Season 2, Episode 3: Make Me Lose Control
Overall Episode Number: 12
Created by: Shonda Rhimes

/ / /

Surgeons are control freaks. With a scalpel in your hand, you feel unstoppable. There's no fear, there's no pain. You're 10 feet tall and bulletproof. And then you leave the O.R. And all that perfection. All that beautiful control just falls to crap.

- Meredith Grey

/ / /

The core 5 interns were getting ready for the day in the locker room.

Alex and Izzie were laughing together while the others stared in awe at the pair.

"What is she doing?" Cristina questioned.

George looked unsure. "She's hanging out with Alex."

"Why?" Asked Cristina.

"I don't know. I think... I think they might be friends," George stated, losing his voice as he spoke.

Izzie and Alex continued laughing and joking with each other.

George looked over at Cristina. "Make the lambs stop screaming," he whispered to her.

/ / /

The interns were walking in a hallway together.

Izzie looked over at Meredith, Cristina, and George. "You guys are wrong about him, all right? Once you get to know him, he's really sweet."

George shook his head at Izzie. "He's Alex."

"Punk ass," Cristina muttered.

"Hey, Grey. Izzie was telling me you have tapes of your mom performing surgery. I'd kill to see the Ellis Grey in action." Alex called back rather loudly.

Izzie called back to Alex. "Hey, you know what? Maybe you can come over tonight and we can all watch it together? Right?"

Meredith, Cristina, and George looked at Izzie disbelievingly.

"Oh yeah, if this were a hell dimension," Meredith commented.

Cristina nodded. "Yeah, run away pig boy."

George stopped in front of Izzie. "Do you have a thing for Alex?"

Izzie shook her head. "No," she denied.

"Oh," Cristina groaned.

"I don't." Izzie defended.

"Oh!" Cristina groaned once more.

Bailey looked back towards her interns. "Are we saving lives or having a tea party? Walk faster people."

/ / /

Derek entered an elevator with Mackenzie. Richard entered at the last second, wearing an almost 'pimp' looking hat.

"Ahem," Richard cleared his throat.

Derek looked at Richard's hat. "Nice hat."

"Shut up," Richard said shortly.

"What are you doing here, Chief Webber? You're supposed to be at home with your wife," Mackenzie commented.

Richard looked down at Derek's daughter. "Well, Mackenzie, I'm going back to work."

"You're not cleared for surgery." Derek reminded Richard.

Richard sighed. "Leave me alone. I've been sitting home for a week watching Oprah giving away things on TV. Oprah, Derek!" After a pause, he looked at the Head of Neurosurgery. "You clear me now or I'll hurt you."

"If you want me to clear you so soon, maybe you should've thought about that before you gave chief to Burke and invited Satan to Seattle," Derek retorted.

The elevator opened, and Addison entered.

"Satan?" Richard asked.

Addison looked at the chief, her husband, and her stepdaughter. "Good morning," she said before her attention turned to Richard. "Richard, like the hat."

"Satan speaks," Derek jabbed.

Addison smirked. "Actually, I prefer to be called ruler of all that is evil." Richard let out a laugh. "But I will answer to Satan,"

"What is she still doing here?" Derek asked.

Richard gave Derek a smug little smile. "I asked her to stay. We have a pediatric surgery attending on maternity leave."

Addison looked over at Derek. "Actually I could use you on a consult. Will you, ah, meet me up there, Derek?"

"Ah, yeah. Fine." Derek answered.

Addison left the elevator, and Derek looked over at Richard. "I'm not clearing you for surgery."

Richard sighed. "Fine, I can catch up on my paperwork." He left the elevator as the doors shut.

Derek laughed as he and Mackenzie take the elevator up to the 4th floor.

Mackenzie smiled at her father. "Did you have to call her Satan, Papa?"

