I felt sore as I opened the door to my suite, wrapped in a Dior cotton bathrobe. The lights were off and the silence was overwhelming in such a big, unknown space. I walked on tip toes to the living room and observed the Eiffel Tower, glistening with silver lights that reminded me of a diamond necklace.

It felt like a dream. I was in Paris, watching the Eiffel tower from what was probably the most luxurious suite in the city, and I had just had sex in a steam sauna with the impersonation of beauty. I kept replaying in my head the instant when he had shouted he loved me. Had he really meant it, or had it just come out of his mouth due to the effusiveness of the moment? My insides burned when I remembered him shouting on top of me. I felt much closer to him after what we had shared. Intimacy always strengthened my bonds. But I couldn't say I loved him. Not after what had happened with Luke. I had thought that the marvel and yearning I had felt towards him were the definition of love. I had believed no feeling could be stronger than that. But I had learnt that was infatuation, not love. A spell, a magical aura similar to the one the dazzling Eiffel Tower cast upon me.

The phone rang and my heart skipped a beat. I thought it must be him.

"David? Come up, let's have some champagne watching the Eiffel Tower. Je vois la vie en rose." I giggled.

"It's Luke, Tessa."

"Oh."

When had I turned so reckless? It might as well have been Fleming&Florey.

"Luke, I'm sorry, I thought..."

"I don't care, Tessa." he said in a harsh tone. "But I need to talk to you. Now. Are you up for a walk?"

I slipped into a blue lace dress and tip toed through the corridor again, wishing nobody would wake up and come with me. I run downstairs instead of taking the lift. The lift now guarded too many vehement kisses with David; I couldn't take it to see Luke.

He was waiting for me on a red suede sofa when I arrived, biting his nails and holding a bag. I wondered if he had treatment material in it. Did he want to treat someone clandestinely? But where would he have taken the material from? And how would he have carried it without anybody noticing? I remembered it wouldn't be the first time he beat border limitations, and happily recalled the taste of marihuana in his kisses in New York.

"I'm sorry I woke you."

"You didn't." I assured him, shaking my head.

"Right. I forgot you don't sleep."

He smiled sweetly, and my feelings mixed up and travelled backwards and forward in time. We exited the hotel without saying another word, and started to walk towards Pont de l'Alma. It was cool, and I wrapped myself in my arms.

"I'm leaving." Luke said, making me drop my arms again.

"What?"

"Yeah. I can't be part of this adventure anymore. I don't feel like I have a role here. You already have everything you need. You just have to use it now."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean... I can't give you anything else yet. I just have to explain what I've already given."

We arrived at the other side of the river, and I looked up to watch the Eiffel Tower reign over us. It seemed like it was trying to remind us of how small, how defenseless, we were. A family took pictures and laughed. I kept thinking about the steam, and whether I should share it with Luke or not. David's moans echoed in my head, and I shivered.

"I have booked a flight for tonight."

"What?"

That was what his bag was for. He couldn't be serious. Why did he always have to leave?

"I will ask a taxi to pick me up at the bottom of the tower."

"No, Luke, wait."

I grabbed his arm, preventing him from dialing. I didn't know what I wanted with him anymore, but I knew I was set on figuring out a way to keep him in my life. He was reckless, he wasn't driven enough, he wasn't brave enough, but he was... Him. Intense, usually mistaken, but never dull.

"I don't want you to go." I said, meaning it a tad more than what made me comfortable.

He sighed.

"I didn't want to leave without talking to you first this time."

I looked at the floor, embarrassed to tell him what was crossing my mind.

"You may not have a sailor friend to help you, but you're always fleeing."

Every reference to our history built up a bubble of tension around us. We couldn't mention anything related to it, because the feelings were still linked to the facts. I was well aware of that, and had indeed tried to hold him tight with my words. But he shook his head, as in trying to shake his emotions in the gesture, and didn't respond to what I had said. Instead, he said:

"I have to tell you something important."

