He looked confused, and I realized that I too was starting to precede what I had to say with mazy introductions.

"You asked me if I wanted David, and I answered that I wanted what we had. It was not true. What we had was an illusion, one shot at being happy again after losing Nora. When you left, I was broken, because I hadn't managed to be my whole self on my own; I had taken the fast track, and tried to find a quick completion in you. That night in London, I was lost again, it was a moment of weakness... so I needed you again."

I didn't even know why I felt like I had to explain that to him, but I did. It almost sounded mean, and it definitely sounded cold.

"I think that's bullshit, Tessa." he blurted, and I felt like he had just punched me on the stomach. "Just a twisted psychological explanation you've tried to come up with in order to be able to choose him." he continued, bluntly. "If I had stayed, you'd never have thought that. After three months of suffering, it's logical that you can't remember how it used to be before that."

"Oh, I can, believe me." I snapped. "Do you know how many evenings I strolled around the Thames, recalling every single thing we said to each other? You have no idea how difficult it was."

I was crying again.

"I'm sorry, Tess. You know I am. You don't know how much I regret having left you like that." he said, as he put his left arm around my shoulder, and took a puff of his cigarette with the right one.

I knew he meant what he was saying, but I also knew he still wouldn't run after me if another situation like the one at Primark arouse again. He really was sorry for how he had behaved in the past, and he really believed he loved me when he saw me cry, and remembered how enthusiastically I smiled when we first met. But once things settled, he wouldn't find enough strength in himself, enough love for me, to fight on my side. It was just how he was. And it was a pity. I really could have been in love with him, with his emerald eyes, forever, if he'd just been a tiny bit braver.

I remembered that he had been brave once, the time he took marihuana to the United States just to see me smile. I almost shared the memory with him. I felt comfortable in his arms, almost as we were just good friends after what I had confessed.

"I'm going to do something stupid." I whispered in an almost melodic way, an smiled a sad smile.

"Well, it will definitely not be the first time." he said, smiling back a sweet smile, and I pinched his arm.

"I'm going to... turn my phone on."

He sighed and looked away. Every fragment of humor had evaporated from his semblance. He disagreed.

To some level, it seemed like David and him had exchanged their roles that day. David had been foolhardy and aloof, and he was being prudent. Perhaps the truth was that they did not have a characteristic role, and that I had wanted to think about it that way in order to differentiate them in my mind, to push them apart, to be put in front of a dichotomous dilemma. Because choosing among two separated blocks was the only possible way to choose. If not, how could I not love Luke's intense stare, or David's warm embrace?

Luke disagreed, but he didn't stop me.

"I have a missed call from Abbey!" I exclaimed, and I stood up.

I walked around in small circles while the beeps went off. Luke was still sat on the grass, and started smoking another cigarette.

"Hello?" Professor Abbey asked, in a hoarse voice.

"Professor, it's me."

"Oh, dear Tessa, you shouldn't have called me. They're going to intercept the call and catch the signal."

"Don't worry, I'm prepared to run away." I answered, hesitant towards telling him about Paris.

"I beg your forgiveness for not having been able to make it to our date tonight, Hugh advised me not to. Apparently, he found out Fleming&Florey are aware of your being here in Oxford."

Here.

"Oh, are you in Oxford too?"

"Yeah, I was set on going to the pub to meet you until the very last moment. Hugh was very insistent."

"Did he find out about Fleming&Florey's moves because his ex-wife told him?"

Professor Abbey stayed silent. Trust was strange those days. We talked among us, to the people we supposedly placed confidence in, keeping the important parts to ourselves. David hadn't talked to me about his parents, and Professor Abbey hadn't either. We were hypocrite supporters of sincerity, and jumped or fell silent whenever we found out the other person knew something we, for some groundless reason, had kept from them.

So I explained how I knew.

"David told me everything about his mother. I wanted to talk to you about her this evening. Do you know her?"

He was still silent for a few seconds. I looked at Luke. He was now lying on the grass, looking up as if he could see the stars. He didn't seem to be following the conversation. When Professor Abbey spoke again, his voice was even more gravelly.