Derek kissed the top of her blonde head. "Hush, you. How would you like to hang out with me today? I know you spend a lot of time hanging out with the interns; you should spend the day with me. You'll get to learn a lot of stuff about neurosurgery, and get to examine different types of x-rays."

"I'd like that, Papa. I'd really like that," Mackenzie said with a bright smile.

/ / /

Bailey, Meredith, and Cristina were walking down the hallway after presenting Mr. Gaston.

Meredith looked at Cristina. "I know. I just think you should still tell him about the baby because he'd at least have the responsibility of having to pay."

Cristina shook her head. "No! You know what? He'll never know. It's over. Once this pregnancy is taken care of, Burke won't even be a blip on my radar. He'll be smudge."

"Right," Meredith said sarcastically.

"You know, Meredith? Leave the sarcasm up to me. Really, it doesn't suit you." Cristina told her.

/ / /

Bailey and her group of interns were now gathered in Kelly Roche's room. Cristina was looking through a medical book.

"Kelly Roche. She's 23 years old. In for a scheduled ETS for treatment of her erythrophobia hyperprexia," Alex presented.

"Erythrophobia?" Izzie whispered to Cristina.

Cristina looked at Izzie. "Blushing."

Bailey looked towards Kelly. "You have any questions about the procedure?"

"Oh. Dr. Sh..." Kelly blushed badly, trying to get it to go away by fanning her face. "Dr. Shepherd explained everything. He was very... huh... helpful. He gave me some literat..." Kelly's blushing got even worse. "Sorry..."

"Don't be. Half the patients that come through here have the hots for Shepherd." Alex informed.

Bailey frowned in disapproval. "Dr. Karev."

"What? It's true," Alex stated.

/ / /

"Watch it! Hands off me! I could report you to the chief and you'd be out on your ass!"

Meredith stopped, recognizing the voice of the woman who was screaming. She began walking slowly to where the others were around another corner. Ellis Grey was shouting from a moving gurney. Cristina was reading her chart, while Bailey, Alex, Izzie, and George moved the gurney.

Ellis became frustrated. "Where is the chief?!?"

"Patient's name is... ah..." Cristina trailed off.

Ellis growled. "Where is the chief?!? You're all amateurs."

"... complaining of intermittent cramping pain and diarrhea. Also suffers from... ah..." Cristina trailed off once more.

Meredith could see it was her mother and stared in shock, slowly backing away. Cristina, knowing it was Meredith's mother, was unsure if she should continue. Cristina made brief eye contact with Meredith.

"AMATEURS!!!!" Ellis yelled.

"Alzheimer's." Cristina finished.

Bailey nodded. "Patient's name?"

Cristina stuttered. "Um..."

"Yang! Patient's name!" Bailey demanded.

Ellis saw Meredith, and her anger increased. "What the hell are you doing here?"

Meredith scurried off, hiding behind an office corner, peaking her head out.

Ellis continued in an increasing yelling voice, "Haven't I told? How many times have I told you not to bother me when I'm at work?!!"

Bailey and the others stared at Meredith.

"Ellis Grey," Cristina revealed.

"Meredith's mother." George realized.

"You're amateurs! You're amateurs!" Ellis yelled.

Oh boy.

/ / /

Izzie, Alex, George, and Cristina were all talking at once in the hallway just outside the locker room. They were being blocked by Bailey. Meredith was inside the locker room.

"Meredith, are you okay?" George asked.

Bailey placed a hand over George's mouth. "Just zip." She handed a chart to Alex. "Dr. Karev, stick with the ETS case, and Alex... her blushing impulse is not a toy for you to play with or button for you to push. Understood?"

Cristina looked towards the entrance of the locker room. "Hey Meredith, you know, um, my great grandmother, she died with Alzheimer's," she said with sincerity in her voice.

"My God, why would you say that?" Izzie asked.

"Look, I'm just trying to help," Cristina offered.

Bailey, tired of the conversation, began speaking, "Izzie, the Dr. Shepherds need an intern up in the NICU."