He looked directly into my eyes with his never fading, unforgettable emeralds. Why did I still feel like I was betraying him?

"I have to tell you something important too."

"You go first." we said in unison, and we laughed.

I still loved how carefree his laughter sounded. We got to the bottom of the Eiffel Tower and sat on a bench. There was still a cue to go up, even if it was already ten. I really wished that joke about Hugh asking someone to put a zip line on the top was true. I needed wind in my face, to clear my ideas once and for all. The silvery lights in the tower stopped glistening, and only golden illumination was left, giving the city a much more sober look. I wondered if it was a sign that the twinkling of our relationship was gone too.

"Okay, I will go first, because this is quite big." he said, and cleared his throat. "I never thought David did it."

I gasped.

"Then why did you accuse him of something that big?"

"I said it out of jealousy."

"But you didn't even know about us when you told me that."

"I did. Camille told me."

I laughed in disbelief.

"Of course she did."

She wouldn't miss a chance to discourage him from coming back to me.

"The point is that I always thought someone else..."

"I kissed David again, Luke. And... more things happened, too."

His emeralds broke into pieces and the desperate, furious dazzle blinded me.

"Well, just so you know, I didn't move on. I slept with Camille, yes, because I was lonely, and confused, and scared... and couldn't be with you. I couldn't risk it, I had to have proof before I..."

I stood up.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean? You keep suggesting you've never actually chosen, Luke. You keep implying you've been trying to protect me." I paced back and forth in front of him. "Can you please, tell me what you mean when you say that? I've been worried about you, assuring everyone you didn't do it, and believing, at the same time, that perhaps you did, perhaps they forced you to do it. And then you say these things..."

He stood up and unexpectedly hugged me. He was warm, and his heart pounded anxiously against my shoulder. He caressed my hair and I melted. What was wrong with him? I didn't love him anymore. I didn't.

A taxi stopped a couple of meters away from us, and he broke our hug.

"I'm sorry, mister." the taxi driver said in a funny French accent. "Are you Luke Clayton?"

He nodded, and then looked back at me.

"Look, Tess, I can't tell you anything yet, because I don't have proof, and would be putting you in danger if I shared this with you."

"That's bullshit, Luke." I snapped, and he smiled at my choice of words.

"It's not." he said, shaking his head, and tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear.

I held on to his hand before he moved it away.

"I have a main suspect. Right from the beginning. Before the beginning, actually. That's why I left. I really wanted to save you, Tess."

His emeralds were as opaque as ever, but I trusted him. And I utterly believed in David too. That was my problem; I trusted everyone. I wanted everything.

"Who is it, Luke? Is it Kate Ros-?"

He put his finger on my lips and shushed me.

"Somebody is listening now, Tess." he reminded me, pointing towards the taxi driver with his head.

He was smoking and rumbling through his phone.

"I have to know."

"I know. And you will. You already should, actually. You just didn't read my messages."

He let go of my hand and walked away. He was sat inside the taxi before I could react. As he was about to close the door, I run to him and held it open.

"Wait, Luke. What messages?"

"Think about it Tess, you've got this."

"I don't. If I still haven't figured it out, I am not going to understand this now, out of the blue."

He laughed, and my bewildered face was proof that I didn't understand anything at all.

"In fact, you're going to do exactly what you said. To Charles de Gaulle Airport, please."

He closed the door and looked at me in the eye one last time. I wanted to ask him to kiss me, but the car driving away prevented me from doing something that stupid. When it turned eleven, the Eiffel Tower started glistening again, and I hoped sparks would fly inside my brain too.

What did you think of this chapter? Who do you think Luke's main suspect is? Let me know in the comments! The following two chapters will be up tomorrow, at 12h30 and 21h30 UK-time. They are the most important chapters of the book! Tessa will finally figure out who betrayed her!

There's only 5 chapters left till the end of the novel! Remember that the first chapter of the sequel - "If I live forever, can I live now?" - will be up on September 15th!

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