~"Which girl is the right one, is the perfect one for me?
If I glance in her direction, will I know which one she'll be?"~

Brian didn't like her much.

Marion was without a doubt a beautiful girl, but that was sadly it what could be said about her. A good-looking accessory to go out with and show off. Brian could stand her as long as she wasn't talking or if they had sex, which was nowadays mainly the reason why he bothered with her. She was a distraction and nothing more. He knew the day would come he would even grow tired of sleeping with her and he wouldn't even miss her for a minute.

Some part of him knew it was low, but girls like her nearly asked to be treated that way. She had just been after him, because he was who he was and this might get her a headline. He couldn't understand why it mattered so much to her to be famous, but it was the only thing she ever talked about. To be a big star, to be featured in every magazine, to have people idolising her and so on. Brian had kind of lost the pleasure in it. At first the fame had been kind of exciting, but now most of it was just annoying and he was kind of thankful if somebody treated him like a normal person, especially a woman.

Most seemed to see in him more than he wanted to be. No matter what people liked to think, he didn't sleep with every single girl he met nor with everyone who liked him, or he probably would never get out of bed. Sometimes all Brian wanted was to have an interesting conversation, at least on some days. On others he was thankful for people like Marion, who just wanted to sleep with him, because of who he was. It was easier than a relationship, especially when he just wanted to forget his last one...

It still hurt to think about it and Brian wanted nothing more than to move on, but it was hard when the pain was still so fresh... Marion was a great distraction, a way to numb his feelings, but she was no remedy and would never be. Brian wanted a girl, who he could rely on and fully trust, who was intelligent, beautiful and of course knowledgeable about music. She shouldn't have a problem doing the household either, because Brian surely wasn't going to do it, not that he was old fashioned, he was only lazy. Obviously she needed to dress well too and his list went on. In other words, considering the expectations he had, Brian surely wasn't going to tie himself down anytime soon and especially not with somebody like Marion, who hardly knew what a guitar was, but until he found the right girl he could enjoy simpler things.

"Brian, would you please go with me to this club tonight? I heard there is supposed to be a very famous movie director and you know how much I would love to be an actor."

"I'm busy," Brian grumbled and rolled his eyes as he took a cigarette out of his package that lay on her nightstand before he lit it. She always requested things of him after they had sex as if he had to pay her back for her services, which was another thing he didn't like about her. If he wanted to pay for sex, he could just sleep with a prostitute and not a wannabe actress/model.

"You already said that last week!" She exclaimed and nestled herself into Brian's chest. He wanted to push her off very badly, get dressed and leave, but whatever relationship they had would be over then and even if Brian didn't care much about her, he liked sleeping with her.

"Please just this once and I know how to make it up to you," she nearly purred in his ear and her hand, which had previously been on his chest wandered lower and lower, drawing circles along his skin. He shuddered at the touch, even if Marion lacked a lot of things, she was determined at least and Brian certainly didn't mind her determination on that.

Her hand had nearly reached his abdomen, when it suggestively stopped. "So do we have a deal?"

"Sure."

Brian surely didn't want to accompany her, but keeping her around a while longer might not be that bad and as long as he hadn't grown tired of her, he surely could enjoy her advantages.

*

Marion's flat or at least what Brian had seen of it (He had mostly just been in her bedroom, the bath and the kitchen) was strangely tidy and in a way very homely, very unlike her. Brian couldn't picture her as a housewife or even cleaning, when she had more important matters to worry about like if her red hair was really an advantage or not. Marion liked to pretend it was natural, when it wasn't, but otherwise she couldn't have spent hours whining about it. She was clever enough to know to keep quiet around him or else Brian probably would have left her already.

For all he cared she could colour it purple, even if Brian loved fashion and shopping, he didn't want to spend hours and hours with silly chatter about it. He wanted something deeper, somebody he could discuss all kinds of matters with over a good cup of tea. Whenever he thought he had found somebody liked that, it had taken a bad turn for him and he was sick of it, which was definitely one of the reasons why he preferred to keep Marion around. She couldn't disappoint him, because he would never care more about her than the casual relationship they currently had. At least in that aspect she was comfortable.

Brian had just refilled his cup of tea and sat back down on the kitchen chair as she entered his view. The last time he had seen her she wasn't wearing much and she was hardly wearing any more now, but Brian supposed that was her plan to catch the director's eye. A low dress and a famous acquaintance could open doors, if you played your cards right.

