This story will be very depressing so sorry if this makes you sad.
(Jesses POV)
I get up from bed pretending to go to the bathroom.but what I'm really going to do is harm myself. I just feel useless. Like I'm drowning in my sorrow. And my friends aren't here to pull me out. I'm falling in this black hole, I just can't get out. Hurting myself feels like the only way to feel better. Nobody will ever understand how much it hurts. Nobody will care. When I get to the bathroom I start scratching myself. It hurts but it makes me feel better. I pick of some of the broken glass from the floor and scrape it on my skin. Then after that I clean up all of my blood so nobody will find out and go back to bed. It's hard to sleep without having nightmares. When I get back in bed Lukas hugs me. "Are you ok" he says. "Ya" I say. I hug him back. We fall
Asleep. Time skip till the morning. I feel so hungry but I don't eat. I don't deserve to eat. "Jesse you need to eat" says Ivor. "I'm not hungry I told you that already" I snap at Ivor. "But this is the second day in a row you haven't ate" says Lukas looking concerned. "I get up and walk back the cabin. I run strait into the bathroom and scratch myself. "That's for almost eating Jesse your to fat to eat". I reopen my wounds from last night so they can't heal. Then I put Ellegaards armor on and climb in on my bed. I just start crying. I keep thinking how Ellegaard and Reuben's death was all my fault.            (Play video at top now)
I pull off one of the arm pieces on my armor to scratch myself. "And that's for crying you puffed up fool". Then I hear it start raining. I go outside and look at it. It's so peaceful it makes me feel peaceful inside. Everybody else is running inside to get out of the rain. I just go and sit down and let the water fall on me. I feel a spark of peace for the 1st time in a long time. The rest of the gang looks at me and runs inside except for Petra and Olivia. They come and sit next to me. Sometimes you just need a girl talk. Petra sits on the left of me and Olivia sits in the right. "Hey Jesse you know you can tell us anything right" says Petra. "We won't judge you for anything" says Olivia. I sigh. "I don't know I've just been feeling sad lately" I say. "Like what". "I just feel like I'm drowning and none of my friends are there to pull me up. I don't feel like I'm worth anything. And nobody will understand how much it hurts. And the only way I can feel happy is by harming myself" I say as I pull off my armor revealing my self harming scars.I burst out crying. They both looked shocked. They both hug me. "Jesse you are a beautiful person who bad things have had happen to her" says Petra. "Who made you think like that you know that's not true". "All of them Hadrian Mevia Cassie it's like I kept scooting farther and farther down a tree branch until one day it snapped I couldn't take it anymore I let the little voices in my head control me I do what they say". "Jesse is this why you haven't been eating are the voices telling you not to" says Olivia. "Ya" I say. "Jesse don't let them control you, you control you" says Olivia. "Thanks for listening guys that really helped and please don't tell the others I will tell them when I feel it's time". They both hug me and we watch the rain for a while longer. "Oh Jesse if you ever feel like hurting yourself again or if you do come talk to one of us or anybody Axel Lukas Magnus Soren Ivor Gabriel I promise they will not judge you" says Petra. "Now how are we going to tell Ivor how you go those scratches so he can patch them up" says Olivia. "Umm we can tell him I tripped and fell". "I guess that's the plan". We walk inside and everybody look at me. "Jesse what happened your arms are all scraped again" says Axel. "I was running and I tripped and fell" I said. Ivor comes over and patches my arms up. I put my pajamas on and climb in bed. I fall asleep and I don't even know Lukas is with me. One of the voices tell me to go hurt myself again. I try to push it out of my head but it won't go away. I can feel my breathing starting to get faster I feel sweat falling from my forehead. My breathing gets so fast it wakes up Lukas. "Jesse are you ok". I try to answer but my breathing just keeps getting faster then that wakes up Petra Axel and Olivia. I sit up and grab onto my head and it gets louder and even Faster than before. "Jesse Jesse are you ok" says Olivia. "Jesse" says Axel. Eventually there screams are loud enough to wake up Soren and Gabriel. "What's with all the fuss" says Soren. "Oh dear Jesse ok if you can with your finger 1-10 how much stress have you been feeling lately" says Soren. Her hands shake as I hold up a 9. "Gabriel go wake up Ivor I need his help I think Jesse is having a anxiety attack" says Soren. Gabriel goes over and slaps Ivor awake. "What what do you want" he says angrily. "Ivor get up Jesses having an anxiety attack" says Soren. I pull my hand to fists I see my sword ove by the other side of the room. I desperately want to hurt myself. I get down from my bed and I run over to grab it. Petra Olivia and Magnus see what I'm doing and they stop me. "Oh no you don't" says Magnus pushing me back he grabs the sword and puts it in his inventory. Petra and Olivia grab ahold of me. "Jesse calm Down you are going to be fine just take deep calm breathes" says Soren. But that's anything I can do from now. I finally wiggle out of Petra and Olivia's grasps. I doge Axel and Magnus and run into the bathroom. I take my sword from my inventory and I am about to cut myself as the door gets blown down and Magnus and Axel run in. "Kid what the hell are you doing are you insane you could kill your self" Magnus says as grabbing the sword from me. I can barely breathe and talk but I really just need fresh air I am able to slip a word from my mouth "Air". "What do you mean by air Jesse" says Soren walking up to me with his eyes full of worry and puts his hand on my shoulder. I am able to point to the door. "She's almost it's been 5 mins he has 5 more to go" says Ivor. "You heard the kid outside now" says Magnus. Axel and Magnus both had a strong grip on me still as they brought me to the door. They open it and I see the calm wind outside. Lukas comes up behind me and hugs me. I feel safe. I can feel my breathing starting to get slower until it completely. I feel Magnus and Axel
Grip on my arms getting less tight until they let go. When I feel better I turn around and walk back inside. I climb back on bed. "I'm sorry guys" I say. "No Jesse your fine but why didn't you tell us you were feeling like this" says Gabriel. I explain to them what I explained to Petra and Olivia. "It's ok you've got us kid we won't let them hurt you again" says Magnus. I smile. Then we all go back to bed. "Well night guys" says Axel, "night" we all say back as we fall asleep. But I just can't shake that depressing feeling. That's hiding inside me that i can't explain.