"Oi everyone look what i found in Ashy's bag"                                                                                                          

Kadyn didn't used to be a bully, it was the opposite in fact.                                                                              

 "It looks like a love letter. hey Ash did you finally find another weirdo to date?"                                      

All the boys used to take the piss out of him because his sister was trans.                                                  

"i think i should read it out, let everyone know what freaks think"                                                                

one day he snapped, took out 3 boys, and suddenly everyone loved him.                                                  

"this is gonna be hilarious, i can feel it"                                                                            

his still wasn't really a bully, just to me

"he titled it if i leave. wow, how edgy"

but look i cant help who im related to, ok?

"And here we go"

i didn't ask to be brothers with the homophobic twat who pushed his sister to kill herself

"if i leave, from Asher"

but that never occurred to Kadyn. And that is why he is about to read my suicide note to the school

"If i'm going to go i will do it right. There will be no fuckups. Which means i have to think carefully, so no spur of the moment things. Please know i did think carefully. Im writing this on the 20th of february, 2021. I dont know if and when this letter will ever be read, but from how i'm feeling right now, and how i've been feeling for quite a while now suggest it could be soon. This year, potentially. The thought that i might not even make it to 16 saddens me, but only slightly. Not nearly as much as it should. But that slight bit of pain means its not time. Not just yet. So i guess i have time.

As well as doing it right, im also going to have to do it carefully. I wouldn't want to cause anymore inconveniences for you all, i do that enough while im still breathing.so yes, i will (and have)be looking up stats. Honestly i just dont want to do anything too messy. Best case is to shoot myself, but this isn't america, so that'll be hard to achieve. Ah, how dare the british government try to protect the country.

I honestly just want to say im sorry. Im sorry i was so fucked up. I'm sorry I couldn't do anything right. Im sorry that i put you through so much shit for 13 years. I'm sorry I couldn't be normal. And im sorry i could never say any of this to your faces. im sorry. Goodbye"

silence.

no one said a word

they just stared at me

an array of emotions on there face

disgust, understanding. pity

Kadyn looked at me with regret

"Asher, I-"

"congratulations" my grin is wide, mocking. a mask to cover up the thoughts swirling through my head. "i hope you enjoyed the free show"

and with that i walked away

broken

my life is over

and despite what that letter said, i didn't want it to be

but then when has anything ever gone my way?

i just want to say thank you to everyone who reached out to me today, 

you may not know me, but you saved me

so this is dedicated to all of you

especially starynightae

Becca, thank you so much, you truly are an angel, and your books are an inspiration

i hope this story goes ok