to kath,

Warning: slightly explicit scenes ahead.
*****

Chapter 25

Messenger
ERPS DIARY

Eastre:

Never fails to make me laugh 🤣

Ryker:
bida na naman ako sa saya mo ah

Iscaleon:
Why rideryker though?

Ryker:
"naging sasakyan pa ako
kung di mo naman ako sasakyan🥺"
para may pick up line na agad ako
😭2

Iscaleon:
Why is it so easy for
you to get girls?

Ryker:
what
like its hard???
👎2

Eastre:
prayer circle:

                    🕯      🕯
           🕯                        🕯
                MA-GHOST
      🕯     SI RYKER           🕯

           🕯                        🕯
                    🕯      🕯

Iscaleon:
Manifesting! ✨

Ryker:
wtf so mean ☹️
anw maganda pala
yung celest mo

Iscaleon:
I told you. 🥹🫶🏻

Ryker:
makes me wonder if i
should pretend to be a soft boy too
tapos i-hard fuck ko na lang after

gulatin ko sila
😭2

i call it cal technique

Eastre:
Itigil na please haha
I'm sorry for laughing, cal
This conversation would
put me in hell 😵‍💫

Iscaleon:
I'm not like that. 😔

Ryker:
weh hahahaha

Eastre:
Weh hahahaha (2)

*****
Chapter 25

My head was spinning, almost as if it was played like a ball last night. Hindi madala sa pagpikit ng mata ang sakit. Sa pamilyar na amoy ni Iscaleon ako nagising kaya naman kahit blurred ang mga alaala ko kagabi, alam kong kasama ko siya. The ache on my head was banging loudly that my temples couldn't help but frown. I stood inevitably as I could feel my pulse slowly racing.

I wouldn't want to drink again. Mabilis man mawala yung tama ko, mabilis din ako malasing.

Buti na lang wala na agad sa sistema ko yung alak. Nakakahiya naman kung sumusuka ako habang pauwi!

Kinapa ko ang gilid ng kama upang tingnan kung nandoon ba ang cellphone ko pero napagtantuan kong may nakatingin sa akin mula sa di kalayuan. I swallowed the bile on my throat as I tilted my head to face his direction.

He was sitting comfortably on one of his cushioned couches. Nakatingin lang siya sa akin nang diretso, his head was resting on his index fingers as if he was thinking if he should do something to me. . .for causing a lot last night. Halata na walang tulog si Cal dahil sa namumungay na mga mata. The sleepless night caused him to have this air that makes me tremble a bit.

Ang sungit n'ya kasi tingnan.

"Good morning," nahihiyang sabi ko sa kan'ya. Bahagyang napayuko dahil hindi alam kung ano ang pinaggagawa kagabi.

There were purplish shadows underneath his eyes as he boredly glanced at me. Unti-unti siyang napatayo at lumapit sa akin. Hindi ko alam bakit nagtahip ang dibdib ko sa kaba. I never thought that I would recoil back against him. Madalas ako ang umaariba, hindi naman siya! So, the sudden change of scenario was a punch in the gut.

"You sober yet?" he asked, his voice was a bit husky. Paos siguro dahil sa pagod o kung ano.

"Y-yes," I nodded, a bit afraid of the possibility of Iscaleon lashing out at me. "Sorry sa abala kagabi, Iscaleon."

Alam ko naman na pinagod ko siya kagabi! It was one of the reasons why Micah and Diana allowed me not to drink that much. If I drink beyond my usual limit, makulit daw talaga ako. As in, super duper kulit!

"Good," his knees touched the edge of the bed as he slowly went near me. "Can I kiss you?"

"What—"

"I'm asking, if I can kiss you?" seryosong tanong n'ya habang unti-unting lumalapit nang lumalapit.

"Wala pa akong toothbrush—"

"Can I kiss you, Celest Haeia?" he asked, a bit more intense than before.

Napalunok naman ako dahil—ano kaya ang ginawa ko kagabi dahil bakit parang nasa alternative reality ako? Iscaleon would never dare ask this question! Takot nga yun gapangin ko siya eh! Tapos biglang may pa-ganito?!

"I. . ." I bit my lower lip then slowly nodded. "Yes."

A small smile gradually materialized in his handsome face. His hand gradually found its way to my head, angling me to face him. His fingers at the hinges of my jaw as he closes his eyes to land a soft kiss on my lips. Napapikit na lang din ako habang naghahalikan kami. His lips crashed on mine as if they had magnets on it. Each time I would pull away to get some air, he would immediately catch my lips once again.

Bahagya akong nagulat nang unti-unting bumaba ang mga kamay n'ya patungo sa shirt na suot ko. He peeled the shirt upwards and the only break that our lips had was because I had to pull away once again when he completely removed it. Naliliyo ako sa paraan ng mga halik n'ya. Hindi ko na naisip na halos kalahati na lang ang suot ko ngayon.

"You asked me. . .last night," he rasped while we were still kissing. I rested my elbows on his shoulder blades as our kisses deepened. He pushed me back on the headrest of the bed. It's unfair that he's still fully cloth but I'm slowly losing my sanity here.

"Ah," I whimpered against his lips. "I don't. . .remember. . ."

"For a kiss," he said gradually. He stole another peck from my lips.

"Sex yata hiningi ko n'on," I pretended that I remember. Tangina naman ni Celest kagabi! Mali-mali ang hiningi! Di man lang inayos! Kaasar!

"Kiss lang."

