He opened the inbox folder, and handed me the phone so that I could read it. I could tell he had already read it many times, and didn't want to confront whatever it confessed directly again. I read aloud:

" "Dear, we both want to protect your children, that is precisely why we shouldn't tell them. Please grant me with the gift of your presence again, tonight. Always yours." "

I left the phone on the table. I hadn't expected that. David was right, I couldn't believe it, but it was basically because I expected something... more, another piece to the puzzle. David's eyes were lost in the direction of the bar. "Wonderwall" by Oasis was playing in a low volume.

"Did you imagine this?" I blurted, just to break the silence, and I immediately felt stupid.

Of course he didn't.

I wanted him to say something, but he remained silent. Unlike me, he just didn't speak when he didn't have anything to say. He didn't seem distressed by our silence, it probably didn't mean anything to him. To me, however, it was proof that we couldn't discuss things they way we used to, that maybe he didn't find me worthy of his cogitations anymore.

I wasn't even wondering what a romantic affair of David's mother could imply at this moment, or the consequences it may have. I just wished that he would discuss them with me, speaking everything that crossed his mind.

He hadn't been so bothered by my interaction with Luke the previous night. When had he decided to cut me off in that subtle, almost unnoticeable way of still being by my side? What had I said to make him change his mind, how had I turned off his interest in me? He didn't even seem resentful or angry; he had indeed come to tell me about what he'd found out. He just seemed distracted, and not specifically because he was thinking about his discoveries, but because I didn't absorb his attention anymore.

"Why do you think this is so big?" I asked, and immediately regretted the mocking way in which it could be interpreted: So your mother has an affair, so what. "Do you think it may be related to this?" I added, moving my arm between us, and then I realized how self-centered I was sounding – everything was not about my oh so transcending issue-, when he may just have wanted to share some personal worry with me.

His gaze was still fixed in the direction of the bar, and he almost looked like he was watching what was in front of him. If I hadn't known him any better, if I hadn't found proof on the way he moved his mouth, I would never have believed he was lost in thought. Finally, his lips parted, and he moved his hand to his chin.

"Maybe I've always believed my dad left her because of the way she abused him professionally, and the truth is that he left her because she chose someone else over us."

"Don't look back in anger" sounded in the background, and I almost grinned at the irony of its message. It was almost ten, and we were the only ones in the pub except for a lesbian couple dressed in vintage clothing.

"I don't think it sounds like it goes that far back. Why would they be wondering now whether they should tell you or not?"

"And why the fuck does this guy talk about wanting to protect us? He doesn't even know us."

"You don't know that, maybe he does."

He stayed silent.

"Did you expect your parents to get back together?"

He shrugged.

"Maybe, mostly because my father seemed to be getting his hopes up... But, above all, I just expected to build up a relationship with her now that she had shown some interest in helping us. But now I get why she stopped picking up the phone, this... filthy... phone."

I shook my head, and surprised both of us by putting my hand on his forearm again.

"It doesn't make much sense... why would she stop helping you because of an affair?"

"I don't think there is a reason, I just think she got too busy caring about her own problems again, and she simply... didn't have time for anyone other than herself. Again. That's what makes me unable to respect her, the fact that she's so damn selfish."

I was aware he was suffering, but I couldn't help but feel a strike of happiness. Perhaps I was selfish too, but I couldn't not feel blissful for the way he was starting to open up to me again, even a little for the reason that had brought him there, though I knew it was wrong. I had another chance to make him want me, and the joy that thought ignited filled my brain, and blanked out everything else.

"Why are we still here?" he asked, abruptly. "Professor Abbey either forgot or decided not to come."

He stood up, and I did the same. When we walked by the bar, the waiter winked at me, and that reminded me of my new aspect, of the personality I had forgotten the instant David had come.

In the narrow, dark alley from the Turf Tavern to the Radcliffe Square, I felt lonely, even if David was still walking by my side. I suddenly felt empty, like I had just found out that the extraordinary things I had been drenched in during the last days had just been a sweet, thrilling dream. David wasn't talking to me; the confession and closeness during our last minutes at the pub seemed like a blurred out illusion.

We were walking towards Cornmarket Street, passing by the Covered market, when I couldn't keep silent anymore.

"Are you thinking about your mother?"

