok sa latin honors. Kung magkakaroon siya ng record sa OSA, maaaring maging sagabal iyon sa pangarap n'ya. He's usually calm and level-headed, kaya kahit sino ay magtataka kung bakit siya nakipag-basag ulo sa isang public place pa talaga.

"Magkaka-latin honor ka," mahinang saad ko at unti-unting ngumiti sa kan'ya. "Ikaw pa ba?"

I will make sure of it.

Kaya naman nang dumating ang Lunes ay wala akong sinayang na panahon at kinausap ulit si Kio. He was beaming upon seeing me in their building. Lotte's face plastered a shock expression, hindi n'ya inaakala ang biglaang pagbisita ko.

I was fidgeting my finger. "Kio, about the video. Anong kailangan mo para i-delete?"

His smile widened. "I just want you to date me."

"What?"

"And break up with Adeva," he snickered. "That playboy is suspicious. Hindi ko alam bakit ikaw lang ang babaeng sinusundan n'ya ngayon. Siguro ay nagpapa-good shot sa 'yo. But I know boys like him, he would only hurt you. Ako? Hindi ko gagawin iyon sa 'yo."

Hinawakan n'ya pa ang mga kamay ko habang unti-unting lumapit sa akin. I felt every hair in my body raise because I was clearly alarmed by his movements.

"Walang kami ni Ryker," I told him. "Delete the video because I'm not even dating him."

He shrugged off. "I don't believe you, my Aziah. Hanggang hindi ko nakikita na ikaw mismo ang nakikipaghiwalay sa kan'ya, I'll always be reminded of your betrayal."

"I didn't betray you," I told him. "Wala naman kasi talagang tayo? And okay, I'm sorry for giving you false hopes. I know I shouldn't have done that. Alam ko rin na baka pinaasa nga talaga kita. Pero labas na rito si Ryker. If you want, ruin my reputation instead. Huwag lang si Ryker. . ."

I have nothing to lose, anyway. Pero si Ryker? He has his future ahead of him. Maganda ang imahe n'ya sa kaibigan, sa pamilya, at mismo sa paligid namin.

Umiling si Kio. "Break his heart or ruin his reputation, Aziah. Iyon lang ang pagpipilian mo."

I looked down at my feet as I trembled on the spot. Fuck it! I wanted to delete that video so bad! Bakit ba kasi nakipagsuntukan pa si Ryker? Bakit ba kasi nandoon si Kio? Bakit ba kasi mahal ko siya kaya nahihirapan akong mamili ngayon?

Ilang araw kong hindi pinansin si Ryker; he would visit often but I would fake sickness, go to a nearby mall, or even lock the door in my room so we won't talk to each other. The guilt was crippling me.

Para sa iba. . .latin honors lang iyon. Hindi iyon magagamit kapag hindi ka naman na fresh graduate dahil work experience na ang titingnan sa 'yo. It has its perks but it doesn't mean it would be used in the long haul. Yet, the title would always be associated with you.

Tinawag ko si Ryker nang magkaroon kami ng vacant period. I was near the railings as I looked at the sky, the sun was bright as it casted its light on me. Napapikit ako at na-imagine ko na ang magiging reaksyon ni Ryker. He would find another girl. . .in a week or two, I guess.

Hindi ako magiging kawalan sa kan'ya.

"Aziah," Ryker called me as soon as he arrived.

Lumingon ako sa kan'ya. I looked at him and was able to observe that he grew thin in just a week. The skin underneath his eyes had a tint of black on them. He wetted his lips as he tried to look at me.

"May problema ba?" tanong n'ya.

"I want you to stop. . .your feelings for me," sabi ko sa kan'ya.

"What?" His jaw clenched. "You've stopped talking to me for almost a week—just to say this?"

"I've figured that you'll. . .magsasawa ka rin sa akin."

"Hindi," diretsang sagot n'ya. "Ikaw lang mahal ko."

"You'll grew tired of my stubbornness," I spat out.

"I like that about you," his lips gently showed a smile. "Your fiery comments and your ability to show who you really are despite what others may say makes you attractive, ziah."

"There are other girls there," I gulped down.

"They're not you," anas ni Ryker. Lumapit siya sa akin upang yakapin ako. "Miss na miss na kita. I know that I can't erase my past but you made me have better perspectives when it comes to relationships. Seryoso ako sa 'yo, Ziah. Naipakilala na nga kita sa Lolo at Lola ko."

"What the fuck?! Nasaan ang Lolo at Lola mo!?" I hissed at him.

"Sa kabaong. . ." he said with his puppy eyes being activated. "Hindi na sila nakasagot kasi mahina yata signal sa heaven pero approved ka naman sa kanila, Ziah."

"Gago!"

"And I want you to meet my parents! Si Audrey rin. . .gusto ka makausap," he smiled at me.

I bit my lip. "Ryker. . .this won't work."

"Sabihin mo lang na hindi mo ako mahal. . ." anas n'ya. "Titigilan kita, Ziah."

Umangat ang tingin ko sa kan'ya. His eyes were turning red on the sides, the tears were pooling on his eyelids. Umiiyak siya sa akin ngayon.

Dati, achievement para sa akin ang magpa-iyak ng isang playboy. Yet now, I wanted to cry as well as soon as I saw his tears.

"I'll b-be good, Ziah," he cried as he told me those words. "I won't go clubbing anymore. I'll always be with you. Ipipilit ko na maging magka-section tayo next school year. I promised that I'll try to be the best boyfriend—fuck it, I'll be the best boyfriend that you'll ever had. . ." halos magmakaawa ang tono n'ya. His adam's apple were moving.

"Ryker. . ."

He started to kiss my hands, his tears staining on the back of my palm.

"Ziah. . .sabihin mo lang na mahal mo ako. . .just please, give me a chance," humihikbing saad n'ya.

Napupuno na ng mga mata sa paligid namin. Some of them were already aware of who Ryker was. . .kaya labis ang pagtataka nila kung bakit siya umiiyak ngayon sa akin.

"Tu. . ." Tumahan ka na. I bit my lips to suppress those words because I saw Kio looking at us. Inangat n'ya ang cellphone n'ya, a clear reminder of what he was capable of.

He was pouring his heart out. . .and I was planning on breaking it in front of him.

"Tumigil ka na," matigas na sabi ko kay Ryker at marahas na binitawan ang mga kamay n'ya. "Hindi kita mahal, Ryker. Okay na ba? P'wede mo na ba ako tigilan?"