Paul had an interview at 10am through to noon, the girls and I decided on morning tea from the nearby coffee shop and wandered to the park, sitting feeding the ducks that had set up camp near the bench, Stella lazed beside us on the lush green grass leaning back on her elbows, sunglasses slid down her nose.

I felt sad and happy and also deeply confused to what to do, what was right.

I was done wasn't I, this was Hailey and Stella's time to shine.

"Mum..."

I've had my shot.

"Mum"

"Mum!"

"What Hailey?"

"You should go"

"What are you talking about....... I'm not leaving you"

"Stella invited me to live with her in Paris for a bit, accept that French offer"

*

1964 Paris, France ... 10.30pm

"Abigail" John grinned thoughtfully as we strolled along. Holding my hand, our first time alone in days, his first actual attempt to give ME time.

"Yes Johnny?"

"I love you, you know that right"

"Of course. I love you too" I kissed his cheek and we swung our hands as we walked the footpath hugging the Seine.

"Let's do the love lock thing on that bridge. I'll pick it up tomorrow on the way to the show. We'll I'll get Mal to run into the store, but yeah.." John lifted me high and I felt lucky. Lucky I was here, lucky he was mine, lucky that we had this moment. I should tell him so.

"I'm the luckiest girl in the world"

"You're too much. That smile, your eyes twinkling. I don't think I could do without you" John the hard man was mush, and mine.

"Marry me"

"No"

"Why"

"Because you need life not cages"

"I'll be in your cage, darling"

"I couldn't keep you in a cage, you're too much Lennon for my cage"

"That's just dumb" John pulled me to a halt "Abbs it'll be great. We'll get a house, have a kid"

"Caged. I won't be able to see you if we have a kid. You'll be off god knows where and I'll be stuck, Ill be the one caged then" I touched his chin, his cheek "You crave life and I can't hold you back, I won't. Not yet John"

"So that's it. Ends here"

"No course not. We're having fun, no pressure. I can see the cage and I won't do that to either of us- yet!"

"Promise you'll think about it" John hugged me to him and I felt love and relief, his relief.

"Course. I love you, I want it all but I'm not going to marry you and have it all fall apart either" We kissed, sweet, tender, promises of tomorrows.

"Thank-you for saying no" John grinned madly "I just thought, you know, Paris, romance all that shite, that I should do it for you"

"You're a loon Lennon, but you're my loon"

*

"I need to go" I shook my head waking from my thoughts of John in Paris, I need to tell Paul everything.

Not waiting for the girl's I spun and head quickly back to the hotel. This is old news but Paul needs to know, I don't know why, I just feel like it's right, proper. Make it crystal clear what went on and that I was in contact with John always....

"Paul?" I made the room in twenty minutes and hoped the girls realised I was on a mission, a do not disturb mission.

"In here Abbs" As I followed his voice I bounced from tell to not tell, open or close, important or not. "Hey! I thought I'd pack while I was all alone"

"We need to talk"

"Well I'm all ears, fire away"

"About John"

"Lennon?" I nodded as Paul went to fiddle with his blasted tidy socks; God love him "What about John?" Paul stopped mid reach into the drawer for his neat socks, then looked at them like they had their own story "If it's about you telling him about my ultra-neat habits, he already knew that"

"I don't care about your closet habits Paul"

"John did, thought it was pretty hilarious" Paul frowned at my tense face, choosing to joke instead "You know he took great pleasure in messing my drawers up forever after you blurted. Bloody arseh-"

"Paul! He asked me to marry him. In Paris. We called each other monthly till December the 7th 1980" I fell apart dropped to the chair beside him, holding my head. "I loved that arse always. Not in love just loved, like you did"

"Every month" Paul sat on the end of the bed "til-"

"Til that fucked up murdering arse wipe scrum sucking dick whacking-"

"Ok I get the picture Abbs. Til the end. Til he went to his dear mum, to Stu" Paul wiped his hands over his face.

Thinking about that, 'the end', wasn't what I had intended.

" Come here" I didnt, I stayed seated on the chair "Ok I'll come to you" Paul dropped on the floor beside me, holding me as we both relived, in our minds, the moment our John left us.

"I'm sorry Paul I wasn't bringing it up for that"

"I know. It's just when you think of John and December 1980....." Paul lifted my chin "Now pray tell what you were up to with Lennon for all those years"

"I was his agony aunt"

*

Some ungodly hour of the morning, Transatlantic phone calls...

"Abbs!!!!" John yelled down the phone.

