[Sean's P.O.V]
I didn't actually turn off my phone, I just set it down. I really did want Mark to bother me because it kept the fact that someone cares about me in my mind. But he sent one more text. Just one.

Ugh. Why did I fall in love with him. It put the thought in my mind that falling in love was bad. It made me think that if I got into a relationship with Mark, that it would turn out the same way. Me getting my heart ripped out and thrown in the trash.

If only Sean knew that Mark was digging through that garbage to find it and give it back to Sean.

If only.
If only.

I ran up to my room and started to clean up everything. I clean when I'm stressed. I hadn't gone under my bed in ages, so I decided to look under there and clean it out. I reached my arm under and right away grabbed a little box. One that was about the size of my hand.

"What's this?" I pulled the box out and looked at it. On the front it said in bold letters,

❤️ Sean + Felix ❤️

Oh god... I remember this box... This is the box that I made when I first fell in love with him. I slowly opened the box to see a bunch of pictures that we took and a folded up piece of paper. I glanced at the pictures and started to tear up.

It all hurt so much. The way that he got me to fall in love with him and then completely destroy my heart and trust. I just grabbed the paper, closed the box, and shoved the box under the bed.

The words on the front side of the paper were,

Read in the future when ready.

I carefully opened the paper and saw the whole page filled with words. I sighed and began to read it.

Ok well this is just kinda weird. I'm not really used to writing down all of my thoughts, but I really don't have anyone to talk to, and I need to tell at least someone about what's going on. People say that writing down your thoughts is like writing a letter to someone that's going to receive this letter and read all of it. They say that it should make you feel heard. But I don't want to be heard. I want to be listened to. There's a big difference between hearing and listening. You hear everything but you don't always listen to everything. Felix heard me. But he never listened to me. That son of a bitch broke my heart. I don't trust anyone anymore and it's all because of him. That one popular guy named Mark is kinda hot but I bet that he's just like every other popular kid. I get flustered easily and whenever our eyes lock contact everything in the moment just freezes. My ocean blue eyes staring into his chocolate brown ones. God I kinda wish that he was gay like me. I love the way that his raven black hair is all poofy on the top. I'm ranting to much... I really need to stop fantasizing about him because There's no way that we would actually be a thing one day. Ugh. I hate the reality of that. We would be so perfect for each other! If only Felix didn't ruin my trust and happiness. That's enough writing for now. Bye or whatever you say at the end of a journal.

I finished reading the paper, folded it back up and put it in my pocket. "Woah." Was all I said as I started off into nothing. I got up off of the ground and laid down on my bed. I started thinking of everything that's going on in the moment and take a step back.

I remembered how me and Mark shared our first kiss. How I forced him to get out on my house. How my mom died. How I was being bullied because I was gay and a 'slut'. How I was stuck in a quicksand depression that not even Mark could pull me out of. How I started cutting myself.

Cutting myself.

Cutting myself.

I forgot to do that today. I stood up and slowly walked to my bathroom, depressed as all hell. I pulled open the top drawer and took out the razor. I sighed as I started at the razor. I pulled up my sleeve and put the razor in the position to make the cut of the day.

I made the slash, soaking in all of the pain.

Why was I cursed with depression?

I asked my self as I was patting it down with a wet towel. I didn't realize that I got a little carried away and made a heart out of it.

~~~~~~~~~[Time Skip to Later]

I groggily woke from my nap. I rubbed my eyes and sat up. I grabbed my phone and clicked it on. My eyes quickly focused on a notification telling me that I had got message from Mark. I quickly opened up the message.

M:
Hey Sean, I know that you are probably not going to read this for a while but I just wanted to tell you that I care so much for you. I really do. Please believe me. I don't want to see you hurt so please don't cut yourself today because today is a reminder of our first kiss. Always remember that I really like and care about you. ❤️

So I messaged him back.

S:
Thanks Mark. I really like and care about you too. Also, too late on the cut... But I made it into a heart. ❤️

M:
Sean! No problem and I'm glad that we both feel the same way about each other. Also awe, I was hoping that you hadn't already. But at least it's a heart. Got to go ttyl Sean bye ❤️

S:
Ok bye Mark ❤️