"Wait, both of them? Together... and me by myself with the two married people who hate each other?" Izzie questioned incredulously.

"Go," Bailey ordered.

Izzie walked off towards the NICU.

Bailey looked at Cristina. "Cristina, you're on the thoracotomy."

"With Burke? Oh, can I have the hateful married couple instead?" Cristina asked.

"Okay, I'm sorry, I thought that I was your resident, not your hostess. I assign, you take. Is that a problem?" Bailey asked in annoyance.

"N-nn..." Cristina began to stutter.

Bailey was still annoyed. "Is there some reason why it's inconvenient for you to spend the day in the O.R. learning from Dr. Burke?"

"No. I'm very happy to be working with Dr. Burke. Thank you very much," Cristina said and then walked off.

Bailey turned to George. "George, take care of Dr. Grey."

"Yes. Thank you," he said. He moved in and hugged Bailey, who was stiff and confused. "She needs a friend right now."

George tried to move into the locker room, but Bailey throws her arm against the doorway to stop him.

"What?" Bailey questioned.

George realized what Bailey meant. "Oh, you mean Ellis the... mother."

Bailey went into the locker room. George walked away, unsure of where to go.

/ / /

In the NICU, Derek was going over the baby's chart while Izzie, Addison, and Mackenzie were watching over the baby, who was in a glass encasing.

"Where's the mother?" Derek asked.

Addison sighed. "Gone. She stuck around long enough to get the kid strung out and then took off. Nice, huh?"

"Addison!" Derek said in frustration.

"Derek, I know it's a long shot. I know that." Addison said.

"You told me you had a newborn with an invasive mash. You failed to mention that she's premature, underweight, and addicted to narcotics. There's no way that this baby is going to survive spinal surgery," Derek claimed.

Addison shook her head. "You don't know that."

Derek sighed. "Even if she does, she's a mess. She'll just get meningitis seizures. She's going to live a short, painful life."

"You don't know that." Addison argued.

"It's my job to know that," Derek countered.

Addison scoffed. "You're not God, Derek."

Derek looked at her incredulously. "Excuse me?"

"I'm sorry, honey, but you're not. You don't get to decide — " Addison was cut off by Derek.

"Wait, did you just call me honey?" Addison tried to talk, but Derek cut her off once again, "Don't call me honey!"

Both Izzie and Mackenzie were getting uncomfortable with the turn of conversation between the neurosurgeon and the neonatal surgeon.

Addison exhaled. "Fine. You're not God, Dr. Shepherd. Look, if a patient has any chance at survival — which I think she does — then you have a responsibility..."

Once again, Derek cut her off, "Don't talk to me about responsibility."

"You took an oath, Derek!" Addison reminded him.

Derek gave her a dangerous look. "Oh, don't you dare talk to me about oaths!"

"Derek, I messed up. People mess up." Addison said.

"You slept with my best friend in my favorite sheets," Derek reminded.

Addison looked unsure. "The flannel sheets? You hate the flannel sheets."

"No, I love the sheets," Derek retorted.

Addison shook her head. "You like the Italian sheets with the paisleys — "

Derek cut her off again. "Would you just stop talking about the sheets?"

"Fine!" Addison yelled in frustration.

Izzie decided that now would be the appropriate time to cut in. "Look, I'm sorry. I'm just gonna go. I'll go check on the labs."

Izzie left the room.

Mackenzie looked at her father and her stepmother. "You two obviously still have a lot of issues. I think I'm just gonna go find George and hang out with him," she said and left the NICU before Addison or Derek could speak to her.

Mackenzie wanted to be anywhere except the NICU.

/ / /

Mackenzie found George in a hospital room... but that wasn't what shocked her.

George was trying to perform a physical exam on Ellis Grey.

Ellis constantly turned away from George.