He looked startled, as if I had just awakened him after a twelve hours' sleep night. Then I figured he must be thinking I was kidding him, because it was obvious that he wouldn't be thinking about anything other than that. It was David, not Luke: He didn't run away from problems and smoke weed to forget them, he thought about them until he found a solution. I gasped when I noticed that definition could also fit me. We were meant to be together. And I had ruined it.

"Yeah, I was thinking about her latest wisecrack." he said, and he laughed the same hopeless laugh that when he had shown me the text.

"And what is that?" I asked, impatiently, and insistently.

I felt like I had to drag the words out of his mouth. I really had underestimated his attention when it had been easy to obtain.

"Well, she's settled on finding a new drug for diabetes." he looked at me, and smirked. "Yeah, on her own! God, she's such an unrealistic idiot. Anyway, obviously, nobody wants to invest on the research of someone who hasn't published since 1995, so she asked my father for the money when Lucy ... God, Lucy's just too kind, we agreed not to tell her, but... she told her about the millions dad had won."

I had never heard him talk like that. He always finished his sentences, he always seemed sure and perfectly in control. But now... it seemed like he was dialoging with himself rather than talking to me, and he just spilled bits of the truth in a sarcastic tone, mixing them with his emotions. Maybe he had always spoken in perfectly tied up phrases because he wanted to impress me, and now that he didn't, he was just letting his mind flow.

We didn't say anything for another quarter of an hour, and we were walking up Banbury Road when I realized I didn't know where he was headed. I questioned him with my eyes.

"I'm staying at the Cotswold Lodge too. I went there in the first place because Lindsay called me. Then she asked me to go to the tavern and look after you."

At least we were still able to read each other's minds, to understand each others' eyes and the apprehension that trespassed them. But he had just come to me because Lindsay had asked him too.

I stopped walking, and he stopped too, surprised.

"Why are you acting this way?"

"What way?" he asked, confused.

"You're treating me like you don't know me, like you don't... want me anymore."

There, I said it.

"Oh, please, Tessa. You're the one that is in love with someone else. Don't blame this on me."

"I'm not in love with him, David!" I shouted. "I'm just... confused."

"Well, I am confused as well. I've had strong feelings for you, Tessa, but I'm not going to carry on being your second option."

Of course he wouldn't. He was too proud for that, and I admired him for it. I hadn't worried that much about being Luke's second option after he had slept with Camille. Maybe I had just never believed I had been second. I had stuck with the idea I liked, that of his vigorous, impossible, heroic love for me.

"You're not my second option."

"Then what am I? Are you in love with me, Tessa?"

I couldn't answer that question.

"You were cuddling with Alex last night. Is that the reason why you are also confused?"

He sighed, and carried on walking.

"Well, yeah, it might be one of them."

My heart sank. Why had I even asked? I hadn't wanted to know the answer. What did I expect, for him to deny everything? Luke would have done that, and we would have ended up having sex, but David wouldn't deny something I had seen with my own eyes.

And he'd said he'd had strong feelings for me. He had spoken in past tense. But the fact that he had wanted to know whether I loved him or not gave me a little hope. Still, I couldn't admit I did love him, not before I figured what was that I still felt for Luke. My eyes watered, but I could tell he didn't notice; he was walking two feet away from me.

As we approached the hotel, I realized I hadn't given any thought to the fact that Professor Abbey hadn't shown up. He must have left a message on my phone, or called. What if something had happened to him? I didn't care about hiding anymore, I had to turn it on when I arrived at the hotel. I could not live isolated from the world I had messed up.

"See you tomorrow." David said as we entered the reception.

It was a strange farewell, he said it too early, because we still had to go on the lift together. He was anxious to get rid of me.

"Why did you kiss me yesterday?" I asked, recalling the instant when he had passionately brought my face to his.

The lift had already stopped on the first floor, and we got out.

"What do you mean?"

His nonchalant questions made me feel pathetic, like I was the only one giving thought to our situation. He was always the opposite of nonchalant. He was intense. What had I done so wrong?

"You already knew I had been with Luke, but still, you kissed me."

"Because... I felt like it. I know you didn't expect that explanation from me. It wasn't rational... I shouldn't have done it."

The bits of my heart that were still unbroken shattered. I had expected him to tell me the kiss had been a response to what I had said about not running away from the good stuff.

I didn't walk to my room, I stood there in the hallway, waiting for him to rectify, or to add something that might take away the pain that wouldn't let me sleep. That would make it three insomnia nights in a row.

