He sat on the couch but didn't speak. He moved his hand to my hair and caressed it.

"David, stop. I don't want to be touched by more people I can't trust tonight."

He immediately understood what I meant and his frown deepened.

"God, Tessa, did you...? It makes me sick."

I concentrated on the bookshelf in front of us, to distract myself. It was made of dark brown wood, and full of antique books that looked perfectly disorganized under the cozy light of a classic lamp. Some more books were piled up on top of the chimney. I recognized some that David had used on our Blackwell mornings. Dirty cups and crumbled papers lay on the big table in the middle. Nevertheless, all those details wholly matched the vintage refinement of the chocolate coloured walls.

"I didn't know it was yours back in November, but I knew about your discovery." he unexpectedly said.

"How?" I immediately inquired.

The books and the dim lights weren't surrounding us anymore. I was only aware of the relevance of the information David was about to share with me.

"Some of my dad's dearest college mates work at Fleming&Florey."

Hugh. My mind flashbacked to our conversation at Covent Garden. He had acted in such a mysterious way... How could he not mention he had connections at Fleming&Florey? I hadn't been able to ask many questions, absorbed by thoughts that drifted to Luke. Thoughts he had provoked in me.

"Why didn't you tell me about this before? Why didn't your dad share that information the morning he tried to convince me Luke had done it? And what does this have to do with the money they gave to you?"

He stood up and supported his head with both hands, before gesturing violently and shouting:

"God, Tessa! Why do you have to ask so many questions! I'm stressed too! And I'm getting there!"

He fiercely grabbed the whiskey bottle on top of the chimney and drunk directly out of it. A low gasp escaped my mouth. I had never seen him out of control. Not even a bit.

"I drank hot coffee that day. The morning I talked to your dad. Too hot. I didn't wait for it to cool down. He kept blabbing about Luke. My mind talked about him too. And now I discover there was a lot more to say. I feel so out of this mess, David..."

I looked at the chimney as I talked.

"It's my mum. The dear mate of my dad that works at Fleming&Florey."

I looked up at him. The violence was gone. He looked like he was about to cry. I wanted to hug him and kiss his tears, and, at the same time, I felt infuriated, even more betrayed that before.

"She never calls apart from Christmas or our birthdays; I told you. But she called last November. I remember that night so fucking clearly." he said, with an ironic smile.

I could tell he fell desperate.

"Go on."

"I picked up. I couldn't believe it was her." he said, and the first tear fell down his cheek. "I tactfully reminded her it wasn't Christmas yet. She said she had found out about a new treatment they were going to merchandise. I told her I didn't care." he said, with the most bitter tone I had ever heard him use. He sounded let down and angry at himself. "She said it could affect us... Lucy. Her... pregnancy..."

I practically jumped up and hugged him. For a second, I was afraid he would pull back. He didn't. He smelled like whiskey and fear.

"Hey... I trust you."

He kissed my forehead sweetly, and continued talking without moving, holding me tight.

"She explained. I couldn't believe her. It was so... surreal. I forgot about Lucy's baby, about my hatred for her... I just fell so... lucky. So happy. I didn't have to die. I think it's the only time me and my mum have laughed together."

I hugged him tighter, and he caressed my hair.

"You brought us closer for a little while." he said, and some of his tears fell on my forehead as I looked up at him.

"No, I didn't. She did. Her concern for Lucy brought you closer."

He laughed sarcastically, while he kept crying.

"Oh, no, she doesn't really care. But that's another story."

"I want to hear them all."

He kissed my forehead again.

"I'll tell you about it later. Anyway, she sent me the legal conditions they were debating about, before publishing the discovery. It was clear that Lucy wouldn't have too many options. So I contacted Kate Rosewood, willing to offer her a bribe or do whatever it took. She turned down money, obviously; she's filthy rich. So I searched for legal mistakes, for anything that they wouldn't want the world to know about them... I didn't really find anything, but they knew I was looking for something. So they offered four million pounds in exchange for my silence. I didn't want to accept them. But my dad said I should."

"Why?"

He shrugged.

"He said we might need it after the change. I think he has more concrete reasons he hasn't told me about, but I haven't kept on asking him. I will, though, whenever he is not as anxious as he is these days."

I broke off the hug.

"You should have told me about this."

I sat down again and he sat by me.

"When you found out about this, you didn't know they had stolen the idea? You thought the discovery was theirs?"

He nodded.

"That's what Kate Rosewood was trying to hide, that's why she wanted you to stop searching... that's why she gave you the money. The bitch must have been panicked if she gave you four million."

"I reckon my mum didn't know about the origin of the discovery back then. She thought it was truly Fleming&Florey's. Kate must have been close to the person who betrayed you."

I shrugged and sighed.

"I don't even think somebody betrayed me anymore. I don't think Luke did it, and I surely don't think you did it."

"Does it really make sense to you that Luke run away because he found that money agreement?"

"I don't know."

I closed my eyes and thought about how Luke had kissed me not even two hours before. I didn't want to admit it to myself, but I could tell he didn't love me anymore. He just missed my sounds, as he had pointed out. It made me sick and turned me on at the same time. I wanted to slap myself for thinking about sex at that moment, so I focused on the bookshelf again.

But the books only inspired me to follow the same track of thoughts. I had finally turned the page. Sleeping with Luke had partially closed the wounds he had left open. It had made me realize that what I had told David back at Jamie's Italian was true: I didn't love who he was now, I loved who he was back when he loved me. Even if he hadn't stolen my idea, he had still betrayed the girl he had promised eternal love to. But I didn't feel like that girl anymore.

"I don't know if I'll ever know the truth, David. What I know is that we are losing time." I affirmed, and I suddenly missed something. "Damn it, the material."