George looked a bit uncomfortable. "Um... if you could just hold still — "

Ellis was able to shrug out of his grasp and get ahold of her chart. "I'm in the middle of my work day, Thatch."

George grew confused. "Thatch? No, I'm Dr. O'Malley." George and Ellis wrestled for the chart, but Ellis eventually yanked it. "Okay. I just need to check your..."

Ellis cut him off. "Darling, I'm not in the mood to play doctor now. Hands off, I'm busy. Um..."

Meredith stood behind Mackenzie in the doorway. "You know, you're technically spying."

Mackenzie shrugged. "Anywhere is better than the NICU right now."

Meredith only nodded, and then turned her attention to George. "George."

"Um." George muttered.

"Damn it, Thatcher, I mean it. No." Ellis denied.

"George," Mackenzie called to her big brother.

George left the room to talk to Meredith.

Mackenzie timidly walked into the room; she was a bit nervous to be in Ellis Grey's presence.

When Ellis turned around, she laid eyes on Mackenzie, and she immediately grew concerned. "Meredith! You shouldn't be wandering around the hospital; you don't know if someone has something contagious. You wait right here while I go and look for your father. He was here just a second ago."

Ellis tried to leave the room, but Mackenzie was quick to act. She knew that when Alzheimer's patients were experiencing delusions, it was better to play along with them.

"Mom, it's okay. Dad... left me in the waiting room when he went looking for you. I got lost because I was too scared to ask the doctors and nurses what room you were in."

Ellis looked over at 'Meredith,' relaxing a bit. She was going to say something when George walked back inside. Ellis gave 'Thatcher' a dangerous look. "Thatcher Grey how dare you leave Meredith alone in the waiting room! What kind of a father leaves his daughter on her own in a hospital waiting room? What if someone took her, or-or killed her?"

George raised an eyebrow, but Mackenzie mouthed 'Play along' to him, and he cleared his throat. "I'm sorry Ellis; I was concerned about you. I thought that Meredith would be safe in the waiting room until I could find you. I'm sorry for worrying you and endangering Meredith. I will make sure that it never happens again."

"Damn right it'll never happen again. If you ever pull a stunt like this again, I promise you that you will be sleeping in a motel for the next three months!" Ellis growled, her hands on Mackenzie's shoulders.

George visibly gulped. "Yes, dear. I'll take Meredith down to the cafeteria, and we'll get some lunch together."

Ellis nodded. "Good. You should do that," she said and patted Mackenzie on the shoulder. Mackenzie walked over to George, taking his hand.

"Let's go get lunch... Dad."

/ / /

Dr. Burke was operating. He was performing a thoracotomy on Mr. Gaston. Cristina entered the O.R.

A doctor handed her a gown. "Here, Dr. Yang."

Burke looked up briefly. "You're late."

"I apologize." Cristina said. She joined a group of interns who were watching.

"Suction." Came the voice of one of the doctors.

Burke was still operating. "Just starting to dissect around Mr. Gaston's tumor."

Cristina seemed a bit tired.

Burke continued to focus on the procedure. "I've almost got visualization."

/ / /

Derek found Mackenzie sitting in his office after he checked on Kelly Roche.

"Maybe I should get you a pager. That way I can find you, and I don't have to wander around the hospital looking for my only child."

Mackenzie looked up from her book. "I know it's the last place you'd think to find me."

"You want to tell me why you've been avoiding me and Addison for the last couple hours?" Derek asked as he knelt down to her eye level.

Mackenzie sighed. "I just... I refuse to witness you and Addison arguing. I'd rather distance myself from your drama than be caught in the middle of it."

"Honey, couples argue. It's natural," Derek told her.

Mackenzie raised an eyebrow. "So it's natural for two grown adults to have a screaming match while they assess the nature of their preemie patient?"

Derek took Mackenzie's hands in his. "It's complicated, sweetie."

"It's not complicated, Papa. It's obvious that you're still angry with her. But your workplace isn't the most appropriate forum to yell at Addison. You can save that for the trailer," Mackenzie summarized.