"See you tomorrow." he repeated, and, this time, it sounded more like a condemnation than like a guarantee of continuity.

He disappeared down the hallway, so I entered the room in automatic mode. Lindsay was asleep, but she pushed away the sheets and got up brusquely when she heard me.

"You're finally here! Gosh, Tessa, I was getting worried."

I was aware it was my turn to speak. She was sitting on the bed with her legs crossed, and curious eyes, looking at me. I considered screaming at her for having asked David to come to me, but I didn't feel like fighting anymore. She wasn't to blame for the way in which I had pushed him away.

"Dad's on the other room with mum." she said. "I insisted he should wait up, so I guess he's expecting you to go there."

"Wait. You mean in the other room we booked in this corridor?"

Lindsay nodded.

"I thought David was staying there."

"No, David is staying at The Randolph."

"What? Why did he lie and come here with me, then?"

Lindsay sighed and didn't answer, and my question was left echoing in the air, helping my heart pump, filling my blood with oxygen again.

Dad was sound asleep when I entered the room. Mum opened the door in a Primark nightgown that said: "Unicorn fan club". I smiled.

"Hey, honey, while your dad get's ready, I want to tell you something." she said, holding my hand, while we both sat on her bed. "We already discussed it with Lindsay and... your friends."

I understood that "my friends" was basically her way of referring to Luke.

My heart started to race again. Since New York, or maybe even before that, while I was working on the research group, I couldn't bare waiting for news. Every piece of news I had received since then had been scary or devastating, and that was why that ineludible introductory instant seemed like a form of torture, an evil trick meant for the person that was hanging to be deceived and naïve and expect something good. But, deep down, we all knew introductions weren't necessary when the news were good.

"David's dad called him, and said he's learned Fleming&Florey knows we are in Oxford."

At least this time I hadn't been fooled into expecting something good. But why hadn't David told me that himself? Had he been trying to protect me, just as when he'd lied to walk me to the hotel? I wanted to run to him and tell him that I did love him, that I had never really had a doubt, but only the obstacle of not having a healed heart.

"We decided the best option is to fly to Paris in the early morning. David's dad already booked us rooms at the Plaza."

Now that my mood had lighted, I couldn't help but laugh.

"Oh, gosh, we are going to flee like millionaires? Where's the fun in that? I want to camp in the middle of nowhere, and make fire to keep hot, and jump across cliffs." I joked.

It astounded me that my parents had agreed to letting Hugh pay for our stay. But extreme circumstances seemed to exonerate us from our usual rules, from certain beliefs. I found that equally necessary and scary.

"Hugh can probably order a zip-line to be set up at the top of the Eiffel Tower if you want some fleeing adrenaline." dad added, and I laughed heartedly. "I'm ready now, Tess."

When dad's treatment was finished, I needed to cry, but I didn't want to do it in front of them. They wouldn't be able to understand such an incoherent reaction, and would ask me about the reason for my tears. I wasn't prepared to answer those questions, because, over the last months, I myself had failed to fathom the nature of my outbursts.

I took the stairs down to the ground floor, and walked past the reception to the small garden on the outside of the building. I sat on the perfectly cut grass and let my eyes empty.

Everything was alright now. We would all be together forever. And there was something sad and nostalgic and consuming in that perfection. Happy endings didn't seem real. Perhaps that was the reason behind the universal fact that we didn't want things anymore when we got to have them, the fear that they wouldn't be as good as we expected, because, if they were that good, we never would have gotten to achieve them.

We would be forever, that was for sure, but there was no way of assuring we would be together.

"Maybe love isn't supposed to last more than a lifetime." I muttered, aloud.

"It definitely isn't, we would all die of boredom, and that makes the concept intrinsically absurd."

Luke was standing beside me, lighting up a cigarette. I wondered if my subconscious had already sensed him, and that was why I'd spoken aloud. I had longed for him for such an interminable time that maybe my mind had polished its ways to notice him.

"Do you really never sleep?" he asked, half curious and half diverted.

I didn't answer. I didn't want to look at him; I didn't want to fool myself back into believing I could lose myself in his arms without any consequence.

"I lied to you last night in London." I said.

Did you like this chapter? What do you think Tessa's lie was? What do you think will happen in Paris? Let me know in the comments! I will upload the following chapter tomorrow, at 22h30 UK-time :)