"Mas marunong ka pa sa lasing, Cal," I hissed at him, we locked gazes at each other.

Bahagya siyang natawa. His manly laugh reverberated in my ears. He started to kiss my shoulder, tickling me in the process.

"I love you, Celest," he said while trailing kisses on my shoulders up to my neck. I can't help but release short and small moans in the process. Lalo na nang maramdaman ang kamay n'ya sa tyan ko. He was trying to unbutton my shorts.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit parang naluluha ako dahil sa kan'ya. Is this still part of the act? Is he just trying to keep up with his promise as a fake boyfriend?

"I love you. . ." I murmured as I swallowed hard. "Cal."

"I can't hear you," he nibbled on my ear as I felt his hands completely unclasping the button on my shorts.

"I. . ." I whimpered against his skin as I felt him slowly taking over me.

"Make it louder," he teased as he was pulling my shorts downward. "If you can't make it louder, titigil ako, Cel."

"G-gago!?"

"I'll stop here. . ." he looked at me, his eyes dark and intense. Nakita ko na binabawi na n'ya yung kamay. 

"No, wait, shit!" I groaned as I grabbed his hand. "I love you, Iscaleon! I love you! I love you! Pota ka, huwag ka titigil!"

"Really?" He faked a surprise look. Nanglalaki ang mga mata at tuwang-tuwa pa. Putangina nito eh!

"Yes. . ." nahihiyang nag-iwas ako ng tingin. "Don't stop, please."

"Okay," he kissed me on my temples as I felt his hand slowly find its way to my right breast. I moaned in the process. "My parents raised me as someone who follows orders, after all."

*****

"Lasingin n'yo nga ulit ako," ngiting-ngiti kong sabi. Micah and Diana looked at me with confused expressions. Hanggang sa nanglaki ang mga mata ni Micah.

"May dilig?!"

"Tangina ka? Habang lasing?" Nanglaki ang mga mata ni Diana at halatang ready na ako pagalitan.

"No!" I shook my head. "He had my consent and I wasn't drunk anymore."

"So? May pumasok bang zombie sa garden mo?" asar ni Micah.

"Muntik lang!" I pouted as I rested my head on the table. "Di ako na-penetrate kasi biglang may dumating na delivery ng food! Nag-order pala si Cal, nawala sa isip n'ya. Sayang talaga. Pero masarap yung in-order n'ya, infairness."

We made out yesterday. Heavy and intense make out! Hindi ko alam ang tawag sa base na yun pero lumalamang na ako sa mga kiss lang ang nadama sa mga jowa nila. Cal was amazing during that time; he made me feel that my body was ethereal, akala ko talaga kapag gano'n ay magkakaroon ng hiya moments pero mas marami yata ang bilang ko sa ungol ko eh. He never made me feel that he didn't like what he saw.

He kept mumbling that he loves me as he caressed every part of my body last night.

Gano'n pala talaga mga mahihiyain, wild kung wild talaga.

"Boyfriend mo na ba siya, Celest?" tanong ni Diana sa akin. "I just hope you don't pressure yourself too much. After college, mas marami pa namang lalaki kung sakali."

Napangiwi ako. I heard that plenty of times already! Halos parang motto na nga 'yan eh. There will be better guys after elementary, after junior highschool, after senior highschool and now after college? Aba naman, baka hanggang afterlife na ako makahanap n'yan.

"Boyfriend ko na yata. . ." I sighed out loud, remembering our arrangements. "Hindi ko kasi talaga alam eh."

"Baka situationship 'yan," Micah snapped her fingers in front of our faces.

"What do you mean by 'situationship'?" Nangunot ang noo ko sa kan'ya.

"It's like kayo pero di kayo," halakhak ni Micah at humilig kay Diana na ngayon ay busy sa pagtipa sa kan'yang laptop. "Some people can't commit or don't want the responsibilities of a relationship. Kaya okay na sa sa landian part lang—the fun part lang. Anyway, as your friend, I don't recommend it. Lalo ka na, Celest. You tend to give your all when you love someone."

"Hindi naman masama magbigay nang bukal sa puso 'di ba?" depensa ko sa sarili.

"Hindi, syempre," Micah shrugged off. "Pero masama na maghangad ng kapalit sa pagmamahal na ibibigay mo ng buo."

"Masama ba yun?"

"Even in businesses, Cel." Micah pursed her lips. "Only invest a percentage that you can afford to lose."

*****

I was lost in that thought as it unraveled the truth in my face. Kapag ba may 'I love you' na, ibig sabihin n'on nasa serious stage na kami? Pero hindi pa ba kami seryoso sa isa't isa?

Hindi ko naman nararamdaman na wala lang ito kay Iscaleon. It is just there's no verbal confirmation from him. . .kung ano ba talaga kami; kaya naman nandito ako ngayon sa kama ko at di mapakali. I know that he's shy and as his first 'girlfriend', I also know that we're both walking on egg shells whenever we're together.

Sinilip ko ang mga messages n'ya sa akin at nakitang may bago siyang s-in-end sa akin. Out of curiousity, I clicked on his message abruptly.

Cal:

I kind of look like this.

Celest:
TARANTADO HAHAHAHAHA

Left boobies naman next pls

Iscaleon:
Wala akong nababasa. 🧌

Napangiti ako.

Masaya naman kami ngayon. . .so why should I fear the future? It was what I thought. Because in the end, repressed emotions over a course of time would only lead to permanent actions that would haunt you for life.