Derek held a look of defeat on his face, knowing that his daughter was right. "I'm sorry that you're in the middle of all this, baby girl. Yes, I'm still angry and upset with Addison. I don't know how long I'm going to stay mad at her... or your father. But just know that I love you, and that I am always here for you if you need me. Papa's always right here for you."

Mackenzie got out of the office chair and wrapped her arms around her father's neck. "I love you, Papa. Just know that I'm here for you too."

Derek chuckled as tears filled his eyes. "I know, sweetheart. I know."

/ / /

Burke was still operating on Mr. Gaston in the O.R. Cristina looked exhausted and very sweaty.

"The tumor has infiltrated the pericardium," Burke said. As he continued to operate, Burke glanced over at Cristina. She appeared to be daydreaming.

"Yang." Burke called.

From Cristina's perspective, his voice sounded muffled and distant. Her surroundings also appeared to be very blurry.

Burke looked at Cristina again. "Yang!"

Cristina snapped out of her 'daydream,' looking over at Burke. "What, sorry?"

"Is my surgery interrupting your daydreaming?" Burke questioned.

"No. Sorry," Cristina apologized.

Cristina was still seeing blurry.

"There is an arrhythmia when I press down on the tumor. That is a sign of what, Yang?" Burke questioned.

Cristina stammered, "Um ...... ah it's a sign of, it's a... it's a sign that the, uh, tumor has infiltrated the pericardium."

"Possibilities?" Burke asked.

Cristina sighed. "In all... I'm sorry. I ..."

"Do your homework Yang. It could be causing a tear in the aortic muscle of the heart." Burke explained.

"Hmm. So he's got a broken heart." Said one of the doctors.

Cristina swayed and collapsed on the floor.

"Dr. Yang are you okay?" Asked a doctor.

Burke looked over to see that Cristina had collapsed. "Cristina. Cristina."

/ / /

In the viewing room, Izzie and Bailey have leapt up to their feet, seeing Cristina lying on the floor, surrounded by doctors.

/ / /

"Somebody help her!" Burke shouted.

/ / /

Addison and Richard were walking down the hall. Richard was wearing another new hat; this time a grey kinda 1920s gangster hat.

Addison looked at Richard. "So I'm leaving in the morning."

"No." Richard declined.

Addison raised a red eyebrow. "Excuse me?"

Richard shook his head. "No. I'm not accepting your resignation."

"It's not a resignation, Richard. It's notification. I don't officially work for you." Addison pointed out as they entered Richard's office. "I came here for one case. I can track the twins' progress from New York."

"What about the preemie?" Richard pondered.

Addison sighed. "I'm letting go of the preemie, you know that. ... He calls me Satan, Richard. I'm not even sure my own stepdaughter wants to be around me."

"You don't like to hide from a fight." Richard commented.

Addison shook her head. "It's not a fight. He wins." Richard put away his hat. "I'm leaving in the morning."

Addison moved to leave. George knocked on the door and stepped into Richard's office.

Richard looked at George with confusion. "What is it, O'Malley?"

"It's Dr. Grey, sir. Ellis."

/ / /

Derek was washing his hands after the surgery. Meredith and Alex entered the room to wash up as well.

"Can you do the follow up? I wanna check on Cristina." Meredith said to Alex.

Alex nodded. "Yeah. You know what's wrong with her?"

Derek stopped Meredith and held her arms comfortingly. Meredith backed out of his grasp, looking upset. Derek held his arms up in defense.

"Don't!" Meredith said sharply.

Derek nodded. "Sorry."

Meredith glared at Derek. "Don't be sorry. I'm so tired it, you being sorry."

"Dr. — "

Derek was cut off by Meredith. "Don't do it!"

Derek sighed. "Dr. Grey..."

"Dr. Grey, seriously. Are you concerned about Alex finding out about us? Is that what matters to you? Do you really think he cares?" Meredith said in annoyance.