"Chill, it's in my car."

I breathed, relieved.

"I want to do it now."

He looked at me in disbelief. He was going to say the same as Luke. He would point at the permanent dark circles under my eyes and tell me to go to bed. And I would throw the whiskey bottle to his head and make sure he didn't even taste immortality.

"Okay." he said, making me choke and feel ridiculous about my thoughts. "I want it now, too."

We stared at each other. I burst out laughing and he smiled, amused.

"David, we are going to live forever!"

"Yeah! And, apart from that, thanks to your youthful approach to everything, we'll never get old!"

I laughed some more. He understood me. He got my crazy outbursts. He joined me whenever they took place, and made me laugh at my absurd obsessions with his ironic remarks. I lied down on his lap, wondering if he would feel offended or reject me. He didn't.

"But, hold on. We need help. I don't know how to freaking use that. We need more doctors."

"Yeah!" I agreed, still amused. "I should call Lindsay and Alex."

"Yeah!" he imitated me.

Lindsay said in a sleepy voice that Africa would give Alex and her a ride. I wondered if Africa was still mad at me, and if she would feel that making her drive at four in the morning was a stupid caprice of mine.

I didn't want to go to sleep while we waited for them. David didn't, either. He made fire in the chimney, and put some jazz music on. He said his dad wasn't at home when I became concerned about bothering him.

I observed him and imagined what it would be like to observe myself at that instant. In that fancy living room, we were characters from Downton Abbey, preppy and beautiful English aristocrats living dramatic lives. I closed my eyes and registered that moment so I could go back to that thrilling peace anytime I wanted. I froze David's scared and excited face in a black and white picture in my head.

I thought that black and white made moments turn to memories faster. It underlined their essence; distant laughter lost in space, sounds that kept echoing in another dimension. Brighton was a black and white picture for me that night.

"I want to go back home. Back to Brighton." I confessed, as David kept stirring the fire. "I miss walking around the pier and trying to convince Lindsay to go on the rollercoaster with me." I smiled at my memories. "Lying on the pebbles at the beach with my eyes closed and realizing I wouldn't prefer to lie on Caribbean sand. Opening them again and falling in love with the mysterious aspect of the cloudy sky."

David sat by me again.

"I'm quite intrigued about that rollercoaster. We should try it sometime in the next millennium."

I laughed again, and I realized I didn't want to freeze our laughter in black and white anymore. Subconsciously, I had managed to build a barrier that separated the long time when I had been grieving from the present.

"I am ready for that now."

His hazel eyes questioned mine, and I understood he was thinking that I meant I was ready to start a relationship with him. The panicked look in his face transmitted he didn't want that anymore, and observing that broke my heart.

But I wasn't willing to concentrate on disappointment and heartache anymore. My maniac personality had finally defeated the depressive one, and I would do everything I could to hold on to it.

"The ride on the rollercoaster is not too long, but the speed, and the fact that it is on the edge of the pier, makes everything look like a mass of colours."

"That would be if you manage to keep your eyes open, I guess." David pointed out.

"Yeah, and you definitely should. Africa used to say that it's the place where she thought the most about how the world is a mix of bright and dark colours, but, when we're sad, black shines brighter, ironically, and seems more... real."

He sighed, and put his arm around my shoulder.

"Some of your memories of the pier must be really sad." he said, and I immediately knew what he was talking about, because my thoughts had drifted to the same place.

"They are, but... I finally got over Nora's death." I explained as I heard the fire crackle. "I felt like I couldn't ignite fire inside of me without her... sunshine."

The tense atmosphere disintegrated as David burst out laughing harder than ever.

"That was so corny! Please, go back to being dark and shouting at me! Cry and make a... river flow through your skin or something."

I loved watching him laugh. He looked vivid, marveled, like he had just opened his eyes to find a fairytale forest, or a won case. And, most of all, he made me experience that too. I was searching for something witty to answer when the doorbell rang. I jumped to my feet and David jumped to the door.

I scanned my friends' faces, but they were plain, just like we were meeting to go clubbing or share a ride to university. We didn't move from the entrance hall. Alex looked tired, and she sat down on the mahogany staircase that led to the floor where the bedrooms were.

"I don't want to talk about it." Africa said, and she was the first to move towards the living room, although I could tell she was walking without any direction. "Let's just do it. It's so much pressure. This moment... it's so transcending."

"What if we do it wrong?" Lindsay asked, hiding her virtues in her lack of self-confidence once again. "Tess, you should do it first."

I shook my head fervently.

"No, you're not going to be experimented on. I came up with this, so we are going to test it on me. There's no discussing that."

Africa was biting her nails and crossing her legs in strange positions. Alex looked deeply lost in her thoughts. I wouldn't have been surprised if Lindsay had run away, fast, any second. David coughed.

"I'm going to check on the fire." he said, and he joined Africa in the living room.

"Guys, listen to me: You can't do anything wrong. It's just injections. You know that. Don't be scared. This is a transcending moment, but it's a good one. It's a dream, for God's sake!"

David went to his car to pick up the stolen material. He made several trips, mesmerized, walking back and forth like an abducted soldier. When he came back with the last box, we all walked to the living room together, hesitant, following one another's inertia. We were crossing the barrier, the one I had already crossed just before they arrived. I could sense it. I would never be fragile again. I was perpetual, changeless. I finally was who I had chosen to be, forever.

What did you think of this chapter? Do you think David's mum had anything to do with the stealing of Tessa's research? Do you think the treatments will turn out right? Let me know in the comments! I am entering the Wattys 2016, so, if you enjoyed it, please don't forget to vote :)

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