"Lennon!! What have I told you about calling my wife in the wee hours" Steve yelled back. Their ritual I guess. John would call all hours of the night between midnight and dawn. I sent him a clock set to our local time but still he persisted in making Steve yell.

"Hey! Steve. How's the country?" John was loud I suppose the international calling and the old telephone lines out to our property was an issue, we would get a speaker box down the track so we could all talk but for now at 3am this morning I heard him loud and clear. "Looking after Abbs?"

"Oh yea big smile on her dial at the moment actually"

"Way hey hey. Good work man" John laughed happily and I could just imagine him slapping his leg 'way-hey-hey.'

They talked about cows, booze, babies and plumbing- their plumbing, guy jokes, farts, burps, birds in the movies, disgusting sometimes but very funny. "I quit drinking man" John divulged proudly.

"Soft coc-"

"Hi John" I snatched the phone. I didn't need Steve telling John off for that!

"How's me Abbs" John smiled down the line, every time he called me that I was 20 again. Steve was amused and loved my chats with John, teased me senseless, reckoned I was always horny afterwards, I wasn't he just knew how to push my buttons to goad me into laughter and rosy red blushes.

"Sleepy"

"Sorry. I tried to work out the hours but you know me" John and time was one thing that didn't go well together, he would always run late.

"What's up?"

"Can't an old boyfriend just call up and speak to his first Parisian love?" He laughed softly then started talking to Sean, then returned to me "I miss you ........... Anywho-y made a new bread today tastes great, doesn't it Sean mate" John the baker, the doting dad.

"Sounds good" I yawned, the type that made the bed shake, Steve rolled over and hugged me, kissing my cheek, eyes shut, sleep taking him til John yelled again.

"When are you coming to New York I need you to meet Sean and Yoko!"

And there it was, asking again and I couldn't say yes- again. The last time I saw John was on Steve and my trip of a lifetime in '73. Seeing John in LA, staying there with him and May while Steve road tripped on an organised tour of cattle ranches and attended a convention in Vegas- Steve had said at the time 'what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, what happens at John's doesn't happen'-party pooper. Nah it was ok we had a ball of fun, I got too drunk a couple of nights but all in all it was fun and I got to see Richie too!

"We'd love to but it's not been a good year. The droughts set in and we are feeding the animals constantly John" The silence stretched, the crackling line the only hint that it was still open "Sorry"

"Nah all good. We'll get down under one day, come see you Abbs"

That was the 7th of December 1980 he never came, never got the chance.

*

"Once a month" Paul smiled, now he knew everything.

"Yeah more or less, sometimes not every month then sometimes two calls in a week" I watched his face for upset but there was none. He seemed to debate what to say though.

"I'm glad. Truly Abb's. Glad to know he had you in his corner when I wasn't" I kissed him softly thanking him for not being upset.

"You never called me though" Paul the pouter made an appearance so I kissed the pout away.

"I wrote and wrote and wrote" I grinned into his lips kissing him softly again. After Jim passed everything got so much harder, contact with Paul Inc. was an uphill battle. Linda, if they actually got a letter through to them, would write back "Linda wrote you know that, right?"

"Yeah but not recent-"Paul cracked, his voice strained Linda's memory so vivid , I grabbed for his hand, a little strength of knowing the pain that losing someone entailed.

"She wrote me that you were fine and busy and creative and happy and fatherly and wonderful" It was enough.

"Lin didn't know 'bout all that, us" Paul was better again as he fell into thinking fondly of Linda. "The last letter I wrote back to you would have been just before the Pepper's album was released, I sent the LP right"

I nodded, the letter and LP arrived and I played it for weeks, Steve wasn't a fan though, saying they were going bananas.

"I know, she wrote like I was your distant cousin" I smiled "It was enough ..... you had your own life I had mine, seeing you at Jim's funeral was harder than I thought it would be. I couldn't seem to reach you, your little unit of love, Linda, the girls were surrounding you and I was an outsider....."

"I never saw you Abigail. I was out of it, most of my aunts said after that I was dazed, not responding to anyone and I was"

"Course, he was Da. I saw and spoke to Mike though, but he said you left straight away afterwards." I hugged him but Paul frowned anyway.

"Da's who brought you to me in the first place" Paul's eyes sparkled again thinking about all our history "and now here we are again"

"I can't go with you, Paul. Not today anyhow" I couldn't, if Hailey was leaving for Paris too we had to sort the flat, the furniture and the car.

"A week, I'll wait a week then" Paul smiled, kissing my forehead as we sat bundled together on the chair. "But, I'll be back if you aren't beside me in a week!"