"Yeah, Sophie studied with Hugh and me. She was always a very ambitious woman. I presume you know what happened between her and Hugh."

"Do you know if they are still in touch?"

Hugh was no longer a suspect of mine, but the questions I had planned to ask Abbey were coming out of my mind automatically anyway. I guessed that was another proof of the absurdity of our trust in each other. Nobody ever stopped being a suspect; love blurred out the wariness at times, but it was still there.

"Yes, I hear they've got a warm-hearted relationship indeed."

David would have laughed hard at that way of putting it.

"Do you think Hugh might still be in love with her? Do you think he might have done anything crazy to please her?"

"Tessa, please! How dare you accuse Hugh of such a thing?"

Africa had been right, he was in love with David's father. I didn't say anything, and he must have thought he had hurt my feelings with his harsh tone – especially harsh compared to his usual style –, because his hoarse voice almost sounded sweet when he spoke next:

"I know you feel desperate, and it's to be expected that you want to find a solution as soon as possible."

"Just like when I was doing my research. I wanted to see an end."

"Exactly. And I wish you had shared your findings with me. I could have helped you, or at least I could have given you support. I know you thought you did have support, but..."

I looked at Luke. He was fallings asleep. After the little rest we had had during the last days, it was just compelling that he was dozing off, but still... It was 8ºC, and he could be witnessing a conversation that affected us all, so his ability to unwind shocked me. His dark hair was messy, and his lips were slightly parted.

"Professor, I know you and Hugh, and even David, still think Luke did it, but... You have to trust my trust in him, if that doesn't sound completely crazy."

Professor Abbey chuckled, and it was an old man's laugh. I suddenly felt sorry for him, for having to be seventy and weak and annoyingly corny forever. He wasn't even immortal yet.

I hung up, and shook Luke's shoulder.

"Luke, Luke, wake up!"

"What the hell? Where am I?" he muttered, with his eyes half closed.

I was kneeling beside him, and I felt a sudden urge to hug him. Everything about our story had been lost long ago, except for his smell... I wondered if it would cease to have power upon me someday.

"If you want to sleep, we should go to bed."

I blushed at my own words. I hoped he hadn't misunderstood the we. But he had. His eyes were wide open now, and fixed on mine.

"Why do you say: "If you want to go to sleep"? Don't you?"

"No, I have to run an errand before we go to Paris."

That second we was also troublesome. Why was Luke coming to Paris with us if all of them believed he was guilty? Had they just given him some credit for having helped me that morning?

"I have to go to St Thomas. We are running out of material."

He cracked up.

"Seriously, Tess? You call that running an errand? You're nuts, do you know that?"

"Yeah." I answered, nodding fervently, and he kept laughing.

I was standing with him, on the street, at 8ºC, my third night without any sleep. I definitely wasn't sane.

"But I'm not letting you go."

"You don't have to let me!" I exclaimed, astounded by his arrogance.

He run to me, and, before I knew it, he was holding me staunchly. Goosebumps appeared on my skin, and it definitely wasn't related to cold, because his body felt torrid against mine. His hair was very messed up, and I wanted to run my fingers through it.

"I didn't bring you here so that you can go back to the battlefield, and practically surrender." he was speaking in a low voice, and we were so close, I could virtually feel he was whispering in my ear.

I tried to fight his grip, but it was too strong. His hands moved slightly over my belly as I fought, almost like he was trailing the caresses he had given me in the afternoon.

"I have to do it, Luke. Professor Abbey, David's father... they could still die."

I managed to turn around, but he embraced me again, even more solidly. I had my back to him. If someone walked out of the hotel at that moment, they would surely think that we were hooking up vigorously.

"You can't save everyone, Tess. But you can save yourself. Please, do that. For me."

That was something he would do, saving himself. And that was precisely the part of him that I despised. I didn't want to be like that. And I didn't want him to be like that either. So I decided to give him one more chance.

"I am going to London. You can stay here... or you can come with me."

What did you think of this chapter? Do you think that Luke will go to London with Tessa? Let me know in the comments! I will upload the following chapter tomorrow, at 22h30 UK-time :)