"Is it okay, if my sister comes with us?" She asked and straightened her dress nearly as if she hoped to cover up more of her legs. If she had, she definitely had failed, the dress was still short, but Brian didn't care either way. Another thing caught his interest far more.

It was the first time he heard her say something about having a sister, but to be fair he hadn't asked her either. Usually Marion never needed an invitation to tell him about something, which was why this new piece of information threw Brian off. She had told him about everything, so why had she never mentioned her sister? Knowing Marion there probably was a very stupid explanation for it, one Brian probably didn't want to know.

He just shrugged and Marion went on talking about the movie director, movies in general and fame like she always was. Brian soon zoned out and just tiredly nodded from time to time while he enjoyed his tea.

Even though Marion didn't drink tea, her collection was nearly impressive and definitely a sign of good taste at least in his opinion and it made her chatter nearly bearable as well. He was looking outside the window at nothing in particular, just enjoying the sight and his cup of tea.

Those were the moments, when Brian wondered why he still bothered with Marion and hadn't already moved on to the next one. His reason for currently remaining at her side was the tea. He liked it a lot and of course he had asked her where she had bought it, but Marion didn't want to tell him or she really didn't know. Brian had already suspected a few times that she didn't live alone, but he had never asked and as far as he was concerned it wasn't his problem. Whoever lived with her was a woman, judging by the things they kept in the bathroom, so he didn't need to worry about a jealous husband and Marion probably was just afraid he would sleep with her.

And she wasn't so wrong.

Even though Brian had never met her, he already liked her more than Marion or at least he liked the things he thought belonged to her. The tea, the clean kitchen, the records, that obviously didn't belong to the girl that just listened to the radio and the guitar he had once seen in Marion's living room. Whoever it was she lived with, appealed to him more and he suspected she was good looking too or else Marion might have introduced them already, which made her only more tempting in his mind.

It was odd to think that he was interested in a person he had never met, but on the other hand there were tons of people out there that apparently liked him, who had never met him either. Maybe that wasn't so impossible after all.

"Are you listening to me?" Marion asked enraged. A frown visible on her forehead. She had told him once that she would love to have bangs, but they would make her face look fat. It had irritated him then and it still did now. Marion had so gentle traits, there was nothing even remotely chubby about her and still she had this stupid unbiased fear most woman seemed to have nowadays. "You weren't, were you?" Her voice had an annoyed edge to it and Brian felt more and more like just disappearing and never coming back.

"Does it matter? You always say the same things anyway," he mumbled and refilled his cup. It wasn't empty, but if she threw him out he could at least enjoy a last cup of it.

"I am not and you would know, if you listened to me!" She angrily huffed and Brian couldn't have cared less about her silly mood. "Forget about it I find somebody else to go with me! You obviously don't care!" She exclaimed and got out of the chair.

Brian raised his eyebrows surprised at her sudden outburst. He knew she had a thing for drama, but this was ridiculous. "So what?" He asked. "Are you throwing me out?"

She bid her lip, clearly overthinking her possibilities. It was highly unlikely that she found somebody else in such a short time and Brian, even if he didn't care probably was still better than being on her own. Marion was a lot of things, but she wasn't stupid. She wasn't necessarily intelligent or well-read nor did she act like it most of the time, but she knew what she needed to do to get what she wanted and Marion was very determined. 

"No, I'm sorry I overreacted... This evening is really important to me and I'm so scared I mess it up..." she said. Her voice filled with regret. She probably could have fooled anyone, but Brian knew her better than that. "I would be really thankful if you went with me."

"I'll go with you," he replied sighing.

She smiled and Brian nearly feared she would throw himself at him, but instead she pirouetted around the kitchen, making Brian nearly smile at her enthusiasm. She suddenly stopped, thanked him and run out of the kitchen to freshen up her hair and makeup. Brian didn't see the need, but who was he to complain, when he got a moment of his own.

He liked being with people of course, but sometimes he just wanted to be on his own away from everything. Those were the days, he just felt like the whole world was against him and he just wanted to be alone. There were so many rumours, gossip and other things about him out there, that even he sometimes wondered who he really was. It would have been easy if all of it had been lies, but there was some truth in every written word about him, that Brian nowadays believed he had a crowd of ten different people inside his head, who never agreed on anything. Not that he was insane, that would have been too easy and Brian had a thing for complicated situations. Of course it hadn't always been his fault how things had ended up, but in the end it hardly made a difference anymore who was to blame or not. 

At least, it couldn't get any worse, he thought.

Lyrics and chapter title by the Brian Jonestown Massacre.

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