Meredith turned to Alex. Alex was trying not to look bemused.

"Alex do you care that I was the intern stupid enough to screw the married attending?" Meredith asked quite loudly.

"No." Alex replies.

Meredith looked pointedly at Derek.

"It's okay," Derek told her.

"It's not okay!" Meredith said, being very loud and upset. "You have a wife who's not easy to hate," they've  finished washing up but Alex stayed to listen behind Derek. "Who's annoyingly kind and painfully smart and currently saving my friend's life. And you have a beautiful daughter who shouldn't have to go through what she's going through between you and your annoyingly kind yet painfully smart wife."

"Meredith just..." Derek started softly, but Meredith cut him off.

"Don't! Stop talking to me like you're my boyfriend! Stop talking to me at all." She said before she left the room.

Alex sighed. "Dude, that was rough."

Derek nodded slightly and walked out of the room.

/ / /

Mackenzie looked at Derek incredulously when he handed her a teal pager.

"You're kidding me, right?"

Derek gave her a serious look. "Sweetie, I know this makes me sound overbearing, but I want to be able to reach you and know where you are. I need to be able to get to you if something happens. I'm also giving this to you as a precaution so that in case you have an asthma attack, you can page me, Addison, the interns, Dr. Bailey or Dr. Burke."

"You're not overbearing, Papa. And I get why you're giving this to me. That day was a scary day... for both of us. I don't want to go through that again; and I know you don't want to go through that again. This is an extra step to preventing that from ever happening again," Mackenzie said.

The 11-year-old took the pager, holding it in her hands. Derek pressed a kiss to her head, trying to keep his tears at bay.

"I thought I was going to lose you. I thought... I thought that I was going to lose the sole purpose of my existence." He admitted tearfully. "I was scared out of my mind. I'm still scared; I'm scared that I might lose you."

Mackenzie looked up to see Derek's watery blue eyes. Her own blue eyes were watery, as well. "I'm sorry, Papa."

Derek brought her into his embrace, his tears falling as he heard his daughter's sobs. "It's okay, sweetheart. It's okay. You're okay. I'm right here."

/ / /

After his tearful heart-to-heart with Mackenzie, Derek was watching over the preemie baby.

Addison walked in. "Look at that, BP is stabilizing."

Derek nodded. "She's stronger since this morning," he said, taking her chart. He went to sit in a rocking chair in the room. "There's no reason in the world why she should be stronger since this morning."

Addison gazed at the baby. "She's really beautiful, isn't she?"

"I'll tell you what. If she makes it through the night, if she has a little bit more strength I'll operate." Derek bargained.

The estranged husband and wife smiled at each other.

"You know the way I see it we could deal with us in one of three ways," Addison said as she started moving towards Derek. "Option 1:  I could apologize, you could forgive me and come home with Mackenzie, and we could move on with our lives like adults. Or, option 2:  I could apologize, you could forgive me, come home with Mackenzie, but, you can still bring it up to use against me whenever we argue."

Derek looked at her. "Are you trying to be funny?"

Addison leaned over Derek. "Satan has a sense of humor."

"What's the 3rd?" Derek asked.

"I don't know what the 3rd option is." Addison said before she leaned in and kissed Derek. He kissed back. Addison pulled away. "I just know that I still love you."

/ / /

No one likes to lose control but as a surgeon there's nothing worse. It's a sign of weakness. Of not being up to the task. And still there are times when it just gets away from you. When the world stops spinning. And you realize that your shiny little scalpel isn't gonna save you. No matter how hard you fight it. You fall. And its scary as hell. Except there's an upside to free falling. It's the chance you give your friends to catch you.

- Meredith Grey

/ / /

4128 words

Next Update:  Deny, Deny, Deny

*This was a good episode to write for. I hope everyone enjoyed this update.*

Published:  2/04/2021